Friday, February 5, 2010

Former GORGOROTH Frontman Named "Homosexual Of The Year!"

Gaahl posing with his 19-year-old "girlfriend" Robin Jakobsen.


I'm sure you've all noticed that we've become increasing lazy here at Metal Inquisition and our posting is infrequent at best. The truth is we're all very busy people, myself included. You see I finally signed up for Netflix and their watch instantly feature is taking over my life! I have a LOT of catching up to do with Doctor Who and the final season of L O S T just started, so I can't promise that I'll be posting with any sort of regularity in the near future, but still, from time to time there comes a post that practically writes itself that I simply cannot resist and this is one of those posts.

According to Blabbermouth, everyone's favorite gay black metaller and former Gorgoroth vocalist, Gaahl, was recently voted "Homosexual of the Year" at the Bergen Gay Galla. "Various awards were presented to persons and institutions that have contributed to the gay community in Bergen, Norway." I don't know how many gays there are in Bergen, but I'm going to guess that there's quite a few and our man Gaahl beat them all to win the most prestigious award! Congratulation, Gaahl, you earned it!

Now go here to read the hilarious Google translation of a Norwegian newspaper article about Gaahl and his 19-year-old "girlfriend."

See you guys next month for my in-depth review of the new Burzum album!

46 comments:

  1. *echoes in the distance*

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  2. *blows through the trees*

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  3. *FUCK YEAH BURZUM*

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  4. HATEBREED FUCKING SUCK BALLS!

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  5. it seems the fans have turned against you...
    burzum blow

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  6. ‘ello what’s all this then? You mean I come off a seven month stretch in Holloway only to discover mutiny and no longer the witty banter of old…what’s occurring?

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  7. Lucho, if you want to make them happy, just post a bunch of pictures of Iron Maiden and make fun of their teeth or whatever. They are easy to please, but turn on you quickly-- dinosaur metal is always a hit, though!

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  8. Why do you worry so much about what people think? Just think about when you started this blog: did you give a shit if some reader told you: "Your blog sucks, I don't like the last post. Hatebreed sucks balls?". Where you thinking before posting something: "Are people going to like this, or complain about it?". I assume not. So why give a crap? Go back to post whatever you want, including hatebreed. If people don't like it (including myself), who gives a fuck. You became so accustomed to people loving everything you wrote that now you can't stand if people criticize you. You became too self-aware, when your intention when you started (I think), was to have fun and pissed some metalheads off. Now you act like the "rock stars" you used to make fun of. When I see that this great blog is almost never updated anymore, I imagine the happiness of Manowar's die hard fans, who were so pissed off (and kept posting messages for months even when no one else was reading the comments of old posts) when Lucho posted about their living situation, and it makes me feel sad. I feel that it's like you are saying: "You, Manowar fan, You Win!".

    PS: BTW, what happened with the Nitro interview?

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  9. and by where you thinking, I meant WERE you thinking. Damn English!

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  10. Listen to me,buddy..

    Yes,there ARE the stinking,shit stained undersides of an old homeless man balls and taint being licked clean

    But Hatebreed are NOT the ones that are licking them

    No,the one who is licking them like a fat boy enjoying a cake is YOU!!

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  11. Nah I'm not butthurt about haters, I just don't have anything more to say about metal, ya know? Would rather go out on a relatively high note than force myself to grind out uninspired posts.

    I'm more into Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, and easycore these days so that's what I want to write about. Can't speak for the other dudes but I assume they would rather be shopping at Crate & Barrel, watchin soccer, and other things that white people like.

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  12. Woa woa yeah
    I really feel
    Like I wanna rock with you lady
    I got you on my mind
    There aint no way you can stop me
    Cuz Im the rockin kind
    All I need is some good Rock
    And whiskey on my mind

    Lady,Rock N Roll Lady
    Good,good lady
    Sure can dance
    Lady,Rock N Roll Lady
    Good,good lady
    Wont you take a chance

    On Rock!!

    Rock is a game
    That winners play
    If you want to Rock
    Then Rock today
    I just need some whiskey yeah
    And some hot lovin tonight
    When I hit the street
    I need a woman whos right

    Lady,Rock N Roll Lady
    Good,good lady
    Sure can dance
    Lady,Rock N Roll Lady
    Good,good lady
    Wont you take a chance

    On Rock!!

    Walk like a Rocker walks
    Talk like a Rocker talks
    Rock like a Rocker Rocks!!

    Lady,Rock N Roll Lady
    Good,good lady
    Sure can dance
    Lady,Rock N Roll Lady
    Good,good lady
    Wont you take a chance

    On Rock!!

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  13. I love that google translated article.

    And I love how just below it, there's a huge headline about how a gas station was robbed 'for money', by a man with 'what might be a gun'. Like this is big news in Norway.

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  14. If this blog is becoming such a hassle for you guys then why not consider asking for sample posts and then take on some staff writers to ease your burden? That way you post when and if you want to and in the meantime you could oversee as editor(s)?

    People are bellyaching about the blog not being updated as often but its not as though anyone is parting with any cash here…

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  15. I guess that the recent Immortal album was somewhat prophetic.

    Thankfully, this can only backfire and blow up in your face.

    I'll sit here on my fat ass laughing all the time.

    Damn, I love schadenfreude.

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  16. I agree, the instant Netflix feature has completely consumed my evenings.. Just watched TEETH.. LOLfactory..

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  17. Sarge, when did you ever write about metal?

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  18. I think there's anonymous is right...it could be a good idea, one of you guys should let some outside people submit a couple of posts, and maybe the best guys could become regular writers of the blog.
    Your job should be just selecting the stuff, then editing and posting, that's a big weight off your shoulders in these dark times.

    That's what Gene Simmons would do with Kiss: hire a bunch of young blocks, hide them behind the masks, and keep on making green seeing others play instead of YOU! ;-)

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  19. netflix instant watch is the number 1 blog killer just look at my dumb ass short posts

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  20. I feel like I have so much more to learn about wigger slam. What happened to those posts?

    Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be browsing Donald Campan's Beauty Zone.

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  21. metal inquisition is dead,i never look at it anymore

    it was good but now its dead

    get over it

    the people who are responible for it obviously like screamo/crunk/scene shit more than metal

    who cares

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  22. Ultragigantic fuckfaceFebruary 8, 2010 at 5:47 AM

    LOL @ "girlfriend" translation. Norwegian language doesn't have a word for either "girlfriend" nor "boyfriend," just a combo word for "significant other."

    Also gas station robberies with "what might be a gun" aren't so much big news in Norway as it is in Bergen (or specifically in this newspaper from Bergen) which is as provincial as any place will ever get.

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  23. Bergen sounds like a perfect place for homosexuals for its name if you speak Spanish

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  24. I can't promise that I'll be posting with any sort of regularity in the near future

    As opposed to your past and present regularity?

    Just kill this blog, dudes, and go out while the note is still somewhat high (by virtue of nostalgia).

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  25. the blood came out of her face and a dog licked it like it was fucking its favorite little stuffed animal toy a cop was murdered by some rap youth but the thing was he had been caught gaying the night before and blacks tend to be kinda homophobic

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  26. If this blog is becoming such a hassle for you guys then why not consider asking for sample posts and then take on some staff writers to ease your burden? That way you post when and if you want to and in the meantime you could oversee as editor(s)?

    I have asked for submissions several times, only a couple people ever stepped up.

    the people who are responible for it obviously like screamo/crunk/scene shit more than metal
    No, only me. The rest of the guys are still into (old) metal. I am the only one who listens to new bands.

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  27. I've been on a mad Doctor Who kick as well.

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  28. Magnum PI is on Instant Watch. I'm just saying.

    I love Metal Inquisition and I'll be 'that guy' who will come here and make comments on old articles while drunk.

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  29. Sarge got kicked out of a Despised Icon show and has been pissy at metal ever since.

    True story.

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  30. Doctor Who > metal.

    Truth.

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  31. Well Sarge, I can't blame you for trying to get out on a high note. Hopefully, some of the other past contributors will keep it up. Doesn't sound too likely, though. I enjoyed most of your articles and I still think there's a wealth of material out there to make fun of. But if you're truly listening to that other stuff, you are so deep into irony and self-loathing that maybe that has evolved into your new comedic direction. Kind of like a ex-metalhead Andy Kaufman trip. Will you do a duet with Joaquin Phoenix? Who knows? At least it'll be easier to get chicks when you're not wearing metal shirts

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  32. Oh please, get your priorities right. You have articles on gay blackmetallers when you can focus on TRUE METAL WARRIORS. I think that you and the rest of humanity has a lot to learn (and benefit) from these guys here www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ug63i3mUdg Definitely one of the most resourceful bands I have ever seen. For example: you need fake or real blood? Don’t go around searching for that. Don’t waste your time and resources. Use ketchup instead so that you can later wipe it off and use it with your French fries. In any case just admire and learn how a TRUE Metal band works (on a budget of 3.5 Euros).
    Last time I asked you guys to comment on the Orion the Hunter video you obliged. Hope you can be as nice with this one I just recommended to you.
    George from London, UK

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  33. or
    Putting out [setsukusuderiheru] package stalk opposite support sexual desire in masturbation opposite help SEX [huerachiosopu] opposite help business trip host hand [koki] breast [huerachio

    so put that in your pipe and smoke it!

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  34. You can bet his girlfriend is looooving the atenttion.
    And I totally get the pedobear vibe from him... *shrugs*

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  35. Or would make great lyrics for a Powerviolence song.

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  36. The slow, lingering death of this wonderful blog is one of the saddest events in the entire history of the Intrawebs. This has bummed me out even more than that second SOD album did.

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  37. The Metal World needs to step it up and inspire us. We need a new dead horse to beat.

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  38. I am listening to the new burzum album right now, and i think it has a lot of potential to get the piss taken out of it.
    Pretty lame in my opinion, probably Varg only made it for the $$$...

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  39. The original in Norwegian ("kjæreste") is not gender specific as Google translation's "girlfriend" suggest; correct translation is rather like "darling" or "partner".

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  40. Nevermind all that, I'm just surprised he hooked up with Jesse Camp.

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  41. "The coffee he drinks is as black as the anger he has triggered in people recently"
    Nice!

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