Separated at Birth: Olympic Edition

I know that, in the top 1000 least metal things to do, watching the Olympic Games ranks just below buying your dog a Halloween costume. But it's not my fault. Last weekend I came down with a bad, bad case of Olympic Fever (almost as contagious as Robb Flynn Disease). I didn't watch 5 minutes of the Olympics in 2004, but I'm addicted to the damn thing this year.

Anyway, I was discussing with the old lady (aka my ball-and-chain), which Olympic athletes we'd pork. Alicia Sacramone and Misty May were my top 2, of course. Then she mentioned Michael Phelps. I'm so metal, I only heard about this dude 7 days ago, but I know enough to know he's ugly as an old man's armpit. I couldn't believe she'd say his name! "Dude, he's fucking ugly!" I told her, "He looks mildly retarded, for Pete's sake! He looks like... he looks like..." Holy shit. That's when it dawned on me! Michale Phelps and Dan Lilker were separated at birth!

The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Besides their horrible looking face, oddly shaped chin, over sized nose and previously mentioned mentally handicapped demeanor, these two guys have a lot in common. Phelps has won 11 Olympic medals, Lilker has been in 11 shitty bands. Phelps is a dumb flag waiving patriot, Lilker was in SOD... The similarities keep coming:

Their tooth-to-gum ratio is exactly the same


They both look great in shorts. OK, maybe not.


Their sleepy eyes and weird jaw-line makes me want to give them both a hug. Or a drop kick to the face.

The one place were they differ is who they hang out with. Lilker mostly hangs out with loser metalheads has-been's and never-were's in the NY area. Meanwhile, Phelps chills with the president, Bob Costas, Bill Clinton, Paris Hilton, John Travolta and other famous peeps.

Phelps with a few friends


Lilker with a few friends

As always, here's a random image i found while researching this post. Enjoy.