Thursday, January 7, 2010

Internet potpourri

Happy new year kids! Here are some recent finds from my most recent internet travels.



File under "When will every American Apparel store finally burn to the ground?"

Let's face it, we now live in a world where deep-v neck t-shirts reign supreme as the preferred article of clothing for men. As such, anyone who corners the market on such attire will surely control fashion and retail altogether. Enter, not the droids, but American Apparel. You know the place, the one were the effeminate dudes with mustaches work. Well, it seems they have recently caught on to this wild new musical style tearing up the charts, black metal. I believe Nicolas Cage's son may have tipped them off, to tell you the truth. What's next? Will fashion magazines use black metal as a theme for photoshoots?



Who tucks in a tshirt, especially one with printing on it? Godamn.


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File under "I told you so"


Only 15 years too late, fashion magazines are picking up on black metal as a theme for photo shoots. You see, I told you so! What's perhaps saddest about all this, is that somewhere in the rural U.S. some fatso with a Craddle Of Filth shirt and bondage pants is getting all pissed off about this. "How could they exploit my beloved musical style?", said fatso asks...when in reality, he should be asking "Why do I sweat gravy?"

I myself don't care. Not only do I not care, but I'm also not going to take great pride in having known about Dark Throne back in 1991. That's a bit like bragging about how you were the one that discovered the super disgusting piece of shit in a public bathroom. We know, we know, you were the first one to find it, and point out the pieces of corn in it. Hooray for you.


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File under "WTF"?

Actor Sir Christopher Lee (who played Dracula) is set to release a metal album. Lee holds the Guiness World Record for acting in the most movies with sword fights in them...so he's certainly no stranger to being rad, and being into Manowar. Mr. Dracula appears to be the British William Shatner, since he's put out numerous novelty songs and albums. You can check out some of his musical abilities here. He has also themed up with douchebags Rhapsody before. Check it:



Anyone remember the Pat Boone metal album?




Props to Mr John Prolly for the heads up on this one.



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30 comments:

  1. Hatebreed fucking suck balls!

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  2. Sergeant D is just jealous that he didn't think of that t-shirt design first.

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  3. Totally thought the guy from Rhapsody was Weird Al as I glanced down.

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  4. i'm still bummeb that chris bailed on the Manowar collab

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  5. dear american apparel,
    what the fuck is asgarth?

    ps. you need some thicker models.
    pss. you need some thicker shirts too...

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  6. I would go down on the girl with the skull in the hand. Just mentioning it.

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  7. I knew about Darkthrone in 1990. IN YOUR FACE!

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  8. finally an update!

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  9. I was so happy when I checked who the author of the post is and realized it is not Srg D. So I gladly red it.
    Nice to have you back Lucho!!!

    VIVA LA RASAAA!!!

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  10. Vlad, I think I saw the first Darkthrone album in 1990..but I'm not sure. See...now we're arguing over who saw the turd first. damn it to hell!!!!!

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  11. the asgarth shirt from AA was made because on the internet radio station "viva radio"which AA sponsors. there is a metal show called "raise your horns to asgarth" its not very popular......

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  12. Dark Throne... sounds like a toilet

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  13. Pat Boone metal album is/was rad.

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  14. I remember Mino Reitano playing a hard rock song...

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  15. "recently?" The shirt's been around for a while. I mean, since you were in on the ground floor of metal I still defer.

    Wait, somebody just told me that this blog isn't written by Tony Iommi.

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  16. I fucking LOVE that Pat Boone album... makes me laugh out loud everytime I put it on.

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  17. @ Dr. Tizzle:

    I lol'd

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  18. Wow, Black metal uh..no, don't care for it that much.

    Not too surprised about Christopher Lee though. I guess he doesn't have a whole else to do these days. He was lucky to get to do those LOTR movies and battle Yoda in that rotten Star Wars movie.

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  19. oh come on people! atleast a new post on fridays( as long as it's not nu-metal, crunk-metal, emo/trendwhore related)!! horns up to metalmark! hatebreed does indeed, in fact, still suck donkey balls!

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  20. It's quite sad that you update your shitty site about stupid scene music and that shit instead of focusing on metal.

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  21. how about a new post after almost 2 weeks? i miss the days when this blog was updated almost every day.
    oh, and yeah, Hatebreed fucking suck balls!

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  22. the model in the photo is the artist (Gabriel) who drew -(16)-'s drop out and blaze of incompetence's daughter.

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  23. I can't wait until hipsters everywhere begin listening to BM! At first it will be ironically, then before we know it we'll be getting BM bands decked out at Am Appy!

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  24. Shit, hipsters have been sucking off faux-black metal for years. Who do you think keeps asinine bullshit like Xasthur, Wolves in the throne room and recent Darkthrone afloat? I'll tell ya this: it ain't fuckers who take Master of puppets dead seriously.

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