Short But Sweet: Heaven and Hell Fan Freaks the Fuck Out

In case you missed this, here's a video of a fat, old, insane Heaven and Hell (Black Sabbath minus Ozzy Osbourne plus Ronnie James Dio) fan freaking the fuck out at a signing. This guy might be even more insane than SLAAAAAAAAYEERRRRRRRRRRR fan!

Tom Araya officiall hits the wall. Wall reports severe pain as a result of being hit so hard, is left whimpering.

Good god, just look at Tom. Mary mother of jesus and baby jesus...this guy is old. I applaud him for embracing his old age by growing a crazy Jesus beard....but for god's sake, could he please embrace his old age on his own time, and in the privacy of his own home? Look, I know we're all headed in that direction (fat and old) but to rub it in our faces is a bit rough. Remember when members of Slayer looked like this:



and not like this:

It's this kind of pushing that will give you severe hemorrhoids. Ten dollars go out to anyone who can find his neck.

Is anyone else reminded of a bundle of white sage when they look at Kerry King's stupid beard thing? White sage is this crap that hippies burn at yoga studios. I'm glad that Kerry is getting in touch with his spiritual side via eastern philosophy. By the way, white sage looks like this:



But back to that old picture of Mr. King. Minus the belly shirt, that picture would lead you to believe that he was actually an alright guy back then (even if he was playing with Megadeth at the time). The second picture, I must admit, makes me want to sharpen my machete and start swinging. Now, I know what your saying "hey dude...how can you say that the first picture of Kerry is cool, belly shirts aren't cool!" Well, you are partially right. I mean, belly shirts are NOT cool, but they ARE metal. How can I prove it? By showing you a second picture of an important metal figure (at least to some) rocking a fantastic belly shirt. Enjoy.

Oooh lah lah...so sexy, all that's missing is a nice belly chain

Sheesh, for all the complaining that black metal dorks did back in the day about Anthrax ruining metal with their "shorts and skateboards", these guys surely dressed like they were ready for a day at the beach. What's that I see in the background...Pungent Stench? Godflesh...wow, nothing but the most obscure black metal for this beach bum. Surf's up! Also, look at his awful facial hair. He said he was super evil, but he was clearly influenced by Mexico's comedic actor Cantinflas. Cantinflas was pretty much the opposite of evil. Judge for yourself.




One last Slayer note. I'm sorry to post this again, but it never ever gets old. At least not to me.




Still want more? Okay. How about a depressing video of Slayer covering "Born To Be Wild". The song is terrible, but the video is of some interest because it's about the only time that Tom's bass has ever been heard. Listen to his pointless clanging about :25 into the video.

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"I've worked on some of the stuff you guys told me to, like the screeches"

Last month we posted this video of a fine young man practicing his death metal vocals. With the help of substantial youtube feedback he has practiced, fine tuned, and is now back with an improved offering.

Based on the decor that can be seen behind him, I'm guessing he's doing this at his mom's house. I feel so bad for her. Can you imagine having to put up with your retarded son practicing his "mid and low-range growls"? "Mom, I need to put in like ten more minutes into my screeches and then I'll go to bed." The woman is a saint.

SLAAAAAAYEERRRRRRRRRR Part 2

Though not as funny or rewarding as the original set of clips we posted of a fat Slayer fan screaming, this video is still pretty good.

This girl reminds me of a realization I had in my early teens, when I looked around and saw tons of fatties like this at metal shows. It all of a sudden dawned on me that I had made some stupid choices in life, since I had greatly limited the type and quality of women that were even somewhat within my grasp. Like every other metalhead, I hated jocks. But they had the right idea, at least when it came to girls. They got to be friends with, and date girls in the soccer team. I was stuck watching tubs like this one yell "SLAYER!" while reeking of cigarettes. Yay for me.

Bobby Blitz. Aging Frontman, Stroke Victim

We've already discussed how time has not been kind to members of the third-rate metal unit known as Overkill here, but this video brings it to a whole new level. A stroke on stage? That hasn't even happened to members of the Rolling Stones, and they're ancient. Then again, look at Bobby, dude looks tore up. Maybe he held the note too long on "Helloooo from the guuuuuutteeeeeeer". I guess I'd be having strokes too if I lived in Jersey, and had to pace around my one bedroom basement apartment trying to figure out how the hell I got myself into such a predicament in life. I mean, a band with a flying skull as a mascot? Godamn.

By the way, did you know that "Bobby Blitz" is the name for a mix-drink? It must be the lamest stage name known to man.

SLAAAAAAYEERRRRRRRRRR

Exhibits "A" and "B" in the trial against the white race. Please watch these now. I dare you not to die of laughter.

Sabado Gigante + Thrash Metal = Gold

Many of my non-spanish speaking friends often ask me to explain to them what the hell the TV show Sabado Gigante is all about. Well, it's a four to six hour variety show that started in Chile and is hosted by the gregarious "Don Francisco" (his real name by the way, is Mario Kreutzberger Blumenfeld, sadly it's not just American Jewish entertainers who have to change their names due to antisemitism). But really, all you need to know is that during the late 80's the Chilean thrash band Necrosis was featured on the show, making for one of the most surreal moments in TV history.

03:00 - Don Francisco gets the entire audience to headbang.








03:26 - A confused Don Francisco throws a peace sign, thinking he's throwing the horns








03:37 - An incredibly old man risks an aneurysm as he bangs his head.