Suicide Silence: Total fuckfaces, no way around it

Rule number 1: Unless you're an asshole, never trust a hipster's musical opinions. They hate fun and only love Volkswagens, beards, and Hydra Head bands. But I'll admit, even I sometimes forget that they're full of shit. For example, until recently I never gave Suicide Silence a fair chance; I wrote them off like every other deathcore band that's hated by the press and loved by kids because 99% of deathcore is fucking garbage. But after learning that the also-hated deathcore kingpins Winds of Plague were actually a sweet band as well as awesome dudez, I pirated the last few Suicide Silence records and gave them a listen. It turns out they are a really fucking good band. I am also confident that if they were from Philly and had beards, all the Converge and Relapse turds would sweat their balls like they were the second coming of Mastodon.

To atone for my mistakes, I figured we should interview them. I'll admit, I was kind of bummed that the dude didn't seem to think the interview was very funny, but maybe he was just trying to be funny in his own way. I told them to try to make their answers over the top so it would be more entertaining for our old, bitter readers, but he really just came off as more stangry than anything else. He has special needs, though, so try to cut him some slack: he is from Riverside, which is more or less like being dipped in fetal alcohol syndrome immediately after birth, so you can't expect him to be a comedian on top of being the face of deathcore.

Honestly, this shit is fucking brutal. I wanted to hate this band but after listening to them I just can't, they're hella mass tight.

You have a new album entitled "No Time To Bleed," which is excellent and even better than your last one in terms of both songwriting and production. In spite of that, it seems like your band is pretty polarizing and you have a lot of haters. Why do people hate on Suicide Silence as much as they do? If you could direct their anger toward another band, who would it be? Please be specific and name names- you don't have to worry, everybody who reads this site is an old, bitter hater and will only like you better for talking a little shit. You are in a safe place... just let it happen...
I think people hate on us because of our success. We still get shit like "you're a hype band" and what not but I really don't give a shit. I think it's all good as long as they know who we are and form an opinion about us whether it's negative or positive. So after saying that I would direct everyone's hate right back to us because at least they will know who we are. So Fuck it. Fuck your site and fuck all the haters who are reading this, do you hate us so much you are reading this interview? How's that for being specific.

Wow, limited to ONLY 10,000?! With that kind of DIY spirit, it's hard to argue with statements like this one: "Suicide Silence, an astonishingly well-developed five-piece from Riverside, CA, are a true product of that always thriving underground, a band single-mindedly focused on creating rabidly heavy and aggressive music."

There are few genres I dislike more than deathcore, mostly because it is full of generic, dull bands that bore me to tears and bring absolutely nothing new to the table. However, I like Suicide Silence a lot, even though you are deathcore poster children, representing the genre just like N*Sync represented boy bands in the 90s. Why do I like your band better than all the other deathcore bands?
Because Deathcore is a cluttered over saturated genre but to ask me why you like my band is pretty stupid. When we started doing this there was no such thing as Deathcore. I'll ask you the question that I am still curious about, "What the hell is Deathcore?" I really don't even know and quite frankly don't care but I know I am where I am playing music and seeing the world and meeting my idols.

The singer (left) looks a LOT like me in this picture and the one at the top of the page, kinda creepy! The rest of the guys look like they would change my oil on a Saturday morning while listening to Deftones via the local "hard rock" station on a boom box.

Along those same lines, it must be kind of awkward because I'm sure you have a lot of friends in similar-sounding bands, and when you talk to them, you both know that Suicide Silence is not only way more popular than their band, but also better. How do you deal with that? When you can tell one of your friends is jealous, bitter and/or butthurt because you are more successful than he is, how do you put him in his place without being a total fuckface?
Everyone just fucks around and talks shit and says things like "Shoulda wrote a better record." or "Maybe if you weren't on so and so records you'd be doing better?". Most of the time you have to be a total fuckface, no way around it. It's not like it isn't the truth it is just the way it is.

Jeff Foxworthy: "If you're in a deathcore band, and you sell mesh shorts... you just might be a wigger."

Deathcore and wiggers seem to go hand in hand. For example, I was at a Four Year Strong show last night and saw half a dozen kids in mesh basketball shorts and Winds of Plague basketball jerseys. Even though you are from Riverside, which is choked with wiggers, you don't seem to be too into that stuff (although you do sell mesh shorts and flat-brim hats). Why do wiggers like deathcore so much? Why don't you guys wear puffy vests like Johnny Plague?
Seriously? I don't really know how to answer that? We don't wear stuff like that because we aren't like that. Riverside used to be packed with boot wearing skin heads and punks? I used to wear trench coats and and push mosh? Why did I do that? I wanted to get peoples attention and/or piss people off. Thats probably why these kids look like wiggers? Somebody they idolize wears that shit too and they wanna have the attention their idols do.

Speaking of wiggers, I'm sure you are familiar with the moderately popular deathcore band Waking The Cadaver. In case you didn't know, the singer now sells Amway products on MySpace, so if you need shampoo, energy drinks, or meal bars, he can hook you up. How do you think women feel about buying cosmetics from the guy who wrote "Chased Through the Woods By A Rapist"? What do you guys do for spare cash when you're desperate?
I personally don't care, but if I need to make money I sell things that you can't buy in stores. If you know what I mean?

We didn't have hot scene girls at hardcore shows in the 90s, but kids these days don't have motherfucking EXCESSIVE FORCE! *cough* OK, I can't lie. We definitely got a raw deal- Dan Gump is hardly worth trading for Melissa Millionaire. I'll try to make myself feel better by counting how many backpacks and pairs of denim shorts are in this video.

You are from Southern California, which makes me think of all the awesome hardcore bands that I moshed my balls off to in the 90s: Adamantium, Excessive Force, Wrench, Throwdown, and especially 18 Visions. I tripped the fuck out the other day when I was at a gas station and they played Burn Halo, the new band featuring Jame Shart, the former singer of 18V. Did you ever see 18V? What did you think of their transition from JNCOs and dreads to Velvet Revolver-meets-Marilyn Manson? What do you think the future holds for Jame Shart and Burn Halo?
Yeah I've seen 18V i never was a big fan but I used to love Adamantium. I really thought 18V fell off hard in like 03-04 when James started looking like Scott Wieland? I really don't know what the future is for them or him? I think they will tour and try and get big in the main stream but even if they get any big success it won't last long. No one with even the slightest heavy side lasts in the main stream anymore it's a pathetic scene. Maybe if James' last name was Jonas there would be a chance.

In 2009, girls that look like this listen to Skinless, I Declare War and Suicide Silence. We were lucky to have The Great Kat. Why wasn't I born 15 years later? Fuck life.

I started going to shows in 1989. Back then, absolutely no hot girls went to shows or listened to hardcore, metal or whatever. Fortunately for you kids, it seems like there is no shortage of hot, crazy scene girls at shows these days- in fact, Suicide Silence seems especially popular with them. What would you do if you were transported to 1991 and your shows were suddenly full of nothing but outcasts and chronic masturbaters in XXXL Morbid Angel shirts, as was the case back then? What advice do you have for up-and-coming bands as far as chicks go?
If I was back then I'd be stoked because it'd be easier to spot the hot chick you want to party with after the show since there were hardly any. As far as advice for up-and-coming bands, I'd say be ready for a continuous dry spell in metal chicks because grunge is coming to ruin it for you. So take what you can get!

Perhaps the most compelling endorsement of their status as a legit metal band is the seemingly endless stream of subhumanly stupid white trash fans flocking to see them in this video

Please watch the following videos and give me your first impression in a few sentences:

• Nitro
  
• Mordred
  
• Disconformity
  
• Forever The Sickest Kids
  
• MOD
  

Which is your favorite and why??
I'd rather not waste my time watching any of that crap. It will just piss me off more.

Bro. There is this thing called a "gym"...

That's it for us. Thanks for your time, is there anything you would like to add?
This interview put me in a bad mood.

Stuff You Will Hate: Blessed By A Broken Heart

Please pardon the interruption, but I would like to use this space to promote my other, vastly less popular blog, Stuff You Will Hate. This is a post that went on SYWH because it has scene-related content, but may be relevant to the interests of Metal Inquisition readers as well:

Blessed By A Broken Heart is my favorite post-ironic Christian hair-metal crunkcore scene band from Canada. Nobody likes a tryhard, and BBABH definitely try way too hard to impress you with what I'm sure they think are their hilarious antics. Look, I get it: they're "in on the joke." The fact that their entire image is a big ironic joke is fine, the problem is that it's not funny, it's just a tiresome, transparent cry for attention from a bunch of churchy dorks who are so painfully square that they feel guilty for drinking a Diet Pepsi.

Read more at Blessed By A Broken Heart has potential to be the most hated band on Earth (please comment there, not here)

Also, follow Stuff You Will Hate on Twitter and get a free yo-yo (with proof of slain poser).

Sgt D launches Stuff You Will Hate

I am sure many of you are tired of reading about the horrible shit that I like, especially when it doesn't have much to do with metal. With that in mind, I started a new blog in which I will post about things that you will hate, but I love- appropriately enough it is entitled Stuff You Will Hate. Naturally, my first post is about a new crunkcore band that gives BrokeNCYDE a run for their money called Scene Kidz:

For my inaugural post on Stuff You Will Hate, I will introduce you to the only current challengers to BrokeNCYDE's crunkcore crown: Scene Kidz, straight out of Greenwood, Indiana. Yes, you read that correctly, these kids are from a crappy suburb of Indianapolis that is a dump even by the remarkably low standards of Indiana (although I hear the Hampton's Market there is off the fuckin chain).

I know what you are thinking: what kind of a fucking name is Scene Kidz? Isn't that like when Dismember imaginatively titled their album "Death Metal"? I'll grant you that it's a bit intellectually lazy, but like Dismember's album, the name doesn't lie. They are indeed scene kids, albeit rather homely Midwest ones. Despite being entry-level in pretty much every respect, these kids definitely know how to get crunk when it comes to their music!

Read more at Stuff You Will Hate

A Day To Remember hears Nasty Savage and MOD for the first time

If this song doesn't make you want to mosh your balls off, you need to adjust your hearing aid

As far as I can tell, most Metal Inquisition readers are old, completely out of touch with contemporary youth culture, and get confused and angry when they hear new music. So, I'm pretty sure most of you have no idea who A Day To Remember is, despite reaching #21 on Billboard 200 and and #1 on Billboard's Indie charts with their newest album, "Homesick." It's ok, we all get old at some point. Anyway, as my friend Stan said, "They sound like Blink-182 tuned to drop C with death metal vocals during the slow parts." I figured that a good way to bridge the gap between ADTR and MI would be to introduce their bassist, Josh, to the wonderful world of old, shitty metal bands. Let us know what you think of this format- there are a few bugs to be worked out yet, but I'd like to use it again in the future if it works OK?

Havohej "Enlightened One"
J: Wait, this is the song? You can barely hear some distorted screaming with like swells of bells and stuff. This is pretty fucking creepy!
MI: If this was in a movie, what scene would it be in?
J: It makes me think of, in Scream 1, when Drew Barrymore is getting dragged off of the porch and has the phone in her hand, this is the music to it.

Dead "Polesmoker"
J: I can't tell if this is a movie clip... it's something about a cock??

James Hart "Dead End Roads And Lost Highways"
J: Some lead guitar action... is this a popular song? It sounds like I've heard it.
MI: No. But I think he wants it to be popular.
J: Awesome singer, good chorus. It honestly sounds like it should be one of the biggest rock or metal songs out.
MI: Like they would tour with Nickleback?
J: Yeah, totally!
MI: It's the singer from 18 Visions. Jame Shart.

Lady Gaga "Poker Face"
J: Honest to god, I don't know this song. I haven't listened to the radio or watched TV in so long.
MI: She doesn't wear pants, you know.

Aren't they cute?? I imagine them saying, "Welcome to American Eagle, can I help you find anything?"

Life of Agony "River Runs Red"
J: My friend Chad from New Found Glory love this band.
MI: Speaking of which, I heard you called VOD and Earth Crisis nu-metal.
J: What?! Who told you that?!?
MI: I don't remember.
J: You have to tell me, I've said that to one person in my whole life. Was it Chad?
MI: I don't remember!
J: Well what he showed me of Earth Crisis, I'm not talking shit, because I know they influenced so many people, but I wasn't impressed. He was like, "This is heavy!" and I was like, "It might have been heavy then, but not now!"
MI: How old are you?
J: 22. Man, fuck Chad.

Gut "Can't Wait For Tonight"
MI: This is like if Beyonce did a song with Dead.
J: That's exactly what it sounds like.
MI: Do you think you could dance to this?
J: Like club dance? Maybe not in the US, but over in their godless country [points to their English roadie], I can see it happening.
MI: Like go to the Netherlands and grind on some chubby gothic girl?
J: Exactly! I gotta go to the next song, this scares the fuck out of me.

Uh.......... Visor and axe in a trailer?!

Boondox "Country Life"
MI: This is Juggalo country rap.
J: I met a Juggalo the other night, and his Juggalette. This sounds like white kids in their room, rapping. These kids work at a convenience store, period. 100%, it's not even a question.

Pantera "Cowboys From Hell"
J: Dude it's fuckin' metal. This is what I think of when someone says "metal."
MI: Which instrument would you like to be playing air to?
J: Dude the guitars are pretty sick, probably air guitar.
MI: You know how that guy in Columbus killed Dimebag for starting Damageplan. I love Pantera, but be honest... he deserved it, didn't he?
J: You think he deserved to?! Good god... I'm not gonna say that, nobody deserves to die!

Papa Roach "Last Resort"
J: God I haven't listened to them since like 8th grade.
MI: So, whenI was like 27?
Roadie: We was playin' Last Resort on the bus the other night and you was crackin' it.
J: This song is sick, I'm not gonna pretend I don't like it!

MOD "Bubble Butt"
MI: What do you think this song is about?
J: Um, a fat girl.
MI: How does the singer feel about the bubble butt?
J: Uh, I don't think he's saying one way or the other... he's just like saying, she's fat. Some guys like fat girls. I think he's saying it's positive.

This is my favorite ADTR song, sometimes I listen to it 4 or 5 times in a row and sing along!

Crom "Anvil of Crom"
MI: What kind of movie do you think "Anvil of Crom" would be if it was a film?
J: I picture... a cartoon. But this wouldn't work with a cartoon, I think this band would be in a snuff film.
MI: I think they would agree with you!

Obituary "The End Complete"
J: This band is from Florida, right? Isn't Tampa like the capital of death metal?
MI: It was like in 92, when you were in kindergarten.
J: I know a lot of people who love this band. The singer is making a bunch of weird noises. [he starts typing on AIM for a few seconds] Sorry, man.
MI: No problem, I just hope whoever you're talking to has a vagina.
J: She does, and she's giving me a shitload of problems right now.

Devourment "Babykiller"
J: This is nuts, it's like dun-dundun-dun with just like... grunts.
MI: This genre is called "wigger slam metal."
J: Uh huh, I can definitely hear that!
MI: So why don't kids who wear puffy jackets and listen to Hatebreed like this band?
J: Good question, they totally should!

Merauder "Time Ends"
J: I saw them on the Hellfest DVD I think.
MI: Did your parents yell at you for moshing in front of the TV?
J: No! My friend from that band Seventh Star always told me we should listen to this band.
MI: He was right.

This is the black metal version of party rap, it's so catchy and upbeat!

Moevot "In einem Friedhof"
J: [after 1 second] I literally think I can listen to this for maybe 5 more seconds before it will give me nightmares tonight. It's like... hums... with screams.
MI: How do you think this guy would dress for Halloween?
J: Uh, the Cryptkeeper.
MI: How would he dress for not-Halloween?
J: The Cryptkeeper.

Brokencyde "FreaXXX"
J: I swear to god, everyone talks so much shit on them, but I've never listened to them. Aren't they from New Mexico? Nothing good has ever come from there. It's white kids rapping, auto tune, everything that's cool! And screaming. Let's put it all together! "Let's get freaky, let's get fucking freaky now"?!
MI: There's the line that goes "They pull their panties down, then take their pants off." Isn't it usually in the reverse order? I mean, you're in a band, not me, maybe you guys have a trick.
J: Right. Well, I take my pants off last...

Cephalotripsy "Inoculated Prosthesis"
J: I don't understand how people make their voices like that. It sounds like he had a bunch of Pop Tarts and orange juice, just like the nastiest shit in your throat ever.
MI: If you listened to this for a while, do you think you could get post mosh stress disorder?

GG Allin "Assface"
J: The name sounds familiar...
MI: How big do you think his dick was, in inches? I'll give you a hint: when he pulled his pants down, it looked like three grapes.

Leeway "Marathon"
MI: I heard the singer for Leeway works construction in Pittsburgh.
J: Yeah, that sounds like what he'd be doing. Probably listening to his own band while he works. No sleeves on his shirt, probably has barbed wire tattoos.

Forever the Sickest Kids "Woah Oh"
MI: Which member of FTSK has the best hair?
J: Actual best hair or [air quotes] "best" hair? The drummer is one of the nicest dudes ever... but his hair is crazy, it's nuts.
MI: I wish I wasn't going grey so I could have hair like his.

Vulvator "Boy In A Boat"
J: Boy in a boat? What the hell is that?
MI: Hint: it's a part of a woman's body that's covered by her bathing suit.
J: Huh?? Oh! It's her clitoris!



Nasty Savage "Unchained Angel"
MI: If you met someone in a band called Nasty Savage, what would they look like?
J: Definitely over 250 pounds, humongous beard, probably wear a cowboy hat. Yeah, this definitely sounds like that. They would probably not even have a car, just drive like a four wheeler or something. And they would smell exactly like what you would think.
MI: Like a nasty savage?

Slayer "At Dawn They Sleep"
J: Dude, what is this song about? [to another guy in the band who walked in]
Other guy: Vampires, dude. Or Aiden.

A Day To Remember on MySpace

Screamo crunk comes to life: BrokeNCYDE / Hollywood Undead show review

If you're lucky, I'll summon the will to go to the upcoming Kottonmouth Kings show

It's no secret that I love screamo crunk, so you can imagine how excited I was when I saw that Hollywood Undead were playing... and with the infamous BrokeNCYDE of all bands!! It's like a dream come true! In case you couldn't see them in your town, here's my review of the show so you can live vicariously through me and have a little piece of the BC13 magic.

This is when they were chanting something about "Brokencyde, suck my dick."

BrokeNCYDE

BrokeNCYDE (aka BC13) opened the show and I was completely fucking stoked to see them. Since some you guys seem confused about this, I like BC13 about half-ironically, depending on the mood I'm in. If I'm wasted and either hanging out with a girl or about to be, I'm pretty into them. If I'm sober and acting like a grown up I can't really handle them. In any case, they started at 7:00PM and I was already fairly drunk because I'd been waiting around the venue for an hour and a half with nothing to do. Well, nothing to do except drink and talk to whatever girls were around who looked like I wouldn't go to prison if I said hi to them. I was hoping to at least get the chance to eyefuck some trainwreck scene girls, but I really didn't see any girls at all that were particularly hot. Kind of disappointing.

You have probably seen the video for "Freaxxx," but this song ("Get Crunk") is even more awesome/retarded

We ended up chatting up a mom/daughter pair that my friend was pretty into. The mom gave me her number. I wasn't really feeling it, but my friend was trying to feel her daughter. I also ended up getting some other girl's number, she was some 27 year-old midwest type with recently-installed fake tits (which I felt after she said "Feel them, they feel fake as shit!!"). She was cool enough but you know the type... she had on a Hurley sweatshirt or something, American Eagle jeans, and white Nike running shoes (not cool ones), and I can't handle that. Still, I did feel her tits so that counts for something.

My friend with the mom/daughter combo

When they started playing I felt like all my dreams were coming true all at once!! I seriously couldn't believe that it was actually happening. I mean, BC13 is basically the most ridiculous pop culture phenomenon of all time, and was just like "Holy fuck, this is actually happening!! This isn't just a dumb internet joke, this band really exists and these kids are 100% non-ironic!" As much as I wish I could pretend to be completely non-ironic here, I realized that I was on a different level than these kids who clearly had no idea that there was anything ridiculous about Brokencyde. With lyrics like these, I have a hard time seeing how that's possible, but it's true:

I can tell by the way she licks her lips.
That we're going to fuck tonight!
OMG I can not live like this.
Will someone take my life!
Here's a knife, go ahead and slice my wrist.
I'm not emo, but I'd rather be dead then with this bitch!!!

Pick up your pants girl!
We're not drunk enough to get it on.
I need viagra!
Cause you're too ugly to turn me on.
I saw your picture.
My Myspace has never done me wrong.
Until tonight girl. You're not my type girl!!!

The other thing that occurred to me is that BC13 represents a changing of the guard in that the kids have finally figured out how to make music that offends and disgusts a generation of people who grew up listening to bands with names like Millions of Dead Cops, Regurgitation, Carcass, Ulcerous Phlegm, etc. I used to jam the Meatshits or whatever and think to myself, "Man, I have no idea how anybody could top this stuff, but I know someone will. I don't know how they'll manage to offend me and my peers, but I know they will." Well, now I know how, and I am happy I got to witness it live! It's pretty fun to google for Brokencyde and read everybody's clueless, butthurt comments about them, but this is only person I've found who actually gets it:

God - spare me the hate spewing “critics”! This music is not about listening to seasoned professional musicians. It’s about these young guys who put sounds together with a keyboard and computer and came up with something cool. It’s about dance beats, trash talking and having a good time. It’s raunchy, sexual, I’m sure it’s making parents toes curl around the world, AND it’s leaving people like you scratching your head saying “wtf?”. Sounds to me like a recipe for success. The next generation is ready to embrace “their” shocker. Posts like this only helps to solidify that perception.

Like you, the Christian retard who sings for Senses Fail (who played this show with BC13) sounds like a confused grandparent when he talks shit on his tourmates:

Yeah, I slam them every night because in no way, shape or form do I back anything they do or say and I am embarrassed that kids these days are into it and am sad that kids these days are exposed to it. There is absolutely no substance whatsoever in their songs and no passion in anything they do. It is the musical equivalent of a snow cone, bland tasting frozen tap water loaded with sugar, yet colorful, that will give you a brain freeze, melt all over your hands leaving yourself dissatisfied and sticky.

Yes, he is a dumb Christian who obviously hates fun, but he does have a point when he says that there is no passion. I have to admit I was pretty disappointed in their live performance. First of all, they were just wearing baggy t-shirts and unremarkable jeans. Where were the alt-bro shutter shades, the neon parkas, the purple skinny jeans?! I paid for a spectacle, dammit! They went through the songs fairly lifelessly. I'll be honest, I didn't find their performance to be particularly crunk. The kid on the left fiddled with knobs on their drum machine or whatever, and the other two guys rapped lethargically.

The guy on the left, holy fuck... he's got a face made for radio.

It might not have been their best show, but I'm still pretty stoked that I'll always be able to say I witnessed BC13 in the flesh!! In 17 years or so, when everybody is nostalgic for this shit, I can start a blog called "Scene Inquisition" and tell dumb stories about the time I saw a dude from The Devil Wears Prada at Starbucks (this happened last summer).

I don't have pictures of these bands so here is this one instead. Sup ladies.

Haste the Day / Senses Fail
I barely remember these bands, I was at the bar most of their sets. The only thing I remember is spin kicking and punching some kids 90s moshcore style, which I didn't recall until I woke up the next morning with bruised knuckles. They were pretty good if you're into Christian moshcore... I mean they're no Strongarm, Focal Point or Crucified, and definitely not Unashamed (so fucking good!), but they were a good diversion.

Apologies for the blurry photo, but it pretty accurately captures how I felt and my fuzzy memories of the night

Hollywood Undead
Now here is a band that I like 100% non-ironically. OK maybe like 98% non-ironically... but you get the point. I don't like anything 100% non-ironically, not even Pantera. I interviewed Funny Man (one of the guys in Hollywood Undead), but he pressed the button on my voice recorder that erased the recording, so I don't have that to add to this post. He was a cool guy and the interview was fun, basically we just talked about how dumb it is when people hate on the West Coast, especially Southern California. Also, he said that while Brokencyde might get more ass on tour, Hollywood Undead get higher-quality ass. I didn't witness anything to confirm or deny it, but it seems like it would be true to me. I didn't really talk to any of the other guys in the band for more than a second, but they seemed cool too.

I played this song for my friend at work a while ago, and she said "Wow they wrote a song about your life."

Their set was super fun and I had a great time, but I have to be honest... after witnessing the postmodern, mash culture extravaganza that is BC13, anything short of Mila Kunis proposing to me would have been a letdown. They opened with "Undead," played most of the record, and closed with "Everywhere I Go." I went home, changed clothes, and went to some DIY show at a warehouse where I drank more, unsuccessfully tried to chat up some indie girl, and drew graffiti in my friend Chris' book until 3 or something when I passed out. All in all, one of the best nights I've had in years!