Tuesday, May 20, 2008

NEW YORKMENT keep it fuckin slam


I have never been in a band, but if I was going to start one, it would be exactly like my new favorite up and coming wigger slam band, NEW YORKMENT. With song titles like "Pit Riffment," "Slam the Gorebong," and "Ingorging Ingorgity," I knew I would love them before I heard the first note. Thanks to Matt from NJ's finest, Kalopsia, for the tip!


Instead of trying to describe them myself, I will use the words of one of their fans instead:

"Yo fuck tha haters. NEW YORKMENT is da real deal. Serious broz, serious music. East Coast new wave of death slam in full effect. NEW YORKMENT, WITHOUT REMORSE, REVENANCE" - Chrissy Wormgutzz

Be sure to check them out on Myspace because I hear they are working on setting up some shows with a bunch of sick bands like Deregorged Necrogorger, Cumtopsy and Ungorge Ingorgity of Ingorgement (sorry, they're too underground for Myspace but I am sure you'll be hearing more about them soon!).

I also agree with their feelings on crappy old bands like Carcass, Repulsion and Iron Maiden. It is refreshing to hear someone tell it like it is. As far as I am concerned, Repulsion and Terrorizer are about as brutal as Fleetwood Mac or Wings, and if you think they are the pinnacle of death metal, you are probably old enough to get the AARP discount on the salad bar at Rax. I am much more interested in guttural slamming brutality like Cemetery Rapist, Malignant Rupture and NJDOTS and cutting edge labels like Fuck The Ass Records that are pushing the envelope with bands like New Yorkment. Crappy old school fossil rockers like Morbid Angel wouldn't know a gravity blast or bass drop if it slammed their ass across the pit.

NO PUSSY ASSED OLDSCHOOL BULLSHIT!! FUCK OLD METAL IRON MAIDEN N MOTERHEAD IS UNBRUTAL SHITTY DINOSAUR METAL!!!!!

If the words of their fans aren't enough to convince you, maybe this testimonial from legendary Japanese wigger slammers Vomit Remnants will persuade you:

""me likey likey. good slammin NYDM shit! i'm glad my boys in dying fetus told me to check this band out!" -Keisuke from Vomit Remnants

NECROTIC ENBLUGEONER, AND MORE PIT CRUSHING SLAMNESS!!!!!

22 comments:

  1. fucking classic, sarg.

    i do remember you being in bands, tho, bro. postscript? and what about disengorgementification? classic tunes like "trying not to laugh at the cro-mags" and "among the fatties". i still have both CDs, dont try to hide your past, bro.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i have mp3s of all the Disengorgementification stuff, but no lyrics or song titles. if you could scan the booklet and send it to me, i'll tag all the MP3s properly and post them all on here. the music must get out!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amazing. I hate this style of music, but that's one of the greatest MySpace pages in the history of MySpace.

    The Mo'tician page they link to is also great comedy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i have the disengorgementification stuff. i'll get it out to ya. the masses must know that we are not only critics, but artists. i love your use of type size and color to illustrate your point. very classy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. im listening to disengorgementification CD right now. there's some tunes in here, fo'realz!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is one of those "if it's a joke, they're geniuses, if it's not, they're retarded" situations. And how can you have SLam Squads worldwide but stlll only have 560 friends on MySpace?

    ReplyDelete
  8. OH MY GOD...I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to find bands that are more retarded than the last. these guys especially are right up my alley. They sound like E-Town Concrete covering Artery Eruption. RIDE THA PIMPDICK HO!

    ReplyDelete
  9. You just wanted to use the "cornfield slam" tag, didn't you?


    Awesome, as always

    ReplyDelete
  10. BEDHEAD TO THOSE WHO INSULT SPAM?

    ReplyDelete
  11. i seriously can't stop laughing at "CUMTOPSY." brilliant!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. im confused, is dinosaur metal like washing machine metal?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Disengorgementification is seriously one of the best names I've ever heard. I'm kind of afraid to check out their music for fear of it not living up to the name.

    ReplyDelete
  14. their music DEFINITELY lives up to the name!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Disengorgmentification is a two-man project featuring Lucho Metales and me. we are influenced by 7 MON and Devourment. i will post MP3s of the album as soon as he sends me a scan of the cover!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Slam is so 30 minutes ago, so I'm gonna do a crossover band, Gorge Washingmachine. Once again Ozzy has inspired me in life.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Gorge Washingmachine is the best name for a band since Denim Sorcerers.

    ReplyDelete
  18. slam is, was, and always shall be. from the rap-grind pioneers like pyrexia and baphomet to bleeding-edge experimentalists like Rest In Gore and Ruthless Beatings, it's not music... it's a fucking way of life.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Disengorgementification is absolute must have "major appliance metal," the parent genre to the ever popular washing-machine metal.
    Deep freezer metal is more frostbitten than Immortal.

    -Matt

    ReplyDelete
  20. New Yorkment are classic. I aggree with the "if it's a joke, they're geniuses, if it's not, they're retarded" thing, although I'm quite sure it's just a tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic joke.

    you should also check this one out
    http://www.myspace.com/cribtopsy

    ReplyDelete
  21. i agree with hoglan here, how you keep finding bands comprised of even bigger twats then the last batch is an act worth of commendation!! I thought cornfield slam was about as mongoloid as this stuff could get but I was wrong, keep digging this stuff up man, the comedy factor is priceless!

    ReplyDelete
  22. alot of wig-slam maniacs on here...but who is going to see Cemetery Rapist this weekend at CIM???

    ReplyDelete