Retroview: Nitro

George Lynch miniature, anybody?

For better or worse, I am a child of the 80s shred scene. I first started playing guitar in '89, when the magazines were still full of shit like Cacophony, Mr. Big, Vinnie Vincent, Steve Vai, George Lynch, and so forth. Back then, before Nirvana ruined everything and made people understand that songwriting was more important that shredding, we fetishized technique above all else. The magazines were sweet, full of pictures of androgynous dudes with big hair and no shirt making a funny face as they shredded the fuck out of some neon green Washburn. Out of all those bands, though, none of the could hold a candle to Nitro. They played faster, sang higher, and looked more like characters from Mad Max than anyone else! Needless to say, we are huge Nitro fans here at Metal Inquisition, and we think it's high time to look back at this band's output.



OFR (Out Fuckin' Rageous)
Nitro's debut is, without a doubt, one of the finest pieces of recorded music in the history of mankind. And let me be perfectly clear here that while Nitro are hilarious and ridiculous, I 100% non-ironically love this record! Look how the pieces of the logo are exploding out of the letters and shit! BAM!! You can feel the crackling energy!! Some of the highlights:



Freight Train
This song is about how Nitro is like a freight train... whatever that means. I guess it is kind of like the analogy questions on the SAT that are like Nitro:Freight Train :: Racer X:____________ and you have to fill it in (I would have answered that question with "Lambo Countach," by the way). Make sure you watch Michael Angelo blaze the fretboard of his four-necked guitar (count 'em- four necks!). The guy wasn't fucking around. Jimmy Page thought he was onto some shit with his double-necked business, but Michael Angelo took it to a completely different level that is rivaled only by Kane Roberts' assault rifle guitar (below).

Fighting Mad
This song is about a fight. Not only that, but the fight is so heated, it seems likely that someone may lose their life! You can only imagine how intense and vivid the song feels! That said, I feel like parts of it could have been a little rushed. I may be going out on a limb here, but I am going to say that Jim Gillette didn't put a ton of thought into these lyrics:

You never crossed me, I hope you never will
Backed in a corner, I'm forced to kill
Don't say I haven't warned you, you're fucking with your life
Nothing can save you, not even a knife

Seriously? "Not even a knife"? I mean, I don't think anybody expects Shakespeare but come on, at least make it look like you tried.

The liner notes
Many years before 4chan and I Can Has Cheezburger made it cool, Nitro used ironic spelling to great effect in the liner notes of OFR. For example, they articulate their stance on drug abuse as follows: "DRUGZ R 4 DUMFUCKS. DON'T BE A DUMFUCK." Actually, I'm not sure it was ironic, I think they are just dummies who are functionally illiterate. The end result is the same, though, so whatever.

Nice basket of fruit

Bobby Rock
Someday we really need to write a whole post about Nitro drummer Bobby Rock, who is an extremely bizarre human being. For now, please just take a few moments to head over to his site and get some tips on vegan bodybuilding, read some of his erotic stories, and look at pictures of him meditating. It's kind of mind-blowing so make sure you've prepared yourself first with plenty of fasting, prayer, and stretches!! Here's a sample of some of his erotica- it puts Penthouse Letters to shame:

You are brought into the UCLA Medical Division for a top-secret, cutting-edge experiment. It's a referral-only program and, because of a connection you have with an old family friend, you are among the first selected. You meet your contact and are ushered through a few hallways and into a laboratory environment, where various doctors and assistants are walking around this maze of test tubes and computer screens in their long white coats. You are inevitably led to the rear of the lab where you're taken through a security check-point, then down a long corridor. Along the way, your guide has you stop and peer into a makeshift hotel room, which includes a bed, night stand, lamp and bogus painting. Sitting on the bed, dressed comfortably in an orange bath towel and reading a copy of USA Today, is an attractive and fit gentleman in his late twenties, totally oblivious to your looking in.

From there, you and your guide continue down the corridor until you come across an unusual scene: There's a beautiful, nude woman laying unconscious on a hospital bed. She has some sort of Star Trek-looking skullcap gizmo attached to her head, with a cluster of tubes and wires extending out of it and into an intricate, computerized contraption at bedside. Further left is another bed, this one empty.

Another doctor steps forward and details the experiment:

You are to lay down, fully clothed, on that empty bed across from the unconscious woman and have the futuristic headgear attached. Within 20 minutes, you will be asleep, but every aspect of your consciousness will be temporarily transferred over to the woman. In other words, you will actually wake up - with all faculties, memories, personality traits, everything, completely in tact - in the woman's body. You can even see your body asleep on the other bed.

From there, you will be given 20 minutes alone for "self-exploration," just to check out your new body and see how everything works. Then, you are to join the man you saw in the mock hotel setting for a complete, 45-minute sexual escapade, which will include oral sex and intercourse. Afterward, you are to return to the original bed with the headgear, where your consciousness will be shifted back into your body. You will then wake up and, while your body was not actually involved, you will retain all knowledge, memory and sensation of the experience.

Do you have a boner now or what?! That shit is erotic as fuck, huh?

10/10 bloody axes


NITROII: HWDWS (Hot Wet Drippin' With Sweat)
About 10 years ago, I saw the grind/hardcore band Creation is Crucifixion in Cleveland. Somehow or another I ended up talking to one of the guitarists about Nitro, and he told me he would make me a copy of HWDWS, but he fucking never did. Fast forward to about 18 months ago, and he ended up being the DJ at Lucho Metales' wedding (he does it for a living). After requesting Lil John's "Snap Yo Fingaz," I asked him if he was ever going to get me that copy of HWDWS. He still didn't have it, which was kind of disappointing at the time, but in retrospect was probably for the best. There are a few goods jams such as "Boys Will Be Boys" and "Turnin' Me On," but it just isn't nearly as good as OFR. In fact, if it wasn't for OFR, I would probably be totally into this album. I mean, pick it up if you see it, just for the sake of completeness, but don't get your hopes up, you know?

7/10 bloody axes

Depressing trends in metal: Cardboard Guitars

Based on the first part of the title of this post ( Depressing trends in metal ), you probably thought that it was going to be about black metal bands wearing corsets and looking like extras in The Matrix. Perhaps you thought it was about guys at death metal shows growling as though they were auditioning to be in the band. Maybe you thought it was about Robb Flynn's disease. As you can see by the rest of the title, however, it's not.

As it turns out, none of these trends compares to the ultimate, and most depressing trend ever. Cardboard guitars. You read right my friends, cardboard guitars. Turns out, they were a crucial part of the NWOBHM scene, and luckily for us, the BBC was there to document this unbelievable moment in metal history, and the great cast of characters that surrounded it. By "unbelievable" and "great" I actually mean "pathetic" and "dry-heave inducing". It all started with a cardboard guitar being used as a prop in a contest to see who was the best headbanger. No, I'm not kidding. When you watch the video, note the guy towards the end of the clip who is all pissed off because record labels wanted to give away cardboard guitars rather than letting headbangers make their own. The outrage!

Watch, be amazed, and depressed by it all. By the way, I would pay top dollar to find out where the main guy who is interviewed in this documentary is today. The poor dope has the personality of a dead moth...so I'm sure he went on to excel in the world of business, so he's probably a C level executive at a major corporation. The strong manner in which his voice projects, and his birdlike physique are the signs of a man with an unbelievable drive and vision. Just listen to him at the end, where he decides that he's too old to learn how to play the guitar, so perhaps he's better off excelling at pretending to play a cardboard guitar. It's like he invented Guitar Hero, he was so ahead of his time!



Watching this video makes me wonder if this is how the rest of the world saw my brother and I many yeasr ago as we toiled away making our (just as depressing) plywood bass guitar. It was a 5 string bass, by the way, since we couldn't decide if we wanted a guitar or a 4 string bass. We compromised on a 5 string bass with a whammy bar.

Metal Inquisition Video Vault: Obituary on public access television (Circa '91)

Here we see Trevor looking much like Rodin's The Thinker, wondering why on earth he looks so much like Skeletor, and whey he's wearing white socks with black shoes.

We are once again opening up our video vault, so that Metal Inquisition readers can enjoy the metal goodness that has been hiding in the mountains of VHS and Beta tapes that are sitting around in my basement. This time, I bring you Florida's Obituary on public access television. I got this video, along with some Deicide and Napalm Death footage on a trade with Pat from Hellwitch back in 1992. Watch and enjoy. Please note the following:

- Great set decor. Nothing says "metal" like wicker.

- Sweet Sadus hat/hair combo

- "Plus, you're thrashing so hard" (0:59)

- "Did you guys ever jump into the pit?" , as she says that she makes the face shown above. (1:05)

- Awkward moment with young kid who thinks "Man in the box" is a song by Red Hot Chili Peppers (3:22)

- Awesome burgundy sweatpants are both versatile and comfortable (5:17)

- Great discussion about the validity of recording at Morrisound, sadly there's no talk about why bass drums sound like typewriters when recorded there. (6:42)

Kids Playing Metal (aka: Asian kids can play "Crazy Train" at an earlier age than non-Asian kids. Science says so.)

Yup, it's true. The reason why many of you weren't able to play "Crazy Train" when you were six is because you're not Asian. Don't believe it? Science says so. You see, Asian languages rely heavily on tonal differences, which lead Asian children to have absolute pitch (aka perfect pitch) more often than non-Asian kids. Watching this video makes me so jealous.



Note: After "Crazy Train", the video gets decidedly un-metal, unless you consider Eric Clapton Metal.

Compare that to this American kid playing Slayer. I know I sound like a jerk for making fun of him, but please compare the two. At first, you think the kid's double bass skills are pretty good. But then it starts to sound like a sack of potatoes falling down a set of steps.

In all these videos, you can almost see the parent aiming a gun at the kid, forcing him to play. Poor kids, destined to live out their stupid father's failed dreams of rocking out. At least the kids will have YouTube proof for their therapists one day.





But worry not Americans, this kid comes in and saves the day. He's also an aspiring Lombardo, but manages to play much better than the previous kid. Yes, his triplets need a little work, and he's a bit sloppy at times...but Lars Ulrich only wishes his playing was this tight. There is hope for the US of A after all.

Headbanger's Ball Memories

A bit of metal history salvaged from the Metal Inquisition video vault, freshly transfered from Beta tape for your viewing pleasure. Please note the dopey fans at the beginning. I think this video marks the last time that Kerry King's hair was seen anywhere.


It's also the last time he was seen looking like a normal human being, and not a wrestler...though he did have the sweet lines shaved in his facial hair. Listen to him call Alice In Chains "Alice". Enjoy.

Dark Throne - Unplugged

Sometimes we can gain a deeper understanding of art by simply taking in a fresh interpretation of a well known piece. Consider, if you will, the multiple acoustic versions of Dark Throne's "Transilvanian Hunger" available to us through the magic of youtube.




There's nothing about a chubby, latino dude wearing a sweet baja sweatshirt that says "black metal"




Dude, you should be picking at twice the speed. Burzum shirt and Metallica shorts? Go make your bed. And then tune your guitar.



Okay, this guy is plugged in. Seriously, do you need the sheet music in a stand to play this song? His mom is gonna be so pissed about him putting his feet up on that tasteful ottoman. Nice zippers on his pants too. Sexy.



This guy got straight up fancy with the arrangement. He made the song suck even more. He's like the Dave Matthews of black metal.



This guy knew he didn't look very metal. So he spared us the visual.




Rolling Stones poster? I know metal sir, and you are not metal. I can just picture his mom crying about the fact that this is what her looser son has turned out to be.

Where Are They Now? Marty Friedman Edition

Just last week Metal Inquisition spoke out about the obvious, and disturbing antisemitic visuals in Megadeth's "Hangar 18" video. Our primary concern was the insulting alien that appears on screen as Marty Friedman is shredding his way through what has to be my favorite among the 39 guitar solos in that song. Note the Friedman-like hair and, and the seriously offensive nose on this alien. Mustaine was certainly trying to send a message to Friedman.


Having no information to the contrary, Metal Inquisition researchers determined that this was surely one of the reasons why Marty eventually left Megadeth (that, and being asked to come up with a signature coffee blend for Legend's Cup Coffee). So the next question we all asked ourselves is "where is Marty Friedman now?" Read on to get the answer.

Have you ever watched TV from Japan? You know the shows I'm talking about...the ones with the mindless screaming, the crazy writing that takes over the screen (and has sound effects), the unnecessary freeze-frames, and the dancing? Maybe you've caught some of it on cable or satellite...perhaps you've seen it on your local station when they show you wacky shows or commercials from around the globe. So much weird crap happens on those shows, that most of us are left with an unsettling feeling that we will never, ever understand other world cultures. It's worth mentioning that many Americans have reported having a similar reaction to watching Univision, and wondering why there's so many puppets and adults dressed as children in Latino television. Because of such television shows, many people feel that we will all live knee-deep in xenophobia for the rest of our lives, and that we will never understand those around us.

Enter Marty Friedman, the beloved afroed Megadeth shredder who spent the better part of the 90s wearing skin tight jeans and Nike Air hightops that were each roughly the size of a Buick. Yes, we all know him as the guy who took the job playing with Megadeth because he lost a bet in 1990...but his life is very different now, and his mission is to bridge the gap between western and eastern cultures.

Here we see a western man bowing to his Asian host at a cultural awareness summit co-chaired by Marty Friedman. During said summit the subjects of culture, guitar shredding, 4-minute guitar solos, tremolo picking, hair care and hair products in thrash metal, treatment of alien in American Air Force bases and many others were discussed by a multi-cultural panel of distinguished guests.

That's right, Mr. Friedman now lives in Japan and he hosts the TV show ヘビメタさん (Mr. Heavy-Metal), as well as Rock Fujiyama. Don't ask me how he got hired, but someone in HR must have been asleep at the wheel. Not only is he a TV personality, he also writes for Japanese music publications and continues to dazzle an entire culture with his unbelievable curly locks. Take note, however, that Marty is starting to look more and more like Paul Stanley. Pretty soon, he'll look exactly like Paul...meaning he'll look like a Jewish housewife.



I'm confused. Wait, is that a swastika on his shirt? Jesus, he's wearing Paul Stanley's boots! He moved to a country where everyone is as short as he is...but he still has to show his western-centric, ugly-american side by showing everyone he can tower over them.




Marty Friedman is on a cooking show? Huh? It seems like the Japanese think he's hilarious. He's what Hasselhoff is to Germans, or Woody Allen and Jerry Lewis are to the French.




Marty Friedman? Madonna? What? Just check out Marty's awesome leopard print trench coat.




In this clip, Marty explains to a whole new culture why Sting is insanely annoying, and why chubby secretaries think this Police song is sweet...when in reality it's about a guy stalking a girl.

TORA, TORA, TORA! NIHON-JIN RAISHU! - 日本人来襲!!!

X-Japan are a rad Japanese band from the 80's. They are like the Nitro of the Land of the Rising Sun. I really like them and I rediscovered them in the last 2 months. They've been blasting in my office since. Anyway, I saw an awesome post on an Indonesian blog about a year ago and I thought you'd enjoy it. Nothing makes me laugh more than badly written English, which is funny 'cuz English is like my third language and I'm sure others laugh at my sad attempts to write it correctly.

This post may seem like MI staffers are becoming lazy. Afterall, it's nothing more than a repost from another blog. But it wasn't as easy as it sounds. First of all I had to find it again. I had seen this post months and months ago and it took me about 10 minutes to find it. That's like 4 years in Google time, you see? Second of all, I had to edit it for content. Finally I had to research all the facts, make sure all the information within was reliable and factual. I'm kidding, I didn't really do any of that.

Enjoy...

---

This band was occur since 1982 as the same year I born. I get to knew them in the year of 2003. I still remeber one of my colleague borrow me the Mp3 of X-Japan CD. It was quite awful when I starting to hear thier music but no choicelah coz my work place PC crash so have to format all over again and my mp3 all gone. I am so addicted to Japanese song although I dunno what the hell they are singing. So this were the first Japanese Heavy Metal band I have heard.

There were the 1st Japanese Heavy Metal Band in Japan. Very classical band with Benimaru(KOF) hair style, I am still wondering how they made thier hair stand so high like that.


I dunno what is the reason they make me so addicted to thier musics and yet thier music have been already 20 years already. Maybe is because the fast rythm of the musics make me crazy about it song such as Blue Blood, rusty nails, jealousy and Dahlia. And they also have ballad such as Endless rain, Forever Love and Longing.

From Left to right: Hide(Eguitar), Toshi(vocal), Yoshiki(drum and piano), Pata(Eguitar) and Heath(bass)

Thier History:

X-Japan were one of first visual band in Japan and also most popular. They start in teh middle 80’s with the union of school friends Yoshiki (drums and piano) and Toshi (vocals). After that the joined with a couple other guys and formed band X.
They release two singles ‘I Will Kill You’ and ‘Orgasm’ and made to two compilacions albums with other Japanese new comer bands. At this time Pata (guitar) and Taiji (bass) is joined the band.
In 1988 they make their effort first album ‘Vanishing Vision’ and hire second guitarists, Hide. The album was released on Yoshiki news record label Extasy. It was a great success and they change to Sony records. More albums (’Blue Blood’ and ‘Jealousy’) and more touring hapend.
With Jealousy tour they tried to come out in America, but no one there wanted this visual bands like this. They renamed the band in X-Japan because in America there was already punks band called X. The band hads great success in Japan and the members also makes solo projects.
At this time Taiji (bass) left the band and was replace with Heath. Yoshiki wrote the 23 minutes long song ‘Art Of Life’ which was the first records on the new label Atlantic Records.
In 1996 finally came their last album ‘Dahlia’. In the spring of 1997 Toshi (vocals) decided to quit the band for ‘artistic and religous reasons’, so they announced their disbanding in September 1997. They make a final Goodbye concert in December in this year. Members made diferent solo projects. In 1998 a terible tragedy happen. Hide commit suicide for very unknown reason. The fans were shocked and sadend with melacholy and memory. Yoshiki draw back from public. In 2000 he starte a comeback with his project Violet UK.

Here come thier video:




These guys are the godfather of jrock, so even if you don’t like their musics style, they still demand your respect for sure. Without X, there would be NO jrock and Americans musics would certainly be affected in more ways than one.


It was so sad one of thier member has pass away(Hide) and so thier band also break of as well . Bye …..Legend of J-rock.

The Great Kat—Video Roundup

What can I possibly say about the Great Kat that these clips can't say for themselves. The Long Island native (figures) went to Julliard (something that EVERY bio, set of liner notes, or write-up had to remind you of, probably due to strict orders from her managment) and went on to terrorize America's ears with the dumbest shtick ever...playing classical music at high speeds. She's still at it, believe it or not. She even did a nice patriotic video post 9-11, which you can see below. My friend once saw her live and said that all thirty people in attendance were made to go on stage and worship her on their knees for her song "Worship Me Or Die"....ugh. I remember metal dudes saying she was hot stuff back in the day. Oh boy. Maybe the liked awful yellow teeth. They probably thought Lori Bravo was hot stuff too. Much like the Predator vs. Alien argument, which was only settled once the movie was made, the Great Kat vs. Lori Bravo argument is as old as time itself. Sadly, it can only be settled by doing a movie about it...and Hollywood is not taking Kat's calls.

I picture her today, working at a car wash in Long Island, mumbling to herself as she scrubs down a guido's Escalade "worship me or die, worship me or die, worship me or die". She probably cries herself to sleep alot.

Orion The Hunter brings the American Apparel catalog to life

Thanks to an anonymous reader for the tip on this incredible video! If I didn't know better, I'd think this was some Andy Samberg parody video or something from the latest electro band from Silverlake or Williamsburg. Please do yourself a favor and watch the whole thing, it's incredible. Is it metal? Sure, why not... think of it as metal for your rich yuppie uncle.
(For bonus points, compare this video to "The Speed of Love" for Nike by Justin Harder)

This part isn't really that funny, I just thought this was a pretty cool modernist clock.

You can always tell when an 80s babe means business because she puts on her shades.

Featuring Freddie Mercury on drums.

And Kip from Napoleon Dynamite on guitar.

Belt by Forever 21.

Kip's outta here- he doesn't need this bitch, he's been chatting with babes online all day.

Guitar World's 1992 Death Metal Roundtable

I still remember this article like it was yesterday. I must have read it 20 times- the guitarists for Death, Morbid Angel, Obituary, and Deicide all in one place, telling all their secrets!! It was like mana from heaven to me. Although even that at young age, I was smart enough to know something was up with bits like this:

But while Venom and Possessed utilized Satanic imagery as a gimmick, Brunelle, guitarist Trey Azagthoth and company are true believers. "We're all pretty much one when it comes to anything regarding the supernatural or the occult," says Brunelle. "I'm totally intrigued by it, and I read about it as much as possible. But you can only go so far: the next step would be walking through walls." (laughs)

I remember reading that part and thinking, "His band jams... but holy shit, what a giant faggot!"

In any case, read the article here for some vintage laughs from the days when Florida ruled the roost.