What will they think of next: Gut invents Electro pornogrind

I pretty much hate "grindcore" these days, but back in the day I used to listen to a lot of it, especially sleazy gore/pornogrind like Hemdale, Last Days of Humanity, Meat Shits, Dead, and of course the masters of the genre, Gut. I have mentioned them in previous posts, but I think it's time for us to have a more in-depth discussion about their unique brand of grindcore.

Gut were always pretty gross and over the top, never failing to shock with things like the cover of "Fistful of Sperm," which featured a dude's hand holding his cummy dick (lucky for you, I couldn't find a picture). But let's be honest, we've all seen a million gnarly porn and gore covers, so at this point it's pretty hard for that sort of thing to elicit much more than a disinterested yawn. True to form, though, Gut managed to find a new way to shock: inventing ELECTRO PORNOGRIND!

Pornogrind
I will assume that most Metal Inquisition readers are familiar with pornogrind. If not, I will direct you to this older MI post on pornogrind that will tell you everything you need to know. Gut is often credited with inventing the genre, which is distinguished from regular grindcore by it's emphasis on mid-paced groove riffs rather than blasting. If you are interested in exploring more bands in this genre like Vulvectomy, Cock and Ball Torture, etc, check out this blog.

Another trademark is many, many porn samples used as intros. Very, very long intros. If you have ever listened to Mortician you know what I'm talking about, only instead of 70s horror movies they're German porn flicks or whatever. I obviously have no fucking idea what they're saying if they're not in English, although I did once ask the German lady I worked with to translate a Gut intro for me. I gave her my headphones, and she listened intently for a few seconds. Then she got pale and said something like, "He wants her to act like a pig??" and gave them back.


Anyway, Gut wasn't content to sit back and rest on their laurels, basking in the adulation of critics who fawn over them for inventing this nearly universally-loved genre. They drew from another rich genre, electro, for inspiration.

OG electro pioneers Sleaze Boys' ode to, uh, Robocop? I'd buy that for a dollar!

Electro
I'm far from an expert on it, but I listen to a lot of dance music, especially electro and electrohouse. I don't really care about any specific artists or whatever because usually I only listen to it when I'm getting drunk with a girl. There's really nothing like it for putting them in the mood. It's like the Chappel Show sketch where as soon as a white person hears a guitar, they start dancing, only in this case as soon as hipster girls hears a rubbery synth line, her skinny jeans and American Apparel tube top melt right off her body. With Gut being huge creeps who watch too much porn, it makes perfect sense that they would also be big fans of the genre.

The soundtrack to getting fucked up and making out with hipster girls

Electro + Pornogrind = The Cumback
I love mash culture, don't you? Like when your friend from work or whatever is like "Dude yuo have to check out this new Radiohead/Simon Cowell yodeling in the bathtub mashup!!" and forces you to listen to every second of the excruciatingly long and dull extended version? "Fuck," you think, "where is my copy of 'Load'? I would rather snap the CD in half and jam one of the jagged pieces into my jugular vein than endure another second of this." But you don't, you just smile and nod politely and suffer through it. Then he asks you if you've ever seen this funny song about jizzing in your pants and you tell him you have to get back to work.

I am equal parts confused and aroused by this combination of imagery

In any case, electro pornogrind is like one of those mashups, only instead of being suicide-inducingly dorky, it's 100% awesome. Gut disappeared for a while, probably because one of the guys was busy living in his van and avoiding indecent exposure charges or something. We all figured they were gone, but they came back in 2006 with a new LP entitled "The Cumback," which also brought electro pornogrind into the world. Here are a few tracks from the album...

Pimps of Gore



This is a good place to start with electro pornogrind. It combines a beat guaranteed to get you on the dance floor (not unlike the plague that makes your booty move) with guttural goregrind vocals and a dope synth line! All it needs is a bangin' donk and it would be perfect. Oh, and they could get rid of the minute-long intro sample.

The Making of "The Cumback"


Would you like to throw away 9 minutes of your life? It doesn't seem like much, but I bet if someone put a gun in your mouth and asked what you would do to have 9 minutes more to live, you would do all kinds of fucked up shit to extend your life by the length of approximately 100 early Anal Cunt songs. But if you don't give a fuck and want to piss away 9 minutes, you can watch this video of Gut recording "The Cumback." I did. Twice.

Pimptro

This track showcases Ollie's microphone skills. It kind of reminds me of the corny MCs from 90s jungle songs that would be like "ALRIGHT YALL DIG THESE FUNKY CHUNES, REWIND SELECTAH!!" I seriously have no idea how I listened to that shit, it's intolerable to my ear now. Electrohouse is so much better, and drum n bass chicks usually had gnarly meth habits (not hot).

Gut on MySpace

God Bless The Internet

"I pledge allegiance to my gut, and my big pants, and my wallet chain, and my sweet flaming shoes"

As I've stated before, the thing that makes metal and metal fans so amazing, is their/our general lack of self-awareness. Though I certainly see the humor in my wearing what basically equated to a Pungent Stench dress in 1992 (damn Blue Grape Merchandise, and their oversized shirts), I really didn't then. It's with this in mind that I bring you the coolest, most metal guy on the internet. Ever. If you ever wondered whatever happened to that sweaty, shirtless guy who kept bumping into you at the Testament show back in '91, here's your answer.

Note:
Whenever I do posts like this, in which I merely share images or video I find to be funny with our readers, I get blamed of providing content with no substance...but I ask you: For a blog whose bread and butter is posts about Forced Entry, Blue Grape and Dannys Spitz' watchmaking business...what do you expect? The great American novel?

Uh...uhhm...oh, damn. Where do I even start? Jesus, maybe I'll just point out the not-so-obvious, nice booties..and nice stuffed Garfield on your right hand.




This shirt has made the entire world collectively depressed. As a result, NASA will now use satellites to make Prozac rain down upon us. Thanks you douche, all this just because you wanted to bang the chubby goth broad with the spider tattoo . I hope you're happy.



As all cool metal guys, this guy also has great Photoshop skillz...and he puts them to use in order to pose in front of Sarah Palin? I'm so confused. Also, judging by his jewelery, he must sell his wares to Chuck Billy.

"Yeah, turn on the fan so that my hair will photograph well. Wait, can you see the NASA patch in the picture? Make sure the NASA patch comes out."

Grindcore bands: Why even bother with songs?

With bands like Praparation H, Mortician, Meatshits, or Gut, sometimes you have to listen to a full minute of porn or horror movie samples before you get to the actual song, which is only 1 second of noise. It was funny in 1991, but it got old a long time ago. So I was thinking, why not just do away with the songs altogether and just make a whole album of intros. With the exception of the old masters like 7MON, Nuclear Death, Ulcerous Phlgem, and so forth, grindcore is a wretched, shitty genre anyway, so I can't imagine anybody will complain that there isn't any "music."

That said, I think it is safe to say that the entire porn and horror genres have been stripped bare of samples (thanks to the bands on Razorback, Wild Rags, and zillions of third-world, cassette-only labels). Here are some thoughts on new genres to exploit:

Romantic comedy
I love anything with Ryan Reynolds or Hugh Grant in it! Especially Hugh Grant! I literally laughed so hard I was crying uncontrollably and my stomach was in pain during Bridget Jones 2. One great sample would be from Bridget Jones 1 where she tries to impress him by saying, "Isn't it terrible what they're doing in Chechnya?" and Hugh Grant says, "Oh Jones, I don't give a fuck!"


Historical fiction
These movies usually have lots of horses, crying, and sheer fabric in them. They're not really my cup of tea, but it would certainly be an interesting change of pace for the next Anal Blast album to feature samples from Atonement, King Arthur or Little Women. The one good thing is that these movies sometimes have super hot chicks in them like Keara Knightly and Winona Ryder (ask Lucho Metales about her). Sometimes the chicks will show their tits in them, too, and it's cool because it's art.

Movies with Jason Statham
Basically if Jason Statham is in a movie, you can guarantee it will be fucking awesome! Both Transporter movies, Crank, the Bank Job, the guy is a genius. He's tough but sensitive, funny but cool, and has a black belt in body karate! I definitely think him and I could be buds, and some of his lines would be perfect for a wigger slam record.


Taught political thrillers
Next to romantic comedies, this might be my favorite genre. Unlike punk rockers, metal bands are patriotic and know why America is great. So perhaps some clips from Shooter or The Bourne Identity would be a nice fit. Grindcore bands can be a little on lefty side, so this could be a stretch... but I just wanted to put it out there.

Documentaries
I would love to hear the Meatshits use some samples from Nova, or perhaps "A Brief History of Time." I mean a band like Oxiplegatz, Origin or Cynic would have no problem finding a place for some stuff about quantum physics. But what would really be great is to invade the Razorback vaults and replace all the samples on the Lord Gore or Dead records with samples from that stupid spelling bee movie or Infamy.

Metal Inquisition Video Vault: Napalm Death Checks The Album Mix In Scott Burns' Pick-Up Truck

As a little kid listening to metal, I always thought that for musicians (and others who worked in the metal-music biz), the world was surely filled with both brutality and glamour. An enticing combination for sure.

Then I saw this video...and I quickly became depressed. Watch as members of Napalm Death pile into Scott Burns' sad little pick-up truck to check the album mix for Harmony Corruption. Who knew that death metal guys were so comfortable with their sexuality to pile in so closely in a hot Florida afternoon for a metal sausage party? They look like clowns getting into a tiny car. Clowns who record death metal albums, that is. Shane looks like one of those mushroom characters from Super Mario. If you would have told me when I first heard Napalm Death that this is how death metal was made (in a crap studio by a highway in Florida, using a Mitsubishi truck to check the mix) I would have just given up and turned in the few metal credentials I had at 11 years old.

Watch closely, you don't want to miss:

- Scott Burns' tiny denim shorts
- Studio employee asking if its okay if "a guy from Morbid Angel" stops by
- Coroner sticker on pick-up truck
- Jessee following the notes along with his fingers

"We are firmly interested in raging after the show!" Exodus' Paul Baloff—Stage Banter All-Star

Paul Baloff, Exodus frontman (who also sang in Hirax and Piranha) passed away in 2002. Luckily for all of us, he left behind a fantastic legacy of stage banter that puts him up there with some of the best.

Metal Inquisition grafix designers have teamed up to create the video below, which serves as a fine example of Baloff's genius. Enjoy.




I expect full credit for being tasteful and not using the "aneurysm" tag. He died of a stroke you see.