Dressing up as a black metal douche for halloween? I know what you're thinking "Nicolas Cage's son has now been doing it year-round for some time now!" Well, you're partially right...but that doesn't negate the appeal that such a costume may have for the masses. As such, I now introduce you all to the first official black metal costume ever (I think), as seen at a local costume shop by close friend of the blog (sup Marns!).
In honor of halloween, please check out these two clips from Metal Inquisition's favorite zombie movie ever...death metal zombies. See them here, and here.
This post is not about wrestling or who’s the current WWE Champion (even though we all know it should still be Orton). It’s not about how lame wrestling is/was/has been in the US, or any of that. Please keep the wrestling specific comments to yourself. Thank you.
It’s safe to say that there’s always been a loose connection between pro-wrestling and metal. Maybe it’s the attitude, the "look" or maybe it’s the fact that both are heavily embraced by ignorant trailer-dwelling Americans. Some of the wrestlers in the US have/had some pretty metal gimmicks. Take The Road Warriors, the Brothers of Destruction, that clown Sting (who looks like he belongs in a shitty black metal band) and others. Then, there’s always Triple H and his Motorhead connection, Balls Mahoney, who often sports metal shirts and there's even that hot metal chick a few years back. Well, all that is nothing compared to what you can find the CMLL and AAA in Mexico.
The Road Warriors, who GWAR basically ripped-off
I gotta admit, I had a huge crush on Lita back in the day
Kane and The Undertaker. Really, how more metal can you get?
Balls Mahoney is a huge (no pun intended) King Diamond fan
Let me start with my favorite wrestler in Mexico, La Parka (a.k.a. L.A. PARK). You can’t deny that’s a metal-ass costume. I don’t know what’s up with the male symbol on his wrists, but I guess gay can also be metal?
Cuervo, Damian 666, Espiritu and Ozz look like a black metal band from the mid-west. The best part is that without ever touching a musical instrument in their lives, they’d probably get signed to some label called “Northern Trees Without Leaves Records” based on looks alone. We'll look at these "hermanos" in detail below.
Espiritu has the Dark Throne logo on his face and lots of pentagrams on his gear. Survey says... METAL!
OK, I'll admit Cuervo is more goth than metal, but... OK, you got me I have no excuse. Sorry
I don't give two shits how tough you think you are, if you run into this dude in an alley after a Brujeria show in Monterrey , you will need to buy new underoos, 'cuz you will shit your fucking pants. Damian 666 is pure evil. Those nasty keloid scars don't help eigther.
Ozz is as metal as they get. My theory is that between bible burnings, Glen Benton takes time off, flies to Mexico, puts on velvet pants, paints his face blue, and rubs up on sweaty dudes in the ring.
This is El Pancho. He might not look very metal, but he’s wearing bullet belts and that’s pretty fucking metal in my book of things that are metal.
Cibernetico looks like the singer of a German thrash band in the 80’s. Minus the gay contact lens in his left eye, of course. To complete the German thrasher look, he may wanna borrow El Pancho's bullet belts and put some pants on. Preferibly tight faded jeans. But here's more Cibenetico for you:
Hey, Pedro, ManOwar called, they want their homo-erotic look back.
This lady from Jalisco’s wrestling name is Dark Angel. I thought I’d throw he in here just for Gene Hoglan's Balls.
Here’s a pretty lady. This lovely beauty is named Diabolica. Pretty metal name, that’s for sure. Plus, she’s hefty and reminds me of my first girlfriend, who had a Benediction tape and wore a Sepultura T-shirt.
This gentleman is Halloween. Of course it would be WAY more metal had his name been Helloween, but I’ll take Halloween. Unfortunately Halloween suffers from Rob Flynn's Disease. Note the multi-colored braids and cut-off shorts. He’s also wearing an anti-drug tee. Sorry, hermano, you are a poser-o!
Arguably this ‘muchacho’ is the most metal of all wrestlers in Mexico. Why? His fucking name is Heavy Metal, that’s why! He’s basically a poor man’s Glen Danzig. Which is pretty bad considering that Danzig is a poor man’s… I don’t know what, but you know what I mean. Heavy Metal’s got an Apple sticker on his axe, which is not very metal, but he’s got a scorpion tattooed on his chest, which is WAY metal! Actually all his tatts are pretty brutal. By brutal I mean shitty.
Jerry Estrada tried out for Stryper in ’87 and upon rejection he turned to his first love: looking gay by wearing one cross earring and fringe. Oh, and he also started wrestling in Mexico.
The gimmick of Los Porros (loosely translated The College Jocks) is obviously lost in translation. Maybe it was lost way before anyone cared to translate it. I just thought they looked like the Gothic Slam reunion in 2013.
Maybe Finland's Lordi (the worst fucking band in history) are huge in Mexico. I don’t know but they sure as hell left their footprint in Mexican wrestling. Check out these guys:
Los Vipers
Los Cabernicolas
Los Rudos de la Galaxia (maybe a little Ace Frehley circa '83 influence in there?)
In case you forgot what they look like, here’s Lordi (the worst fucking band in history, did I already say that?):
I’m not sure if these guys are exactly metal, but Monster and Chucky are pretty fucking scary. By scary I mean pathetic. In more ways than one. Monster looks like a budget version of the Crimson Ghost with a green wig. Like so many other things in this post, Chucky’s just plain creepy. Oh, yeah, midgets rule.
Mister Aguila looks like a young Max Cavalera. This is the kind of friends I would have given my right arm for, when I was a teen. This guy just looks metal. His pants are ripped by the crotch. Watch out ladies!
I’m not sure WTF is going on here. I think KISS threw up in Mexico in '85 and the barf took shape, came to life and turned into the Night Queens. Great name, amigos! The one guy is REALLY into keeping his identity a secret (I would too if I was in this freak show), so he wears a mask over his make-up. Nice.
This dude’s name is Nitro. That alone is metal. Add to that the skulls in his pants and we got one metal Mexican.
I think Sangre Chicana is a lost member of Testament and Joey DeMaio’s younger brother.
Do I have to even explain why Perro Terrible is metal as shit? What I’d like an explanation on is the “brick wall” and why the audience is sitting on the floor.
The reason Tormenta is on the post is ‘cuz her name reminds me of “Tormenta” Ventor of Kreator.
The following wrestlers might not be super-duper metal, but I think they are worth highlighting for pure comedy value:
These guys’ gimmick is that they are American. So, obviously, so everyone hates them. Their name is The Beauty and The Beast… but who’s who?
Trio Fantasia is very disturbing. Grown men dressed with tight fitting clothes to attract young children. No wonder Mexico is still considered a "developing" country.
La Diva, has to be the awesomest female wrestler in Mexico. Look at her! Her finishing move: The Sitdown Splash. I’m sure you can imagine what it is… yeah she sits on her oponent’s face. That's a lot of woman. Too many tacos and burrrrrritos, girl!
Please meet Ke Monito (loose translation: "What a Little Monkey". That’s not a joke) He’s 2’7” and a clear example of why Mexican Lucha will always be better than any sad attempts by Americans to make greased-up muscle douche-bags with long hair be entertaining. Here's Ke Monito in “action”. Enjoy!
I know I said this post wasn't about wrestling, but I couldn't leave without sharing this video with you guys. Highlights of Japanese and Mexican wrestlers. I know this is not very metal, but some of these fuckers are amazing.
Well, not really, at least not yet, but that shitty metal magazine Decibel decided to return the favor after Sergeant D interviewed their Editor-in-Chief and the author of Choosing Death: The Improbable History of Death Metal and Grindcore, Albert Mudrian, and interview us. Of course we're not good enough for the actual magazine so they posted it on their worthless blog. You can read our witty answers to their stupid questions and check out some candid photos of your favorite Metal Inquisition staffers here.
Listen here: I know I don't have the awesomest record collection out there, ok? I know my vinyl collection is just a hair above average, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorite pieces in a series of posts and make fun of myself in the process.
I'd like to encourage fellow MI staffers to do the same and post some pics. I know some of them have some pretty good shit, too. (Please post the autographed Danzig gatefold)
I don't even remember where/when I got this, but I'm glad I did. Do you know how many chix I've gotten 'cuz of this limited edition 7" Anthrax picture disc? Yup! Not one.
Still one my favorite records in my collection. When we bought it, we had no idea what Wehrmacht would sound like. They blew our mind off!
I think I got this record as a "gag" birthday gift. I didn't find it funny, I found it RAD! After that opera thing he did with Gogmagog, Paul Di'Anno blessed us with this jewel.
Do I need to say anything about this? Wild Rags + Bloodcum = sweet vinyl! I guess in the Araya and Hanneman households, all the talent went to to Tom and Jeff, respectively.
I have no excuse for owning this. I bought it in Austria. I payed like $7. I know... I'm sorry.
The note reads: "Kurt- The Great Kat is God!!" Duh, of course she is! I have no idea who Kurt is, I stole this record from the radio station I used to work at a billion years ago.
For now, I'll leave you with this image. I like Helloween.
