Pandora is a neat little online gadget that plays personalized streaming audio, sort of like Last.fm only much crappier. The fun part is that it takes the concept one step further by explaining why you like the music you like.
For example, I started off with something classic, yet contemporary: Devourment. Apparently I am drawn to "hard rock roots, repetitive melodic phrasing, and extensive vamping." I'm not entirely sure what vamping is, but I like the sound of it!
Next, I figured I would try another artist that was perhaps a bit harder to classify: Anal Cunt. Pandora came through again, explaining that AC made heavy use of "experimental sounds" and a "gravelly male vocalist." So far, so good!
But things didn't go so well when I dug deeper. The fucking posers at Pandora have apparently never heard of Gothic Slam or Sockeye. Bogus. If they don't have "We Are Circumcised" in their library, what do they have?! I decided I would just go with something I knew I would love, and asked it to play artists similar to Crazy Town.
This is where I knew I had made the right move. It turns out that, like Devourment, part of the reason why Crazy Town is so awesome is that they also use "extensive vamping!" Who knew?! I'm still not exactly sure what that means, but I am assuming it refers to something sweet like bass drops. In any case, it played POD, Saliva, and Godsmack, and I started jamming in bliss. In case you think I'm joking or being ironic, please note that I gave a thumbs up to POD but not Rage Against The Machine (yuck!).
Special request for wigger slam fans! First, a special request to all Last.fm users: please start tagging your favorite jams as "wigger slam." I've gotten a start, but I need some help to get more artists in the mix! In any case, it's summer, and that means it's time to relax on the porch, read your favorite magazine, and catch up on the newest wigger slam metal. Without further delay, here are some tips:
Short Bus Pile Up SBPU is a delightfully retarded wigger slam band from Virginia. If you, like me, like your slam metal like your women (thick and simple), you will enjoy this band. While I can't think of too many things more annoying than the dumb Municipal Waste "thrash" kids who wear hats with the bill flipped up, I am compelled to make an exception in this case:
Anyway, everything else you need to know about this band is summed up by the track listing on their debut album:
1. INTRO 2. DIY CIRCUMCISION <-- I like this title a lot - Sargeant D 3. PREPUBESCENT DEFLOWERMENT 4. SWIFT ANAL FIST 5. ONE NIGHT KEG STAND 6. APPEASING THE BUTCHER 7. LABIA BEAUTIFICATION 8. COLOSTOMY HAND BAG
Infernal Revulsion This band is pretty well known about Japanese wigger slam afficionados, so please do not comment and tell me you already knew about them. If you did, pat yourself on the back. Anyhow, they play exceedingly slammy wigger slam, with plenty of slamming pit riffment. The one thing they add to the formula that's just a bit different is solos, and it's actually a nice touch. If you're looking to get into wigger slam, but come from a dinosaur metal background (for example, maybe you still listen to Deicide), this might not be a bad place to start. They're just a bit more accessible than most, but as you can see from the image above, their wigger credentials are above reproach.
Blunt Force Trauma This is another Japanese wigger slam band. They're solid, but don't really do anything to stand out from the rest of the pack. Mostly I just wanted to put out that a) they named themselves after a Dying Fetus song (lololololololz) and b) they look like even bigger pussies than Lucho Metales and me. I'd like to know these guys better, because Dying Fetus is like the Screeching Weasel of slam metal. You're supposed to stop listening to them after you graduate from high school, they're more of a starter band than something you stick with. I have to give DF credit for inventing wigger slam and having amazingly retarded lyrics that make Waking The Cadaver look smart, but the fact is that they're excruciatingly boring and I can't stand listening to them for more than 2 minutes or so.
Misericordiam This group of bright young men hail from the suburbs of Nevada, and they include the multi-talented Da Vinci of wigger slam: Big Chocolate. I have to be honest, there are slight touches of deathcore here, but I promise that they are minimal and don't get in the way of the mega-slams. In fact, this band should come with a certificate of pit riffment (note: not all slam riffs go up in value). In case you missed it the first time I posted it, watch the video above for a taste of this kid's skills. If that song doesn't make you put on camo shorts and a Katalepsy shirt while you mosh around your room, you are dead to me.
With more and more wigger slam bands cropping up every day, it can be hard to keep up. That's what I am here for: to make sure that no guttural slamming brutality slips through the cracks for our readers! Our data indicates that most Metal Inquisition readers are primarily into dinosaur metal, so I know that most of you hate this stuff, but you should challenge yourself to man up and join the guttural slamming brutality crew!
If you don't feel you are ready for being a slam metal fan, you should stop reading immediately. Instead, pick up the Relapse catalog, put on some Mastodon or Braindrill, and enjoy the safety of fossil metal.
Cephalotripsy http://www.myspace.com/cephalotripsy Let's begin with what I feel is probably the best slam metal band in the history of guttural slamming brutality. I know that's a pretty bold statement, but after you give them a listen I think you will agree. Cephalotripsy is the best of Internal Bleeding combined with the crushing pit riffment necrotic embludgeonmenting of Devourment. Put this record on and you will be slamming around your room before you know it.
Gorevent http://www.myspace.com/gorevent I am not sure how to say the name of this band, but they are a great Japanese wigger slam band featuring ex-Rest In Gore members with some hot chick playing bass. They basically sound exactly like Rest In Gore, which is a really good thing. Just from this photo you can tell they will be sweet because it's a bunch of normal looking Japanese dudes wearing illegible death metal shirts, camo shorts and baseball hats. But getting back to the chick, look how good her hair is. I'm jealous of Asians because they have such naturally shiny, dark, straight hair, and it's so easy for them to have cool, piecey ends.
NJDOTS http://www.myspace.com/njdots NJDOTS is basically what New Yorkment would be if they weren't a joke band. If you don't know about some dirty Jer-Z shit now, you will after jamming their demo. NJDOTS stands for "New Jersey Department of Transportation Suicide," after the way that people kill themselves by throwing themselves in front of NJ Transit trains. They don't have any hardcore influences, but I would like to think that Rick Ta Life and ANT$ would be down with them anyway. It's all Jer-Z.
Abort Mastication http://www.myspace.com/abortmastication Here is another Japanese band that describes themself as "Brutaldeathmetal Goregrind Moshgore Grindcore Chaotic." To me it sounds like brutal death metal with a generous helping of slams, but you can be the judge. Mostly I just love their Engrish.
Liturgy http://www.myspace.com/liturgychicago Now technically this might not be wigger slam, and it's definitely not new, but I just came across this band and wanted to share. I was a big Cinerary fan, and this band has 2 or 3 guys from Cinerary, so you pretty much know what to expect: brutal as fuck death metal in the California style with Disgorge's Matti Way on vocals. How could you go wrong?!
Rest In Gore http://www.myspace.com/restingoreofficial Along with Disconformity and Glossectomy, Rest In Gore are leading the pack in terms of Japanese wigger slam. I know it's incredibly trite for internet metal nerds to worship obscure Japanese sub-subgenres, but the truth is that the Japs just know how to fucking slam like nobody else. Anyway this band sounds like all the other JPDM bands that I like but there is something special about them. Much like the Toyota production system has perfected the delivery of an automobile at the greatest possible efficiency, Rest In Gore deliver the maximum possible slams per second with ruthless Japanese efficiency.
Condemned http://www.myspace.com/condemnedmetal This album came out last year and in my opinion was extremely underrated. It is 3/4 of Cephalotripsy, and basically sounds the same except that they play mostly blasts instead of slamz. So it really wouldn't fit into a purist's orthodox definition of slam metal, but I am willing to bend the rules for you, our readers. I thought this album was one of the finest death metal albums I've ever heard, it's just wall-to-wall brutality with absolutely no melody or compromises. Dinosaur metal fans will probably be put off because there aren't any parts where they play Iron Maiden harmonies and none of the songs are about being a fucking Viking or whatever bullshit you people are into, but if you want guttural slamming brutality, you came to the right band. For fans of Disgorge, Deeds of Flesh, and other brutal California death metal, but unlike a lot of those other bands it never gets boring because they don't play too many tremolo riffs.
I have never been in a band, but if I was going to start one, it would be exactly like my new favorite up and coming wigger slam band, NEW YORKMENT. With song titles like "Pit Riffment," "Slam the Gorebong," and "Ingorging Ingorgity," I knew I would love them before I heard the first note. Thanks to Matt from NJ's finest, Kalopsia, for the tip!
Instead of trying to describe them myself, I will use the words of one of their fans instead:
"Yo fuck tha haters. NEW YORKMENT is da real deal. Serious broz, serious music. East Coast new wave of death slam in full effect. NEW YORKMENT, WITHOUT REMORSE, REVENANCE" - Chrissy Wormgutzz
Be sure to check them out on Myspace because I hear they are working on setting up some shows with a bunch of sick bands like Deregorged Necrogorger, Cumtopsy and Ungorge Ingorgity of Ingorgement (sorry, they're too underground for Myspace but I am sure you'll be hearing more about them soon!).
I also agree with their feelings on crappy old bands like Carcass, Repulsion and Iron Maiden. It is refreshing to hear someone tell it like it is. As far as I am concerned, Repulsion and Terrorizer are about as brutal as Fleetwood Mac or Wings, and if you think they are the pinnacle of death metal, you are probably old enough to get the AARP discount on the salad bar at Rax. I am much more interested in guttural slamming brutality like Cemetery Rapist, Malignant Rupture and NJDOTS and cutting edge labels like Fuck The Ass Records that are pushing the envelope with bands like New Yorkment. Crappy old school fossil rockers like Morbid Angel wouldn't know a gravity blast or bass drop if it slammed their ass across the pit.
NO PUSSY ASSED OLDSCHOOL BULLSHIT!! FUCK OLD METAL IRON MAIDEN N MOTERHEAD IS UNBRUTAL SHITTY DINOSAUR METAL!!!!!
If the words of their fans aren't enough to convince you, maybe this testimonial from legendary Japanese wigger slammers Vomit Remnants will persuade you:
""me likey likey. good slammin NYDM shit! i'm glad my boys in dying fetus told me to check this band out!" -Keisuke from Vomit Remnants
NECROTIC ENBLUGEONER, AND MORE PIT CRUSHING SLAMNESS!!!!!
Late last year Wired magazine published a list of "salacious edits" to Wikipedia, including the Church Of Scientology deleting criticism from its Wikipedia entry, the FBI editing a page regarding Guantanamo, and even the Republican Party changing the entry about the Iraq war. How were such changes detected? Through the magic of WikiScanner, a site developed by a Cal Tech grad student that tracks IP addresses of those who make changes to Wikipedia pages.
Why am I telling you all this? Because everyone here at Metal Inquisition is committed to transparency and truth. Though we were unable to track if Mike Browning himself was the one that deleted the specs of the Nocturnus time machine that were posted on Wikipedia, or who on earth deleted the detailed (and scholarly) definition of Wigger Slam to the Death Metal page. We were able, however, to find changes from rather unusual sources to some pages that are probably of interest to our readers. We've included screenshots as proof, but feel free to follow the links as well.
___________________________________________________________________ Someone at the Tennessee Department Of Education cares about Broken Hope? Perhaps they too were confused by the fact that the intro in Swamped In Gore is called "Borivojs Demise". Who names an intro after a Metal Maniacs demo reviewer?
___________________________________________________________________ The Catholic Diocese of Phoenix thinks it's important that the facts about Suicidal Tendencies on Wikipedia are right? Are they mad about the song "Send Me Your Money"? Is that song also the reason why the Social Security Administration is tooling around with the ST page?
___________________________________________________________________ Someone at Harvard University is making changes to the Wikipedia entry for "wigger"? Must be some head researcher who is way into Devourment.
___________________________________________________________________ Harvard's at it again folks. My theory is that a leading anthropologist at Harvard began to study upstate New York douchebag culture, and in order to understand it better, he immersed himself in the culture. Anthropologists call this "participant observation", and one particular issue with this type of research is that the anthropologist can begin to identify with the culture he's studying. Think of it as Stockholm Syndrome. Anyway, this guy starts going to Manowar shows, he writes a few papers...next thing you know, he's wearing fur chaps, and making angry edits to their Wikipedia page. All to make sure the member timelines are correct. This sort of thing happens all the time in academia
__________________________________________________________________ Can you find other suspicious Wikipedia edits? Let us know about them. Give it a try here. Perhaps you'll discover a mass conspiracy to try to cover up Wild Rags' early glam releases. Who knows.
We talk about wigger slam metal a lot here on Metal Inquisition, but there is still a lot of confusion as to what exactly the genre means. In this post, I will attempt to explain the basics. Unlike a lot of what we write about on here, I take wigger slam metal very seriously and I honestly love this stuff.
What's wigger slam? Slam metal is just death metal that focuses on the mosh parts instead of the thrash parts. It's very straightforward. They key elements are a very ringy snare, guttural cricket vocals, and of course tons of slam riffs. Wigger slam metal is simple slam metal played by wiggers. And there is no shortage of this stuff, as you will see.
The early years: Long Island guido slam metal In the beginning, there was Internal Bleeding. And before that, there was Pyrexia and Suffocation. But it wasn't until Internal Bleeding that the guido and wigger elements crept into the slam sound. They had lots of slam riffs and acted like tough guys. It makes a lot of sense when you think about how stupid people from Long Island are.
Waking The Cadaver: Jersey Shore slamming sickness!!
Then you had bands like Repudilation and Entorturement that took it to the next level of wiggerdom by actually rapping over slam riffs. It was equal parts totally ridiculous and totally fucking awesome. I still listen to the Repudilation demo all the time. Rounding out this scene were bands like Dehumanized and Disfigured that slammed like crazy but lacked the wigger overtones. They're still worth listening to, though, even though you'll miss the wig.
The next generation: Devourment and Texas slam metal However, it was really Devourment that created the genre we know today as wigger slam metal (although they were mostly Mexicans... but whatever). They introduced some of the common elements such as TR-808 bass drops, gravity blasts, and post-Internal Bleeding cricket vocals. I mean Frank Rini had some deep-ass vocals but in a totally different way from Devourment. Most wigger slam bands these days are essentially just refining the Devourment formula, ever so slightly improving on it every time. It's almost as though Devourment was put through the Toyota kaizen process a thousand times, getting a little more refined each time. I think Jack Welch would be proud. Other notable bands of this generation include Sect of Execration, Prophecy (keepin' it fuckin sick!), and a zillion other bands I can't think of right now. Viral Load or something I guess.
Japanese wigger slam metallers Vomit Remnants
The new wave: Wigger slam goes international New school wigger slam metal just might be my favorite kind of music in the whole world. These days most of the wigger slam metal happens in places like Russia, Japan, and Scandanavia. I think this is because their malformed third world minds don't quite understand how absurd and uniquely American it is to wear camo shorts, basketball jerseys and play slam riffs with cricket vocals. But whatever, because those Japanese really know how to fuckin slam, I'll tell you what. The Russians are developing a really distinctive style as well. But the Americans are still holding it down. You definitely need to check out Cephalotripsy- they sound just like Voracious Contempt but with even more machine-like slams, an even ringier snare sound, and even deeper vocals.
Here is a song by Rest In Gore that's maybe the very best example of the latest wigger slam stylings from Japan.
And here is a video by the Japanese wigger slam metal band Glossectomy. Please note the MC Hammer-like beanies and wiggerish arm movements.
Budget Wigger Slam There is a small but important sub-genre of combines the lo-fi production and sloppiness of grindcore with the traditional wigger slam style. We call this budget wigger slam, and it is typically found in the wilds of MySpace. There are zillions of these bands, and like noisecore, you either like all of them or none of them. I like lots of these bands, with Artery Eruption and Grymer being excellent examples. But fucking Malignant Rupture are the kings of budget wigger slam! They're like 15 years old and slam like there is no tomorrow. I hope they put out a demo or something, I can't stop listening to their MySpace song.
I wish I could slam like this slam wiglet from Malignant Rupture when I was in 10th grade
Big Chocolate This 17 year old kid, who goes by Big Chocolate on the interweb, really deserves his own entry in the annals of slam history. In my opinion he is the finest wigger slam metal musician in the history of the genre, and I'm not even fucking kidding a tiny bit. I'm totally on this kid's balls. He is in the bands Disfiguring the Goddess and Malodorous. Please note his Wu-Tang shirt.
Maybe I am too cynical, but something tells me this photo has been doctored. Like Fox Mulder, I want to believe, but if the Internet has taught me anything it's to not believe anything I see on the Internet. Sure, I'd love to think that hot chicks listen to Devourment, but chances are even if this photo is legit she probably got the shirt from a friend and only wears it because she thinks it looks "punk" or "edgy." This chick looks exactly like the kind of girl you'd see working at your nearby mall's MAC counter, which of course only makes her hotter. Until I see proof though I'll just continue believing that the only people who listen to slam metal are rednecks from Texas and wiggers from New Jersey.
