Short But Sweet: Heaven and Hell Fan Freaks the Fuck Out

In case you missed this, here's a video of a fat, old, insane Heaven and Hell (Black Sabbath minus Ozzy Osbourne plus Ronnie James Dio) fan freaking the fuck out at a signing. This guy might be even more insane than SLAAAAAAAAYEERRRRRRRRRRR fan!

Hate mail from Piledriver and Waking The Cadaver; 16 approves

Seriously the most ridic cover in the history of recorded music!

Piledriver gets butthurt
In the event that you are a poser, you should know that we took the name of our blog from an album by the band Piledriver. I never listened to them (because they are not very good), but my friends and I used to laugh at the absurd cover of their record quite a bit in high school.



Here is an email we got from some guy that apparently is/was in the band. There's nothing more rewarding to us here at MI than when someone in one of the bands we make fun of gets all butthurt, so you can understand how excited we were about this insane ramblings of this never-was idiot:

Since you've stolen your name AND slogan from Piledriver, how about reviewing the new album, METAL MANIFESTO? It really is the absolute least you could do.

http://www.sofa-q.com/

You may not care where you've stolen your name from, but at least check it out. The band is fucken crazy to look at, but the tunes are better than most of the shit produced these days. Thrash metal at its finest.

Of course you could grow a set of balls and man up to your theft, and perhaps get a shred of originality and come up with your own name and slogan, but it is hard to do.

His reply after I told him I didn't listen to his terrible band:

After all I've given you (YOUR FUCKING NAME!!!!) I don't even rate a single fucking mention on your site????
Unsuck my COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All my retarded baby-batter in yer fucking faces,
Ol'Piley... The Exalted One!!!!

Sensing the hilarious potential, I proposed that we do an interview:

an interview? you'll have to come up with a few hundred posted words of respect and adulation let alone on how I've provided you the hook to hang your shite (oops) site on... then we'll see about bestowing upon you any further of my time...
Gord FUCKING Kirchin

My response:

up to you bro! honestly i never owned any piledriver records so i don't know if i can help you out with the adulation. i chose the name for the blog because when i was in high school i thought the cover was funny, i've only heard the title track a couple of times.

I hope he cries himself to sleep knowing that a jokey blog making fun of his band is the #1 Google result for "Metal Inquisition," not their record.

When asked about his azn boi toy, the singer for WTC said, "Yo I'm not gay, he blew me!"

WTC threatens Sergeant D with a Jersey-style beatdown
Piledriver aren't the only sensitive pussies that read Metal Inquisition. New Jersey's most notorious slam wiggers Waking The Cadaver are apparently in the club as well. After I heard that they got pissy that I called them wiggers in Decibel, I sent them a MySpace message to tell them it was all in good fun and not too take things too seriously. I told them I also used to dress like a wigger back in my mosher days and suggested we do an interview.

He wasn't having it, though, and did his best to threaten me. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say. The grammar and spelling are so atrocious that it's sometimes hard to make out. I don't judge him, though, I know they put lead in the water down there on the Jersey shore.

Subject:

RE: metal inquisition

Body:

listen geek,

your the one taking things so seriously, with your website dedicated to bitching and moaning about bands...your obviously a homosexual because your so concerned with how GUYS dress....and I seriously doubt you'll come to a show, as a matter of fact, I seriously doubt you go to any shows because your the type to sit behind a computer whining and complaining about how bands aren't good enough for your level of "metal".....im sure your just a aging loser with nothing better to do in your life than be concerned with the way guys dress. you even proved it by writing a message saying "i used to wear XXX nautica t-shirts."....let me tell you internet fagit, we don't even listen to rap, and we don't wear nautica shirts so we have NOTHING in common. all your proving is that your a TREND SURFER.

We were never aware of your blog until your grapevine buddy at decibel mag told us about your blog. you are a pure INTERNET FAGGIT...and quite simply, without knowing what you look like, we can sense your physical inferiority, and don't try to respond with some "i watch ufc george pierre" bullshit...cuz that shit is just amateur. your old, probably have years of drug abuse under your belt, and would get assaulted easily.

don't bother responding...we don't talk to gays

Well there you have it. I didn't respond since, well, they don't talk to gays.

From the same geniuses who brought you the "grunge" pedal

Ask Bobby from 16 about what happens to a fool and his money...
Unlike the thin-skinned tards in WTC and Piledriver who need to brush the sand out of their vaginas, 16 are sophisticated gentlemen who enjoy perusing Metal Inquisition when they're not making the rounds in Los Angeles' poshest clubs. Bobby from 16 writes:

Hi long time reader first time emailer.

Thanks for the interview. By far the best one of our new record. I found this pedal on craigslist and bought it out of sheer financial irresponsibility for 40.00. I think it qualifies as a questionable metal purchase. BTW this pedal sounds like utter crap. The "pain" is just mid. The "scream" is just horrible distortion and the "guts" is just bass. You will not hear it on a new 16 album.

Bobby/16

Dear Bobby,

I know that 16 is kind of all about regretting poor life choices, but life is hard enough on its own for fuckups like us. You don't need to go out of your way to make things difficult by doing foolish things like buying the Death Metal Pedal on eBay. I am not sure what kind of menial, soul-crushing job you have or what kind of a pittance they pay you, but I am guessing that $40 is a lot of money to you, so in the future please check with us before making rash decisions like this!

Contact us
Send your butthurt complaints, compliments, pictures of distortion pedals, and Pyrexia trivia to inquisitionofmetal@gmail.com!

Metal Archeology: Artifacts from a lifetime devoted to metal (Part 3)

Here we see a picture of graduate student Emily Thayer, hard at work uncovering my Gammacide 12".

Metal Archeology. When I first coined the term, I was merely joking around. Today, at least four prominent colleges in the United States offer Masters programs in this very important field of study. As I've mentioned in past posts about this subject Metal Archeology can be explained in this manner:

Just as archeologists carefully dig through piles of rubble in search of artifacts that can give us further information about previous societies, I too have chosen to dig through my own personal rubble in search of answers and artifacts. After what has been nearly a lifelong commitment to metal (in one way or another), I have accumulated assorted artifacts which bring back memories of the past. I aim to dig deep into my past (a sometimes embarrassing past) in order to make sense of just who I was at the time. Part archeology dig, part psychotherapy session, I hope this series of ongoing posts will prove to be both insightful and therapeutic to our devoted readers. I shall call this new science: Metal Archeology.

Now that we're all on the same page, we can get started.

The item I will share wit you today is a bit unusual, but speaks volumes about a semi-legendary time in metal history. I hereby present to you, the autographed promotional picture of Chicago's not-so-legendary band Stygian. Not to be confused with the current band by the same name, who use an amazingly similar logo, this Stygian was a band who were signed to David T Chastain's label. Don't know who David Chastain is? Don't worry, you're not alone. Let me put it this way...do you know what's sadder than a pathetic riff-orama obsessed guitar-hero douche like Steve Vai or Yngwie Malmsteen? Well...how about a third rate guitar demi-god from Cincinnati Ohio who never really hit it big. That, my friends, is David T Chastain. If you want to see and hear him jam out, watch this. But more importantly, here's the picture that this whole post is devoted to:

The coveted, signed Stygian promo picture.

Do these youngsters have no shame? Not only did they steal the band's name...but the logo is also very similar. I'm sure the guys in the Stygian will be glad to hear that they had some influence on someone. It will probably cheer them up, as they continue to mop toilets in an office building during third-shift.

Like other objects from my metal collection which I have shared with you in the past, this one was also found in a box of crap that my mom finally begged me to move out of her house. Why on earth she wouldn't want to hang on to my signed Obituary drumsticks, signed Stygian promo pictures or home made Morbid Angel shirt for decades is beyond me. Her loss, your gain.

About the picture
After I found this magnificent specimen mixed in with other metal debris, I had to think for a second in order to remember where it came from. Then it all came rushing back. It came from the Milwaukee Metal Fest, which my brother and I went to in both 1992 and 1993. I'm not sure which one this picture from...but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that the fucking thing is autographed bitches! Hell yes!

Milwaukee Metal Fest
I feel like this fest should one day get its own post, since my brother and I certainly have enough memories to write a whole lot about it. For now, I'll try to tell you a few things quickly. I remember driving for hours to get to the two day fest. The venue had two stages, each starting as early as like 10am, and going until like 2am. I remember my brother and I standing there looking at a schedule to see what bands would play each stage and when. Deciding which band to see was a tough decision. The conversations between the two of us probably went something like this: "Well, Macabre will be playing upstairs, but Intenal Bleeding will be downstairs, and that will overlap with Broken Hope...oh no! What do we do?"

Held at the Eagles Ballroom, the fest was a godamned zoo, insanely disorganized but well worth it back then. To see that many metal fans, and that many bands was amazingly rewarding to a youngster like me. Throw in the ability to check out merch from the biggest names in metal...labels like Wild Rags, Grindcore Records and the like...and I was a happy camper. On the other hand, the super long drive sucked, we were broke as hell...and I certainly remember reaching a point of overload. Some of the bands that played there (aside from the ones I just mentioned) were: Brutal Truth, DRI, Morbid Angel, Biohazard, AC, Downset, Slayer, Overkill, Testament, Cannibal Corpse, Dogstarr (yes, the Keaneu Reeves band), Anacrusis, Suffocation, Exhorder, Cancer and so many more that I could go on and on for days. If you were there and remember some of the smaller bands, please feel free to remind me. I know there were tons of Wild Rags bands that I'm forgetting.

Outside the venue. It was in this parking lot that my brother bought a sweet Impetigo shirt from Richard C of Wild Rags Records. Richard was lying and saying he wasn't Richard C, in fear or being jumped by the many people in attendance who he owed money to. Like most attendees, we parked around the back during the fest.

This is where the larger bands played, which was upstairs. It was here that Slayer put on a "meh" inducing performance. I can just imagine the architect who designed the beautiful classical details in this ballroom thinking to himself "ah yes, one day Brutal Truth will play in this fanstastic space...I shall make this the grandest of all grand ballrooms"

Memories
I remember Tom, the guy who we went to the Fest with, smoking pot as he drove his old, beat up BMW 3 Series through Illinois. As Tom drove, and smoked joints that he kept in his fanny pack, he would hold his right hand out mid-air, and quickly motion as though he was signing a check, quickly flicking his wrist to and fro. We later found out that this was his version of air-drumming at high speeds. It took about six hours of driving through Illinois for us to figure this out.

I remember taking a large cooler in the trunk, filling it with ice, and storing our newly purchased records inside the cooler (protecting them with zip lock bags) while we watched even more bands play.

When A.C. played, Seth insisted that the whole audience be quiet...if not, they would not play another song. Everyone got quiet, but a kid towards the front kept talking, not having heard Seth's instructions. Suddenly, and with perfect aim, Seth threw his mike with amazing speed and precission, like a godamned harpoon. It hit the kid square in the face and almost knocked him out. It was pretty funny. Many years later, I began to tell this very story to the members of a band that we were touring with in the late 90's. The drummer, began to look bummed as I told the story. He suddenly blurted out "It was me, okay okay, it was me. Jesus, please don't tell the whole story." He was 14 when it had happened, and he was there with his dad. He was talking to him as Seth went on and on about everyone being quiet. His dad had not wanted him to go to the fest, since it was far away and potentially dangerous. Eventually he agreed to go with him, to help keep him safe. They arrived as AC was playing, walked in as they were talking and within seconds got nailed in the face with a mic. It hit him so hard that he almost passed out.

I remember my brother yelling at a drunken DD Verni, telling him "your band blows!". DD looked like bummed upon hearing the news.

You're probably thinking that his jacket says "bass", because he plays the bass guitar. Not so. He enjoy bass fishing. If you're going to ask me why his bass guitar says "I need lunch", I can't help you...aside from guessing that playing in Overkill never really paid the bills, even if that bill was a $2 happy meal from Mc Donalds.

I remember Body Count playing, and the entire lighting rig starting to fall onto the audience. I'm talking about a huge truss system with lights, wires, sandbags, huge PA system...the whole thing. Mooseman and Ice T held the whole thing up so it wouldn't fall on the audeince. Nutty.

I remember Biohazard going on and on during their entire set about how Morbid Angel was a racist band. I remember Evan saying "Biohazard ain't goin' out like that" over and over again about the subject between songs. I was never really sure what he meant, since they used Morbid Angel's amps, left the stage and Morbid Agnel came on right after. Perhaps "aint goin out like that" is pseudo Brooklyn slang for "we will agree to play with them, use their amps, and hand them the guitar cables politely on our way off stage so they can plug in." That night, David Vincent played while wearing a black button-up shirt from the SS uniform. How very tasteful.



I remember Tom Araya thinking I was going to ask for an autograph as I ran into him in long hallway by the upstairs bathrooms. The hallway was desolate, and we were walking in oppostie directions. I had a Sharpie in my hand, which I was twirling around as he walked towards me. When he came closer to me, he nodded and held his out his hand as though to sign something with my Sharpie. I just kept walking, and thus created one of my favorite awkward moments ever. Tom stood there for a second as I walked on.


I remember really liking both Suffocation and Broken Hope live. While Suffocation was playing, a long-haired metal dude who was super skinny (metal dudes come in two sizes, rail thin and morbidly obese I think) was walking down the long set of steps on the side of the stage. As he was walking, he casually turned his head to the side as though to clear his throat. Instead he began to puke, and puke he did. The guy probably barfed about five bucket-fulls of thick goo, and he did so very, very quickly as he kept walking down the steps. He kept walking as he puked, as though nothing was happening. When he was done, he simply turned his head forward as though he hadn't just barfed out the entire contents of a small reservoir. To this day, when I'm sick and find myself almost in tears as a result of having to barf, I think about that guy. To pull off throwing up with such class is a really amazing skill. It was as though he was throwing up while wearing a top hat and a tuxedo. Talk about classy.


Back to the picture
Now that I think about it, there's not much to say about the picture. Stygian were one of the many local-ish bands that played early on in the day at those fests. While large bands had autograph sessions set up (like Slayer for example) in proper booth areas, smaller bands made up their own times, and stood around in a corner somewhere trying to do the same thing. While the times during which Slayer would do signings were advertised everywhere with banners, bands like Stygian would make 8.5 x 11 photocopies that would say:

Stygian meet and greet. We will be selling autographed cd's by the phone booth to the right of the bathrooms on the first floor at 6pm tonight.

It was extremely sad. Sure enough, at the scheduled time, you'd see the small local band standing there with their backpack full of tapes, with absolutely no one buying anything from them.


How did I get this picture?
I remember it very well. Shortly after the scheduled time when Stygian were supposed to be signing stuff, I walked by and saw them completely alone staring at the wall as people walked by them. I went by again only minutes after, and a bunch of these pictures were strewn all over the floor. The band members were gone. All the pictures were already autographed by the entire band, and had perhaps been thrown out in anger. I'm not sure why I picked one of them up, but I'm sure glad I did. Without it, perhaps I wouldn't have all these memories to share with you. My favorite thing about the picture is on the back. Scribbled on the back of the picture is the following:



Crucifier, was an American band from back then (who played the fest), and not he Brazilian thrash band which is around today, and has the same name. I don't know why, but apparently the members of Stygian were trying to remember how the band's name was spelled, or perhaps they were trying to point out to one another how the band's name could be spelled in order to be really close to "Lucifer". Maybe they were also thinking of the band Crucifer, who may have played also. Maybe it's kinda' like how in the sixth grade you figured out that "satan" and "santa" are really similar words...but have very different meanings. I picture the guys from Stygian sitting there getting all freaked out by the similarities. Much like a cat can be entertained by a ball of twine for hours, metal dudes can easily spend four days on two words like crucifier and crucifer.


Aftermath
Soon after those fests happened, I remember bringing them up all the time in conversations to people...even to people who knew little about metal. At the time, they seemed like the greatest godamned thing on earth. Today, after 17 years have passed since I first went to such a monstrosity, the memories are getting a bit hazy. I no longer talk about the bands I saw back then, much less care about them. Was anyone at those early Milwaukee Metal Fests? Tell us about it.

Today, I couldn't imagine driving even five minutes to see a band play. If a band wants to play for me, they'll have to play in my living room...and this would have to be a band I love. They would have to start at roughly 9pm, and be done by 10. If any band out there takes me up on it...here are some groundrules. Be nice to my dog, play at a very, very low volume. Don't mess with my furniture, only play songs I know (none from a new album) and be open to the fact that I may change my mind about seeing you play before you hit a single note. Also, be careful not to bump into my TV or my new chair. That thing was expensive. Having said that, I'll be more than happy to have you host a meet and greet at my house. Just leave me an autographed picture, so I can add it to my collection.

They're still around?

It's true. We're all getting older. Sadly, and I just found this out yesterday thanks to the Discovery Channel, we're all getting older at the exact same rate. That still shouldn't prevent us from mocking those who are further along in the process. For example, consider this picture (below) of the band Laaz Rockit. Mary mother of jesus and baby jesus, they're ancient. Oh, and nice...uh...see through shirt champ. Who knew that such a severe case of Tommy Victor Disease could exist?


Right now you're probably asking yourself..."hey, what do they look like on stage these days?" Well, perhaps this picture will answer that question. They basically look like a local Cult cover band, with a little Springsteen thrown in for good measure. Check it out.



Jesus christ, this guy makes Lou Reed look healthy and youthful.



If you're insane, or you have a severe deathwish, you can check out their site here. If like me, you are a sane human being and would rather remember things the way they were (by that I mean when they sucked, were a fourth rate band but at least looked pretty dope aside from the mesh shirt) then watch the video below. Why is this video so great (aside from the mesh shirt and the 'fro?) Because it's like having your uncle tell you made up stories about a war he was never at. Listen and learn kids.

Where are they now: Alex Perialas edition

As though the wacky goatee wasn't enough to let people know that he's not your average old douchebag, he's managed to borrow accessories from the Olson twins' closet to communicate just how awful of a human being he is.

If you ever call Metal Inquisition's World Headquarters and get put on hold due to heavy call volume, nine times out of ten, you'll be listening to the work of master producer Alex Perialas as you wait for someone to pick up on the other end of the line. With an impressive catalog that includes S.O.D.'s "Speak English Or Die" as well as the 12" single for the greatly underappreciated Anthrax masterpiece "Make Me Laugh", his catalog dominates our cassette collections to this day.

Metal Inquisition Facilities Manager Rich Pompeani is the only M.I. employee trusted to care for our beloved Alex Perialas cassette collection. Here we see Rich carefully relabeling one of three Fistful Of Metal dub copies in our collection.

You see, long before Scott Burns was making dozens of dollars producing albums for the likes of Obituary, Sepultura and Hellwitch at Morrisound Studios, Alex Perialas was toiling away behind the knobs for such legendary, life-changing recordings as "U.S.A. for M.O.D." With all this in mind, how could we not use our investigative powers to give our readers more information about the kind of life and fortune that producing Overkill's landmark recording "Fuck You" can grant a man? We simply had to ask:

Where on earth is Alex Perialas?

Well, if you guessed Ithaca, New York...you are right! These days, Alex has traded in the exciting, and opulent life of working with Billy Milano on his vocal overdubs, as well as the privilege of working with Danny Spitz on his guitar solos for a simpler, quieter life. Alex is now an assistant professor at Ithaca College (also known as Cornell's retarded brother). Assistant professor? Can you believe that a guy like Alex can produce a masterpiece like Testament's "New Order" and they still won't give him a tenure track job? Assistant professor? That's all? For having worked on the S.O.D. album alone they should let him be Dean of the school of music, AND be the head of the political science program. Can you think of a better candidate for the job? I sure can't.

Here we see Alex playing S.O.D.'s classic track "Speak English Or Die" to a group of Guatemalan children, as he explains to them that the title of the song was meant to be ironic, and that no harm was meant by it. Sadly, the children didn't understand a word he said since, well....they don't speak English.

So what type of life can you live when royalty checks from Megaforce records are flying in every month (signed by the one and only Johnny Z)? Sadly, not a fantastic one. According to the City of Ithaca's records office, Alex's humble home is valued at a modest $155,000. To our European readers, due to the current exchange rate, that comes out to roughly 6 Euros.

As you can see in this picture of his home, Alex needs to do some weeding pronto. Maybe Bobby Blitz can come over and take care of it, I'm sure he needs some money and steady work right about now.

So has Alex simply faded away into a life in academia? Oh no. Once you've worked on a Pro-Pain album you can't simply hide your production abilities from the world. To the contrary, you must share those abilities. It's for that reason that Alex is now the proud owner of Pyramid Studios, a place that he no doubt imagined would be filled with the kind of action and hot ladies that were commonplace in Anthrax, and Testament recording sessions back in the day. Sadly, thrash metal is dead, and the studio is in Ithaca, so the only thing he's recording is the sound of tumbleweed rolling around in the state of the art drum room. Such is life. Thrash metal is dead. The end of that era came long ago...but at least it's alive in our cassette collections and in our hold music here at M.I. headquarters. In keeping it alive, Alex's spirit will remain alive forever. FOREVER I TELL YOU!

In closing, I say we all watch the video below together and remember a time when both Alex and bermuda shorts reigned supreme. By the way, what the hell was up with Joey Belladonna's mic stand? He had the mic on half a mic stand, which had no base. It looks ridiculous. I can just imagine the tantrums he would have if a roadie didn't have his half-mic stand ready for a show.

"Are you kidding me? Do you expect me to sing into a full mic stand, or even worse, carry my mic around in my hand without my half mic-stand which looks like a broom stick? Oh hell no. I'm not performing under these circumstances! I played drums on I'm The Man! I sang on Madhouse! I deserve better than this!"

Perhaps he was influenced by Kind Diamond's patented femur half-mic stand.

Cassettes I owned in 1992

As most readers know, all of the Inquisitors are big fans of cassettes. It just seems like the natural format for genres like thrash, generic death metal, and crossover. I mean, can you imagine listening to Master or Desultory on vinyl or CD? Of course not! These days I'm more likely to listen to Forever The Sickest Kids or Miley Cyrus remixes, but here are some cassettes that I owned in 1992, for better or worse.



The Accused - Grinning Like An Undertaker
The Accused had pretty much the perfect formula for getting a 14 year old kid stoked. You could put the poster of the infinitely detailed monster from the album cover on your wall and bounce around your room moshing to the mosh parts and thrashing to the thrash parts, then go see them at some crappy VFW hall and get high in the parking lot with them before the show. What could be better?! Although this record had that regrettable rap song on it (I chalk that one up to signing with Nastymix), it is overall their most consistent release, including some of their best songs like the title track, "Tapping The Vein," and "When I Was A Child." They were one of the first bands where it really wouldn't be possible to classify them as punk or metal. I liked that a lot as a kid since I didn't feel comfortable in either scene, and I liked them even more since they were a local band. Too bad Tommy ruined the band by quitting to start Gruntruck, who were absolutely awful.



Forced Entry - As Above, So Below
As a youngster growing up near Seattle, I was fortunate enough to see Forced Entry many, many times. I won't be "that guy" who goes on and on about the old days, but I will say that one of the most memorable shows I ever went to was Forced Entry and The Accused for free at the amphitheater under the Space Needle, I think it was 91 or 92. It was the day they filmed the video for "Macrocosm, Microcosm," and I'm pretty sure I'm in the video for a split second- I was wearing a black and white plaid shirt, buttoned at the top in my best Mike Muir impression.

Anyhow, their brand of technical thrash was really ahead of its time, and in my opinion still sounds great. They were definitely white trash retards, like everybody else from Mountlake Terrace back then (these days it's much fancier than it was at the time), but their music was much more cerebral and avant garde than their peers. They weren't a bunch of faggoty eggheads, though- they knew how to fuckin' party!! In case you didn't believe them, they proved it with their version of one of the best elements of thrash: the goofy party song (Exodus were good at this too). Forced Entry had not one, but TWO of these on "As Above, So Below": "We're Dicks" and "How I Spent My Summer Vacation," both of which had awesomely retarded lyrics about bongs, blowjobs, and booze.

I could go on about Forced Entry for a long, long time. For example, I could talk about how Brad Hull almost got to be the replacement for James Hetfield when he got burned (he got beat out by the dude from fellow Seattle band Metal Church), how jealous I was that my friend in Himsa got to skate on the singer's ramp back at Brier High, but I'll leave it at that. If you are a fan of weird, angular thrash like Voivod or Coroner, or even progressive death metal like Broken Hope or Oppressor, do yourself a favor and check this album out.

Biohazard - Urban Discipline
We have already discussed Biohazard extensively on Metal Inquisition, so I won't repeat it. Suffice to say that, as one of our readers commented, this album and its accompanying videos were indeed a wiggerish arm movements instructional video, and I loved it!



DRI - Thrash Zone
My friend Kevin gave this to me in gym class in 1990. He said "Here, you can have this, it's too thrash metal for me." His favorite bands were Bad Religion and Red Hot Chili Peppers, although now he plays in western swing bands. I had only seen the video for "Suit And Tie Guy" on a Seattle-area show called Bombshelter Videos, but I knew I was in for a treat! This album is a chopaholic's dream come true: every song goes "chop chop choppa choppa chop" like a well-tuned machine. Also, it's a little funny that DRI pioneered the concept of short songs, yet succumbed to the common 80s practice of making their songs way, way, way too fucking long on this album. I mean who really needs five goddamn minutes of songs like "Gun Control" and "Abduction"? Nonetheless, "Thrashard" is without a doubt one of the best crossover songs ever written and if there was an Academy Award for retarded punk lyrics, it would most certainly win! It was one of the highlights of my life to sing this verse with half a dozen people on a boat before Lucho Metales' bachelor party a couple of years ago:

Thrashing and slamming
Like hell in the pit
Tomorrow they know
May not come
Banging and moshing
Like they don't give a shit
To the rapid beat
Of the drum

A boot to your forehead
A knee in your face
Your nose and lips
Start to bleed
Like a wild Indian
From outer space
Drunk and
High on weed

Your turn
What were your favorite cassettes in 1992? Don't cheat and list stuff you had on vinyl or CD!!