Repulsion/Pig Destroyer/Brutal Truth, 07.31.2009. Thoughts and Observations

Last Friday I picked my sad sack of old bones off the couch and rode the train into Brooklyn to catch Repulsion, Pig Destroyer, and Brutal Truth at the Brooklyn Masonic Temple.

The hottest new heavy metal venue!

You're probably thinking what I was thinking when I first heard about this show--Brooklyn Masonic Temple? I'm not Jewish and I know very little about the religion, but a temple is just about the last place I'd expect to see Repulsion, Pig Destroyer, and Brutal Truth performing. It's a huge, old stone building and the bands played in what looked like a school gymnasium. It's actually a pretty cool place, except for the fact that there's no air conditioning and once the bands started playing you could cut the BO with a knife. It was especially great when everyone would go outside between bands and loiter on the sidewalk and the locals would walk past and gawk at the mutant showgoers. For those of you that don't know the Brooklyn Masonic Temple is located in beautiful Fort Greene--a trendy, prohibitively-expensive brownstone neighborhood filled with the kind of annoying, wealthy thirtysomethings that make me green with envy.

I should mention that Mr. Albert Mudrian, Editor-in-Chief of Decibel Magazine, was kind enough to put me on the guest list so my cheap ass didn't have to pay to get in. He was also nice enough to put SkullKrusher on the list, but he decided to bail at the last minute to go out on a date with some chick he met on eHarmony. The sad, pathetic old loser claims he got laid, but I know better. My guess is that his date went something like this.

The show was sponsored by Decibel who were giving out magazines like Auntie Anne's gives out pretzels at the mall. I also received a drink ticket upon entering that entitled me to one free Ardbeg cocktail. Being the alcoholic that I am I had to indulge. Half-assedly mixing fancy, smoky scotch with ginger beer, however, was not a good idea. Instant headache.

Real life radiation sickness.

I have no idea why, but Repulsion played first. They weren't nearly as haggard as I expected for guys in their mid 40s that grew up in Flint, Michigan. Turns out only two of the guys were original members and the other two scabs were from Exhumed. Worst of all--NO DAVE GRAVE!!?? (WTF!?) They ran through most if not all of Horrified and did a Venom cover, but honestly the sound was so shitty I could barely make out what they were playing. All you could hear was the guitar and some tap-tap-tapping of drums in the background. The vocals were almost completely inaudible (at least from where I was standing). Why is it so hard for metal bands to not sound like complete shit live? When will people learn that triggering completely ruins the sound of drums? To top it all off I saw some of the worst stage diving I have EVER seen during Repulsion's set. Some mongoloid got so excited he even hit Scott Carlson in the face with his microphone. For an idea as to how awesome Repulsion was live back in the day watch this.

Pig Destroyer's DJ hard at work.

Next up was Pig Destroyer. I was a big PD fan in high school and college, but I haven't listened to or paid them any attention in years. They still sound exactly the same as I remember--fast modern grindcore with chugging thrashy riffs--but they now have a DJ who plays samples, twiddles knobs, drinks beer, fistbangs, throws water at the crowd, tells people to mosh, and who at one point pulled out what looked like a belt sander and proceeded to re-enact my favorite Razor album cover. If this guy's actually getting paid he might just have the best job in the world. I like how Scott Hull wears Under Armour wristbands when he plays. Kevin Sharp stood next to me the whole time and he still wears that stupid cowboy hat, has a huge beer gut, and was wearing mandals.

A couple of sad old men.

I stuck around for most of Brutal Truth's set, which is a lot longer than I should have. I was really into Need to Control when I was in high school, but if you put a gun to my head now and demanded that I recite the lyrics to a single Brutal Truth song the walls would be painted with the contents of my skull. The singer/guitarist from Lethargy (now there's a band that actually should reunite) is playing guitar for them now, which I didn't know. I wonder how jealous he is that Bill and Brann went on to fame and fortune with Mastodong while he's stuck playing with a washed up, reunited band no one cares about? The only good thing about Brutal Truth is Rich Hoak. He's a terrible drummer--my 80 year old grandmother could play a faster blastbeat, but he makes the most hilarious drumming faces. I also managed to take a picture with Dan Lilker and he is easily a foot taller than me and very hairy. He was, however, too embarassed to show his baby teeth. Note his patented pose, which he ALWAYS uses. See proof here.

A short sweaty Italian and a tall sweaty Jew.

There were so many gross, sweaty, fat shirtless dudes at this show I wanted to puke. There were, however, a surprising number of attractive females who looked completely out of place. I made the mistake of not weaing earplugs because I hate them and because the show didn't seem that loud, but of course my ears were ringing for days afterwards. I am officially an old man. I even spotted a couple of nerds walking around with copies of Infinite Jest in their hands. Who the fuck reads at a metal show?

The next day I went to work and afterwards went to a beer garden and drank for eight hours straight. I proceeded to lose my wallet (which was kindly returned to me by a lady sitting behind me) and both of my credit cards (did not find them). What a fucking weekend.

Vomit Grinder: A master and his craft

Someone call the authorities! That poor child is not only being forced to wear track pants at an early age, she's also being subjected to seventh-rate pornogrind created by a man who wears pants so large they would have been mocked at a rave in 1995.

Man, you blink for only 20 years or so, and the entire pornogrind scene changes drastically. Back in my day, Traci Lords Loves Noise and early Meat Shits defined the sound of a musical movement that seemed unstoppable. Young upstarts, like Illinois' own Vaginal Dissection were making significant contributions through their endless flow of cassette releases.

Today, things have changed, and one primary outlet for this musical style is the medium known as the YouTube. All I have to say is, thank god for the YouTube. Today thanks to technology and the internet, we are brought inside the inner circle of pornogrind masters like Vomit Grinder, artists of the highest order who previously performed their craft in relative obscurity. No more. How many of us have said "Oh to have been a fly on the wall when Mozart wrote his Clarinet Concerto", I know I certainly have. Such longing is no longer warranted. Simply watch the videos below, and enjoy a rare insider's look at an artist and his craft.

Please note the tasteful decor which surrounds this musical genius as he works on his musical masterpieces. It appears as though he went to the Funeral Home Decoration Depot and simply said "I'll take it all". While the decor may not be groundbreaking to other trailer owners, the rest of us are left in an emotional state upon seeing such beauty. Like a fat American tourist who sees Versailles for the first time, it becomes clear that while such opulence is common for those who live in it, the rest of us are simply looking from the outside in.

Enjoy his oversized pants, his huge amp, and please note his creative solution for not having a mic stand. Oh, and one last thing, look closely in the second video, as you will surely see the muses that inspire this creative genius.

5 Albums That Changed My (musical) Life

Computer-rendered depiction of the quiet moment when I decided to come up with this list.

My life in the world of metal has been a long one, at least it feels that way to me. Looking back on my years involved in metal, it's sometimes all a blur. I've attended lots of shows, concerts, and fests as an audience member. I booked bands, and helped my brother run his tape distro. Yes, there was a time when bands put out tapes. I saw Entombed at a strip club during their first US tour. I was part of the Wild Rags Records street team, and I was a pen pal of sorts with members from Hellwitch, Impetigo and other not-so-seminal bands. My brother and I did a radio show for many years, and played 7 minute Carcass songs so we could go to the bathroom which was roughly a mile away from the studio where we did the show from, and still get back in time to give out the call letters by the end of the hour. I played in bands, and got my double bass 36th notes to sound damn good and even. I've collected records, I've collected cassettes, and VHS tapes. I've driven long distances to see bands, and I've even waited to outside a tour bus to have an Obituary drumstick autographed. Okay, that last one still makes me cringe, but it was 1992 for god's sake! Anyway, because it's all a blur, I sometimes like to set some quiet time aside to think about it all. Just me, an Enya CD, a cup of tea, and nature. It's during these quiet moments (see image above) that I most effectively manage to reflect upon my life in the world of metal. Below is the product of my last quiet moment of reflection, a list of albums that changed my life. I've tried to be as truthful as possible in compiling this list, and as such the albums may not be as impressive or obscure as some I could have come up with. But this is the truth, here for all to read. These were albums that I encountered by chance at some point in my life. In one way or another, these recordings changed my view of music at that moment, and more often than not, sent me in a significantly different musical direction thereafter. School's in bitches. Let us begin.

1982

Kiss-Unmasked

I was a little kid when my brother and I received this album as a gift from our uncle. While many would argue that getting Unmasked as a gift is just as bad as getting smallpox infected blankets for your birthday, I have to tell you that I love this piece of garbage album to this day. In a way, I love almost anything that Kiss has done actually, best exemplified by Gene Hoglan's Balls and I singing "Hard Luck Woman" at a kareoke place just this weekend. But back to Unmasked. When I tell Kiss fans that this is my favorite Kiss album, they look at me exactly as you'd look at a retarded kid that just crapped his pants. A mix of disgust and sadness. What can I tell you, at such a young age, I had no idea that Kiss hadn't always been a disco-tinged pop disaster, but rather an awful talentless theater show. How was I to know? The album had enough songs with a harder edge to make it my favorite for many years, at least prior to my age jumping into the double digits. As a matter of fact, this was the only album that my brother and I listened to for most of our childhood. As a result of my youth, at one point I really did believe that Kiss may have actually been connected to satan, if only in a minor way. You see, my mom always told me to put my Kiss record away, (along with all my other toys) before going to bed. One day, I didn't listen to her and went to bed, leaving both the sleeve and the record sitting on the carpeted floor by my bed. In the middle of the night, I woke up to go to the bathroom, slipped on the record and hit the back of my head on the edge of my bed so hard that I nearly threw up from the pain. I remember getting a bump in the back of my head that was roughly the size of a hard boiled egg cut in half. After that day, I was always careful with the record, and kinda thought it really did have evil powers. As it turns out, the only evil power the record had, was making money for Gene and Paul for what basically amounted to third rate disco bass lines. I know, I was an idiot, but I was also like four. I loved the record, and while other kids in school were listening to silly kids music (perhaps one step up from "row, row, row your boat.."), I was listening to Kiss, and I felt like a bad-ass. This album basically set me up to continually keep looking for music that was harder, and more extreme than what the rest of the kids around me were listening to. Humble beginnings, I know, but in 1982, and this is all I had access to. About 8 years ago, my brother and I ended up at a taping of the David Letterman show. We sat right above Anton Figg, who was the session drummer for Unmasked. The whole time, I kept yelling at him to play "Torpedo Girl", which is my favorite song in the album. After the twentieth time, he kinda looked up, and shook his head. Yes, I had basically been told I was an asshole, but I had been told by the guy who laid down the groove on Torpedo Girl! So I was a happy man.




1988
Iron Maiden-Live After Death

Many years after Unmasked, my brother and I received dubbed copy of Live After Death from my sister's boyfriend. We were amazed by the whole tape. It was harder and faster than Kiss, and the cover (which we got a poster of) was way more evil! Eddie's shirt is all ripped, and the screw keeping his forehead shut was getting hit bit lighting! Holy shit! Sign me up! Soon after getting the tape, we watcged the home video version, and we were in love. I didn't speak any english then, but I could still be heard yelling out "scream for me long beach!" through the halls of my school. Can you believe that I still wonder why girls were repulsed by me? Maybe the bleached rat-tail, and the Brut Cologne didn't help, and I'm sure my wearing sweatpants constantly didn't make it any easier either. It's as though I was daring the oppostite sex to not throw up when looking at me. So, a couple of years after owning the tape, and playing it thousands of times, it became worn out. Another mishap with the TDK-60 dub of this album was that my sister's boyfriend had left the tabs in, so I mistakenly hit "record" twice while attempting to press "play" to listen to the tape. Because of this mishap, our beloved cassette had two blank spaces in crucial moments of songs. Actually, they weren't blank spaces, but spaces with ambient sound of my room back then, picked up by the small microphone in my Sony boombox. Having heard Maiden, the world of bands like Helloween, Metallica, Testament, and even Whiplash was open to my brother and me. I was like a fatty with an insasiable hunger for metal...and the pages of Metal Hammer magazine were my all-you-can-eat buffet. It was also around this time that we were introduced to some other very extreme bands, ones that bordered on grindcore, but they were small local bands that no one would know about...so I'll skip those. Moving on...






1989
Slayer-Reign In Blood, Venom-Black Metal

I count this one as one album, since it came to me as a single cassette. You see, one of our neighbors came to our house one day, asking if we'd buy one of his dubbed cassetes for five bucks or so. In retrospect, I think he wanted money to buy some wacky-tabbacky...but I'm not sure. He was older than my brother and me, and he was hella' metal. The tape he sold us was a 90 minute cassete with Reign In Blood on one side, and Black Metal on the other. While we liked Venom, it was Slayer that captured our imagination. Sadly, this was the first Slayer album I encountered. As I've stated before, South Of Heaven is my favorite...but life has a funny way of leading you down a path. Anyway, soon after hearing this tape, we got a dubbed copy of the Ultimate Revenge home video, and we were both hooked. Clearly, we didn't speak english then...otherwise we would have noticed just how insanely stupid Slayer comes off in that video. Luckily, we were clueless. Having heard Slayer, Metallica started to seem a little tame to us. We finally realized that Kiss was a disco band at one point. We were shocked. We still loved Maiden, but we knew that there were more extreme bands out there, and we had to find them. Destruction, Kreator, Cryptic Slaughter, Crumbsuckers and Bathory made sense to us after having owned this tape.



1989
Napalm Death-Peel Sessions

My friend's mom was going to England for work in 1989, and he asked my friend what he would like her to bring him back from England. Being a smart dude, he quickly called me and asked me for the names of the most extreme bands I could think of, so she could buy those tapes while in England. My brother and I compiled a list, but I don't think that Napalm Death was on it. We had heard of other early Earache bands through reviews in Metal Hammer, but I don't think we even knew about Napalm Death. I should mention that Metal Hammer back then was made up of endless articles about AC/DC, small features about Metallica, a cover story about Triumph or Uriah Heap, with small reviews of actual metal bands. To give you an idea of how behind the times we were in our beloved backwards country, the Metal Hammer issues we were buying at the supermarket for a good bit of money, were literally three years old! I'm not kidding! Imagine my shock when I found out that Cliff Burton had not only died, but they had already replaced him and were well on their way to sucking full-time! In any case, back to the story about my friend's mom.... she came back with the Peel Sessions tape from England. We heard it, and as you can expect, we were shocked. Now Slayer sounded like Bon Jovi and Def Lepard. It blew our mind, and I think it took some time for it all to sink in and make sense. Having heard this tape, the world of death metal, grindcore, punk, crossover and noise was open to us. Though some bands could be heavier, nothing seemed faster and more extreme than this recording for many years. I have to say, while many were bummed when Napalm Death released Harmony Corruption, I actually liked it...even if it sounded tame compared to Peel Sessions. It's still one of my favorite death metal albums of all time.






1991
Death-Human

Living in south-Florida during the formative years of American death metal was a great experience.Chuck Schuldiner lived in a storage space near our apartment, guys from Obituary were dating girls in my brother's high school, member of Cynic hadn't started to play in salsa bands in cruiseships...those were the days! It should come as no surprise then that I still feel that those early years of death metal were by far the greatest as far as musical output. Shortly after the Death album "Human" came out, I bought it and loved it instantly. Actually, I didn't buy it...I got this kid who I completely used for his money back then to buy it for me...but that's another story. Human was catchy and highly melodic, two qualities that were somewhat rare in other death metal bands back then. Yes, you could remember the general melodies to Deicide songs, but Death had taken it a step beyond. It reminded me of Iron Maiden, and that was a good thing. Perhaps that's why so many people grew to hate them. Another aspect of this album that blew me away was its complexity. In retrospect, the album is not THAT musically complex, but it opened my eyes to the possibilities. I know many people hate the fact that bands like Cynic or Atheist opened up Pandora's Box, and that inside that box was Fusion and Jazz...but I loved it. While Human was not as complex as some of Atheist's music or Cynic's, this album connected with me and showed me that complexity could be metal, prog could be metal...hell Jazz could be insanely enjoyable. Sadly, like many great moments in music, I believe that albums like Human, and most Swedish death metal are to blame for letting in a fair number of short haired beardos into metal. But what can you do? That's not Chuck's fault! Go blame the beardos! You gotta crack some eggs in order to make an omelet.




That's it. I guess since 1991 I've had no musical breakthrough moments in the realm of metal. That shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows or understands my taste in music. I've had plenty such moments outside of metal, but I guess in my eyes, little has been done that matters in any way since 1991 within metal. Yes, I've listened to some bands after then and liked them a good bit...but I have not heard anything after Human that sent me into a different branch of the metal tree, if you will. I'm sure some of you disagree, but this is my opinion. An opinion that sounds an awful lot like the old man who is still going on and on about how The Beatles were the last great band, or the Greatful Dead fan who refuses to acknowledge the mere existence any musical output after 1972. I guess I've joined their club...and to tell you the truth, that's just fine with me.

DISENGORGMENTIFICATION: The Metal Inquisition all-star band

Cover and lyrics (click for full size)

Back in 2003, Lucho Metales and I recorded a few dozen songs at Morrizound Studios. He played drums, I played guitar, and we both did vokills. All of the songs are first takes and written at the same time as we recorded them. Many of the riffs are stolen- the only one I remember is "Firestorm" by Earth Crisis, but I'm sure there are others in there too. In retrospect, some of the song titles and lyrics are still pretty funny, some of them are stupid and not funny.

More lyrics (click for full size)

When you hear the name "Disengorgmentification," your first reaction is to think that we are just a generic death metal band. But that is why we hate labels. Disengorgmentification incorporates a wide variety of influences, specifically Afro-cuban polyrythms, zydeco and fusion, to create a heady pastiche of sonic brutality that maims your eardums at Mach 9 (I stole that part from the sticker on the front of the Unseen Terror LP). Just as Mordred has their roots in thrash, but is much more than a simple thrash band, Disengorgementification is much more than a simple grindcore band.

WELCOME TO THE HELL

Unfortunately for us, it is 2008, and the market for noisecore isn't what it used to be. I am confident that had we released this in 1993, it would have been huge. And by huge, I mean that we would have been flooded with offers from cassette-only labels in Turkmenistan and Ecuador. If we played our cards right, perhaps we could have done a split with Agathocles, Psycho, or perhaps even appeared on a compilation with Paterini and Ulcerous Phlegm. In any case, there is no use in crying over spilled milk. All we can do is share the fruits of our labor with you and hope for the best.

For bonus points, see if you can identify where the samples come from. I am pretty certain we spent much more time finding those than we did actually "writing" or recording the songs.

Download the demo here (Rapidshare)
Click here to see a picture of a naked old lady in a witch costume (NSFW)

Grindcore bands: Why even bother with songs?

With bands like Praparation H, Mortician, Meatshits, or Gut, sometimes you have to listen to a full minute of porn or horror movie samples before you get to the actual song, which is only 1 second of noise. It was funny in 1991, but it got old a long time ago. So I was thinking, why not just do away with the songs altogether and just make a whole album of intros. With the exception of the old masters like 7MON, Nuclear Death, Ulcerous Phlgem, and so forth, grindcore is a wretched, shitty genre anyway, so I can't imagine anybody will complain that there isn't any "music."

That said, I think it is safe to say that the entire porn and horror genres have been stripped bare of samples (thanks to the bands on Razorback, Wild Rags, and zillions of third-world, cassette-only labels). Here are some thoughts on new genres to exploit:

Romantic comedy
I love anything with Ryan Reynolds or Hugh Grant in it! Especially Hugh Grant! I literally laughed so hard I was crying uncontrollably and my stomach was in pain during Bridget Jones 2. One great sample would be from Bridget Jones 1 where she tries to impress him by saying, "Isn't it terrible what they're doing in Chechnya?" and Hugh Grant says, "Oh Jones, I don't give a fuck!"


Historical fiction
These movies usually have lots of horses, crying, and sheer fabric in them. They're not really my cup of tea, but it would certainly be an interesting change of pace for the next Anal Blast album to feature samples from Atonement, King Arthur or Little Women. The one good thing is that these movies sometimes have super hot chicks in them like Keara Knightly and Winona Ryder (ask Lucho Metales about her). Sometimes the chicks will show their tits in them, too, and it's cool because it's art.

Movies with Jason Statham
Basically if Jason Statham is in a movie, you can guarantee it will be fucking awesome! Both Transporter movies, Crank, the Bank Job, the guy is a genius. He's tough but sensitive, funny but cool, and has a black belt in body karate! I definitely think him and I could be buds, and some of his lines would be perfect for a wigger slam record.


Taught political thrillers
Next to romantic comedies, this might be my favorite genre. Unlike punk rockers, metal bands are patriotic and know why America is great. So perhaps some clips from Shooter or The Bourne Identity would be a nice fit. Grindcore bands can be a little on lefty side, so this could be a stretch... but I just wanted to put it out there.

Documentaries
I would love to hear the Meatshits use some samples from Nova, or perhaps "A Brief History of Time." I mean a band like Oxiplegatz, Origin or Cynic would have no problem finding a place for some stuff about quantum physics. But what would really be great is to invade the Razorback vaults and replace all the samples on the Lord Gore or Dead records with samples from that stupid spelling bee movie or Infamy.

Goretorture: The world's first Schwartzeneggar-themed grindcore band

One of my favorite films of all time is the 1985 classic "Commando," starring Arnold Schwartzeneggar. Before we go any further, please watch this legendary scene so you will be prepared for the rest of our discussion.

Now you can see why I love this film so much. You will also understand why I was so excited to discover the Finnish band Goretorture, the world's first of what will almost certainly be a host of Arnold Schwartzeneggar-themed grindcore bands!


The formula is familiar, but the execution is flawless. Like Mortician or the Meatshits, every song starts out with a lengthy sample intro, then they start blasting. Only unlike awful bands like Mortician, who force you to listen to over a minute of some girl screaming from a crappy 1970s horror movie, Goretorture treats you to quotes from the entirety of Arnold's career as an actor and politician. Listening to is like combining the delicious tastes of chocolate and peanut butter: you get the best moments from films like T2, Kindergarten Cop, Predator, and of course Commando plus the sweet sounds of generic drum machine grindcore to lull you off to the land of nod. What could be better??

What I really like about Goretorture is that they don't half ass it. Whereas other bands would wimp out by using only tiny snippets of Arnold, Goretorture gives you the whole enchilada. For example, one of their songs begins with a clip of Schwartzeneggar's California Governorship acceptance speech that goes on for a good 5 minutes. I love it! One of my favorite comedic devices is when things drag on and on and on and on and on until the audience is begging for death (see Neil Hamburger), and it is obvious that Goretorture are big fans too.

Visit Goretorture on MySpace, and more information and songs are available here. Don't miss out!! Before you check it out, though, watch this other scene from the classic film Commando:

A SkullKrushing Vinyl Collection (part 3)

Welcome to part 3 of "A SkullKrushing Vinyl Collection," brought to you today by Megaforce Records. If you care, here's parts 1 and 2.

So, here's a few more records from my crates along with a few more stories from my... my... my... my... I don't know. Something that rhymes with "crates"



Alright! Laaz Rockit! What could be better than a cheesy California thrash band? Well, a cheesy California thrash band that misspells the words in it's name on purpose, of course! Well, this is a test pressing of the Rockit's second effort "No Stranger to Danger " that came out in '85. I scored this jewel for $3 at Jerry's, of course. Jerry's is to record stores what double-sided dildos are to the world of adult toys.
I think it's pretty cool to own a record like this, 'cuz when I tell ladies about it, all they wanna do is rip my Testament shirt off and lick my hairy chest. True story. OK, maybe not.



You can file these 3 records under the "You are the luckiest SOB I know" category. When we were in Amsterdam on tour in Europe with my band, we met a guy from a label who wanted to put out some shit of ours. The label had done cool releases before, so I was going to agree anyway, but I guess he felt I needed a little incentive. He offered me his entire Maiden collection. All 11 pieces. I took it all, of course. These 3 picture disc singles are just a sample. If you ever come to my house I might let you see the rest. But, you have to show me your boobies first.



We all know what a dbag Danzig is. The quintessential egomaniac with a Napoleon complex and a serious case small-dick-testosterone-surplus. I got this double 7" bootleg in Eastern Europe somewhere during the same European tour with my band. The sound is so bad, I can only barely recognize one song and it's Samhain, not even Danzig. Still, this is one of my favorite records in my collection. Why? It comes with a poster, dude!



I saw Excruciating Terror in Berkeley once. It was at a Fiesta Grande, so you know the audience was chuck-full-o-PC fags. All these pseudo politically involved bands had been playing and then ET went on. Someone started screaming at them about a song of theirs being racist or sexist or something. I don't know if you have ever seen these dudes, but I wouldn't wanna fuck with them, that's for sure. Anyway, the singer looked at this hippie in the audience and asked him: "Hey, what do you say to a girl with 2 black eyes? - Nothing, you already told her twice." The place went nuts with boos and ET exploded onto their brutal set. It was classic! I got this 7" from Wild Rags, where I'd gotten their demo a few years back. Man, Mexicans can really rock.



I really don't know what to say about these 2 records. Maybe I should say that it's fucking bizarre that nerds out there have offered me up to $300 for the AC / Meat Shits split. Maybe I should say that I'm often embarrassed to own these. Maybe I should say that I own more than a few Meat Shits cassettes. I really should kill myself and this world a better place. Especially for my family.



I'm finishing up with OZ for two reasons:
1. OZ is the awesomest thing to come out of Finland since Mika Hakkinen.
2. I'm working on another classic post on these rockers for next week.

Funny to think that Megaforce records lasted as long as they did putting out shit like this...

Retroview: Terrorizer - World Downfall

When I was 14 years old, I thought Lawnmower Deth was a fantastic band. I also liked this album a lot. But like "Satan's Trampoline," in retrospect, "World Downfall" is awful. I know it is heresy among the world of internet metal nerds to say that Terrorizer sucks, but it is the truth.

Grindcore is mostly a terrible genre full of boring, generic riffs and talentless morons that can't write songs. Therefore, it makes a lot of sense that grindcore "musicians" worship this album, because it is very, very boring and they are retards.

Some grindcore is tolerable because the songs are short, so if it sucks, it's OK because the song will be over in 30 seconds anyway. Not so with Terrorizer! They're happy to repeat the same couple riffs again and again, for nearly 4 minutes in some cases. The arrangements are so basic and dull that even Discharge would be ashamed of themselves if they were responsible for them. Likewise, Terrorizer's child-like lyrics make Discharge's simplistic, subhumanly-stupid chants sound like Shakespeare. "Why?" is like Finnegan's Wake compared to "Corporation Pull In."

And as far as production goes, I don't know who thought Scott Burns would be a good grindcore producer, but they were wrong. All you can hear is the fucking hi-hat going SSHSSHSSHSSH and Oscar Garcia's wretched barking.

But "World Downfall" is not without its merits. Aside from the cover, which is quite good, the best part is the thanks list in which they thank "N.W.A." and "E.Z.E." I am disappointed that although this album has been out for 20 years and they have been interviewed countless times, nobody has ever asked them about this!

Pete is seconds away from the emergency room, attn alcohol poisoning dept. She takes off her shirt in a second, too.

For bonus laffs, don't forget to watch the infamous Topless Radio interview with Morbid Angel (NSFW). In this interview, Pete Sandoval is on the verge of falling into an alcoholic coma and has the physique of a concentration camp survivor. He manages to ramble on and on about how he invented "dee blass beat" in 1986, though, and it's pretty entertaining. I tried to put it on Youtube but the fucking fascists wouldn't let me because of the bewbs. Where is Mike Muir to fight against censorship when you need him?!

In any case, this album is generic, boring grindcore that is to blame for legions of crappy imitators that have clogged my ears for nearly two decades. It's even worse than Carcass, who were also awful. Listen to Unseen Terror instead. If you are getting angry right now, you should probably consider suicide, or at least self-castration.

Metal Inquisition Video Vault: Napalm Death Checks The Album Mix In Scott Burns' Pick-Up Truck

As a little kid listening to metal, I always thought that for musicians (and others who worked in the metal-music biz), the world was surely filled with both brutality and glamour. An enticing combination for sure.

Then I saw this video...and I quickly became depressed. Watch as members of Napalm Death pile into Scott Burns' sad little pick-up truck to check the album mix for Harmony Corruption. Who knew that death metal guys were so comfortable with their sexuality to pile in so closely in a hot Florida afternoon for a metal sausage party? They look like clowns getting into a tiny car. Clowns who record death metal albums, that is. Shane looks like one of those mushroom characters from Super Mario. If you would have told me when I first heard Napalm Death that this is how death metal was made (in a crap studio by a highway in Florida, using a Mitsubishi truck to check the mix) I would have just given up and turned in the few metal credentials I had at 11 years old.

Watch closely, you don't want to miss:

- Scott Burns' tiny denim shorts
- Studio employee asking if its okay if "a guy from Morbid Angel" stops by
- Coroner sticker on pick-up truck
- Jessee following the notes along with his fingers

Retroview: Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh!

I believe in being honest with each other, in telling the truth to on another. And the truth is that back in the early 90s most of us Metal Inquisition staffers were pretty into grindcore, noisecore, and other genres of music other than generic death metal. It's true- I have very eclectic tastes. I mean, I'll listen to anything from Psycho to Jesus Chrust! For someone like me with such varied tastes, the Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh compilations on Slap-A-Ham Records were crucial. Although there were 3 records in the series, only the first two were really good. By the time the third one came out, the scene had been infiltrated by posers and punk rockers, so the series had pretty much jumped the shark. This isn't an MP3 blog, but since Slap-A-Ham is out of business, here's a link.

Highlights: With over 100 songs to choose from there, are a lot of good ones. But within the context of this blog, the highlights include the sick sewer sludge proto-Devourment stylings of Rottrevore, the only good Agathocles song, the best Infest song, and Impetigo. There are also lots of good bands on here that played really, really sick guttural death metal way before the style was really established, as well as the greats of noisecore like Cacofonia, 7MON and Meatshits. And Sockeye!


Lowlights: There are also dozens of awful songs on here, but fortunately they're no longer than 15 seconds, so the shitty songs are over before you know it. It being a 90s grind comp, it has tracks from Psycho and Agathocles (although, like I said, the Agathocles song is actually good). I also think Assuck is a terrible band and they are on here, featuring Rob Proctor's weak cheat-beat blasts. The Generica song is so bad that even :15 of it is hard to endure.

WTF: One thing I've noticed is that these comps feature a lot of bands who only have one good song, and it appears on these records. I sought out other records by some of these bands based on their songs here only to be very, very disappointed. For example, Splattereah, Suppuration, Dischange, and Rupture (why do all the other Rupture songs sound like crappy Dwarves songs?).

When did grindcore jump the shark?

Just so you know, this is going to be one of those posts where an old guy complains about how things aren't the same anymore and he is scared, confused and angry about it. So if that's not your thing, please close your browser now.

In any case, as far as when grindcore jumped the shark, I'm going to go with 1998. So yes, I am a decade late in writing this, which means I'm old, but we've already established that. But back on topic, 1998 was when bands like Locust introduced the sweet sounds of grind to skinny kids with black hair, and it was all down hill from there.

Grindcore band members then:

When I was a kid, grindcore was for weirdos that, in the words of Chris Dodge, spent most of their time watching porn in their mom's basement and writing angry letters to Maximum Rock N Roll. And that's the way we liked it. Bands like Nuclear Death, Gut, Hemdale, 7 Minutes of Nausea, Meatshits, Malicious Hate and Excruciating Terror were by losers and weirdos for losers and weirdos. Someone in a grindcore band back then was probably a high school dropout with rapist glasses that worked as a drill press operator at a machine shop. Nowadays most people in "grindcore" bands are 19 year olds with MySpace hair.

Grindcore band members now:

I know you can't expect things to stay the same forever, and I wouldn't want them to. For example, it would be a tragedy if Cianide was still a band. But I wish that grindcore had the same kind of gritty, scumbag appeal that it used to. Even stalwarts like Anal Cunt have sold out. Did you know that their albums have had lyrics and music for over a decade now?! What happened to the old days of the 5,643 song 7".

I tell you, it's a sign of the times.

Retroview: Classic 1990s generic death metal comps

As we have discussed before, it is without a doubt that the 1990s were an incredible time for death metal. Especially if you liked an endless stream of albums full of clicky bass drums and cookie-cutter riffs topped off with Wes Benscoter and Dan Seagrave covers. And that's definitely what you got when you purchased one of the seminal death metal compilations of the 1990s. Finally, it should be noted that we are reviewing the cassette versions of all these compilations, for those of you who are gaywads that pride yourself on pointing out that Dr. And The Crippens weren't on the Japan-only double 10" flexi version of Grindcrusher or whatever. I hope you get hit by a meteor.

Please leave comments on your personal highs, lows, and WTFs for the albums, and remind us of what other generic 90s death metal comps we missed.




At Death's Door: A Collection of Brutal Death Metal
I was going to make fun of this one but after looking at the track listing again, it's actually pretty sweet and generally devoid of crap or novelty bands, especially considering it's from 1990, making it the earliest of all these comps.

Highs: Believer! I love this band so much even though they're Jesus freaks. I'd go so far as to say they might be the best thrash band of all time. Seriously. I love both their albums, especially the one that sounds exactly like Earth Crisis. Also, one of the better Deicide songs.

Lows: Malevolent Creation, yuck! I can't think of anything even slightly notable about that band. Well, except for that one song... you know... that one.

WTF: For a good 2 years or so, I thought Deicide were called "Decide." I am pretty sure I said a few times that Decide were the most brutal band ever.




Death Is Just The Beginning Vol I
The only other person at my high school that listened to death metal was this poser named Cam. He let me borrow this tape in 9th grade. It was my first introduction to Nuclear Blast, and as you might guess, I was not impressed. That shouldn't be a surprise considering this is the same label that thought people would pay money for Gorefest and Kataklysm records. If there's one thing we learned from Nuclear Blast bands, it's that Euros shouldn't be allowed to make music.

Highs: Uh... well, I actually really like one of the Righteous Pigs songs on here, which is funny because I can imagine even Wild Rags turning down their demo.

Lows: Master, Defecation, Atrocity, Disharmonic Orchestra... need I go on? Oof. Oh and don't forget Benediction! If you can make it through both sides of this tape, you're a braver man than I am.

WTF: There is someone out there on this planet who considers this the best album ever made. Think about it. There are 6 billion people on this motherfucker, one of them has to think this album tops them all. He probably also has severe head trauma.



Corporate Death
Relapse these days is a truly awful label. Not as bad as Earache I guess, but who is. They mostly put out beard metal and hardcore with not an Exit-13 record to be found, it's bullshit. But back in the early 90s, they were pretty sweet because they put out lots of awesome American death metal, such as this comp.

Highs: Suffocation "Human Waste." This completely knocked my dick in the dirt when I first heard it and began my decades-long love affair with wigger slam metal. Also, back then Relapse had the balls to put out weird shit like Candiru and Convulse, which I still like a lot. OK, that's not true, but it was still cool.

Lows: Mortician. Ugh. Disrupt, one of the worst bands ever that just wouldn't quit. General Surgery, the epitome of forgettable death metal.

WTF: At the time, I didn't really get that the whole "corporate" theme was a joke. But I knew Relapse was a huge label because they had color sleeves for their 7"s, so I wasn't surprised that they could afford the building on the cover for their headquarters.




Grindcrusher
In retrospect, most of the albums in the Earache catalog are complete garbage, although at the time they seemed like the best label ever. This is certainly no exception. For the most part this was fourth-string European bands that were deservedly unknown. However, there are a number of seminal tracks that cannot be dismissed.

Highs: Fucking CHAPEL OF GHOULS, one of the top 3 death metal songs ever written (the other 2 are "The End Complete" and "Hammer Smashed Face"). Unseen Terror, the finest Garfield-based grindcore band ever. This was the first time I heard Nocturnus!!

Lows: There are so many. Godflesh, Sore Throat, Mighty Force... but the worst is probably Cadaver. Jesus Christ that band is terrible. Nothing is worse than generic Euro 90s death metal.

WTF: When I was 14, I thought Lawnmower Deth was a really good band.

Metal Inquisition Video Vault: Napalm Death's Mick Harris. The Man. The Myth. The Trumpet Noises.

Within the world of metal, Mick Harris has always been considered to be a pioneer. Often credited with inventing the "blast beat", Mick was an integral part of Napalm Death during the band's early years.

That's one side of this man. But there is another side. The side that makes stupid trumpet noises for no reason at all, while embarrassing the hell out of his band mates. How much of this stupidity could you take? What the hell is he talking about? I left my idiot to English dictionary at home.

Notice how uncomfortable Barney seems in the first part of the video. I know he's probably thinking "Benediction was an embarrassment, but this jackass and his creepy trumpet noises really put my old band to shame." In the second part of the video poor Shane Embury is probably thinking to himself "Oh boy, he's gonna do his stupid jumping around, trumpet sound thing....I'll hold the mic for him...God how did I get to this point in my life? I was a musical pioneer, now I'm holding the mic for a spazztic douche while looking like a huge fat mushroom"

Great moments in art history: "Scum" artwork, Jeff Walker's cat

Apologies to The Deciblog for lifting their content but I couldn't resist- this is too much. Here is an image they posted of Jeff Walker's cat in front of the original drawing for the cover of "Scum."

Read more at The Deciblog