Can you think of a better band than BODY COUNT?? No.

Lucho Metales studied this photo carefully for fashion tips back in the early 90s

This article is about the band. For the number of people killed in an event, see body count. For the game, see Operation: Body Count. For the film, see Below Utopia.

BC BC BC BODY COUNT MOTHERFUCKER!!

Of all the thousands of albums I've owned over the years, the zillions of hours I've spent going to shows, it is with the utmost confidence that I say the ones that involved Body Count were the best. I own all their records and I am happy to say I've seen them three times. I could literally write a twelve-volume series about how much I love Body Count, but in the interest of brevity I will simply leave you with some of my favorite Body Count moments.

1. "Strippers"
My Body Count experience are like my children: it's hard to single out just one as my favorite. But if I had to choose one child, even if it meant condemning the rest to death, it would be the incredible lyrics to "Strippers," off of "Born Dead":

A porno star, you're in 3-D,
you're right in front of me,
under the strobe lights,
moving that ass right, lap dance,
I'm 'bout to bust in my pants.
Goddamn baby, take my money,
take my life, I'll diss friends,
I'll leave my wife.
Every night I'm in the front row waitin.
Contemplating, masturbating.
Tell me what to do and it's done,
You whisper in my ear tell me
I'm the one,
last night I think I gave you 15 hun,
but as for a date, I can't get one.
Strippers
I want my dick sucked.
Strippers
I wanna bust a nut.
(MONOLOGUE)
CHORUS
You're worse than a whore,
you won't fuck.
I wanna fuck you so damn bad
I'll give you anything you want
you can have my pad.
Girl I'll kill for you,
take my jewels, my cash.
Just put that pussy on my dick
and baby move that ass.
Your tits are so fat, I wanna
suck 'em dry
Push your clit near my face, I just
might try
Stick that ass out, stick it out baby,
you simulate your suckin my dick
drives me crazy.
I wanna ram it in your ass right now,
tonight baby I think I gave ya damn
near two thou,
you push your puss on my dick
you make my balls turn blue -
Don't make me rape you.
Strippers
CHORUS

Now I am a huge fan of pornogrind, and I can listen to Gut, AC, Meatshits, and Cemetery Rapist without batting an eyelash, but this is a whole new level of misogyny that is shocking and more than a little bit disturbing even to someone like me that thinks "Women, Nature's Punching Bag" is hilarious. But there is something about the menacing tone of Ice-T's voice when he says "I wanna ram it in ya ass right now" that makes me say, "Ice, I can't stay mad at you!!"

2. Warped Tour 1997
The second time I saw Body Count was at Warped Tour in 1997 or something, the same one that Eminem, the Vandals and Blink-182 played. I think Skarhead also played this show. Anyhow, Ice-T played several Body Count songs in his set, and everybody booed. It was a tough crowd: a bunch of teenage punk rockers that definitely weren't trying to watch Ice, Mooseman, Beatmaster V, Ernie C and D Rock get down.

But Ice kept his cool. He said, "All y'all motherfuckers booin, you probably think Ice-T shouldn't be up on this stage. You think I don't know shit about punk rock, about heavy metal, but you know what? I did joints with motherfuckin' Slayer. I did a joint with The Exploited. So fuck you!"

And I had to hand it to the crowd, because they acknowledged that Ice had made a very convincing argument. I mean The Exploited are arguably the worst band ever to play a note of music, and Slayer has always been average at best, but he certainly established his credibility. I could see everyone kind of shrug and turn to their friends as if to say "You know, he's got a point!" And from then on, those punk-ass kids gave Ice the respect he deserved.



3. Their covers

Their first album had a legitimately sweet cover. This image was great because, along with the lyrics and music, it represented everything that scared the shit out of white people in 1991. Contrast with the famous and extremely un-intimidating image of Tupac that you can buy posters of at flea markets everywhere in which he looks like he's maybe pushing 135 soaking wet.

Now this one, I'm not sure what happened. I know that Ice was just trying to convey the unique patois of urban residents, but "Mothaf'ck'n' Dead!" feels about as authentic as "Honkey Grandma Be Trippin'."

See how the one crib looks like a coffin, and it has cobwebs on it? That's because one of the infants in this otherwise unremarkable (although poorly organized) nursery was BORN DEAD!!

NEW YORKMENT keep it fuckin slam

I have never been in a band, but if I was going to start one, it would be exactly like my new favorite up and coming wigger slam band, NEW YORKMENT. With song titles like "Pit Riffment," "Slam the Gorebong," and "Ingorging Ingorgity," I knew I would love them before I heard the first note. Thanks to Matt from NJ's finest, Kalopsia, for the tip!


Instead of trying to describe them myself, I will use the words of one of their fans instead:

"Yo fuck tha haters. NEW YORKMENT is da real deal. Serious broz, serious music. East Coast new wave of death slam in full effect. NEW YORKMENT, WITHOUT REMORSE, REVENANCE" - Chrissy Wormgutzz

Be sure to check them out on Myspace because I hear they are working on setting up some shows with a bunch of sick bands like Deregorged Necrogorger, Cumtopsy and Ungorge Ingorgity of Ingorgement (sorry, they're too underground for Myspace but I am sure you'll be hearing more about them soon!).

I also agree with their feelings on crappy old bands like Carcass, Repulsion and Iron Maiden. It is refreshing to hear someone tell it like it is. As far as I am concerned, Repulsion and Terrorizer are about as brutal as Fleetwood Mac or Wings, and if you think they are the pinnacle of death metal, you are probably old enough to get the AARP discount on the salad bar at Rax. I am much more interested in guttural slamming brutality like Cemetery Rapist, Malignant Rupture and NJDOTS and cutting edge labels like Fuck The Ass Records that are pushing the envelope with bands like New Yorkment. Crappy old school fossil rockers like Morbid Angel wouldn't know a gravity blast or bass drop if it slammed their ass across the pit.

NO PUSSY ASSED OLDSCHOOL BULLSHIT!! FUCK OLD METAL IRON MAIDEN N MOTERHEAD IS UNBRUTAL SHITTY DINOSAUR METAL!!!!!

If the words of their fans aren't enough to convince you, maybe this testimonial from legendary Japanese wigger slammers Vomit Remnants will persuade you:

""me likey likey. good slammin NYDM shit! i'm glad my boys in dying fetus told me to check this band out!" -Keisuke from Vomit Remnants

NECROTIC ENBLUGEONER, AND MORE PIT CRUSHING SLAMNESS!!!!!