Tommy Victor Disease: A Pathology

Sometime back, Metal Inquisition introduced the world to the concept of Rob Flynn's Disease. As many of you know, this severe illness has struck many aging metalers, and Metal Inquisition simply had to inform the world in order to stop the madness. For those who may have missed our ongoing coverage of this disease, here's some background information:

R.F.D. (named after Robb Flynn, previously of the band Vio-Lence, now of Machine Head) usually strikes aging, out of step metal fossils. The disease usually hits hardest when the victim was originally (and only slightly) known for being in one band which is no longer around, and more than likely played a style that has fallen out of favor with today's audiences. Though most of those who suffer from this disease are musicians who are broke and desperate, some partial mutations of the disease have also struck somewhat successful musicians such as Kerry King and Scott Ian.

Symptoms

Individuals dealing with the disease will take on certain characteristics best suited for 15 year old ravers in Kansas, in a pathetic, last ditch effort to remain somewhat relevant and "with it". Often seen as a crucial part of any last ditch effort in the musical arena, R.F.D. is often seen by those who suffer from it as a new lease on life. Think of it as the metal equivalent of automotive oil that is especially formulated for high millage cars.

As purveyors of truth in the world of metal, we felt it would be irresponsible to not fill everyone in on a recent mutation of R.F.D. That mutation, as the title of this post clearly states is: Tommy Victor Disease. Just as the lunch lady in your high school managed to make today's burgers into tomorrow's sloppy joes, so too diseases mutate and change in order to survive one more day.


Like other eponymous diseases (diseases named after the first person to have or describe the condition) such as Lou Gehring's disease and Alzheimer disease, T.V.D. (Tommy Victor Disease) can take over quickly, and render an aging rocker even more useless than he was previously.

What's the difference between RFD and TVD?
When RFD first took hold, the fashion of choice for teenage douchebags was big pants, skateboarding brand tshirts, and skate shoes. Times have changed. As such, Tommy Victor (who must be roughly 59 now) has chosen to take on the fashion choices of today's teenage douchebags. I'm talking of course, about Affliction clothing, mixed in with a little Urban Outfitters for good measure.


For Tommy Victor, it all started after Prong. I remember seeing him when he played with Danzig, parading through the audience while wearing a clear plastic shirt and rubber pants, hitting on old ladies. It all went downhill from there.

Keep in mind that although TVD is not exclusive to the east coast, residents of the New Jersey/New York area (Long Island in particular) have an acute tendency towards the disease. In most cases, TVD begins when the aging metaler starts to look to teenage members of his audience for fashion ideas. This is usually compounded with the the individual starting to look at websites like njguido.com for fashion ideas.




The evidence

Man-tits and a tight shirt meant for a 19 year old. That's a good luck for any 59 year old. You can say that the guy on the right is dressed like an aging, fat idiot...but at least his attire is age appropriate.

In a horrible nightmare that I've had many times in the last two years I find myself face to face with these two...I have a gun but only one bullet. Which one do you take out? In my dream, I always kill myself instead.

Here we see Tommy and his stylist trying to plug in the Nocturnus time machine, in order to transport Tommy back to a time when the music he made was half-way relevant.

Here's a little shopping tip...once you are twice the age and twice the weight of the people who work at Urban Outfitters, it's time to stop buying hats there. Also, I'm sure that 38 year old waitress was stoked to meet you.

Great use of the Myspace style of photography. Who says 59 year olds can't stay current? Nice lip-ring by the way, I'm sure lots of 10th graders are impressed.

Myspace photography stance again. Look at that chain. You can take the guido out of Queens, but you can't take the Queens out of the guido.

Nothing says aging guido like a good Affliction-style t-shirt.

You know you have bad fashion sense when you put on a shinny green football jersey, and most people consider it an improvement over your normal attire. This picture finally settles the argument regarding which member of Prong really pushed Blue Grape merchandise to make the famed Prong hockey jersey.

Metal Inquisition Roundtable #1: Who riffs harder: Prong or Pantera?

Sergeant D: This is a tough one for me. When it comes to vaguely racist 90s thrash with hardcore elements, both bands are at the top of the heap, so it's hard to pick one over the other. Both bands have songs with memorable, yet retarded choruses that their fans loved to chant: "Snap your fingers, snap your neck" and "Fucking hostile." And of course, both bands had plenty of merchandise available through Blue Grape, including hockey jerseys, ashtrays, and "jams." So there's a lot of common ground.

But at the end of the day, you have to go with Pantera. Like Phil said in the Cowboys From Hell home video, they're truly a new generation of power groove. Unlike their peers that were just another forgettable track on a Concrete Corner cassette sampler, Pantera's songs have the kind of staying power that few bands ever create.

Lucho Metales: Look, I'm not one to shy away from controversy. I believe "South Of Heaven" is the best Slayer album. I think "Harmony Corruption" is the best Napalm Death album (if I hear ANYONE give me hell about how it's not a grindcore album, but a death metal album....heads will roll)... perhaps the most controversial opinion I hold is that Sanctuary were a derivative band that relied too heavily on their image, and that Dave Mustaine producing their album did little for its quality.

Having said all this I can now tell you that I feel that when it comes to straight up riffage, Prong were the kings. Yes, I know that Pantera were heavier, I also understand that Diamond Darrell's (I refuse to call him "Dimebag") guitar tone was masterful, but let's not get lost in the minutia of production values and gear. Both bands had equally bad, paper thin rhythm sections (Vinnie Paul's drumming in Cowboys From Hell is only slightly more advanced than that of Meg White) so the riffing really came through in both bands, but Prong always came out ahead. Their riffs were far more memorable, and anchored songs in a stronger manner. True, I have to try really hard to put aside the memory of seeing Tommy Victor when he was playing for Danzig, and I saw him after the show wearing leather pants and a clear plastic shirt. No joke. But hey, both bands made questionable fashion choices at times.



Still, how shocked were you when you bought Prong's "Beg To Differ" and suddenly realized that all the riffs for the Headbanger's Ball bumpers were by Prong? Riki Rachtman picked those riffs himself (as he stated in an interview with Prong circa 1994). If anyone can pick riffage, its Riki. Dude went skydiving with Dave Mustaine, so you know he's a man's man.

Gene Hoglan's Balls: Sergeant D and I first debated this fundamental question while looking at fat chicks in tight clothes at the Willowbrook Mall several years ago. So fierce was the debate that it raged on as we drove back to his apartment in Montclair and on into the wee hours of the morning. Even after hours of debate we couldn’t come up with a single definitive answer, but if I remember correctly I ended up siding with Dimebag and Sergeant D sided with Tommy Victor. Years later the debate rages on and for me at least, the answer is still not a clear cut one.

I don’t care much for early Prong. Their sloppy attempt at crossover just doesn’t speak to me the same way their mid 90s industrial metal does. The same can be said for Pantera. Their early, power metal albums are a joke compared to the razor sharp, muscular groove of albums like “Cowboys From Hell” and “Vulgar Display of Power.” When you put a song like “Rude Awakening” up against a song like “Primal Concrete Sledge” it’s almost impossible to pick one band over the other. You’ve got to two HUGE jackhammer riffs dripping with groove, and that’s only one example, but there are countless others. How do you pick just one?

In order to settle this debate there’s an important distinction that I think needs to be made between heaviness and hardness. As far as heaviness goes, Pantera is the clear winner, but in terms of hardness, Prong comes out on top. Dimebag’s riffs are heavier, but Tommy Victor’s are harder. Get it? Okay. With that distinction in mind I’m left with no other choice than to declare Prong the winner in the “Who Riffs Harder?” debate!

Awakening: This is an easy one for me. Pantera. Thanks in part to never really hearing Prong until later in my life, when I ventured into my beloved Jerry’s Records in Pittsburgh and bought Beg to Differ used. What a turd. Maybe I was too stoked on getting the first three slayer albums used on vinyl on the same trip.

Pantera also provides for two of my favorite events in life.

Event number one is when this dude I grew up with saw Pantera and had Phil sign the side of his head. Said dude then went and had Phil’s signature tattooed to his fucking head. HIS HEAD! Later he covered it up with a sweet tribal. Now, I think he is dead. I can’t remember.

Event number two is that one night at this bar I somehow managed to convince everyone that I would be the "plus one" for free Pantera tickets that the bar was giving away. Sure enough, a friend won them and took me. We arrived, found $200 dollars in the walk up to the venue and then proceeded to have our balls blown off by the images of a pot leaf projected all over the roof. It was awesome.

Hey remember when Phil went black metal?

Hands down, Pantera.

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Verdict:
Prong: 2
Pantera: 2