Pocast: Episode 003 - Metal Fashion

SkullKrusher, Gene Hoglan's Balls and ChristButcher are your hosts, once again, in this fucked-up journey. We discuss battle vests, Obituary long sleeves, patches, pins, etc and how they fit (or not) into our lives today. SkullKrusher is once again chosen as the biggest poser of the bunch.

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Internet potpourri

Happy new year kids! Here are some recent finds from my most recent internet travels.



File under "When will every American Apparel store finally burn to the ground?"

Let's face it, we now live in a world where deep-v neck t-shirts reign supreme as the preferred article of clothing for men. As such, anyone who corners the market on such attire will surely control fashion and retail altogether. Enter, not the droids, but American Apparel. You know the place, the one were the effeminate dudes with mustaches work. Well, it seems they have recently caught on to this wild new musical style tearing up the charts, black metal. I believe Nicolas Cage's son may have tipped them off, to tell you the truth. What's next? Will fashion magazines use black metal as a theme for photoshoots?



Who tucks in a tshirt, especially one with printing on it? Godamn.


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File under "I told you so"


Only 15 years too late, fashion magazines are picking up on black metal as a theme for photo shoots. You see, I told you so! What's perhaps saddest about all this, is that somewhere in the rural U.S. some fatso with a Craddle Of Filth shirt and bondage pants is getting all pissed off about this. "How could they exploit my beloved musical style?", said fatso asks...when in reality, he should be asking "Why do I sweat gravy?"

I myself don't care. Not only do I not care, but I'm also not going to take great pride in having known about Dark Throne back in 1991. That's a bit like bragging about how you were the one that discovered the super disgusting piece of shit in a public bathroom. We know, we know, you were the first one to find it, and point out the pieces of corn in it. Hooray for you.


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File under "WTF"?
Actor Sir Christopher Lee (who played Dracula) is set to release a metal album. Lee holds the Guiness World Record for acting in the most movies with sword fights in them...so he's certainly no stranger to being rad, and being into Manowar. Mr. Dracula appears to be the British William Shatner, since he's put out numerous novelty songs and albums. You can check out some of his musical abilities here. He has also themed up with douchebags Rhapsody before. Check it:



Anyone remember the Pat Boone metal album?




Props to Mr John Prolly for the heads up on this one.


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Buy a Metal Sucks shirt designed by Sgt D

I designed this shirt for our friends at Metal Sucks. They asked me to post a link on here so they would sell more. Apparently it's currently the 2nd best-selling design, please buy one because we want to be number fucking one! And don't worry, they know they're selling to fans of a metal blog, so it comes in XL.

Click here to buy

Peep my Flickr for more of my work

They have some other designs that aren't as cool, so if you don't like mine you can settle for one of these:


Best of luck to our favorite metal Jewbags! Help out our Semite internet metal bros and buy one of each!

Blue Grape's Spring 2010 collection SNEAK PREVIEW!

Once known as a peddler of chintzy crap like Sepultura "jams" and Prong hockey jerseys, metal merch icon Blue Grape will be reborn as a cutting edge streetwear brand in spring of 2010. In fashion, what's old is new again when a brand takes something classic from the past and revitalizes with a contemporary twist. 80s references dominated the past few years, with more neon and skinny jeans than you can shake a stick at on store shelves everywhere, but the hottest new brands are exploring new territory.

Warriors of Radness' fall 2009 collection is rad. Send me some free stuff!

Trendsetting brands like Warriors of Radness are breaking new ground by moving past the 80s drawing from the early 90s, referencing brands like LA Gear, Gotcha and Chess King. They are doing great work, but Blue Grape is truly ahead of the curve: they are the first brand to bring mid/late 90s metal style to the world of streetwear. Look out 55DSL, here comes Blue motherfucking Grape!! We are thrilled to provide you with an exclusive glimpse at their upcoming Spring 2010 collection. We think you will be seeing a lot more coverage of this hot new brand in the near future, so if you see this shit reposted on Hypebeast or High Snobiety, remember that you read it HERE first!

Check out our previous coverage of Blue Grape, and thanks again to our informant only known as "Green Rage" for the inside info! Click any of the images for larger versions.

That's not the user manual for your new dishwasher, it's the cover of their new catalog! I love how they perfectly captured that 90s "desktop publishing" look! They probably even used PageMaker to ensure that it looked authentic.


The collection's flagship items are a full line of premium Soulfly SKUs. This shit is off the hook and will definitely be turning heads!!

You don't have to spend hundreds of dollars outbidding some sneakerhead on eBay to get an vintage-looking Soulfly jersey anymore. Blue Grape's reissues of the 1999 edition put them within reach of everybody.



Getting classic, authentic 90s licenses like Fear Factory was a real coup for the new Blue Grape- hats off to their acquisition team!!


Nothing says true 90s metal fashion like a Fear Factory gas station shirt! Put this guy on and you'll feel like an extra on the set of the video for Deftones "Bored" or Downset "Anger."

Their Slipknot gear is maybe not QUITE as impressive as the Soulfly stuff, but definitely has a few showcase items that make it stand on its own.

The Hundreds ain't got shit on Blue Grape's steez: You will be the hypest fucking kid on the block in this sick Slipknot jumpsuit!! People will be all, "Whoa, you must have paid a fucking fortune for that shit on eBay, it looks so authentic!!" And you'll be all, "Yeah, I did- but whatever, it was worth it, you know? I only like true vintage shit, and you gotta put down the cash if you want the real thing." *turn to the camera with a shit-eating grin and a knowing wink*

It's the details that really make or break a garment. I love how they made this Slipknot thong super fucking high-rise in true 90s style. It looks like your girl could pull this thing up to her armpits!


Blue Grape's Machine Head SKUs take you back to the good old days when Robb Flynn was "the guy from Vio-Lence," not the namesake of a tragic disease that causes the afflicted to grow colorful facial hair and wear Affliction gear.

They clearly paid attention to every detail when creating this this authentic 90's-style garment: it's cut so wide you could fit three people in it, the perfectly symmetrical flames look like a preset from some 90s Photoshop filter (probably Kai's Power Tools), and the band's name is in fucking Impact with an outer glow! Amazing craftsmanship guys, this is a masterpiece!


Remember the 1999 Earth Crisis/Sepultura tour? This shit will instantly transport you backstage where you can watch Igor and Andreas practice jiu jitsu on gymnastics mats before their set, Karl and Ian from ExC try to find a strip club, and Scott pens the riffs that would go on to become the band's defining moment, "Slither."

This Earth Crisis tee cleverly combines two classic 90s hardcore design elements: Parody logos and horizontally-stretched type. It's even outlined! Hats off to whoever designed this guy, you truly nailed the Cabal 315/Andrew Thomas Company aesthetic.

And look at the fucking collar!! I almost can feel its stiff, cheap fabric scratching the shit out of my neck right now.

Holy fucking fuck, I cannot wait to see this combo on shelves!! With a combo of artists like Poison the Well, Phish, Soulfly, and post-Danzig Misfits, I can't see how this brand will go anywhere but straight to the top.

Last but not fucking least, peep these Coal Chamber jams! I can't say TOO much just yet, but a little birdie told me that the COAL CHAMBER X ALIFE collabo miiiiiight be in the works. But shhhh... that shit is top secret ;)

I was hoping to see that they were going to release some limited edition Dope ringer tees through Dave's Quality Meat, but apparently negotiations fell through. This Coal Chamber windbreaker pretty much makes up for it, though!

Please note the new contact info for Beanies & Bucket Hats

What are your thoughts on the NEW BLUE GRAPE??
Are you as excited as we are to see Blue Grape reborn as a streetwear brand? Do you think the kids will be into it? Will they join the ranks of Vision Street Wear, Maui & Sons, and British Knights as forgotten brands of yesteryear who get a second lease on life, or will they just go back to making Methods of Mayhem keychains? Should they sign up Revok and Toomer do do some signature-edition Copshootcop ringer tees?

Wanderlust: Metal Edition :: Mexico City is "muy caliente" (El Chopo)

We have discussed to length before how the rest of the world is still living in 1988 and it's the U.S. alone that thinks metal is dead. I recently spent 2 weeks in Mexico City and, let me tell you, it was an ALL-OUT-METAL-ASSULT! Or, like they'd say over there: TODO-AFUERA-ASALTO-METALERO!

Sometimes, when I fall asleep listening to Slayer, I dream of a place where you can hang out with other metalheads with South of Heaven blasting from a car parked near-by. A place where thousands will gather to show off their backpatches. A place where I can buy an Iron Maiden Eddie rubber mask for $9 and Morbid Angel's complete bootlegged discography for $0.75. Well, my friends, that place exists, and it's called El Chopo. This heaven on earth is basically the awesomest flea market in history. Hundreds of little metal/punk/goth street vendors set up shop on the weekends through about 8 blocks of city streets. They sell EVERYTHING metal, from spikey belts and bracelets to Acid Reign bootleg DVDs; from Pungent Stench T-shirts to King Diamond embroidered patches. My Mexican friend Memo warned of the sheer amazingness of this place, but I was not ready for this level of absolute, dark, metal mayhemic (Metal Sin reference) rock-o-rama! I'm sure right now you are thinking: "No way, 'Krusher, you GOTTA be lyin'!" Nope, I'm not. Proof? I got your proof RIGHT HERE! (I'm grabbing my crotch and pointing to this YouTube video narrated by Pedro, from Napoleon Dynamite... not really.) Ignore the punk, goth and hippie shit:





Oh, yeah, they also have awesome live bands:






So, of course when I was there, I met lots of Luchadores and bought plenty of shit. I asked my new Luchador friends to pose, wearing some of the shirts I bought and here's the gallery of my treasures:

Dr. Wagner Jr. sporting an awesome WehrMacht tee.

Ultimo Dragón wearing Dark Angel


Avismo Negro (R.I.P.) in a gorgeous Venom long sleeve


Mistico (my current fave Luchador) rocks the CF t-shirt right

Please Note: The above are not the ACTUAL luchadores. It's just me wearing their masks in my apartment. Please don't make fun of my circa 1998 hp scanner/printer that I haven't used in over 5 years or of my lady bug kitchen towels, my still-sealed spice rack or my never-been-used red kettle. Shaking off the remains of my ex-wife's influence in my life is tougher than I thought. Well, Abismo Negro died like six months ago and Ultimo Dragón lives in Japan, so it's not like this fashion show would have been impossible anyway.

From Italy with love

As I'm sure absolutely all of our readers know, the Giro D' Italia starts tomorrow. Like me, I know that all of you will be waking up at 9am (6am if you're in the west coast) to watch the Team Time Trial. Why? Because there is nothing more manly or metal than men racing their balls off for the honor of wearing a tight pink shirt. It's for this reason that I'm dedicating this post to Italian metal. If you are going to question the relationship between this blog and sports, don't. Read this first.



Drummers are hard to find, I know this for a fact since I play drums myself. It's for this reason that most bands will lower their standards greatly when it comes to timekeeping duties. Having said that...I think simply getting your retarded cousin who also suffers for cerebral palsy, putting some make-up on his face and plopping him behind the kit is a bit extreme....even for black metal.



Look at the mountains behind these idiots. You know how secretaries and fat suburban women from the midwest dream about living in Tuscany? They don't even know where it is...but it's constantly on their mind...along with Bed and Breakfasts, Myrtle Beach, jalapeño poppers, and Jimmy Buffett. These assholes actually get to live there...but still spend their time writing songs about goblins and trolls. What a waste. Oh, and one last thing. Don't you guys feel like total assholes for having built a 6 foot high stage, when only two people show up to your shows? Also you are violating the number one rule of playing metal live. Your stage should NEVER be taller than your amps. With a stage this high, you'd have to play with full Marshall stacks. I thought everyone knew about this rule! Man, Italy is so backwards!




Mortuary Drape is perhaps the epitome of both Italian stupidity and ingenuity. Just look at their inventive use of this quilty vest from the J. Jill catalog. J. Jill, by the way, is the ideal place to shop if you're a forty year old middle school teacher, or if you play in a laughable Italian band. That brand's reach is truly admirable. If you'd like to read more about Mortuary Drape, check out our post about them here. Why is he waring a purple satin vest you ask? Because the tight pink jersey didn't go with his creepy KKK style mask. Duh. There's one thing you should NEVER question, and that's an Italian man's sense of style.



Why is it ALWAYS the tubby ones that want to take their shirts off. Look at this tub of goo, he's holding his gut in so hard that I can almost hear him whispering "oh my god, did you take the picture yet?" under his breath.



Only in Italy would a fourth-rate death metal band (I bet you anything they cover Chapel Of Ghouls) willingly wear what are basically bell-bottom jeans, all in the name of euro-fashion. Tucked in wife-beater? Only in Italy. But hey, we should all give it up to these guys for not letting metal fashion cramp their suave Italian sensibilities. Rock those jeans boys...rock them! Oh, and to the guy with the flying-v, I'm glad you're wearing your Puma driving slippers. You never know when Jarno Trulli will get hurt, and you may be asked to step in mid-solo.



If you grow up in a miserable place with harsh winters, I understand why you'd get into metal and end up dressing up like a godamned knight everyday. For the record, I felt the same way when I lived in Miami. I would look at myself in the mirror...95 degree heat, and I was wearing a black Entombed long sleeve shirt, black jeans and a mullet. So yes, I was an idiot...but I was like 13, and never ever wore a steel helmet and shin guards. Anyway, when you're from southern Italy...well, let's just say it's beyond me. How on earth do you put this on for your band's photo shoot, and not realize how big of a douche you are? Oh, and you know this kid's mom is super Catholic and will probably throw out his shield anyday now, as she angrily screams "Diavolo! Diavolo!"




So I've criticized the guy above for wearing armor and waving his shield around the warm and fertile hills of southern Itally...but I have not yet offered a worthwhile alternative for him to consider. May I suggest Italian cyclist and international playboy Mario Cipollini. This guy is proof that you can be plenty happy, bang tons of girls and still keep some metal street cred by rocking a fantastic greasy perm. Oh, and let's not forget the mighty zebra stripes. Even Ted Nugent was jealous of his Acqua & Sapone kit.

"Would any of you ladies fancy a bit of bubbly from this strategically placed bottle?"

Does he seriously need the suspenders?

To our metal friends in Italy I say, try this look. Why not? What's the worst thing that can happen, perhaps you'll be asked by Living Colour to join them in a reunion show, all due to your understanding of day-glo colors and skin tight clothing. That's not so bad, is it? You'd still be involved in black metal. Oh.....easy joke, and a bad one. I know. Sorry. Thanks to AC for coming up with that joke 15 years ago.




I could try really hard to write something funny, something that would be devastating and nearly bring this man-child to tears...but in reality, it would pale in comparison to the hell his mom will give him once she comes home and sees that upside down cross on his forehead. Having spent some time in Italy, and having met my Italian friend's mothers (I'm looking your way Mr Gene Hoglan's Balls), there's one thing I've learned: don't fuck with an Italian mother. Period. I don't care how many bullet belts you have, I don't care how grim you are, I don't care how many denim vests you have, I don't care how many gas masks you hang from you belt. Just don't do it. How do I know? I'm from South America...the motherland of Catholic guilt and overbearing mothers. Trust me.



Man, the drummer always gets the shaft. The guitar player and the bass player get to take their instruments for a walk in the woods...the drummer never gets to bring anything other than his drumsticks. Sorry to point this out yet again, but if you think these guys look extreme, you should see the picture that was taken only seconds after this one. As they were standing in the woods, their Italian mothers found them and gave them all brutal thrashings with an extension cords and empty pans of lasagna.




If you've ever been involved with a TV or film shoot, you've probably often heard the phrase "we'll fix it in post", which means that the image or audio can be enhanced, changed or fixed after the fact in post-production. I can just see this evil teenager saying the same thing: "Ah damn-ah, I forgot-ah to bring-ah the blood-ah I was going to put all over myself...oh well, we'll just fix it in post-ah*", by which he meant he would simply use the Airbrush tool in Photoshop.

* These "ahs" are my humorous way of mocking the Italian accent.




No single backdrop speaks about the horrors of humanity, the sadness and grim existance we all endure, and man's inhumanity to man like Italy does. I mean, just look at this grim picture! Doesn't it just make you angry, like you want to sing battle hymns for satan and wear black metal make-up on the beach? Oh that's right...it doesn't. All it should really make you think about is laying on the beach, and going shopping for high Italian fashion, much like the Grisswalds did (see below). If anyone points out that Italy is oppressive because of it's catholic guilt and the Vatican...I say get over it. Millions of people seem to get by just fine. Seeing these pictures of metal dorks makes me want to fly over there and shake them until they barf.







These guys were about to drive off into the woods to do their shoot. Everything was going well, until the singer suddenly yells out "Oh shit-ah, did anyone remember to pack my Nazi uniform and hat?" the drummer says "I knew you'd forget it...ha ha, don't worry. I remembered to pack it along with my bullet belts. I got you man." That, readers, is true friendship. A guy who remembers to pack your classy nazi uniform is a friend for life.




You know how Hitchock used Hershey's chocolate syrup as blood for the shower scene in Psycho, since it was shot in black and white? Well, guess what these guys use for their make up? Spaghetti sauce. Crazy huh?





Electrical tape around his fingertips? Is he like the Michael Jackson of black metal? Why does he parade around construction sites with a ballpoint pen around his neck? As always, black metal photography gives us more questions than answers. In case you were wondering, this picture is proof of something I've commented on before many times. Time travel does in fact exist. Just look at those Reebok hi top sneakers! Put the keys to the Nocturnus time machine down, all you need is a plane ticket to Italy. By the way, I'm bummed to see that more and more European countries are starting to use American building standards. Using wooden 2x4's in European construction (along with drywall) seems sacrilegious. Maybe that's why this guy is posing in this construction site...it's the most unholy thing ever to be built in Italy!


A whole post about horrible things from Italy, and I didn't even mention Cripple Bastards once! Hooray for me!

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Before anyone out there responds to my hilarious commentary about Italians by mocking Americans, let me remind you that I'm not an American. I too know that most Americans look like this:

And I also know that these kids, American as they may be, look like Billy Milano, who has Italian blood (which is thick as gravy) running through his stupid fat body. It's a complicated subject.

Speaking of Milano, are you craving even more Italian content? Today is your lucky day, and not just because the Giro starts tomorrow! Check out some past posts about this very controversial subject.

- Our post about Billy Milano's stage banter.
- Check out the post about Billy Milano banging broads on the road.
- Do you like horrible bands? Have you heard about Death SS?
- Would you like to see the house that a prominent Italian-American demi star like Joey DeMaio lives in? Ever wonder how much other Manowar band members paid for their homes? Read up.
-Do you love Lars Ulrich's dad, but also love roman Catholicism? You're in luck.

We need to buy Tom G Warrior a new jacket

I like to help the less fortunate. When I see a lost dog, I take it home and make posters to find its owner. When I have leftovers from a restaurant, I give them to the homeless man on the street who has just soiled himself. I can't help myself, it's a part of who I am. I can identify those who are in need, and quickly come up with a plan to help them out. Many who live in the western hemisphere worry about those who are hungry in Africa, those who struggle with poverty in Central America...but they often ignore the less fortunate who are often right at their doorstep. Who am I talking about? I'm talking about Tom G Warrior. You see, it's at this time of year that my wife and I decide what charities we will give to, and while doing research online I found the most worthy cause of all...a new jacket for Tom G. Now, I know what you are saying "Hey what about the starving children?" Well, I must ask you "what about Tom G?" Mr. Warrior has given us all so much (let's not forget that amazing track Cherry Orchards ) so why shouldn't we give back? It was a similar concern that forced me to bring up how badly Dan Lilker needs a new pose for pictures. But back to dear Tom, please look at these pictures, some of which date back to 2005! The man has been wearing the same horrible motorcycle jacket for years!













We must act now! Time is of the essence! Please, send all your money via PayPal to Metal Inquisition along with what type of jacket you think we should buy for Tom. Here are the choices.


This would be a fantastic choice, due to its versatility. Everyday I see young black kids who are hella' hip-hop wearing these. Who would have thought that a Nascar jacket would appeal to hip hop audiences? If it's good enough for them, why not Tom G?



Again, a little hip hop never did anyone any harm. These were kinda' popular back when Tom started wearing his current leather jacket, so he'd feel right at home in one of these.


Who would have thought that Members Only jackets would make a comeback? I guess all is fair in love and war, and ironic fashion. Again, due to its soft leather material, Tom G would have no trouble jumping into this fantastic brown number. For the longest time I've been thinking about how Tom needs more earth tones in his wardrobe, so this would fit right in with my fashion strategy for him.



Okay, this one is a bit out there, but if anyone can pull it off it's Tom. I mean, the guy was able to pull off an album like Cold Lake while retaining his street cred...why not test the limits?





You may think this option is a joke, but if you're down with the old school, you probably remember that Reed St Mark wore a jacket like this for a good while during the late 80s. Damn the internet, I can't find a picture of it...but I swear it. If anyone can find a picture of it, let me know.

If you review the pictures of Tom above, you will see his terrible soul patch and his love for hats. Could it be? Could Tom be suffering from the terrible double-whammy? I think so. The poor guy has a mild case of Robb Flynn's Disease AND he's going bald. Here's a rare picture of Tom without a hat, where we see the last remnants of his once brittle, metal mane. Don't ask me why he's painted white, perhaps Celtic Frost is reuniting once again as a mime troupe, what do I know?




Oh yes, I forgot to mention that if we raise enough money we will also buy Tom a new pair of shoes. Seriously, how can we let one of metal's leading pioneers wear platform boots that even an Eastern European raver would laugh at?