Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Stuff You Will Hate: Blessed By A Broken Heart

Please pardon the interruption, but I would like to use this space to promote my other, vastly less popular blog, Stuff You Will Hate. This is a post that went on SYWH because it has scene-related content, but may be relevant to the interests of Metal Inquisition readers as well:
Blessed By A Broken Heart is my favorite post-ironic Christian hair-metal crunkcore scene band from Canada. Nobody likes a tryhard, and BBABH definitely try way too hard to impress you with what I'm sure they think are their hilarious antics. Look, I get it: they're "in on the joke." The fact that their entire image is a big ironic joke is fine, the problem is that it's not funny, it's just a tiresome, transparent cry for attention from a bunch of churchy dorks who are so painfully square that they feel guilty for drinking a Diet Pepsi.
Read more at Blessed By A Broken Heart has potential to be the most hated band on Earth (please comment there, not here)

Also, follow Stuff You Will Hate on Twitter and get a free yo-yo (with proof of slain poser).

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Bands to watch out for: Biohazard

There are so many bands these days that it can be hard to hear all of them. You don't have all day to order demos from the back of Metal Maniacs, ask Johnny Z what new stuff he has at Rock N Roll Heaven, or browse Napster/PureVolume/YouTube/Twitter/iTunes/MySpace/AOL keyword Thrash, so you need someone to help you sort through the crap and find the best new artists. That's why we're starting a new feature here at Metal Inquisition called Bands To Watch Out For, in which we highlight the best new artists that we think you'll like.

Our first installment is about a hungry young band from Brooklyn called Biohazard. I've seen them at L'Amours a few times, and the Twitterscape can't get enough of them- we think they're going to be big.


Sound
More and more bands these days are combining influences from a lot of styles. For example, Mordred plays a hybrid of thrash, funk, and rap, drawing influence from anything from K-9 Posse to Armored Saint, or Dave Mustaine's new solo album that is equal parts ska, industrial, and rockabilly (with a DJ). Like Mordred, it's really hard to pin down Biohazard's sound.

Most people in New York City ride the subway a lot I think. It seems kinda scary and dirty to me, but I guess if you are from Brooklyn and wear knit hats then you probably look working class and people don't mess with you, so it's probably OK for Biohazard to use it as their main form of transportation.

I had never thought of putting rap lyrics over Agnostic Front riffs, but basically that's what Biohazard does. It kind of reminds me of what a lot of old school hardcore bands like Fury of V, E-Town Concrete, or Comin' Correct were doing back in the early 00's, only not as authentic.

I think the singer collects novelty headwear or something.

I mean I'm sorry, but I don't really buy the tough guy act from a bunch of dudes from Brooklyn!! What happened, someone splashed mud on your new fixie?? LOL! Go cry about it on Bike Snob NYC, don't write a hardcore song about it!

Seems like these guys have a really strong sense of community, like they really want to keep it real and stay connected to their people. For example here the singer is kicking it with some infantile retard from the neighborhood and giving him a tutorial on wiggerish arm movements. Wish I had a mentor like that when I was a kid so I could have been listening to Cold Front and Dmize instead of LFO and Mest :(

I don't listen to a lot of rap, but I think these guys do because a lot of their songs are about how they are from the streets and are really physically intimidating/have been through hard times but are now tougher than ever because they survived it. I know how that feels because I have no idea how I got through my last semester of school- I had 13 credits and was working like three shifts a week checking people's ID at the fitness center at school (I have work-study financial aid). The only thing that kept me going was listening to "Tales From The Hardside" on my Zune and repeating to myself "I can do this! I can do this!"


I found this interview with them on YouTube, they seem really intent on talking about how bad the neighborhood they live in is. They could probably find something affordable in a nicer place if they would just spend a few minutes on Craigslist. My friend says that Jersey City has some cool bars and isn't as lame as it sounds, it seems kind of far out to me though. Also, if they lived somewhere nicer then they probably wouldn't be as inspired by all the urban discipline they see every day so maybe it's better for them to stay in Canarsie, I don't know.

It's really life-affirming stuff to hear about how these guys survive against the gritty backdrop of Brooklyn and channel all their pain into their band- super inspiring for me. I have some friends who are going to school in New York and they are dealing with a lot of the same things; rent is really expensive in Williamsburg now and they can barely get by on their student loans/allowance. A lot of them even had to get jobs. They do a couple iPod DJ gigs a month for extra cash, which sucks because they have a lot of homework and it's easy to fall behind on it, then next thing you know you get an angry phone call from your mom because she looked online at your grades and you have a B- in "History of Sex."

I think the guy with the missing teeth is the one from the cafeteria. I'm going to ask my mom about Pratt's dental insurance, maybe he can get them fixed.

Anyway, it doesn't really say exactly what the guys in Biohazard do for a living in their lyrics but from the looks of them I imagine they probably drive Pepsi delivery trucks in Queens, work at gas stations, or just do like random manual labor because they can't read. I could swear I saw one of them working in the cafeteria when I went to visit my friend at Pratt, but I didn't want to ask if it was him because he looked really mad (he was the one at the sundae bar and got kind of pissy when I asked him for double sprinkles [but he didn't charge me extra, he probably could tell I was cool because I was wearing a Suicide Silence shirt]).


This looks like a Saturday Night Live sketch. Is that Andy Samberg in a wig?

Image/Branding

They seem like cool guys who like to have fun, but I feel like they're trying a little hard to do the whole Municipal Waste/Toxic Holocaust thing. I mean they're definitely good at it, but the thing is that they take it a little too far. In order for it to be funny, it has to be a little bit believable, you know? We talked about this in my "Entertainment Business" class the other day: If all you do is combine every ridiculous cliche from crossover fashion into your characters, it's too much. You have to use some restraint or you just end up looking like a cartoon. Overkill, Toxik, and Xentrix are much better at doing the retro-thrash thing without going over the top.

The singer seems kind of confused. He looks like David Vincent meets Ashton Kutcher circa 2002. The whole trucker hat thing is kind of played out and it doesn't really make any sense when coupled with the leather vest, I think he should just choose one look to focus on. I don't know what he is going for but I'm not really into hipster metal.

Also, it's sort of hard to understand them when they talk. They all sound like Rocky or something, or like they just got back from the dentist and their tongues are all swollen and numb. I don't know if maybe if they all met in some kind of support group for people with traumatic brain injuries but it seems like they should see if their parents' insurance covers speech therapy (I asked my mom and she said it should, she is a claims processor for Aetna).


I don't know who the black guys in this video are but it's cool that Biohazard earned their respect, I guess if you are from Brooklyn and stuff people will treat you like a badass.



In this video Bobby from Biohazard is interviewing the singer for some band called The Madballs. I'm not familiar with them but they seem lame, the guy is wearing a hat that says "DMS" on it, which I guess is his fraternity or whatever. You're in Europe, dummy, nobody knows about your stupid frat!


I've been thinking about getting a tattoo (if my parents say it's OK). I want to make sure that my first one is something I'm really happy about. The singer for Biohazard was on Miami Ink and he got this one. I think he's going to regret it- why would a skull be saying "for the win"?? It doesn't even make sense LOL!

What's next?
I feel like kids now are really open-minded so I see big things for Biohazard. It's not like before where a kid would only listen to one kind of music. For example, I have really eclectic tastes. One minute you will find me listening to Exhorder and the next I will be playing Pantera. I think a lot of other kinds are the same, so they will probably really like how Biohazard is like half rap, half power groove. I'm not really into their whole "hipster metal" image with the ironic hats/crunk parts and stuff, but whatever, the music is good so I can look past it.

Biohazard's singer is yet another dude from Brooklyn who thinks it's cool to drink cheap beer, how original. I'm so over hipster metal! Go listen to Mastodon you jerk!!

If you are into bands who aren't afraid to cross genre boundaries like Mucky Pup, Dance Hall Crashers, and Violent Playground, you will probably really like Biohazard! Definitely pick up their tape if you see it at Camelot, I am pretty sure they still have a few copies left at the Everett Mall.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Rock n' Roll Heaven: A New Jersey institution (Guest post)

"Storytime With Metal Inquisition", a nationwide project throughout public libraries, which teaches kids about metal and metal history. A special thanks to Megaforce Records for its contributions to this important program.




If there's one thing that all of us at Metal Inquisition seem to do a fair amount of, it would have to be living in the past. In my case, I mostly seem to dwell on the most amazing moments in metal history...and I thus celebrate landmark moments like Forbidden's "Twisted To Form" album, as well as that one time that Mille from Kreator hosted Headbanger's Ball. Mr. Sergeant D, being a younger-in-spirit type of guy, chooses instead to celebrate the past by practicing Forced Entry riffs on his reverse headstock Jackson dinky. My brother, Skullkrusher, opts for quiet and relaxing evenings at home, sipping on a fine beverage while blasting the Wermacht LP. Mr Gene Hoglan's Balls, a quality human being if there ever was one, chooses to drive around Newark airport while listening to the Grindcrusher compilation in cassette format. However we choose to celebrate our metal past, one thing is for sure, it's a part of who we are today. It's for that reason that just a couple of weeks ago, I posted an homage (of sorts) to thrash metal empresario and label owner Jonny Z. Much like spraying insecticide under a washing machine tends to upset the roaches living under it, that post seemed to stir the sleeping Jersey residents who had memories of Jonny and his great record store. One such Jersey resident (who I have just unwillingly compared to a cockroach...but really...no Jersey resident would take that as an insult) who commented on that post was "Anon". This person, one filled with metal memories of the scene from back in the day (and the memorabilia to back it up) has granted us rare access into his metal archives. Why is access to his archives "rare"? Because I'm guessing that these things are kept in his mom's attic...and although he still lives at home, his mom gets super angry when he goes up there and makes a mess of her quilting supplies and christmas ornaments. With that in mind, you should understand how rare and impressive his insights and mementos are. Afterall, I think we could all use more upbeat and informative posts these days. Why do we all need upbeat posts? Because of the economy? Because of the high unemployment rate? Well, sort of. You see, Metal Church, the other amazing Seattle band (Forced Entry being the first) have called it quits! As a result, five more unskilled douchebags are now entering the ranks of the unemployed in the greater Seattle area. Because of that bit of sad news, all of us at the MI corporate offices are wearing black today...as we mourn the death of a band whose catalog we were barely aware of...and whose name was nearly as putrid as Exciter. It's for that reason that we should treasure this guest post. Enjoy it, and think of it as "metal storytime" with uncle Anon. Unlike when you had storytime with your uncle Earl, however, Anon won't touch you in a funny place, or try to play "hide the pickle" with you. Enjoy.




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In the interest of fairness I must preface this by going on record as saying that Jonny and everyone else associated with RnR Heaven were always stand-up people in their dealings with me. Jonny was a pretty cool guy and always respectful towards his oftentimes annoying customers. Whether it was foresight or just plain luck, he certainly took the ball and ran with it. When I first started going to his little shop, he was just a weird guy selling totally obscure imported metal records by bands no one had ever heard of. He may not have created it single-handedly, but he was most definitely a major contributor to the overall metal scene, no question. Any jibes I direct towards Johnny Z or his store are all strictly good-natured and in the spirit of fun. That said, on to my pics.






The original RnR Heaven T-shirt. Yes, it’s all stretched out and crookedy but bear in mind that it is a 27 year old shirt, it’s only a few molecules away from disintegrating completely at this point. It’s been un-wearable for decades; I only still have it for purposes of mindless nostalgia like this. If you wore it to the store you got a 10% discount on everything you bought. I think that’s supposed to be Icarus (as in Maiden’s “Flight Of…”). What Icarus has to do with rock and roll, I don’t know. I also don’t know why the Rt. 18 flea market referred to itself as being “international”, the only difference between it and any other NJ flea market was that the quality of their merchandise was much lower.






The reverse of the shirt, featuring a somewhat morbid and rather odd list of dead rock stars (and Murry the K for some reason, who was an old-time radio DJ). When it was first conceived, RnR Heaven was a “rock and roll” imports-only shop, it just so happened that at the time all of the in-demand import records were metal records from England and Europe. A niche market was born and Jonny Z was all too happy to fill that niche. Which explains why a shop noted for being heavily associated with all things metal had an official T-shirt featuring names having little or nothing to do with “metal” at all.




This picture just screams, “future Rock and Roll Hall Of Famers”, doesn’t it? Homo-erotic catch phrases and demo titles aside, this is the tape that made Ron McGovney the answer to the trivia question he is today. You can’t see it well in this awful picture but the tape itself is very helpfully labeled “Metallica demo”, quite possibly in Johnny’s very own handwriting. I was his only customer on one especially slow Sunday afternoon in early 1983 and Jonny convinced me to drop $5 on this demo by a hot new band he was planning on seriously getting behind in a big way. I succumbed to his pitch and although I had no idea at the time, it was the start of a love-hate-more hate-even more-hate relationship that persists to this very day. Who’d have thunk it?



Note how James and Lars went out of the way to state how Cliff didn’t play bass on the demo while simultaneously ignoring the guy who did. Certain behaviors are obviously deeply rooted. I dug the demo, I liked Hetfield’s goofy high-pitched vocals and I thought the lyrics to “Jump In The Fire” and “The Mechanics” were better than the “Kill 'Em ALl” versions. It really sounded like shit though, unless you turned the bass on your stereo all the way down it was basically unlistenable, much like everything they’ve recorded since 1988 (except with those recordings it’s best to turn the VOLUME all the way down).




“Welcome To Hell” picture disc. In late 1982 into 83 Venom had developed a pretty decent following around the N.J. area. The music was laughably simplistic and the lyrics and imagery were ridiculously campy and silly, but at the time they were as “extreme” as metal got. Venom had a video for “Witching Hour” which Jonny had playing at his store on a continuous loop and it absolutely scared the shit out of random shoppers passing by. The various longhaired freaks that congregated at "the Heaven" really stood out among the old ladies shopping for cheap tube socks. When bands like Venom, Anthrax, Metallica and etc. did in-store appearances it was absolutely surreal. Guys like Cronos and Dave Mustaine got plenty of double takes while strolling around the decidedly lower-middle class flea market environment, especially when they were decked out in white furry Viking boots, fringy white leather jackets, bullet belts and hand grenades.



In '82 Jonny had promoted a few live shows. Anvil and Manowar both performed at the flea market itself (seriously) and he also promoted a Halloween show featuring Riot, Raven and Anvil. In 83 he brought Venom over from England for their first stateside appearance. “The Blitz Is On” refers to a planned series of shows that never really materialized as he envisioned, but he managed to put together some memorable concerts that year nonetheless. Unfortunately I did not attend the Venom show, a fact that still irks me to this day. My first concert ended up being the Raven/Metallica “Kill Em All For One” show that took place later in 1983. I still haven’t managed to see Venom yet and based upon projections of their current career path it’s unlikely I ever will. At this point I doubt I'm missing much anyway.





Check this out, a 45RPM Venom single (featuring “In Nomine Satanas” as the B-side). Note the Venom logo on the record label, it’s actually hand drawn with a black marker, quite possibly by a member of Venom themselves. “Bloodlust” was followed by the legendary “Black Metal” LP a few months later. I once owned a personally autographed copy of “Black Metal”; however that treasure was somehow lost to the ages. Believe it or not, I received “Black Metal” (had it signed later) as a Christmas gift from my mother, who ventured into RnR Heaven in search of a gift certificate which, of course, RnR Heaven did not offer back during those nascent days (come to think of it I'm not sure if they ever did). It is truly a testament (no pun intended) to the man’s salesmanship abilities that Johnny was able to convince my half-cool/half-clueless mom that “Black Metal” and Witchfinder General’s “Death Penalty” were the perfect Xmas gifts for the young metalhead in her life. These presents were quite a surprise to say the least, talk about being caught off-guard.






RnR Heaven’s customer base strongly advocated the killing of posers, as this poster indicates. The guy being threatened by that thrash monster is wearing a Ratt T-shirt which in 1980's NJ was a perfectly valid excuse for killing someone (as it still arguably may be now). Ever since Paul Baloff died, you don’t hear much about killing posers anymore and that’s a shame. It was a shared sentiment that really brought a tight-knit scene that much closer together. After all, what could be more metal than murdering someone because their taste in music and clothes is slightly different than yours?



About the flea market
The flea market was located in East Brunswick, NJ which is in Middlesex County. Back in the 1980’s the Middlesex County prosecutor was a guy named Rockoff (seriously). Rockoff waged this really bizarre crusade against everything related to the burgeoning metal scene. He was always in the local newspapers going on and on about backwards messages, satanic cults, the whole nine yards. He would prominently feature the poster above in his anti-metal press conferences as evidence that this metal scene led to cult activity, drug use and violence. The guy was like a character from a Twisted Sister video or something. He was, of course, mocked relentlessly via word of mouth and letters-to-the-editor because we didn’t have an Internet we could use to goof on things back in those days.


About Jonny Z
I can say with certainty that Johnny Z definitely coined the term, “power metal”. A poster for a Manowar show he was promoting (or maybe it was Exciter) contained the phrase, “The Death Of Heavy Metal…The Birth Of Power Metal”. Of all his many contributions to the genre, that may be one of his most impressive. Unfortunately I have no physical proof of this, you'll just have to trust me.


The end of an era
RnR Heaven moved to an actual storefront in Clark, NJ sometime in 1984 I believe. Clark (a blink-&-you'll-miss-it town in north-central NJ) was a considerably longer ride for me but I was still a regular customer nonetheless. The Rt. 18 shop was only open Friday, Saturday and Sunday while the Clark store had normal business hours, which was nice. I bought “Ride The Lightning” there, on that Metallica VH1 special they show a still picture of a long line of headbangers queuing up to buy their copy and I am in fact in that line. The store did pretty well in its new digs for a few years, but by 1986-87 it was all coming to a close. By that time RnR Heaven wasn’t unique anymore, you could find a healthy metal selection at pretty much any record store and all the bands once available solely via import, could be found anywhere. Jonny’s legendary record shop began to lose its relevance and quietly slipped away without much fanfare. His Megaforce label, having lost most of its heavy hitters to the major labels, re-tooled itself and got behind such bands as King’s X, Nudeswirl, Love and Rockets and String Cheese Incident, none of whom had quite the impact of his earlier acts.


He certainly left an interesting legacy which is more than a lot of people can say. His impact on many dozens of long-haired, anti-social potheads who came of age during the early to mid 1980’s in the central NJ area cannot be denied. Who knows, without Johnny Z we may have had to consider Iron Maiden the epitome of totally over-the-top insane heavy metal for several more years. Neil Turbin's voice may never have been recorded on vinyl for posterity. Billy Milano would have remained jobless and Overkill would have remained the title of a Motorhead album and nothing more. It's all too horrible to contemplate. Here’s to Jon Zazula, Rock N Roll Heaven and to all who enjoyed my humble little trip down Nostalgia Lane.