First, a special request to all Last.fm users: please start tagging your favorite jams as "wigger slam." I've gotten a start, but I need some help to get more artists in the mix! In any case, it's summer, and that means it's time to relax on the porch, read your favorite magazine, and catch up on the newest wigger slam metal. Without further delay, here are some tips:
Short Bus Pile Up
SBPU is a delightfully retarded wigger slam band from Virginia. If you, like me, like your slam metal like your women (thick and simple), you will enjoy this band. While I can't think of too many things more annoying than the dumb Municipal Waste "thrash" kids who wear hats with the bill flipped up, I am compelled to make an exception in this case:
Anyway, everything else you need to know about this band is summed up by the track listing on their debut album:
2. DIY CIRCUMCISION <-- I like this title a lot - Sargeant D
3. PREPUBESCENT DEFLOWERMENT
4. SWIFT ANAL FIST
5. ONE NIGHT KEG STAND
6. APPEASING THE BUTCHER
7. LABIA BEAUTIFICATION
8. COLOSTOMY HAND BAG
This band is pretty well known about Japanese wigger slam afficionados, so please do not comment and tell me you already knew about them. If you did, pat yourself on the back. Anyhow, they play exceedingly slammy wigger slam, with plenty of slamming pit riffment. The one thing they add to the formula that's just a bit different is solos, and it's actually a nice touch. If you're looking to get into wigger slam, but come from a dinosaur metal background (for example, maybe you still listen to Deicide), this might not be a bad place to start. They're just a bit more accessible than most, but as you can see from the image above, their wigger credentials are above reproach.
Blunt Force Trauma
This is another Japanese wigger slam band. They're solid, but don't really do anything to stand out from the rest of the pack. Mostly I just wanted to put out that a) they named themselves after a Dying Fetus song (lololololololz) and b) they look like even bigger pussies than Lucho Metales and me. I'd like to know these guys better, because Dying Fetus is like the Screeching Weasel of slam metal. You're supposed to stop listening to them after you graduate from high school, they're more of a starter band than something you stick with. I have to give DF credit for inventing wigger slam and having amazingly retarded lyrics that make Waking The Cadaver look smart, but the fact is that they're excruciatingly boring and I can't stand listening to them for more than 2 minutes or so.
This group of bright young men hail from the suburbs of Nevada, and they include the multi-talented Da Vinci of wigger slam: Big Chocolate. I have to be honest, there are slight touches of deathcore here, but I promise that they are minimal and don't get in the way of the mega-slams. In fact, this band should come with a certificate of pit riffment (note: not all slam riffs go up in value). In case you missed it the first time I posted it, watch the video above for a taste of this kid's skills. If that song doesn't make you put on camo shorts and a Katalepsy shirt while you mosh around your room, you are dead to me.