Repulsion/Pig Destroyer/Brutal Truth, 07.31.2009. Thoughts and Observations

Last Friday I picked my sad sack of old bones off the couch and rode the train into Brooklyn to catch Repulsion, Pig Destroyer, and Brutal Truth at the Brooklyn Masonic Temple.

The hottest new heavy metal venue!

You're probably thinking what I was thinking when I first heard about this show--Brooklyn Masonic Temple? I'm not Jewish and I know very little about the religion, but a temple is just about the last place I'd expect to see Repulsion, Pig Destroyer, and Brutal Truth performing. It's a huge, old stone building and the bands played in what looked like a school gymnasium. It's actually a pretty cool place, except for the fact that there's no air conditioning and once the bands started playing you could cut the BO with a knife. It was especially great when everyone would go outside between bands and loiter on the sidewalk and the locals would walk past and gawk at the mutant showgoers. For those of you that don't know the Brooklyn Masonic Temple is located in beautiful Fort Greene--a trendy, prohibitively-expensive brownstone neighborhood filled with the kind of annoying, wealthy thirtysomethings that make me green with envy.

I should mention that Mr. Albert Mudrian, Editor-in-Chief of Decibel Magazine, was kind enough to put me on the guest list so my cheap ass didn't have to pay to get in. He was also nice enough to put SkullKrusher on the list, but he decided to bail at the last minute to go out on a date with some chick he met on eHarmony. The sad, pathetic old loser claims he got laid, but I know better. My guess is that his date went something like this.

The show was sponsored by Decibel who were giving out magazines like Auntie Anne's gives out pretzels at the mall. I also received a drink ticket upon entering that entitled me to one free Ardbeg cocktail. Being the alcoholic that I am I had to indulge. Half-assedly mixing fancy, smoky scotch with ginger beer, however, was not a good idea. Instant headache.

Real life radiation sickness.

I have no idea why, but Repulsion played first. They weren't nearly as haggard as I expected for guys in their mid 40s that grew up in Flint, Michigan. Turns out only two of the guys were original members and the other two scabs were from Exhumed. Worst of all--NO DAVE GRAVE!!?? (WTF!?) They ran through most if not all of Horrified and did a Venom cover, but honestly the sound was so shitty I could barely make out what they were playing. All you could hear was the guitar and some tap-tap-tapping of drums in the background. The vocals were almost completely inaudible (at least from where I was standing). Why is it so hard for metal bands to not sound like complete shit live? When will people learn that triggering completely ruins the sound of drums? To top it all off I saw some of the worst stage diving I have EVER seen during Repulsion's set. Some mongoloid got so excited he even hit Scott Carlson in the face with his microphone. For an idea as to how awesome Repulsion was live back in the day watch this.

Pig Destroyer's DJ hard at work.

Next up was Pig Destroyer. I was a big PD fan in high school and college, but I haven't listened to or paid them any attention in years. They still sound exactly the same as I remember--fast modern grindcore with chugging thrashy riffs--but they now have a DJ who plays samples, twiddles knobs, drinks beer, fistbangs, throws water at the crowd, tells people to mosh, and who at one point pulled out what looked like a belt sander and proceeded to re-enact my favorite Razor album cover. If this guy's actually getting paid he might just have the best job in the world. I like how Scott Hull wears Under Armour wristbands when he plays. Kevin Sharp stood next to me the whole time and he still wears that stupid cowboy hat, has a huge beer gut, and was wearing mandals.

A couple of sad old men.

I stuck around for most of Brutal Truth's set, which is a lot longer than I should have. I was really into Need to Control when I was in high school, but if you put a gun to my head now and demanded that I recite the lyrics to a single Brutal Truth song the walls would be painted with the contents of my skull. The singer/guitarist from Lethargy (now there's a band that actually should reunite) is playing guitar for them now, which I didn't know. I wonder how jealous he is that Bill and Brann went on to fame and fortune with Mastodong while he's stuck playing with a washed up, reunited band no one cares about? The only good thing about Brutal Truth is Rich Hoak. He's a terrible drummer--my 80 year old grandmother could play a faster blastbeat, but he makes the most hilarious drumming faces. I also managed to take a picture with Dan Lilker and he is easily a foot taller than me and very hairy. He was, however, too embarassed to show his baby teeth. Note his patented pose, which he ALWAYS uses. See proof here.

A short sweaty Italian and a tall sweaty Jew.

There were so many gross, sweaty, fat shirtless dudes at this show I wanted to puke. There were, however, a surprising number of attractive females who looked completely out of place. I made the mistake of not weaing earplugs because I hate them and because the show didn't seem that loud, but of course my ears were ringing for days afterwards. I am officially an old man. I even spotted a couple of nerds walking around with copies of Infinite Jest in their hands. Who the fuck reads at a metal show?

The next day I went to work and afterwards went to a beer garden and drank for eight hours straight. I proceeded to lose my wallet (which was kindly returned to me by a lady sitting behind me) and both of my credit cards (did not find them). What a fucking weekend.

Sacred Reich

What a swell looking bunch of guys. In 1991 I thought Sacred Reich were superstars, who probably toured in fancy double-decker bus. In reality, they looked like child-molesters traveling around the country in this horrible wood-paneled monstrosity. Nice trench coat, oh...and nice Hustler magazine in the back as well (under the speaker.)

This post is kind of long. I understand if you don't want to read it, or if you hate the stuff I post....but do me a favor. If you are not going to read it, at least watch the video at the end of the post. For real. You'll thank me. Okay, now let's get started:

Sacred Reich used to be one of my favorite bands back in the day. I was always drawn to pseudo-political bands within the realm of metal. As I've said many times before, I grew up in South America, I grew up during a time when extreme violence was a daily occurrence. As a result, songs about devils and satan never seemed all that scary to me. Everyday reality, and the things that actual humans (not demons with tails and horns) were doing around me were far scarier and very real. Perhaps for that reason, bands that talked about actual situations seemed cooler to me. In retrospect, the views that such "political" bands put forth were half-baked, idiotic and in keeping with their age and level of education...but back then they seemed so damn profound to me.

Check Phil out, 548 pounds ago. I always loved the cholo graffiti writing they used in their records. It gave them a certain edge over bands like Toxic. They also had that cool mascot. You can read more about the macot here. Man, if guys that looked like this had gone to my high school, I would have had huge man-crushes on them (in a very hetero way, dont get me wrong). Check out how Phil and Wiley (what a name) are posing the exact same way...even the angle of their feet is the same.

As good as they were, they fell victim to the classic thrash metal trap. They wrote the required "goofy song". In their case, the song was called "31 Flavors", and was meant to teach us about how we should listen to all kinds of music..but mostly Red Hot Chilli Peppers. The lyrics alone are enough to make you dry-heave for a few hours. Note the awful sexual double entendre. Even Dave Mustaine had to cringe upon hearing it, and he's the guy responsible for the most cringe-inducing lyrics ever. Remember his sexual opus Mechanix?


Vanilla is smooth
chocolate is kickin'
strawberry is sweet
all deserve a hearty lickin'
have em all
three scoops piled high
variety is the spice of life
Well you can have soft serve
and hard sugar cones
root beer floats
or my banana split
do you like nuts
or some sticky whip creme
come lick it off
and be my dairy queen
I love the Chilis
freaky, uplift, mother's milk

If you haven't listened to the song before, here it is. Again, get ready for major douche-chills.





So what happened to these musical and political geniuses over the years? Has time been kind to Sacred Reich? Hell no. Phil looks like a cross between a fat little league coach and Fred Flintstone. What can you do...time does that to you. Dark Angel was right. Time Does Not Heal. Apparently, it just makes you fat. They have a MySpace page, but I think it's way more fun to look at their official site, which is hosted by the one and only Angel Fire. Check it out. It was put together by Wiley himself.

Note the heavy crease on his neck as a result of being fat and having gravy running through his veins.

So over time, they may have deteriorated. What can you do. I pretty much stopped caring about Sacred Reich after "Independent", which is when they embarked on some lame pro-pot tour sponsored by NORML. I was bummed about them doing that tour back then, I'm not sure why. What can I tell you....to say I've had an overactive super-ego from a young age would be an understatement.

This picture hung on my wall for many years. Check out Barney's sweet Zubas.

Around the time that Sacred Reich went out on the "legalize it" tour, I bought my brother a sweet Sacred Reich shirt for his birthday. I believe I've written about this before, but I'll mention it again. He wore it to school on the day of his birthday, and got into bad car accident on his way back home from school. He got blood all over the shirt. I was bummed about the crash, but also about the shirt. The back of the shirt had a Socrates quote, "The unexamined life is not worth living." I'm incredibly ashamed to admit this, but I'll tell you anyway. I have actually quoted Socrates to really smart people before, and I only know the quote because of that shirt. So even though I could make fun of Sacred Reich for ages, and mock them (and I often do), I have to thank them because they made me feel cool in a group of smart people. Perhaps they weren't impressed, but I was certaily pleased with my use of the quote. Thank you Phil Rind!

Say what you will about Sacred Reich, but how many bands will help you quote Socrates at a dinner party?

Oh by the way, do you remember how Lemmy had a Sacred Reich patch on his denim jacket back in the early 90s? It was a Sacred Reich patch, but he only had the part that said "Reich"? He always talked about how he was a collector of WWII Nazi stuff, but always cleared up that he was not racist or a nazi. I get it, and I understand how this is possible...but walking around with a "Reich" patch on your jacket and a Nazi officers cap is kind of a douchy thing to do, to put it mildly. No? Come to think of it, Sacred Reich is kind of a messed up name for a band. I mean, it could easily be the name of a white power band, you know? Perhaps that's what first attracted Lemmy to the patch. I know many of you think Lemmy is rad, and everything he does is amazing, and perfect....and you probably think the Cocoa Puffs on his face are sexy...but come on. Damn it.




Okay, let's get back to Sacred Reich. I will now leave you with the best bit of Sacred Reich material available on the interweb. This is an excerpt of the Sacred Reich DVD, and its a winner for sure. This clip is filled with amazing treasures, because it's a perfect time capsule of the era. I won't even try to comment on it, or point out things about it. Just please watch the whole thing and enjoy it. Please. If you are too young to know what metal shows were like in 1991, this should give you a pretty good idea.

Dan Lilker-The Renee Zellweger of the metal world?

We're all friends here right? At least I hope we are, because I've already admitted to our readers in previous posts that I've been known to browse through the pages of US Weekly. With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that two of my passions in life, (celebrity gossip AND metal) have finally collided. Who could have predicted this? Not me.

Here's how it all happened. As part of my usual Saturday routine, I was browsing through the internet looking for pictures of Dan Lilker's tiny, baby-like teeth. Is it weird that I do that as part of my Saturday routine? What do you guys do on Saturday afternoons?

As we've discussed before, Dan's tiny teeth are just one of the facial features that make him look almost exactly like swimmer Michael Phelps, who also looks like he's severely retarded.

Anyway, while searching through images I suddenly realized something....something amazing....something I simply had to share with the world. As it turns out, much in the same way that Dan is a musical one-trick-pony (his trick being mostly playing in bands that suck), he is also a one-trick-pony when it comes to posing for pictures. It's true! Dan has one default pose that he loves, which was probably developed in his Anthrax days. Now that he has mastered this pose, he sticks to it like stink on a monkey. What does this have to do with Renee Zellweger you ask? Lots! Not only is she also really annoying and ugly, but she also has a standard pose. I'm sure her publicist or stylist told her she looked best in this very unusual pose (who turns their back to the camera and looks over their shoulder?), and now she seems to only pose in this way for photographers. Coincidence? Perhaps. But I'd also like to suggest that based on their level of ugliness, there may be a tighter connection between the two. You be the judge:



Guy who looks like he has Down Syndrome, and has tiny teeth with huge gums:




Annoying, squinty actress who always does that awful fake British accent:




Before you make fun of me for noticing this, or point out how this is a useless post...please consider that I've just given you a great conversation starter for awkward situations at work. I've already tried it with some pretty important people at work, and they ate this up! Try it!

Wigger slam update, winter edition

There's a new dance craze that's sweeping the nation. It's called wigger slam and it's causing devastation!

It's been a while since we made a wigger slam post, which is a tragedy that makes Darfur look quaint by comparison. I would trade the lives of every single Romanian orphan for a single chance to play the Repudilation discography on my iPod while I'm in line at Starbucks. Seriously, fuck those kids, they're as good as dead anyway. In any case, there have been some exciting developments in the wigger slam scene that need to be mentioned.

Composted's SLAMBULANCE shirt
While it is disappointing to see that brutal death band Composted don't appreciate wigger slam like we do, we are still excited to see them raise awareness for the genre with the shirts you see below. The band is only mediocre (even to someone like me who has extremely low standards for slam metal- I mean I listen to fucking Artery Eruption!), but you might think about paying their MySpace a visit anyway. I'm sure it would make their day, since they probably spend all day bagging groceries or something to scrape together a pittance that pays the rent on the room they share with 8 other disgusting creeps at the local dirtbag metal flophouse. I'm sure glad I was never stupid enough to be in a band.


Entorturement vocalist drops some science
We have some insights on the origins of wigger slam from none other than the originators of the genre, Entorturement (and also the band who can legitimate claim to the worst name ever). He chimes in on the comments to an older post of ours, "The Facts About Wigger Slam":

LOL! This is Tim (former vocalist for entorturement). This is funny shit. Ok, yes Repudilation was the first to actually infuse a bit of Jazz into Death Metal. brian, their drummer, joined us and we wanted to do something different. So we went all out combining internal bleeding and suffocation with jazz,NYHC and Hip Hop. Growing up where we were you listened to Hip Hop. That was just how it was, mainly just NYC groups like Wu-Tang,Nas, Jay Z. It was like you are death metal (or deadhead,or jock) and you listened to hip hop. I am sorry for people taking it wayyyyyy out of hand. All the "thuggery" was taking the NYHC attitude at the time and multiplying 10 fold. In general, making fun of them.

Note that New Yorkment left them a nice comment on their Last.fm page:

OH FUKKKKKKKKK YEAH SON THESE BE THA SIKKKKKKKKEST SLAMZ EVAH!!! TOTAL BEATDOWN BRUTHAZ STYLE FO LYFE!!!

Amazon opens a wigger slam store
MI reader Matt Smith from Relapse tipped us off to Amazon's new wigger slam store. I'll be honest, the selection is a bit lacking (currently just a few Dying Fetus and Devourment shirts), but I'm happy to see that a big company like Amazon sees the potential for developing this market. I am sure that once they start producing Katalepsy and Abominable Putridity arctic camo parkas they'll have trouble keeping them in stock. MAKE IT RAIN!! I'm hoping they can hook up with Paul Wall and make some Soils of Fate grills. That shit would be HOT, and I'm sure all the European wiggers would eat it up. As anyone who ever sold anything metal-related in the 90s know, Europeans will buy anything!! I mean, without them, Joey DeMaio would have been out on the streets decades ago, picking cigarette butts out of the trash and selling Diet Mountain Dew cans for food.

See the store here!


Frogkill: World's first self-identified wigger slam band??
Perhaps I'm tooting our own horn here, but it seems that our influence has spread as far as Germany. We have been singing the praises of wigger slam for a while now, but it has so far been a externally-applied label. And to be honest, bands are generally not that stoked when we call them wigger slam (like these comments from that butthurt pussy in the Virginia-based wigger slam band Short Bus Pileup). A new one-man band named Frogkill is the first band we are aware of to call itself wigger slam, which is an amazing thing to behold! Congratulations, my friend! You are blazing new trails!We especially liked this statement on their MySpace:

And God said, "Let there be guttural slamming sickness!",
And there was guttural slamming sickness.
And God saw that it was good.

Now here comes the sad part. This poor kid is probably 19 or 20, and instead of sowing his wild oats banging hot German scene girls, he's spending his free time trying to impress internet metal nerds by making a one-man wigger slam band! Kid, you are going to look back on this part of your life and cry your eyes out at the way you pissed away the best years of your life. But congratulations on amusing a bunch of jaded metal dorks in their 30s at the expense of your youth!


Last.fm tags up 182%
Finally, thanks to everyone who has been dilligently using the wigger slam tag on Last.fm! If you haven't already, please tag all the relevant tracks you can. Fight the good fight! I'm not sure how Fall Silent got in there, but that's pretty funny.

Metal Inquisition wishes all of you a Heavy Christmas

In the words of 220 Volt, we wish you a heavy Christmas. From all of us, to all of you.

We hope baby Jesus brings you all the gifts you asked for. In the case of our beloved Metal Inquisition receptionist Dorothy, that meant a case of Bud Light. Don't drink it all at once Dorothy!

Dorothy, our hard working administrative assistant and receptionist. When you call our 1-800 number, this is the lovely lady that will greet you at the other end of the line.

A brief survey of pornogrind

To me, most grindcore sounds like tuneless shit played by retards that don't have two brain cells to rub together. Which is exactly what it is. If there is any genre of music that has lower barriers to entry, I haven't come across it (although, as one of our readers pointed out, bedroom black metal comes close). In spite of the fact that grindcore makes me want to jam sharp objects in my eardums post-haste, I have a real soft spot for it's kissing cousin, pornogrind. Unlike grindcore, which emphasizes playing garbage as fast as possible, pornogrind places a premium on groove and actual songwriting. Plus, I never get tired of porn sample intros. I'm far from an expert on the genre (and who really wants to be?), but here are some of my favorites:



Meatshits
The Meatshits were my introduction to pornogrind, and what an introduction! I bought "The Ecstasy of Death" at the Tower Records in Bellevue, Washington when I was in high school, and to this day it's one of my favorite records in the genre. I still think they have the best song titles, far better than more ironic peers like Anal Cunt. For example: ""Bullshit Lottery", "Let There Be Shit", "Bobbing For Stools", "Cancerous Foreskin", "Dead Fag Quilt", and so on. (At the risk of being PC, I want to be perfectly clear that I am completely laughing at, not with, this stuff) "Sniper At The Fag Parade" is the most jawdroppingly, subhumanly retarded/brilliant thing I've ever heard. It's literally like what your 12-year old, white trash neighbor with fetal alcohol syndrome and severe head trauma would come up with if you gave him a microphone and a 4-track. Basically, I love the Meatshits because they represent the absolute bottom of the barrel of the human race! Listening to them makes me feel like I should be wearing a helmet when I leave the house.

There are lots of other great things about the Meatshits, like how every record has a song or two where he raps over a drum machine and corny Casio-style keyboards, but I've already gone on for too long. I could literally write volumes about how much I love the Meatshits, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Here is a link to download almost all their 7"s.


Cock And Ball Torture
I am going to go out on a limb here and say that CBT have probably listened to Gut once or twice, because they sound almost exactly the same. That's definitely not a bad thing, though, and the world could certainly use more Gut tribute bands. The only real difference is that CBT aren't quite as funny/clever, and I think they use a pitchshifter, which I am kind of philosophically opposed to. But they have massive, moshtastic riffs and the super thick production on their records really puts them over the top. If you like Gut, definitely check out CBT! The video above is pretty good, I especially like the part with the Pope singing.



Gut
Man, I never get tired of YouTube videos that put grindcore songs over silly, mismatched footage! For example the part in this video with Hulk Hogan playing guitar at :24, solid gold. In any case, Gut are perhaps the originators of pornogrind as we know it today. The Meatshits were first, but they more or less just played noisecore with porn lyrics and samples. Gut were the first band that I know of to play the slow, groove-oriented style that defines the genre these days. I think they also pioneered the concept of writing odes to various adult actresses. I totally appreciate this idea, but I feel like their taste in porn chicks is a bit dated, perhaps betraying their age. For example, writing songs about Jenna Haze and Aurora Snow in 2006? Come on dudes, get with the times and write some jams about Eva Angelina, Cody Lane, or Audrey Bitoni. Shit, I'll even settle for Next Door Nikki. What would be some truly next level shit (to borrow their phrase) would be a collabo with Johnny from In The VIP!

Which brings me to the other thing that sets them apart: they have a strong wiggerish element. Needless to say, I love this. For example, the list of influences from their MySpace:

Impetigo, Kool Keith aka Dr. Doom aka Dr. Octagon, Cryptic Slaughter, Repulsion, Notorious B.I.G., G.G. Allin, Lord Of Putrefaction, Macabre, Ol´ Dirty Bastard, Detroit Grand Phubas, old Xysma, Ulcerous Phlegm, very old Demilich, Blowfly, Mike Jones, Gorilla Biscuits, Mehr Kohle Atzen, Interment, S.O.D., Blasphemy, Malediction, Necro, Skateboy P., Righteous Pigs, old KKS, old D.R.I., old Pungent Stench, old Celtic Frost, N.W.A., Gucci Crew II, Autopsy, Bobby Digital, Unseen Terror, old Carcass, Bun B...

On their newer records, they have some songs that are as much rap as they are metal (like "Gigolo Warfare"). It sounds like a terrible idea but I honestly think it's their best stuff! Other good rap songs include "How Low," "Three Handsome Guys" and "Next Level Shit." It's definitely an unlikely combination, but wigger-porno-rap-grind might be my favorite new genre of music. That said, I love wiggerish influences as much as anyone, but I have to draw the line at Bun B, Silkk The Shocker, and Ludacris! Yuck.

Anyhow, make sure you hop on their Myspace and check out their stuff, especially "Gigolo Warfare." If I had to pick a favorite pornogrind band, it would definitely be Gut. If I'm ever in Germany I want to hang out with these guys, they seem like a fun, chatty bunch! But what do I know, I'm listening to New Found Glory as I type this.

DEAD live at Obscene Extreme Festival 2005

Dead
Aside from having a very difficult-to-Google name, Dead is yet another German pornogrind band that's very much in the vein of Gut. Like CBT, they play extremely thick, groovy moshgrind with pit riffment to spare! They have particularly catchy songs, though, so if you like this style, you definitely won't go wrong with Dead.

Dead on Myspace

What is the wackest subgenre of metal?

If you listen to Dream Theater, you are this guy.

Prog
Let's start with an easy target. Why is it that technically skilled musicians choose to play such awful music? (I'm looking at you, Dave Weckl) Look, I like Cynic, Atheist and Watchtower as much as the next guy, but I have to call it like I see it. Metal is full of socially awkward weirdos that exist in their own, bizarre world and have no idea how to interact with human beings, but prog fans are misfits even among this motley crew of losers. It is very impressive that you can play Mekong Delta's entire catalog on your Chapman Stick, but it would be even more impressive if you had the courage to throw yourself on a sword and salvage what little is left of your dignity.

Coming soon to Hydra Head

Stoner Rock
There are two kinds of people who listen to stoner rock: Beardos and old guys with jean vests. Both suck. It is the heavy metal equivalent of rockabilly or ska: a kitschy costume party that couldn't possibly be more contrived and phony. To the beardos, I say that your ironic bandana is about as cool as a pompadore and those dumb rolled-up jeans, and you're certainly not fooling anyone. For the old dudes, I simply ask that you please shut up. Who will help me drive a stake through the black heart of this wretched genre?

This man is the brains behind Explosive Dickhole

One-man MySpace drum machine grindcore
Noisecore is one thing, but one-man MySpace drum machine grindcore (OMMSDMGC) is another. Much as computers ruined graphic design by unleashing desktop publishing on the world, technology also destroyed music by making music-creation tools so cheap that any asshole with fetal alcohol syndrome and a Putrid Pile shirt can and does make a OMMSDMGC project. You know that a band is absolutely fucking terrible if they make you long for the rigorous quality control practices of 7 Minutes of Nausea or the Meatshits.

Wigger slam
Obviously this is not the answer. I only put it in here to see if you were paying attention!

Pantera cover band or brutal death metal? You be the judge.

Brutal death metal
Let's be honest, this shit fucking sucks! If I ever hear another tremolo riff again, it will be too soon, to say nothing of the endless, repetitive blast beats that fill the Unique Leader catalog. Seriously, could there be anything more dull than Deeds of Flesh, Hate Eternal or Vital Remains? Now that I think about it, Vital Remains might be the most boring band in the history of music. And I would rather chop off my asshole with a machete than listen to Krisiun for even a single second. Someone, please invent a device that will incinerate the legions of BDM douchelords with shaved heads, goatees, and Immolation shirts.

What's your take?
I covered a few obvious targets but I am sure there are many that I missed. What is your take? What is the wackest subgenre of metal in your book?