Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Wigger slam roundup, summer edition

Special request for wigger slam fans!
First, a special request to all Last.fm users: please start tagging your favorite jams as "wigger slam." I've gotten a start, but I need some help to get more artists in the mix! In any case, it's summer, and that means it's time to relax on the porch, read
your favorite magazine, and catch up on the newest wigger slam metal. Without further delay, here are some tips:

Short Bus Pile Up
SBPU is a delightfully retarded wigger slam band from Virginia. If you, like me, like your slam metal like your women (thick and simple), you will enjoy this band. While I can't think of too many things more annoying than the dumb Municipal Waste "thrash" kids who wear hats with the bill flipped up, I am compelled to make an exception in this case:


Anyway, everything else you need to know about this band is summed up by the track listing on their debut album:
1. INTRO
2. DIY CIRCUMCISION <-- I like this title a lot - Sargeant D
3. PREPUBESCENT DEFLOWERMENT
4. SWIFT ANAL FIST
5. ONE NIGHT KEG STAND
6. APPEASING THE BUTCHER
7. LABIA BEAUTIFICATION
8. COLOSTOMY HAND BAG


Infernal Revulsion
This band is pretty well known about Japanese wigger slam afficionados, so please do not comment and tell me you already knew about them. If you did, pat yourself on the back. Anyhow, they play exceedingly slammy wigger slam, with plenty of slamming pit riffment. The one thing they add to the formula that's just a bit different is solos, and it's actually a nice touch. If you're looking to get into wigger slam, but come from a dinosaur metal background (for example, maybe you still listen to Deicide), this might not be a bad place to start. They're just a bit more accessible than most, but as you can see from the image above, their wigger credentials are above reproach.


Blunt Force Trauma
This is another Japanese wigger slam band. They're solid, but don't really do anything to stand out from the rest of the pack. Mostly I just wanted to put out that a) they named themselves after a Dying Fetus song (lololololololz) and b) they look like even bigger pussies than Lucho Metales and me. I'd like to know these guys better, because Dying Fetus is like the Screeching Weasel of slam metal. You're supposed to stop listening to them after you graduate from high school, they're more of a starter band than something you stick with. I have to give DF credit for inventing wigger slam and having amazingly retarded lyrics that make Waking The Cadaver look smart, but the fact is that they're excruciatingly boring and I can't stand listening to them for more than 2 minutes or so.



Misericordiam
This group of bright young men hail from the suburbs of Nevada, and they include the multi-talented Da Vinci of wigger slam: Big Chocolate. I have to be honest, there are slight touches of deathcore here, but I promise that they are minimal and don't get in the way of the mega-slams. In fact, this band should come with a certificate of pit riffment (note: not all slam riffs go up in value). In case you missed it the first time I posted it, watch the video above for a taste of this kid's skills. If that song doesn't make you put on camo shorts and a Katalepsy shirt while you mosh around your room, you are dead to me.

38 comments:

  1. me and you Sargeant D, we're going to have a relationship right now. Every time you post about wigger slam, I will listen to the bands you link to and do minireviews of whatever song is playing when I load their myspaces. I do this out of love.

    Short Bus Pile Up - Swift Anal Fist: What, a porn sample?! I am offended. Short Bus Pile Up are ofended by lazies though. They are clearly very industrious. The music sounds like a field recording of a crew setting up the foundations of an industrial site only in fast forward. Until the breakdown that is. Then it sounds like nothing. Dude wheezing through this makes me thing of http://blog.wired.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/06/29/picture_16.jpg inflation fetish. I imagine him all pumped up and then his industrious bandmates squeeze him so he can 'sing' his 'song'.

    Infernal Revulsion (bad link btw) - Seventh Curse: oh wow a sample in the beginning of a song! The beginning doom riff is nice. The singer sounds more burly than the dude in Short Bus Pile Up but still inflated. It's hilarious to hear this dude making nonsense noises while the backing band is rumbling rumbling rumbling along and throwing pick squeals at random moments. How is this a signifier of toughness in any way? Fat people aren't scary. Balloon fetishism isn't scary. Pick squeals are definitely not scary, especially in that context, they remind me of the sound it makes when you rub a balloon. I think I am on to something here.

    Blunt Force Trauma (bad link here too, come on, how difficult can it be to not put the blogger url in there?) - Inconsistency Politics.

    What I love about this song is how many times the the dude goes "oiiiiiink" in it.I guess "I want to be a fat pig, inflate me right up, squeeze my belly" is what most of this music tells me. However a big-ass pig is a bit intimidating if you think about it at least. I heard this story that if you're given to zoophilia you shouldn't have sexual intercourse with a female pig with your back towards a barn wall or something because the pig gets excited and crushes you to death against the wall. Why aren't these concepts explored thoroughly by these slam bands and they instead insist of pretending to be all about mistreating women? We all know it's not about women at all. It's about being inflated the fuck up and then having all the pleasure squeezed right out of you by your bandmates and/or drum machine.

    Misericordiam - Cum Sucking Whore:

    Drum machine snare above everything! You don't need riffs in slam metal, you need suggestions that there might be a riff somewhere in there. Also, this is metalcore, and it sucks on various other levels than the usual slam. It has MELODY and HARMONY GUITARS like, what the hell. More importantly this doesn't evoke the image of an inflated person at all and therefore isn't real slam metal. Tune the snare up on your drum machine and dream more about being poked in the belly, posers.

    But there was some comedy in hearing big chocolate go "I shouldnt've fucked you so hard" at least. I am presuming he's talking to the 'cum sucking whore'. People who pay for the services of prostitutes do so predominantly because of their own performance anxiety. Apparently a good way to alleviate that issue is to have metaphorically performed your part of the act when you have paid. So it makes no sense psychologically to fuck a prostitute too hard that is unless one still feels performance anxiety even after having paid which is a typical thought process of a virgin. "Fucking the shit out of a prostitute". It amuses me to no end that people write wigger slam odes to the exploration of a female anatomy they've only witnessed on other wigger slam record covers.

    I still hope there is hope for Big Chocolate to stop being false, leave the women fantasies behind and get to the inflation fetish slams.

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  2. It's amazing how much thought short bus pile up put into making four short words into an illegible logo. I can't wait until they show off even more design talent be shortening their name to SBPU.

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  3. "wiggerish arm movements" I am dying over here!

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  4. the links seemed to work for me, at least the ones i tried. maybe the internet broke in Greece as you were trying the links.

    anyway...i forget if the racial difficulties that are brought on by this musical sub-culture have been discussed. i'm speaking about asians, in asian countries, doing wigger-like things.

    what a fantastic musical style, a place where metal, hip hop culture, sexism, wigger arm movements, cypress hill fans and prOn can all live together.

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  5. Yes, yes, blame it on Greekternets (links work now)!

    As far as I can tell Asia has been enthralled by hip hop culture for a lot of years (well a 'lot' in terms of their rapid trendsetting being about, 5?) and you know the Japanese: they take what they think is cool from the west and they do it 10x more over the top and expunge any trace of irony from it. So from generic alpha male gangsta hip-hop to slam... I am sure there exist Japanese slam bands (actual ones that sound like inflatable people not fake 'brutal plus melodic solo' ones) fronted by petite little girls on vocals. And if you ask them about their favorite bands they'll be all Pyrexia Devourment Suffocation FOR LIFE, THIS ISN'T A GAME, THIS IS PIT SLAMMING GUTTURALITY 'TILL DETH.

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  6. wait, so who are the wigger slam bands that have rap type lyrics. this intrigues me

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  7. Dear M.I. staff--Your page keeps getting more hysterical with every new entry. However, I find myself conflicted about wigger slam. I love pitt riffment but I hate wiggers! I mean, who doesnt? If there's one thing I learned from M.I. (specifically, "When Wigger Slam Goes too Far"), it is that most of it is garbage--especially the ones with semen-encrusted myspace haircuts wearing wife-beater tshirts.
    Note: I think it's high time you tackle the plague of "one-guy-and-a-drum-machine" projects.

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  8. I think it's high time you tackle the plague of "one-guy-and-a-drum-machine" projects

    hm, good call! i might just do this for next week... god knows there are more than enough to make a post about them.

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  9. You should do a post on the band MINCH from the early 90's. Now THAT was some wacko shit for the time!

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  10. Wiggerish Arm Movements would be a KILLER band name.

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  11. i remember minch... i was friends with Jim Konya, who was in that band (as well as nunslaughter, apartment 213, etc). great band, along with sockeye.

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  12. The king of the whiggers works at Burger King, dawgs. http://www.break.com/index/burger-king-employee-takes-bath-in-sink.html
    Check it and eat a whopper while doing so!

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  13. i too am confounded by this whole genre. why dress as a wigger and then make noises like some dr. moreau's pig-cricket about committing untoward deeds against women (being too young, ugly and retarded to get any)? just doesn't make sense. shouldn't they be squealing about phat rides, fine bitches and bling-bling, even if they ever saw any of it in .mpg only? at least that might be amusing. this is just... dumb. and confusing.

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  14. isn't the name of the band mYnch ? They had that split with no one, the b side had no grooves.

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  15. why dress as a wigger and then make noises like some dr. moreau's pig-cricket about committing untoward deeds against women

    why NOT?!

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  16. you know, that's not misericordiam in the video. They're not wigger slam, they play deathcore/grindcore with some slam riffs.

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  17. why NOT?!

    "because it's stupid" isn't a good enough reason to not do something when it comes to HM so I won't go with that. I'll go with the mentioned "because it's confusing and doesn't appear to make any sense" instead!

    When some slam band puts out a concept album based around the inflation fetish, it will finally make sense. I am waiting.

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  18. STOP CALLING THIS GENRE OF MUSIC WIGGER SLAM! In no way shape or form would I want a derogatory term used to describe my band...especially since I don't even dress like a "wigger" and our music has no hip hop/rap influences. We hate all the awful crap out of New Jersey. They've been ruining music for decades. What has NJ done for music? Bon Jovi? YUCK! LAST.FM USERS! DON'T TAG BANDS AS WIGGER SLAM! KILL THIS "GENRE" IMMEDIATELY! Not to mention...how can you call a band from Japan wigger slam? They're JAPANESE! Shouldn't you be calling that gook slam or something?

    And who stuck the stick up helm's ass? Look just cuz we don't have any influences from DEATH doesn't mean you have to pick apart a type of metal. Don't like it? Voice your elitist opinion on your dry-erase board and go play a game of chess with your grandfather.

    -Tyler
    Short Bus Pile Up

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  19. Anyone else get the feeling 'Short Bus Pile Up' is going to get tagged 'Shitmusicfrromblogcommentatorswhogoogletheirbandname'.

    Wigger Slam seems both more complimentary and descriptive than just calling something shit.

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  20. short bus pile up do you ever feel the urge to inflate your belly with a solvent solution?

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  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  22. Helm whats with your infatuation with the word inflate? Seriously you are quite possibly one of the most obnoxious people I've ever seen posting on a blog...not necessarily for what you say but how many times you say it. Do you really have nothing better to do?

    And Chris, I didn't google anything. I was told by someone we were on this retarded blogspot. Unlike Helm, I don't have the time to sit around and google pointless things like obscure foods and cosplay images. Not to mention, by the looks of things you seem to like shitty punk...which means you don't have a say in anything posted here. Go back to 86 you mod poser.

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  23. i am troubled and disappointed by short bus pile up's reaction. i will not go to the trouble of promoting their band again. what a slap in the face! as perhaps the globe's biggest evangelist of wigger slam, i feel disrespected. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE COOL!!!

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  24. We appreciate the love...but quite frankly we find it disrespectful to be making something we work hard to achieve, a joke (for lack of a better word). Wigger slam is what we call crappy versions of what we do. Why throw the word wigger into a genre at all? Why not just calling it Slam Death Metal...or Brutal Death Metal as it has been labeled as of late. Wigger slam is just derogatory and we don't find it complimentary in any sense. My point here is that we want our fans to grasp our music as something different and fun...not looking at it from an elitist scene snatching perspective. The internet has ruined music. No one goes to shows anymore...the only people who make it out to see us are old guys who love good metal and they have a great fuckin time. Thats what we want. We want kids enjoying the groove as much as the old geezers who grew up an our influences.

    We want everyone to stop putting labels on everything thinking its cool. We play Brutal fucking Death Metal.

    We don't hate you Serg, but we do wish you wouldn't refer to us as confused caucasians.

    PS. Helm still blows hard.

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  25. The internet has ruined music but it has also gotten me into stuff I would never have heard of before. I love seeing live metal - that is the only way to hear it properly.

    BTW NJ has/had quality music (metal or otherwise) - Evoken, Sapremia, Inspecter 7, One For One, Overkill, E-Town Concrete... just to name a few. Bon Jovi blows we all know that here.

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  26. actually, i love bon jovi. other fine NJ bands: fury of v, kalopsia, ripping corpse, dim mak, saves the day (only the 1st two records though).

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  27. i like how kids with songs such as "my undertongue is raw due to cunnilingus" like to think themselves hardworking and serious (granted, eating pussy ain't a walk in the park).

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  28. I dunno if this "chris" is the same as the "Chris" as before...but in any case, it seems Chris's are pretty good and being wrong.

    That song is not ours. Same name, different band. Apparently eating pussy is just as difficult as researching something to make fun of. Congrats on the fail.

    I would also like to say that while I read this blog Sergeant D does have good thoughts and ideas, they are slightly skewed. I think you like good music and to be honest I think we have a lot in common. However I just don't think that the term Wigger Slam is best fit for this type of music. We all would really appreciate if you just called it Slam Death or Brutal Death. They fit the description much better. The majority of people in these types of bands aren't wiggers nor do they dress like them. Its mostly just the select few bands from NY and NJ...and of course the guys over in Japan mainly because they do in fact like western rap/hip hop. The point is, the way you dress should not determine what you play. Keep doing what you're doing...just be more selective with your words.

    -Tyler
    Short Bus Pile Up

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  29. I joke about the inflation thing because that's what this sort of music sounds like to me, don't get bent over nothing.

    You might be missing the point of Metal Inquisition slightly. I know the OMG DOES SERGEANT D LIKE SLAM OR NOT?! thing is a bit confusing, but I thought the whole of the internet was used to being facetious these days. You can both love and hate something for the exact same reasons.

    Hear me out on this one, though: don't go picking fights with every person that makes fun or doesn't like your music. Channel that energy in actually making it, I'm sure it has an audience. Insecurity doesn't become musicians. If you think I'm the most obnoxious the internet gets though, you'd be surprised when you run into somebody whose derogatory remarks towards your band or chosen style of music are underlined by actual pathological malice. The internet is full of them, I ain't one of them, this is all in good fun.

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  30. Helm, when you come to a place where someone is praising something or someone, and you give negative feedback on what is being said, then you're starting a fight. You had nothing positive to say about this blog. Sergeant D likes slam. He clearly says so in other posts. The problem is the way he's viewing it. I only mock you because its easy. You bring it on yourself when you come in here acting like a pompous self righteous asshole putting down music. Did you really think everyone was gonna ignore you or agree?

    Here's the lowdown. Old school death metal enthusiasts hate slam. The kids that are bored of the sound are running with new ideas, some failing more than others. But in all honesty we're all trying to change the way people think about metal. Deathcore went the wrong direction with metal. It embraces the "scene kid" mentality. We slam kids want to bring back the death metal mentality one step at a time. We encourage headbanging and push/circle pits instead of gay hardcore dancing. Do you know how hard it is to "throwdown" to a slam? It makes the scene kids feel stupid. I dunno about other places but we're starting a small revolution in our town by bringing back true(er) metal to a damned heartless scene. I don't want this to become another internet phenomenon or deathcore repeat. This isn't a fad...its something worth while. If you don't like it good for you, but don't try to be high and mighty by putting it down.

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  31. Wigger slam is serious business!

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  32. No I am not starting a fight on the internet. Neither are you anymore. What you're trying to do is make a friend on the internet. You want to be understood and your band/assorted movement respected by outsiders. Problem is I don't give a shit about slam metal and if you think it's truer than metalcore, I come from a different background than yours, these things don't matter to me. The only entertainment value to be had in slam is from Metal Inquisition talking about it as far as I'm concerned.

    I went out of my way to explain to you that it's not personal, I am not apologizing. I sincerely don't give a shit if the slam thing dies out tomorrow, it has no redeeming values.

    Don't worry though, there are others that will like it and you should go cater to them.

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  33. Dude, I'm not trying to make you like slam or see it from new eyes. I'm just saying, since you don't like it...fuck off. Simple as that.

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  34. If you cannot see the humor in making white boy tough guy prostitute disfigurement death metal then fuck off right back at you, man.

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  35. Nuclear AbominationsAugust 24, 2008 at 3:31 PM

    "they're more of a starter band than something you stick with" aha! Great line, that's what I always thought about Iron Maiden.

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  36. Whoever this guy is from the Shortbus wigger slam band needs to go get fucked. You are a scene fag, and you aren't making any fans here.

    "Gutterally Brutal Slam Wigger Fag Metal Trend."

    Helm, my only complaint is that you have been too nice to these retards.

    Shortbus from now on don't bother posting comments on blogs that are already making fun of you. It just looks sad and pathetic.

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  37. I agree, Ramseez, because it's so blatantly obvious that guys who like slam/brutal death metal and scene kids are EXACTLY the same thing, how could I have been so blind all this time, OH, that means that jfac ARE grindcore, and We Came With Broken Teeth DON'T suck at all! Hooray, all these truths are just pouring in.

    Im in a slam band, I am not a wigger, and I am not a scene kid, just because I like slam doesn't mean that I swing my arms about like a wifebeater to some shitty faggotcore breakdown.

    You're an idiot.

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