The games we play

Last week's post about the highly influential Nocturnus album The Key, prompted a good bit of discussion about video games by our readers. Having never really played video games in my life, I chose to look at a different kind of game. You see, at a recent Metal Inquisition retreat, the topic of different metal-related games came up. I'm not talking about sports either (we discussed that in an earlier post here), I'm talking about fun games...simple activities that help pass the time. In this post, I will let you into the Metal Inquisition inner circle, and share with you just some of the activities that M.I. staffers partake in to pass the time.

The Mix Tape Game

Origin
This game was first developed by Mr. Gene Hoglan's Balls and my brother SkullKrusher, while driving to one of the Metal Inquisition retreats.

How is it played?
Go through a box of your old stuff, perhaps the glove compartment in your car, or inside your old walkman. You should be able to find an old mix tape that you made for yourself, or that a fellow metal fan made for you. Throw out any information you may have about the tape's contents. On a long drive, listen to the tape (this requires that your car have a tape player...sorry, it's the one tough thing about the game) and try to figure out the bands that are on the tape. When this game was first played, the tape was titled "Absolute Insanity", and was made by Mr Gene Hoglan's Balls for himself during his high school years. The tape featured mostly Nuclear Blast bands, and both staffers competing had trouble naming any of the bands on the tape. Try it for yourself!

Band Name Game

Origin
Mr. SkullKrusher and I were in a band for the better part of the 90's. As bad as playing horrible shows was, driving six hours to play those shows was even worse. This was back in the era before cell phones, laptops or most other forms of entertainment that many of us use to pass the time during travel these days. As a result of our boredom we began to play the Band Name Game, in order to help pass the time.

How is it played?
This is a simple game. Go down the alphabet, and name a band that starts with each letter. You can play it so that everyone has to name a band with the letter A, and then B in the next round. You can also start with the letter A, and the next person has to name one with B. This second approach works way better. This game is best saved for long drives, especially if you are surrounded by metal heavy weights that know tons and tons of bands.
A tip of the hat to the all-time champion at this game, who is sadly no longer with us. Mr. Cook, wherever you are...you always beat our asses at this game. Cheers.

Rules
As someone who played this game for way too many hours, let me tell you a few things that you must keep in mind. Set some ground rules before you begin playing to avoid arguments.

1.
If you are playing with all metal bands, set the standard for what "metal" means. Do NWOBHM bands count? Will you count bands like Black Sabbath? Will you only count bands that are heavier than Slayer? Does D.R.I. count as metal? Decide these things first to set some perimeters.

2.
Remember that at least one other person must be able to verify the existence of a band for it to count. None of that "oh, they put out a demo in '92...I think they're from Turkey. It's not my fault you guys are posers and don't know about them" nonsense.

3. Band names that have been used multiple times only count once. For example, yes there are multiple bands named Poison, Slaughter etc. Adding their country of origin doesn't make them count twice. Don't be a wiseguy. Yes, there were two bands called Nausea. It only counts once..and the New York one would only count if you were playing the game using the names of boring crusty punk bands anyway.

4. A band with a name preceded by "The" cannot be used for the letter T. Duh.

5. Decide if band names that are made up of numbers, or start with numbers will count as the letter the first number it starts with. This will avoid huge fights down the line.


Tips
The letter Q is a bitch. As someone who has played this game for way too many hours, I can tell you that Q is where everyone looses. Stock up on bands that start with Q. Also, if you own that book with the names of metal bands, you are an idiot anyway...so you shouldn't play anyway.







The Logo Game

Origin
My brother and I have been playing this logo off and on for many years. It's sometimes fun to rope in people with minimal artistic talent, so feel free to play with family and friends. This game can be played in restaurants while you wait for your food, or during meetings at work, if you are lucky enough to work with a fellow metal fan.

How is it played?
Come up with a stupid word or a combination of words, something like "custard", or "elastic band", or maybe "chicken soup", now design a sick metal logo for it. Note that almost everyone begins to default to a Napalm Death scrawl style, or a black metal upsidedown cross style. Either is fine. Determine a winner after each round.

Tips
Keep your logos. Imagine going over these ridiculous logos ten years from now with your friend. Also, write the word that the logo is for at the top, since most of these will be unreadable anyway.





The Grindcrusher Game

Origin
Mr Gene Hoglan's Balls and I were picking up ex-poster Awakening at the airport. GHB said we needed like an hour to get the airport, and he was wrong. Way wrong. We got there with about 50 minutes to spare. Not wanting to pay for parking, we chose to drive in circles around the airport at high speeds instead. With nothing to listen to but a tape of the Grindcrusher comp, the game was born.

How is it played?
Easy. Play the Grindcrusher comp when surrounded by your aging metal friends, and try to name the bands as they come on. Yes, Morbid Angel, Nocturnus and the like are easy...but some are actually pretty damn hard to name. Try it! Call me a poser, but I had a tough time spotting the Mighty Force song. Mr. GHB also claims I had trouble with the Terrorizer song...but that's simply not true. I was being careful, and taking my time before yelling out the band name. Damn.




The Shirt Game

Origin
Not sure exactly where this one came from originally, as it has been played casually around the M.I. offices for some time. It was first played formally (if only briefly) only weeks ago at one of our retreats, as a team-building exercise.

How is it played?
Pick a classic metal recording, something amazing, something that has real historical significance...something by M.O.D. let's say. Without looking at the album, try to remember the shirts that all band members are wearing. If the album features multiple band shots, first establish which picture/s you are going to play for.

Tips
Some good albums to play with are Terrorizer's "World Downfall", Napalm Death's "Mentally Murdered" (double points to the person that can say what two members are wearing the same shirt...what a metal fashion faux pas!)





Lesser games that are still worth mentioning:

Terrorizer thanks list game, where players have to compete to see who can remember the most people and bands thanked in the Terrorizer thanks list. A word of advice: if you ever play this with any of us...we won't be impressed by the fact that you know that NWA and ENT are in there. It takes a good bit more to impress us.

Thanks/No Thanks game, this is one that only some people can get into. If you are the kind who likes to put a bet down on the Superbowl's coin toss, or the over/under on an NCAA game...this one's for you. Try to remember if a certain classic thrash album has a "no thanks" list as well as the usual "thanks" list. Tip: Nuclear Assault were fond of "no thanks" lists. Tip #2: almost all "no thanks" lists included posers and Tipper Gore.

Morrisound Studios game, name recordings made at the famed Tampa studio, one at a time as you go around the room. First one who can't come up with one looses. Everyone else wins. This can also be played by naming recordings produced by Scott Burns or Alex Perialis. Easily transformed into a drinking game, if you are 15 years old that is.

Metallica's Black Album game, play the entire album from beginning to end...and try not to laugh once. This one is extremely hard to play.

Do our readers have similar games that they've played? If not, are we insane losers for thinking these up? Perhaps, perhaps.

The Ultimate Florida Death Metal Mix

We here at Metal Inquisition are of the opinion that most of the greatest music ever created came out of Morrisounds Studios during the early 90s. Thanks in large part to the legendary production and engineering of Scott Burns those early Florida Death Metal bands helped to shape and define what the genre would become.

I love all kinds of death metal, but if I had to pick just one to listen to for the rest of my life it would be Florida Death Metal. And if I could only listen to one song from each of my favorite Florida Death Metal bands for the rest of my life I would come up with Metal Inquisition's Ultimate Florida Death Metal Mix. If you're a fan of Florida Death Metal, then you will love this. If you don't know anything about Florida Death Metal, then prepare to be schooled.

Of course, if this was 1993 I'd put this mix together on my shitty shelf system by dubbing a cassette, but thanks to the wonders of modern technology I can now download whole albums, then splice the tracks I want into a mix which I can then upload to a file hosting site for the enjoyment of all our readers. Tracklist and download links follow...

Metal Inquisition's Ultimate Florida Death Metal Mix:

1. Solstice - Transmogrified

2. Morbid Angel - Chapel of Ghouls
3. Nocturnus - Destroying the Manger
4. Deicide - Satan Spawn, the Caco-Daemon
5. Death - Lack of Comprehension
6. Obituary - Chopped In Half
7. Atheist- And the Psychic Saw
8. Cynic - Uroboric Forms
9. Hellwitch - Viral Exogence
10. Brutality - Ceremonial Unearthing
11. Massacre - Cryptic Realms
12. Resurrection - Rage Within
13. Monstrosity - Imperial Doom
14. Malevolent Creation - Iced

Download Links:
Mediafire
Megaupload

Gene Hoglan's Ballbag of Cassettes

A few weeks back fellow Metal Inquisition staffer SkullKrusher posted some gems from his vinyl collection. I, of course, also have a respectable collection of metal vinyl, but instead I thought I'd share with you something else very special--my metal cassette collection.

Yes, I know that vinyl is much cooler, but I'm a child of the 80s; the audio cassette provided the soundtrack to much of my life. I still remember buying my first cassette in 5th grade (Ugly Kid Joe's As Ugly As They Wanna Be EP) and making my dad drive me to the Wiz so I could buy Metallica's black album (not worth the gas it cost). I spent countless hours of my teen years making shitty mix tapes from CDs and stuff I taped off of WSOU (back when they still played real metal). And really, when it comes to reproducing the muddy, lifeless production of Scott Burns what better choice is there than a hissing, mangled cassette?

And now, without further ado, I present to you six gems from my metal cassette collection:



Still to this day, Demilich's Nespithe remains one of the most twisted and original death metal albums of all time. Featuring the sickest guttural vocals ever recorded and bizarre, nonsensical song titles like "The Sixteenth Six-Tooth Son of Fourteen Four-Regional Dimensions (Still Unnamed)" these guys put Finland on the map when everyone was busy jerking off to Swedish death metal. I bought this cassette from drummer extraordinaire Dave Witte a few year ago when he was selling off his cassette collection (What an idiot!).

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One of the few black metal bands that does not blow. These guys are like the Cynic of black metal. Not nearly as technical, but you can hear a lot of jazz and progressive influences. And instead of robot vocals you get weirdo goth vocals that sound like a cross between Leonard Cohen and Peter Murphy. A lot of the songs on this demo were re-recorded for their full length, which is awesome, but this remains my favorite stuff they've ever done because of the rawer production. I got this tape from Double Decker Records in Allentown, PA back when I was in college. They bought some dude's metal collection and it was the sickest I've ever seen. Just about every great metal record released in the 80s in either mint edition or still sealed as well as tons of early 90s black metal that must now be worth a small fortune (I still regret not having bought more, but I was a poor college student), and a bunch of tapes and t-shirts (I bought a size XL Dark Angel "LA Caffeine Machine" t-shit that was so big it came down to my knees).

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I have no idea why I bought this tape. I can get into De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, but this fucking sucks. It's a live bootleg and it sounds like shit. I've only ever listened to it once and I couldn't even get through the first song. Is this at least worth anything?

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Here's a fun game to play with friends when you're doing laps around the Newark airport waiting for someone's flight to arrive: put the Grindcrusher comp in your tape deck and see if you can name all the bands without looking at the case. Sure some of them are easy, but I dare most of you retards to tell the difference between Intense Degree and Sore Throat. When I played this game with Lucho Metales he couldn't even guess Repulsion (POSER)!

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Gorguts's early material doesn't get nearly as much love as it deserves. As far as brutal mid-tempo 90s death metal goes, it doesn't get any better than this. Plus, it's one of the few albums Scott Burns ever produced that doesn't sound like complete shit. Blue Grape, they just don't make merch like you used to.

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When I'm cruising over the Pulaski Skyway in my Mercury Cougar there's nothing better than singing along to this, my favorite Iron Maiden album, blasting out of my tape deck. When I saw them last month and they played "Moonchild" and "The Clairvoyant" during the encore I was so excited that I was momentarily able to forgot about Janick Gers prancing around onstage like a girl twirling his guitar.