20 Year Old British Girl Falls In Love With Forced Entry (the band, you sicko!)

It's no secret that I love Mountlake Terrace, Washington's Forced Entry slightly more than my own mother. Few things make me happier than hearing that I've gotten someone into what I consider to be the most underrated thrash band in history. With that in mind, you can imagine how excited I was when I got the following email while munching on chips and salsa at my favorite white-person Mexican restaurant. I could try to add some of my own commentary, but it would add nothing (all the photo comments are mine, though). This is the kind of content that fucking stands on its own! Thanks to Daru Jericho for sending this in. You are fucking legit, baby!!

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If you don't love this song, you should seriously kill yourself right now. I'm not joking at ALL, bros. WE'RE A BUNCH OF DICKS, WE TELL IT LIKE IT IS!

Salutations,

This is an overdue e-mail.

I'm a fairly rabid reader of Metal Inquisition (what reader isn't rabid over there?) based across the pond in London, England. I'm twenty years old and have a vagina too which I like to think separates me a little from the standard MI demographic. Earlier this year, your blog introduced me to a fabulous band dubbed Forced Entry. After hearing As Above, So Below enough times to force the average person to legally change their name to Thunderhead, my life was changed and not in the "ZOMG, I TOTALLY NEED TO LIEK SHOW MY APPRECIATION FOR THIZ BAND BY GETTING A TATTOO ON MY BUTTCHEEK WHICH I'LL REGRET IN THREE YEARS TIME WHEN I GRO OUT OF THRASH MEHTUL!" kind of way.

This is my favorite Forced Entry song, a deep cut that's buried on side two of "As Above So Below." Listen to that fucking riff!!! Fucking THRASH!!!!!!!!

This band was so amazing that I decided to dedicate my summer to them (I assumed the summer would be dull because I'd just dumped my boyfriend of two years and was feeling identical to the mood of that ballad 'Never A Know but the No' and concentrated on Forced Entry to fill that gap that my boyfriend once did for some reason) when I finished uni in May, in honour of 'How We spent Our Summer Vacation', of course with my slogan for the next five months being "GET FUCKED UP!"

This little baby wasn't even born when the first Forced Entry demo came out! And by the way, how fucking sweet is this cover?? Fuck Municipal Waste's contrived bullshit, THIS is what a fucking demo looks like!

But I didn't stop at changing my MSN screen name to celebrate the occasion. I went one (or possibly two) steps further. I started getting wasted more often as you'd expect but I did specifics. To be loyal to the opening line of the song that started this "Jack Daniels goes down fine, a lot smoother than any wine," I reduced my intake of wine and imbibed copius amounts of Jack Daniels. Beer was a common standard and I also did a (cider - they had no beer) bong for the first time to match "Sucked the beer bong a little too long," and I had more than six tequila slammers ("Six tequila slammers, I'm too far gone!") but I'd never even had tequila before. The newish boyfriend that I obtained over the summer had six slammers along with some other shit and spent half the night sleeping on the bathroom floor.

Let's see the phony assbags in Toxic Holocaust have the balls to rock the Tony Benjamins "white trash rocker from Bothell" look!

But the possible highlight of this summer was going up to anyone (whilst drunk or sober, btw) - friends, strangers on the street, randomos at festivals, buskers, guys I was making out with...literally anyone - and playing my ace by asking "Hey baby, will you shit on my face?" A friend of mine who got caught up in my summer frenzy (who now loves 'How We Spent Our Summer Vacation' so one became two - see what I did there!?) did the same thing but outshined me by asking eight middle-aged women in a club within an hour to do it and they were all horrified.

"Bludgeon" from the first Forced Entry record. Seriously fucking brutal as fuck, even by today's standards. It makes my soul hurt that this band doesn't get more love!!!!!

I saw Forced Entry with the Accused several times. Can you imagine anything better when it's 1992 and you're 14?! I lost my fucking mind.

The reactions we got were pretty funny. Some guys played along with me, promising to shit on my face. One dude even pulled his pants down before my friends tried to reassure an intoxicated me that I really didn't want him to do it. I got more freaked out expressions from boring people than Billy Milano had burgers this week. The best reactions were from those who played along though. Another guy asked me if I wanted liquified shit, slightly runny shit, solid shit or peanut-encrusted shit. Choice is good.

THIS EMAIL FUCKING DELIVERS.

I pretty much payed homage to most of the lines on that song but the one that I could do (obviously I couldn't do anything that involved a phallus, being a girl) but didn't was puke through my nose. I like to think I made up for that by puking on myself and my Dave Mustaine-inspired fluffy boots though.

"King Cobra?! More like QUEEN COBRA lolololz!" The intro banter in this video would be amazing material to use as samples for a noisecore demo. Fucking love the bass break at 1:15, this band was soooooo sick!!!!!!! ANACONDA HAUNTS YOUR SLEEP!

I semi-legally tattooed 'The Summer of Forced Entry '09 - GFU' on plenty of walls and surfaces and have attached some of them that I actually took photos of to this e-mail (the green tent has it written on its side but you can't see it too clearly), including the tent I shared with my ex at the latest open air metal fest that metalheads get hard ons and gap ons (the femme equivalent) over - Hellfest in France - in addition to the tent I shared with my friend at Bloodstock - the UK's nearest fest to Wacken. Writing it in non-metal places was particularly satisfying though. It was very akin to Moses telling everyone about the Ten Commandments. Looking back, I wonder if some people thought my summer was just an advertisement for rape. On asking a thrash fan if he liked Forced Entry he replied: "That's sick!"

If I ever meet this girl, I am proposing to her on the spot. I love you, baby!

The newspaper photo is also of particular interest because of the recycling message underneath that I crossed out before reading supporting the notion of shitting on one's face. Also, keen thrashers should note that the 2974 is a reference to that LOL'able Testament song 'The Evil Has Landed'. 2974 is the number of people who died in 9/11, mentioned in that track and genially rhymed with 'war'.

I also told people to fuck off or I would kill them.

GET FUCKED UP!

To conclude, thanks for giving me an awesome band to act as the soundtrack to my summer holiday - sorry - vacation from uni (May to October, April technically because I only had one exam in May so I partied earlier) and introducing me and, by extension, a few partners in crime of mine to Forced Entry. No one I know or talked to over the summer has ever heard of them and think I made them up. I wish they'd reunite. I want to e-mail these photos to one of the guys in the band so they can see that douches actually care about them but haven't found an e-mail addy. They just underscore how terrible Municipal Waste truly are and why those retro-thrash 'tards should be extinguished.

WE TELL IT LIKE IT IS, I KNOW IT MAKES YOU PISSED 'COZ WE'RE A BUNCH OF DICKS,

Daru Jericho

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More awesome, vintage Seattle metal: BITTER END!! Fuck yes, I definitely saw this band many times with all my other favorites like Aaronation, Sabre, Dumt, Panic, The Evicted, Amerifucked, Big Top, Date Rape, Last Gasp, and probably the amazing Aspirin Feast (listen to "Jesus Said," holy underrated hardcore) at one time or another. Seattle had sooooo many legitimately excellent bands back then, but nobody ever heard them because we were off the map until Nirvana came along. I'll put the above bands against any other local hardcore/metal scene in the US circa 1990, I was seriously fortunate to grow up when and where I did.

Daru Jericho, you are officially DOWN AS FUCK and we salute you! I honestly love to see people who are still enthusiastic about stuff, especially when it's something as ridiculously sweet as Forced motherfucking Entry. We love you and support you in your efforts to GET FUCKED UP!

Peep Forced Entry on MySpace here

Where are they now: Danny Spitz (with a little Nicko McBrain thrown in for good measure)

Check out Danny's eyes, he's looking in 27 different directions at the same time.

Known the world-over for our hard-hitting research and investigative reports, Metal Inquisition once again steps up to deliver the goods. This time we are looking into one of our favorite figures in the world of metal. I'm referring, of course, to the leading 5'1", cross-eyed watchmaker in the greater Boca Raton area: Danny Spitz.

We've reported before about Danny's business ventures, but decided to take a closer look at his life, and accomplishments away from the world of metal. What did we find? Some watches, some Maiden and a whole lot of baby Jesus.

Who's that tiny man behind the big desk? Is that one of Santa's elves hard at work in the workshop?

After years of playing with Anthrax, Danny was kicked out due to "a severe disinterest in playing guitar." After that time, Danny decided to cut his ties to music, going as far as ripping out all stereos from has cars. This is according to his website, but to be fair he probably did so because a cassette of Attack Of The Killer B's was probably stuck in there. Can you blame the guy? I'd rip out my car stereo too. He also gave away most of his guitars to Hard Rock Cafes all over the world. Damn! If any reader has seen his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Jackson flying-v while munching on a delicious cheeseburger in a Hard Rock Cafe in a Caribbean island, please let me know on the double! I dream of being in the presence of that sweet axe!

I dream of looking at that amazing fretboard while I dine on a fine cheeseburger.

It was at that time that Danny went on to pursue his life-long dream of learning how to replace watch bands, and batteries. Perhaps one day he was walking by a Dakota Watch Company stand at the mall, and he thought to himself "I really want to change batteries and watchbands, just like that teenager. By god, I will pursue this dream!". Danny got a bunch of degrees in Switzerland from schools no one has ever heard of, and he's now licensed to change the batteries in my Casio calculator watch.

Danny on graduation day in Switzerland. Is that Lars Ulrich to his right? Does this mean that Lars also knows how to change my watch battery? If it is Lars, he's actually the tallest person in a picture for once!

Danny now owns his own repair shop in Boca Raton, and has attempted to launch his own watch company. It was at his Boca Raton shop that he reconnected with Nicko McBrain from Iron Maiden, who went in to get a strap on his watch replaced or something. This is where things get more interesting, at least for me. Nicko and Danny started making music in Danny's studio after meeting up at the shop. Aside for their shared love of music, watches, and living in Florida (who knew Boca Raton was the preferred retirement spot for aging rockers?), they are both really into Jesus. Big time. You see, Danny was born Jewish, but converted to Messianic Judaism, which really has nothing to do with Judaism. They believe in good ol' JC, and are similar to Jews For Jesus. As a matter of fact, once you convert to Messianic Judaism, Israel will refuse to give you citizenship. But enough about that. Turns out, Nicko is also way into the Lord. He converted upon setting foot inside Spanish River Church, a Boca Raton mega-church, after his wife begged him to go. Once inside the church, he began to cry uncontrollably, according to him.

Nice to see that Nicko has already started to wear the standard-issue David Koresh glasses. Nothing accents a pug-face like his like those shop safety glasses do. Nice job Nicko.

So it makes sense that these two started to play music. Though there is no word from Anthrax about Danny's possible attempts to convert them, Nicko says the following about Iron Maiden:

"I can't say to you that I'm trying to convert all these guys in my band to be Christians. I'm leading them on my route, and if they choose to follow what God's plan is in the Bible, that's up to them. I say to them all, you know, look, in my belief, at the moment, if you turn to your saviour Jesus Christ, I'll have eternal life in Heaven with you!"

Anyway the band they started, called 7x70 (a biblical refereence), also featudred Vanilla Ice (no joke), and Dave Ellefson from Megadeth, though Dave never actually played with them. No material was ever released. It's sad that the world missed out on the amazing music that such a brain trust would surely put together. Can you imagine? I picture it starting out with the bass line from Peace Sells. After that, the drums from Run To the Hills start up (yes, I know Clive Burr played that song originally) and then some sweet leads kick in courtesy of Danny. Once it all gets going, Vanilla Ice starts rapping over the whole thing. Can you say "amazing"?

Danny is currently doing another band with members from Accept and King Diamond, who are no doubt born again christians of some sort as well. Danny actually unveiled his plans for this band at the Cornerstone Festival. In his site he wrote:

I do feel (as I did in the past) that I have created an entirely new sound never heard by the human ear before.

"As I did in the past"? Is he talking about his solo in "Indians", because I would have to agree. That shit was blazin'! Anyway, Danny is now married to a woman named Candi. Who he said this about:

Not to confuse all you horny men out there that might think I have found the love of my life by her looks, big boobs, and fine butt alone... but Candi is the most kind-hearted, giving, and devoted partner I have ever had the pleasure of touching. She is a gift from the Lord and has an extensive education uinder her blonde belt.

Uh...okay. Candi is the daughter of a lesbian singer from Tampa, who primaraly sings Judy Garland showtunes. This is her site. They have twins together, who act in Volkswagen commercials (the latest ones for the minivan which star Brooke Shields) and were also in the Batman movie. If you are way into babies, you can read a whole interview about them here. Move over Olsen twins! Mini-Daddy needs to cash in after being fired from Anthrax!

Oh my! Look at that facial hair! Do I detect a mild case of Robb Flynn's disease? Also, those are so amazingly sculpted eyebrows.

After typing all this down, I'm both tired and depressed. I'm gonna' go listen to Among The Living while I take a nap.

John Williams eat your heart out- here comes Spastic Ink

If there's a nerdier genre of music than prog metal, I sure can't think of it. It combines the obnoxious snobbery of jazz with the subhuman, lowbrow, stupidity of heavy metal- like the delicious tastes of nuts and gum, together at last.

For example, this concept piece from Spastic Ink. Lots of bands write concept albums- for examples Nocturnus' legendary "The Key"- but usually they are about cool stuff like building a time machine so he band can go back in time to kill Jesus. But not Spastic Ink- this song is the score to a video of, uh, a cartoon mouse. They also have a song that is 8 minutes of the movie Bambi, but each of the characters is voiced by the guitars. So, uh, yeah...

Danny Spitz Is The Leading Cross-Eyed Watchmaker In The Greater Boca Raton Area

Remember how sitcoms in the 80s and early 90s would routinely do a clip-episode where they would simply recycle parts of old episodes under the guise of the characters remembering something? This post is kinda' like that, a rehash of a short, but greatly under appreciated post from the early days of M.I.

To the left we see Danny, working at his shop like the little Jewish watchmaking elf that he is. To the right, we see a picture showing his fantastic taste in facial hair, and his amazingly googly eyes. When you're around him, you better not try any funny business. He's got his eye on you...you just won't know which one.

Got the time tick, tick, tickin' in my head!

Out of all the occupations that a cross-eyed man is well suited for, complex watchmaking (with its miniature parts and precision mechanisms) is certainly not at the top of the list. Well, much like paraplegics who are mountain climbers, or the squirrel who water skiis ...Danny Spitz from Anthrax has beaten all the odds and become a certified watchmaker.











You can read more about his passion for perpetual calendar chronographs, see information about his credentials and learn more about his Boca Raton shop here. Please note the slight, but certainly obvious case of Robb Flynn's disease that Danny is currently suffering from...I mean, that facial hair. Oh my. Even Jewish guys from Queens are not immune. Stay tuned for details about D.D. Verni ditching his life as Overkill's bass player for a fruitful career in heating and cooling.