Tom G. Warrior Hopes You Can Hear How The Beatles Influence Celtic Frost's Music

After years of hearing how Celtic Frost were the heaviest, darkest and most influential band in the world, I finally got my hands on a Celtic Frost album in early 1999. Imagine my surprise when I heard the unbelievable garbage that was coming out of my speakers that day. The album, of course, was Cold Lake. This video shows just how serious these guys were about that record. It was influenced by The Beatles? Uh, okay. This video also shows how really odd looking dudes have trouble doing the glam thing. As it turns out, it takes a mildly good looking guy to look a bit like a mildly good looking woman. Tom G. Warrior is one of the oddest looking dudes on earth so it doesn't work...not even his toned down version of LA glam was mildly convincing. Look at his pointy face and huge adam's apple bounce up and down. Also check out the Aerosmith and LA Guns shirts. Oh boy. Black metal never looked so good.

Max and Igor Cavalera Back Together Again!

Oh, wait. I forgot, it’s 2008 and NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. Will once-relevant, former metal icons ever stop trying to revive their careers? At least in this case, I guess not as Max and Igor have put aside their differences and recruited two hacks and formed the Cavalera Conspiracy. Apparently their name was originally Inflikted (possibly the worst thing about the proliferation of nu-metal is the tendency to intentionally misspell words for emotional impact), but had to be changed due to legal reasons. I can only assume that Max and Igor were sued by some young legal maverick for emotional distress.

For you, our loyal readers, I have put my own physical and mental well being in jeopardy and decided to actually sit down and listen to the Cavalera Conspiracy’s upcoming full length record, “Inflikted.” Or at least I tried. I made it about halfway through the album before I had to stop or risk being fired for throwing my work computer across the office. This shit sucks and it sucks HARD. Musically, I’d say this album fits somewhere between the heavily Korn-influenced tribal metal of Sepultura’s “Roots” and the heavily Korn-influenced tribal metal of Soulfly. DO NOT WANT.

In case you don’t believe me, see for yourself. Here’s a video of the Cavalera Conspiracy performing the title track off “Inflikted” at the 11th Annual D-Low (Max’s slain stepson) Memorial. Rock those four strings!

Hey Krauts: Speak English or Die!

Post by guest Metal Inquisition staffer SkullKrusher

God bless German bands in the 80's. Really. God bless
their riffs, (although often a bit thin for my taste),
God bless their infinite arsenal of bullet belts and
leather pants,God bless their snare drums that sound
like a spoon hitting a pillow, and may the Almighty
bless their sad attempt at sounding evil with their
almost non-existing knowledge of the English
language. Now, English is my second (or third,
depending on who you ask)language and I'm a
far from being a master of Slayer's mother tongue,
but I know my limitations. Yes, I know it was I who
coined the term "Welcome to the Hell", but let's
forget about that for now, ok?

Maybe Destruction, Sodom and Kreator should have pitched in for an
English tutor, before writing lyrics for their early records. I mean,
come on! Sodom's Tom Angelripper actually pronounced the word
"bible" as "beebel." That's just sad. I could find hundreds of examples
of bad English in all these liner notes, but let's just look at one
album: Kreator's 1985 masterpiece (no sarcasm here, this record is
fucking awesome), Endless Pain.



Please follow me in a journey through the past…a past full of evil,
bad grammar and shit that just doesn't make any sense.
"In your heart is hate terror is
freezin' your bones"
What is "hate terror" exactly? Whatever it is, I guess it's cold, because
its "freezin" my bones.
"The voice of Hell sound is so nice"
Yeah, I heard Hell has a lovely singing voice!

"You'll burst down their heads and spread hellish heat"

What other way is there to spread "hellish heat" if not by
"bursting" heads?

"And the're ain't no God who helps
us when we die"
No comment.
"I'll eat your intensities no
matter if you pray or please"
Yummy, intensities are damn good with soy sauce! Pray?
Please? What?

"Casting a spell Lord of all hells
ripping the angels God has fell"
God has "fell"? Dammit, I always wanted to have "fell", but my mom
always said it was too expensive! What is "fell"?

"Locked up doors, don't get out,
thebeast makes death like a game.
He burst heads thrash all down"

Hell yeah, Mille, let's "thrash all down"!! What's this obsession
with bursting heads?

"Fear no god. Now you are dead. Your flesh is
dot rot"

"Dot rot"…did he mean dot com? Maybe they were ahead of their time.

"Flashlight is taking all the flash
from your face
Torture feels like the fastest black race
Dying everyday it is the same
Laughing about the corpses in this game"

This just doesn't make ANY sense. A flashlight? A "fast black race"?
Like Jesse Owens? Laughing at what? I don't get it, but I'm sure it's
pretty fucking evil. As evil as the outfits that they wore to the beach
in the picture up top. Pure evil.