Pocast: Episode 004

We review each others choices from last episode. Namely; Kraken - Kraken", Silencer "Death - Pierce Me" and Italy's Black Hole "Land of Mystery". SkullKrusher sounded like he was drunk.

Download, listen on iTunes, or acast or wherever you listen to other shitfuck podcasts.

Here's some links and a fucking player in right column so you don't have to do shit, except click play. Lucky fuckers.

Listen and subscribe on iTunes here
Share: https://aca.st/dec1be
Download episode here

Pocast: Episode 003 - Metal Fashion

SkullKrusher, Gene Hoglan's Balls and ChristButcher are your hosts, once again, in this fucked-up journey. We discuss battle vests, Obituary long sleeves, patches, pins, etc and how they fit (or not) into our lives today. SkullKrusher is once again chosen as the biggest poser of the bunch.

Download, listen on iTunes, or acast or wherever you listen to other shitfuck podcasts.

Here's some links and a fucking player (right hand column) so you don't have to do shit, except click play. Lucky fuckers.

Listen and subscribe on iTunes here
Share: https://aca.st/dec1be
Download episode here

Upside down Cross Mania

Back in 1993 I played guitar and sang for a super shitty joke Noise/Black Metal "band" called Satan's Charcoaled Nipples. Don't bother Googling it, we only had one demo and I'd surprised if we distributed 10 copies. I wish I still had one. Anyway, the name of the demo was "Upside Down Cross Mania." The cover was a pentagram with goat horns (of course) and I put as many upside down crosses as I could fit. Counting the ones in the band logo (which had at least eight) I'd say there were probably 30 crosses. I was very proud of myself. Shit, I still am. I really appreciate a logo with a good number of upside down crosses. How many can they get in there? One or two is way too easy. Unleashed, Mayhem, Death, Possessed, Morbid Angel... these guys are amateurs. Three and above; now, that's serious business. Starting with Sarcofago (above), let's look at some other (mostly Black Metal) logos and their use of the upside down cross.

Podcast: Episode 002

SkullKrusher, Gene Hoglan's Balls and ChristButcher are your hosts, once again, in this fucked-up 1 hour journey. We explore the rest of our 'top-10 most influential records of our teens' list and ask ourselves: who is the bigger poser, if we were judged by our teenager selves.

Download, listen on iTunes, or acast or wherever you listen to other shitfuck podcasts. Here's some links and a fucking player so you don't have to do shit, except click play. Lucky fuckers.

Listen and subscribe on iTunes here
Share: https://aca.st/260b44
Download episode here

Colombia: The True Cradle of Black Metal?

Yours truly in front of a Mayhem backdrop in the basement of Helvete (now Neseblod) in Oslo.

As we all know the world of Black Metal is filled with tall tales, rumors, gossip, and folklore, so take this post with a grain of salt the size of Oslo. I'm not an expert in Black Metal history, so some of this may be common knowledge or totally wrong. This account was compiled from conversations that I had with randoms, whose credibility should definitely be questioned. I didn't question it 'cuz their stories were awesome.

INTRODUCING THE METAL INQUISITION PODCAST. MORE BRUTAL THAN ANY NPR PODCAST.

Emerging from the same unapologetically irreverent tone of the Metal Inquisition Blog, we introduce The Metal Inquisition Podcast. Arguably the best podcast ever. You WILL download this shit. You WILL listen to this shit. You WILL enjoy this shit and you WILL tell your friends to stay away, because it's so brutal, therefore making your friends want to listen.

Will we keep doing the blog? Yes. Do we think that Left Hand Path is an amazing record? Yes. Will we eventually discuss battle vests in the podcast? Yes. Can you call into the podcast to talk about poser bands? No.

SkullKrusher, Gene Hoglan's Balls and ChristButcher will be your hosts in this fucked-up 1 hour journey.

Download, listen on iTunes, or acast or wherever you listen to other shitfuck podcasts. Here's some links and a fucking player so you don't have to do shit, except click play. Lucky fuckers.

Listen on iTunes here
Share: https://aca.st/e11d4c
Download episode here

Something Special Coming Monday...

Dude, don't ruin my evil show with your phallic pool toys

From here

The Greatest Piece of Heavy Metal Art Ever Created

In case you're a moron, or just brain dead, this is the original.




Remember that part in Some Kind of Monster where Lars talks about his art collection and how he's considering selling some of his paintings, which just happen to be Basquiats worth about a million a piece? Well, now I know what it feels like to own a priceless and unique work of art!

This piece was obtained from a private collector that shall remain nameless, but I can disclose that the transaction took place several years ago in the parking lot of MetLife Stadium during a flea market which in retrospect is about the most perfect way for such a transaction to take place.

Just look at that brushwork! The colors! The tones! And that little bonus band portrait in the top corner! Very little is known about the artist, the enigmatic David Rosengart. In fact, I know nothing about him. I like to imagine he's some long-haired CHUD savant that painted this in the basement of his parent's suburban New Jersey home and traded it for a Necrovore demo and a six-pack of Busch. Sadly, the world may never know.

And don't even ask if I'm in interested in selling--there's not enough money in the world!

Praise Jesus, Praise Real Estate!

Remember how Roger Martinez from Vengeance Rising was way into JC?



That was the old Roger. These days, he's got himself an oversized suit from the discount rack at Men's Warehouse, and he's now way into Real Estate.

Lars gets a sexy, oily rubdown

Gene Simmons Bobblehead

I made an animated gif of Tom Araya spitting on himself

Super sexy Marty Friedman gets super sexy with his guitar

Ask any lady that you know, and they will surely tell you that the pure essence of sexy is Marty Friedman, circa 1999, wearing a silky dress shirt, pretending to give his Jackson guitar fellatio. It's a scientific fact.

I made four animated GIFs that flawlessly encompass Kiss as a band during the 1980s

Be a pal, if you post these somewhere, give credit where credit is due.

Today's animated gif: Lars chewing the cud.

Metal Beer

I've been meaning to do this post for ages, but haven't gotten around to do it. Finally today, I'm home, I'm bored, listening to Suicidal and ready to do this.

Of course metal and beer go hand and hand. At least it has for me. the first time I drank beer I was listening to Maiden. I paid $9 for a shitty beer the first time I saw Slayer in Detriot in '91 (June 22, 1991 to be exact. Yeah, Clash of the Titans). Oddly enough I paid $9 for a shitty beer the 13th time I saw them in Pittsburgh a few weeks ago.
 
Anyway, I have been working on a book about beer packaging (bottles, labels, cans, growlers, tap handles, etc.) and I've come across a few metal beers I'd like to share with yous. The book will be out in the fall of 2014 and will be entitled Cool Beer Labels. For more info about the book check out our website or our Facebook page.

Let's stay with Slayer for a little here. Oregon's craft beer geniuses Ninkasi brings us Sleigh'r. Aside from the awesome Slayer references, the beer itself is pretty awesome. It's a winter Altbeer (Brown Ale). At 7.2%abv is a little higher than I'd like for a holiday beer, but it's perfect if you're trying to ignore gramma and uncle Bob during Xmas dinner.

668 The Neighbor of the Beast comes from Connecticut's New England Brewing Co who also brought us Imperial Stout Trooper. 668 got a 90/100 on beeradvocate.com, which is pretty damn good.

This Suicidal Cyco beer comes from Germany and it was created by the dudes at Pixel Eye. Plenty of tattooed hotties and German lager? I'm in!

Unless you a fucking clueless asshole, you've heard about this by now. The Trooper is a strong bitter by Robinsons in England.

GWAR Impaled Pale Ale may not be the best beer out there (it isn't, trust me), but the name is pretty awesome.

Who would be awesome enough to home brew SkullKrusher Black Lager? Me.


I know there's a whole bunch of others, but I'm tired of typing, so I leave you with some other gimmick/novelty beers. Not much to offer in the way of taste. Or anything else. Please remember to check out my book's website and Facebook page. Bye.

Mayehm's Occultus and the Muppets' Floyd Pepper are one and the same

Say what you will, but I still maintain that it takes a real man to pull off the bucket-hat-with-purple-bandana look.

Dave Mustaine does a belly dance, and names his band after toothpaste.

In 1989, I received a gift certificate for a record store called Bambuco, in Bogota's Unicentro shopping mall. I eagerly anticipated the day that I'd be able to use the certificate, since I was already devoting pretty much every waking moment of my day to thinking about metal bands, drawing concerts by metal bands, designing logos for metal bands and so on. This being late 80s Colombia, however, the selection of metal records at local stores was almost always limited to one Ozzy record, and maybe another by the Europe (authors of that timeless classic, the Final Countdown). With that in mind, imagine my surprise when Bambuco had a copy of Megadeth's So Far, So Good, So What on their shelves, among several copies of the latest Julio Iglesias album. Though Megadeth was didn't interest me much, the thought of being able to buy something heavier than Europe was intoxicating, so I got it. Upon taking it home, I was blown away by the speed in the opening track, but hated the whiny vocals, even then. Nevertheless, I was thrilled.

Soon after I got home and listened to the record a few times, my brother called from a friend's house. I was so excited to tell him about the record, that I made a simple mistake that continues to haunt me to this day. I told him, "I got a new record! It's awesome, but I don't know if you'll like it. It's by the band Mentadent". Yes ladies and gentlemen, in my excitement, I had neglected to realize the band's actual name, and had confused it with the brand of toothpaste that had been recently released in Colombia.

And now, to celebrate this story, I bring you this animated GIF that I put together for all of you. Enjoy it, and if you link to it, or post it somewhere, please be kind enough to credit Metal Inquisition. I mean, after all, how many blogs tell you unbelievably thrilling stories about thinking a band was named after toothpaste?

Nick Menza wipes his ass with a towel

You're welcome.