Podcast: Episode 002

SkullKrusher, Gene Hoglan's Balls and ChristButcher are your hosts, once again, in this fucked-up 1 hour journey. We explore the rest of our 'top-10 most influential records of our teens' list and ask ourselves: who is the bigger poser, if we were judged by our teenager selves.

Download, listen on iTunes, or acast or wherever you listen to other shitfuck podcasts. Here's some links and a fucking player so you don't have to do shit, except click play. Lucky fuckers.

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Oh, how I long for those days...

I have to tell you, I sometimes miss the early days of this blog. Why? Because the standards were much lower then. In the beginning, posts were short, and only eight people were reading the blog. Today, swarms of fans greet me everyday as I make my way into the M.I. headquarters. It's a tough life to be sure, but one I chose.

In an effort to kick it old school for a day, I'm simply going to post these videos and let our readers discuss. I'm also posting these videos without much commentary, because I'm traveling this weekend. I will be visiting ex-poster Awakening in one of our many satellite offices. I have been cleared by the board to make him a substantial monetary offer, should he want to begin posting again. Who knows what he'll say.
Have a great weekend.










Last but not least, I once again bring you my favorite:

5 Albums That Changed My (musical) Life

Computer-rendered depiction of the quiet moment when I decided to come up with this list.

My life in the world of metal has been a long one, at least it feels that way to me. Looking back on my years involved in metal, it's sometimes all a blur. I've attended lots of shows, concerts, and fests as an audience member. I booked bands, and helped my brother run his tape distro. Yes, there was a time when bands put out tapes. I saw Entombed at a strip club during their first US tour. I was part of the Wild Rags Records street team, and I was a pen pal of sorts with members from Hellwitch, Impetigo and other not-so-seminal bands. My brother and I did a radio show for many years, and played 7 minute Carcass songs so we could go to the bathroom which was roughly a mile away from the studio where we did the show from, and still get back in time to give out the call letters by the end of the hour. I played in bands, and got my double bass 36th notes to sound damn good and even. I've collected records, I've collected cassettes, and VHS tapes. I've driven long distances to see bands, and I've even waited to outside a tour bus to have an Obituary drumstick autographed. Okay, that last one still makes me cringe, but it was 1992 for god's sake! Anyway, because it's all a blur, I sometimes like to set some quiet time aside to think about it all. Just me, an Enya CD, a cup of tea, and nature. It's during these quiet moments (see image above) that I most effectively manage to reflect upon my life in the world of metal. Below is the product of my last quiet moment of reflection, a list of albums that changed my life. I've tried to be as truthful as possible in compiling this list, and as such the albums may not be as impressive or obscure as some I could have come up with. But this is the truth, here for all to read. These were albums that I encountered by chance at some point in my life. In one way or another, these recordings changed my view of music at that moment, and more often than not, sent me in a significantly different musical direction thereafter. School's in bitches. Let us begin.

1982

Kiss-Unmasked

I was a little kid when my brother and I received this album as a gift from our uncle. While many would argue that getting Unmasked as a gift is just as bad as getting smallpox infected blankets for your birthday, I have to tell you that I love this piece of garbage album to this day. In a way, I love almost anything that Kiss has done actually, best exemplified by Gene Hoglan's Balls and I singing "Hard Luck Woman" at a kareoke place just this weekend. But back to Unmasked. When I tell Kiss fans that this is my favorite Kiss album, they look at me exactly as you'd look at a retarded kid that just crapped his pants. A mix of disgust and sadness. What can I tell you, at such a young age, I had no idea that Kiss hadn't always been a disco-tinged pop disaster, but rather an awful talentless theater show. How was I to know? The album had enough songs with a harder edge to make it my favorite for many years, at least prior to my age jumping into the double digits. As a matter of fact, this was the only album that my brother and I listened to for most of our childhood. As a result of my youth, at one point I really did believe that Kiss may have actually been connected to satan, if only in a minor way. You see, my mom always told me to put my Kiss record away, (along with all my other toys) before going to bed. One day, I didn't listen to her and went to bed, leaving both the sleeve and the record sitting on the carpeted floor by my bed. In the middle of the night, I woke up to go to the bathroom, slipped on the record and hit the back of my head on the edge of my bed so hard that I nearly threw up from the pain. I remember getting a bump in the back of my head that was roughly the size of a hard boiled egg cut in half. After that day, I was always careful with the record, and kinda thought it really did have evil powers. As it turns out, the only evil power the record had, was making money for Gene and Paul for what basically amounted to third rate disco bass lines. I know, I was an idiot, but I was also like four. I loved the record, and while other kids in school were listening to silly kids music (perhaps one step up from "row, row, row your boat.."), I was listening to Kiss, and I felt like a bad-ass. This album basically set me up to continually keep looking for music that was harder, and more extreme than what the rest of the kids around me were listening to. Humble beginnings, I know, but in 1982, and this is all I had access to. About 8 years ago, my brother and I ended up at a taping of the David Letterman show. We sat right above Anton Figg, who was the session drummer for Unmasked. The whole time, I kept yelling at him to play "Torpedo Girl", which is my favorite song in the album. After the twentieth time, he kinda looked up, and shook his head. Yes, I had basically been told I was an asshole, but I had been told by the guy who laid down the groove on Torpedo Girl! So I was a happy man.




1988
Iron Maiden-Live After Death

Many years after Unmasked, my brother and I received dubbed copy of Live After Death from my sister's boyfriend. We were amazed by the whole tape. It was harder and faster than Kiss, and the cover (which we got a poster of) was way more evil! Eddie's shirt is all ripped, and the screw keeping his forehead shut was getting hit bit lighting! Holy shit! Sign me up! Soon after getting the tape, we watcged the home video version, and we were in love. I didn't speak any english then, but I could still be heard yelling out "scream for me long beach!" through the halls of my school. Can you believe that I still wonder why girls were repulsed by me? Maybe the bleached rat-tail, and the Brut Cologne didn't help, and I'm sure my wearing sweatpants constantly didn't make it any easier either. It's as though I was daring the oppostite sex to not throw up when looking at me. So, a couple of years after owning the tape, and playing it thousands of times, it became worn out. Another mishap with the TDK-60 dub of this album was that my sister's boyfriend had left the tabs in, so I mistakenly hit "record" twice while attempting to press "play" to listen to the tape. Because of this mishap, our beloved cassette had two blank spaces in crucial moments of songs. Actually, they weren't blank spaces, but spaces with ambient sound of my room back then, picked up by the small microphone in my Sony boombox. Having heard Maiden, the world of bands like Helloween, Metallica, Testament, and even Whiplash was open to my brother and me. I was like a fatty with an insasiable hunger for metal...and the pages of Metal Hammer magazine were my all-you-can-eat buffet. It was also around this time that we were introduced to some other very extreme bands, ones that bordered on grindcore, but they were small local bands that no one would know about...so I'll skip those. Moving on...






1989
Slayer-Reign In Blood, Venom-Black Metal

I count this one as one album, since it came to me as a single cassette. You see, one of our neighbors came to our house one day, asking if we'd buy one of his dubbed cassetes for five bucks or so. In retrospect, I think he wanted money to buy some wacky-tabbacky...but I'm not sure. He was older than my brother and me, and he was hella' metal. The tape he sold us was a 90 minute cassete with Reign In Blood on one side, and Black Metal on the other. While we liked Venom, it was Slayer that captured our imagination. Sadly, this was the first Slayer album I encountered. As I've stated before, South Of Heaven is my favorite...but life has a funny way of leading you down a path. Anyway, soon after hearing this tape, we got a dubbed copy of the Ultimate Revenge home video, and we were both hooked. Clearly, we didn't speak english then...otherwise we would have noticed just how insanely stupid Slayer comes off in that video. Luckily, we were clueless. Having heard Slayer, Metallica started to seem a little tame to us. We finally realized that Kiss was a disco band at one point. We were shocked. We still loved Maiden, but we knew that there were more extreme bands out there, and we had to find them. Destruction, Kreator, Cryptic Slaughter, Crumbsuckers and Bathory made sense to us after having owned this tape.



1989
Napalm Death-Peel Sessions

My friend's mom was going to England for work in 1989, and he asked my friend what he would like her to bring him back from England. Being a smart dude, he quickly called me and asked me for the names of the most extreme bands I could think of, so she could buy those tapes while in England. My brother and I compiled a list, but I don't think that Napalm Death was on it. We had heard of other early Earache bands through reviews in Metal Hammer, but I don't think we even knew about Napalm Death. I should mention that Metal Hammer back then was made up of endless articles about AC/DC, small features about Metallica, a cover story about Triumph or Uriah Heap, with small reviews of actual metal bands. To give you an idea of how behind the times we were in our beloved backwards country, the Metal Hammer issues we were buying at the supermarket for a good bit of money, were literally three years old! I'm not kidding! Imagine my shock when I found out that Cliff Burton had not only died, but they had already replaced him and were well on their way to sucking full-time! In any case, back to the story about my friend's mom.... she came back with the Peel Sessions tape from England. We heard it, and as you can expect, we were shocked. Now Slayer sounded like Bon Jovi and Def Lepard. It blew our mind, and I think it took some time for it all to sink in and make sense. Having heard this tape, the world of death metal, grindcore, punk, crossover and noise was open to us. Though some bands could be heavier, nothing seemed faster and more extreme than this recording for many years. I have to say, while many were bummed when Napalm Death released Harmony Corruption, I actually liked it...even if it sounded tame compared to Peel Sessions. It's still one of my favorite death metal albums of all time.






1991
Death-Human

Living in south-Florida during the formative years of American death metal was a great experience.Chuck Schuldiner lived in a storage space near our apartment, guys from Obituary were dating girls in my brother's high school, member of Cynic hadn't started to play in salsa bands in cruiseships...those were the days! It should come as no surprise then that I still feel that those early years of death metal were by far the greatest as far as musical output. Shortly after the Death album "Human" came out, I bought it and loved it instantly. Actually, I didn't buy it...I got this kid who I completely used for his money back then to buy it for me...but that's another story. Human was catchy and highly melodic, two qualities that were somewhat rare in other death metal bands back then. Yes, you could remember the general melodies to Deicide songs, but Death had taken it a step beyond. It reminded me of Iron Maiden, and that was a good thing. Perhaps that's why so many people grew to hate them. Another aspect of this album that blew me away was its complexity. In retrospect, the album is not THAT musically complex, but it opened my eyes to the possibilities. I know many people hate the fact that bands like Cynic or Atheist opened up Pandora's Box, and that inside that box was Fusion and Jazz...but I loved it. While Human was not as complex as some of Atheist's music or Cynic's, this album connected with me and showed me that complexity could be metal, prog could be metal...hell Jazz could be insanely enjoyable. Sadly, like many great moments in music, I believe that albums like Human, and most Swedish death metal are to blame for letting in a fair number of short haired beardos into metal. But what can you do? That's not Chuck's fault! Go blame the beardos! You gotta crack some eggs in order to make an omelet.




That's it. I guess since 1991 I've had no musical breakthrough moments in the realm of metal. That shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows or understands my taste in music. I've had plenty such moments outside of metal, but I guess in my eyes, little has been done that matters in any way since 1991 within metal. Yes, I've listened to some bands after then and liked them a good bit...but I have not heard anything after Human that sent me into a different branch of the metal tree, if you will. I'm sure some of you disagree, but this is my opinion. An opinion that sounds an awful lot like the old man who is still going on and on about how The Beatles were the last great band, or the Greatful Dead fan who refuses to acknowledge the mere existence any musical output after 1972. I guess I've joined their club...and to tell you the truth, that's just fine with me.

This Just In: Lehman Brothers declares bankruptcy. In response, Ex-Death drummer Richard Christy makes out with a dude on national television

Yes, it's one of the most watched videos on YouTube right now. The guy on the right with a shaved head is none other than Richard Christy, who played drums in Death and Iced Earth. he now works on the Howard Stern. So much for my post yesterday about metal not having a sense of humor.*






*It should be noted that it took some time away from metal in an active role for him to have a sense of humor, or at least to show it in such an inovative fashion.

Great moments in art history: Sadus

Most people feel that art can be hard to understand. That's because most art is in fact hard to understand. Consider the Yale art student who, as has been widely reported, did a nine-month art project where she:

"... artificially inseminated herself 'as often as possible' while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages"

While the thought of such an undertaking would surely cheer up Chris Barnes and other Cannibal Corpse members (past and present), most of us are left scratching our heads, asking "is that art?" If you find yourself asking such a question, I present to you the cover for the Sadus album "Illusions", a piece of art so direct that it singlehandedly changes every viewers take on art. Unlike complicated artistic statements that require substantial reading to understand the intended meaning....this cover is exactly what you think it is. This artistic masterpiece is:

A long-haired viking skull (who is a devout christian, and enjoys fashion accessories such as crowns) is ingesting numerous skulls that come in peacock feather-like droplets, stemming from a tunnel. The tunnel is guarded by a rivitted keyhole that holds saturn, the sun, small asteroids and a UFO, which is itself rooted to a human brain that is held by the skull's hair. Could it be any simpler?

Though I have just spoken highly of the very direct nature of this piece, let me also point out that all great art makes references (however subtle) to other pieces of art, as well as film, music and culture in general. For example



The simplicity, Asian overtones (more on that later), black background, use of a single accent color, as well as the one strong vertical element (the purple type in the Sadus record, and the dress in the other) makes an obvious reference to Steely Dan's "Aja" cover. Not too unusual, when you think of it. While Sadus was not known for having any Jazz or Fusion influences, Steve Digiorgio played in Death as well, along with Paul and Sean from Cynic. Cynic loved their Fusion and Jazz. See, it all makes sense.


The skull's crown reference's Wonder Woman's own golden fashion accessory. What seems at first like an unusual artistic reference, is in fact understandable. The dudes in Sadus were horny, metal losers. Loneliness makes men do stupid things, like putting Wonder Woman's crown on an otherwise evil skull.




Another unusual reference is the cosmic sea that is held within the riveted keyhole, an obvious homage to the work of the astronomer and astrochemist Carl Sagan, and his book/TV series Cosmos. Again, this may seem like an odd choice at first, but consider the following. Steve Digiorgio played bass in Sadus, but he also played in Death. Death had a song called "Cosmic Sea"*. You must also remember that during the sessions for that Death album, Steve played with Paul and Sean from Cynic. Cynic had a song named "Celestial Voyage" in their album Focus. Do I have to spell this stuff out for you guys? Sheesh.

*Thanks to a kind reader for reminding me about this song. How I forgot it, I will never know. I'm very ashamed.

Like most other metalheads, the guys from Sadus grew up in very humble surroundings, and art was not a priority. More often than not, the art that hung on their homes growing up, was the picture that came with the frame. Nothing else can explain the use of a cornucopia in this cover.


What metalhead out there has seen a peacock and NOT wanted to include part their beautiful plumage on a record cover?



Like all American metal bands, Sadus ripped off German metal bands. Look at the reflections on the Sadus logo, they suggest that the logo was actually made of a reflective, perhaps metallic material. Sodom's logo was actually made out of polished steel. Sadus' was merely airbrushed to look that way. What we have here is another American band copying a German band, and not doing it well. Note the similarly retarded shapes of the letters.


The typography on this otherwise metal cover gives the album a slight, but refreshing Asian feel. Much like a cheesy Asian bandana on the forehead of an Italian kid from Long Island.


PS: On a closing note, I should mention that my brother and I often heard from a very reliable source that members of Sadus mailed weed to each other many times just to see if "it would work". Man, bored white trash dudes come up with some stupid things to do when they're sitting around watching Wonder Woman reruns.

In My Closet—D.I.Y. Morbid Angel Shirt

The year was 1991, and I was lucky enough to be living in the epicenter of death metal culture, Florida. Earache records could do no wrong then (we'll just try to forget Fudge Tunnel for the sake of this piece), and Chuck Schuldiner was practically reinventing death metal as he and an impressive list of studio musicians recorded "Human" in Morrisound Studios. It was a heady time for sure.

My family was broke as hell at the time, and sadly we could not afford proper metal attire for me to wear. Yes, I did manage to buy an Obituary back patch at the record store next to Bird Bowl in Miami...but that took months of saving. If I wanted a metal shirt, I was on my own. Back in the day, we didn't just buy our shirts. By god, we made them.

Enter Mr Delpino. Mr Delpino was a bug eyed drunkard of an art teacher at the school I attended. He was best known for multiple stints in rehab, drinking on the job (out of milk jugs he kept under his desk) and speaking to the class through a lapel clip-on mike. He would often leave the classroom as he was teaching, only to keep on teaching through the microphone. Hearing him take a piss in the bathroom through the small speaker at the front of the room as he continued to talk is something I'll never forget.

Anyway, I signed up to take his class because I heard that he allowed students to do silkscreening during and after class. I was hooked. During that semester I produced three shirts, the highlight of which is this fine Morbid Angel shirt you see here. I wore this shirt proudly all the time back then, knowing it was a one-of-a-kind item. It worked well with my black sweatpants. In retrospect, I'm not sure why I picked a white t shirt (the two other shirts are white also), except that perhaps I already had the shirts, and my mom refused to buy me black ones so I could screw them up by screening crap on them. It was an unusual choice for metal shirts to be sure, but also a smart one considering the blistering Florida sun. I was super metal AND weather conscious. What a combo. Ladies....I was a catch!


Looking at it now, I think the most redeeming quality of the shirt is the design in the front. I'm not sure where I came up with the idea for doing a typographic representation of the song "Immortal Rites", much less combining it with Morbid Angel's pentagram/cross/6 combo. A good bit of work seems to have gone into the word "immortal", while "rites" seems like an after thought. As I think about it now, I'm sure my mom was thrilled when I brought the shirt home. Not only had I ruined my white t shirt, but I had chosen to put this crap on it? Great. Unlike many people my age who look back on their younger years in shame, I look at this shirt with pride. Well, okay...and also some shame.

Amazing Tattoo Roundup

Morrisound Studios, How I Miss Thee

As a teenager I remember making fun of balding suburban douchebags who still wore tie-dye and had a hard time shaking their past. They were holding on to a time and place that had passed long ago.

Today, I sit here watching this video about Morrisound studios and I all of a sudden understand how suburban douchebags end up attached to another time and place. To the dismay of younger metal fans, I think death metal peaked in Morrisound Studios. Okay, laugh at me...I don't care. Those were simple days. Earache and Roadrunner were kings, the Milwakee Metal fest was THE place to be, blast beats were mostly irregular and sounded like a sack of potatoes falling down the steps...but things were good. It was a prosperous time.

Yes, some modern-day technical death metal impresses me....but nothing will compare to those early death metal records made at the mecca known as Morrisound. Yes, Morrisound is still around, but it's not the same. Damnit, where's my time machine when I need it?

Impetigo: REAL GRINDCORE

I was blessed to have been at the Milwaukee Metal Fest XII in 1993. Not only did Phantasm play a kick-ass show, but I witnessed the final Impetigo show...ever. it was better than a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich that has been sitting at the bottom of your schoolbag for the whole day. It was awe-inspiring. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Really. I’m pathetic, OK?

I was introduced to The Masters of Goregrind by non other than the infamous Richard C. of Wild Rags. After a few letters back and forth, he sent me a flyer for a new CD he was about to put out: Ultimo Mondo Cannibale. The art on the flyer was so sick I knew I had to get it. It looked like a retarded 14 year old had drawn it while in prison for double homicide and rape. I was doing my metal radio show at the time, so I requested a promo copy. When I first played it, I was blown away. It was SO raw! It was so...so...so BRUTAL! The production was crude, but so brutal! The music was simple, but so brutal! The lyrics were cheezy as all hell, but so brutal! Stevo's vocals were terrible and awesome at the same time...and also so brutal! The cover art was simply AMAZING. As sweet as seedless organic green grapes! I was impressed at the obvious Gauguin influences in Stevo’s art.


The thing about Impetigo was that their sound was very unique. It's probably because of the low-budget production and their simple riffs. But it was all memorable and (dare I say it) catchy. Impetigo had entered my life and they entered like a freight train (Nitro reference). My band decided to cover "The Revenge Of The Scabby Man", I put an Impetigo sticker on the bumper my 1986 Dodge Horizon and another one on my white flying V geetar. I played songs from Ultimo on the air so often people would call to yell at me, but I didn't care I was in love! As it often happens in situation like these, I needed more. I had to get their demos. I wrote a quick note to Mark, the guitarist. He responded quickly and within a few weeks I had a dubbed copy of Giallo.

The demo is a bit more hardcorish sounding than Ultimo and honestly I don’t like it that much. Anyway, Mark and I wrote for a looooong time and he even said he liked my band when I sent him our first demo. I know now, of course, that he was lying (no one can possibly have liked my band then…or now). Still, it was a nice thing to say. Anyway, Horror of the Zombies came out in 1992 and instantly became my favorite CD. Even today, Horror is in my top 10 records of all times and Boneyard in my top 20 songs of all times. The cover was, again, sick as shit! Looks like Stevo remained influenced by Gauguin for this masterpiece.


Impetigo was a TRUE grindcore band. No PC stupid and simplistic pseudo-socially-conscious lyrics here. No guys in dreadlocks preaching against sexism. No black and white patches with left-wing slogans. Impetigo were pure fucking GRIND. They had gore lyrics, hyper-cheesy and offensive cover art, samples of women screaming in pain and BRUTAL tunes. They didn’t look like peace-punks or like hardcore tough-guy retards pretending to look scary. These guys WERE scary. They looked like serial killers or rapists, or plain old farmers from the middle of Illinois…which, I guess, is what they were.

The bands that call themselves grindcore these days are a disgrace to the term.

Man, I wish I still had that ’86 Horizon.

Glenn Danzig shares his "various books on death" with you

I can't believe we've had this blog up for weeks already without posting the entire Danzig Lucifuge home video. It has probably the highest density of retardedness per inch of tape of any piece of recorded media ever made. I want to savor each of Glenn, John, and Chuck's incredibly stupid comments, so I'll just post this for now. But there will be many, many more Danzig-related posts to come.

This is one of my favorite clips of all time. Some parts I like the most are how the stories about werewolves are "all documented, all true" and his selection of "various books on death." Also, that he has his shirt off.