Monday, May 5, 2008

Where Are They Now? Marty Friedman Edition

Just last week Metal Inquisition spoke out about the obvious, and disturbing antisemitic visuals in Megadeth's "Hangar 18" video. Our primary concern was the insulting alien that appears on screen as Marty Friedman is shredding his way through what has to be my favorite among the 39 guitar solos in that song. Note the Friedman-like hair and, and the seriously offensive nose on this alien. Mustaine was certainly trying to send a message to Friedman.

Having no information to the contrary, Metal Inquisition researchers determined that this was surely one of the reasons why Marty eventually left Megadeth (that, and being asked to come up with a signature coffee blend for Legend's Cup Coffee). So the next question we all asked ourselves is "where is Marty Friedman now?" Read on to get the answer.

Have you ever watched TV from Japan? You know the shows I'm talking about...the ones with the mindless screaming, the crazy writing that takes over the screen (and has sound effects), the unnecessary freeze-frames, and the dancing? Maybe you've caught some of it on cable or satellite...perhaps you've seen it on your local station when they show you wacky shows or commercials from around the globe. So much weird crap happens on those shows, that most of us are left with an unsettling feeling that we will never, ever understand other world cultures. It's worth mentioning that many Americans have reported having a similar reaction to watching Univision, and wondering why there's so many puppets and adults dressed as children in Latino television. Because of such television shows, many people feel that we will all live knee-deep in xenophobia for the rest of our lives, and that we will never understand those around us.

Enter Marty Friedman, the beloved afroed Megadeth shredder who spent the better part of the 90s wearing skin tight jeans and Nike Air hightops that were each roughly the size of a Buick. Yes, we all know him as the guy who took the job playing with Megadeth because he lost a bet in 1990...but his life is very different now, and his mission is to bridge the gap between western and eastern cultures.

Here we see a western man bowing to his Asian host at a cultural awareness summit co-chaired by Marty Friedman. During said summit the subjects of culture, guitar shredding, 4-minute guitar solos, tremolo picking, hair care and hair products in thrash metal, treatment of alien in American Air Force bases and many others were discussed by a multi-cultural panel of distinguished guests.

That's right, Mr. Friedman now lives in Japan and he hosts the TV show ヘビメタさん (Mr. Heavy-Metal), as well as Rock Fujiyama. Don't ask me how he got hired, but someone in HR must have been asleep at the wheel. Not only is he a TV personality, he also writes for Japanese music publications and continues to dazzle an entire culture with his unbelievable curly locks. Take note, however, that Marty is starting to look more and more like Paul Stanley. Pretty soon, he'll look exactly like Paul...meaning he'll look like a Jewish housewife.

I'm confused. Wait, is that a swastika on his shirt? Jesus, he's wearing Paul Stanley's boots! He moved to a country where everyone is as short as he is...but he still has to show his western-centric, ugly-american side by showing everyone he can tower over them.

Marty Friedman is on a cooking show? Huh? It seems like the Japanese think he's hilarious. He's what Hasselhoff is to Germans, or Woody Allen and Jerry Lewis are to the French.

Marty Friedman? Madonna? What? Just check out Marty's awesome leopard print trench coat.

In this clip, Marty explains to a whole new culture why Sting is insanely annoying, and why chubby secretaries think this Police song is sweet...when in reality it's about a guy stalking a girl.


  1. only valid in japan.

    man oh man.

  2. I went to a Marty Friedman guitar clinic about 15 years ago and got his signed poster. Sadly I think I threw it away later when I moved out of my parents' house. If I ever went to Japan, I could have made a fortune with it since the guy seems to be like a Messiah over there.

  3. Mr.Friedman seems to have made a real connection with the Japanese. So touching. Now where's the one with Paul Gilbert?

  4. Sadly, while Japanese retards watch Marty Friedman on a show called "Music Fighter", Americans watch Brett Michaels on a show called "Rock of Love." It's like we bombed them into being cooler than us. fuck!

  5. great post, but it definitely needs the tags "retarded" and "crap".

  6. i actually thought of like ten tags it needed...but blogger has a limit of characters for tags...and i maxed it out!

  7. how do you get fluent enough in this chunga-wunga crap to actually be able to make people laugh? you gotta respect that. though to me, japanese will always sound like R2D2 shortcircuiting.

  8. he's married to a woman from japan actually, so maybe that helps. still, its impressive because most people i know who have tried to learn that language are only barely able to speak it at all after decades of serious marty must be a genius of some kind.

  9. I lived in Japan for years, and speak pretty fluently, but Marty Friedman's
    Japanese is amazing, almost perfect.
    He is, however, a big dork in either

  10. right now nick menza is watching those clips on youtube wondering how he can get some kind of a career going again...perhaps he could move to portugal and learn the language.

  11. It would be cool as fuck if he fully immersed himself in the culture by talking Vow Wow (or Bow Wow) into a refomation and including himself as third guitarist (obviously with Neil Murray on bass). That would be true value for money.

  12. Dragon's Kiss? So, let me guess......
    This guys been a creepozoid fetishist for quite some time.

  13. 'took the job playing with Megadeth because he lost a bet in 1990'

    err ... didn't know about that peculiar piece of trivia. how did that go down?

  14. oh no no...the thing about him loosing a bet was a joke.

    i'm tempted to make up some story about him loosing an armwrestling match to mustaine though. i just wrote that because that's pretty much the ONLY way that anyone would play with such an annoying redheaded crybaby.

  15. The cooking show he is in is called Saturday Night Chubaw