Wanderlust: Metal Edition :: Mexico City is "muy caliente" (El Chopo)

We have discussed to length before how the rest of the world is still living in 1988 and it's the U.S. alone that thinks metal is dead. I recently spent 2 weeks in Mexico City and, let me tell you, it was an ALL-OUT-METAL-ASSULT! Or, like they'd say over there: TODO-AFUERA-ASALTO-METALERO!

Sometimes, when I fall asleep listening to Slayer, I dream of a place where you can hang out with other metalheads with South of Heaven blasting from a car parked near-by. A place where thousands will gather to show off their backpatches. A place where I can buy an Iron Maiden Eddie rubber mask for $9 and Morbid Angel's complete bootlegged discography for $0.75. Well, my friends, that place exists, and it's called El Chopo. This heaven on earth is basically the awesomest flea market in history. Hundreds of little metal/punk/goth street vendors set up shop on the weekends through about 8 blocks of city streets. They sell EVERYTHING metal, from spikey belts and bracelets to Acid Reign bootleg DVDs; from Pungent Stench T-shirts to King Diamond embroidered patches. My Mexican friend Memo warned of the sheer amazingness of this place, but I was not ready for this level of absolute, dark, metal mayhemic (Metal Sin reference) rock-o-rama! I'm sure right now you are thinking: "No way, 'Krusher, you GOTTA be lyin'!" Nope, I'm not. Proof? I got your proof RIGHT HERE! (I'm grabbing my crotch and pointing to this YouTube video narrated by Pedro, from Napoleon Dynamite... not really.) Ignore the punk, goth and hippie shit:





Oh, yeah, they also have awesome live bands:






So, of course when I was there, I met lots of Luchadores and bought plenty of shit. I asked my new Luchador friends to pose, wearing some of the shirts I bought and here's the gallery of my treasures:

Dr. Wagner Jr. sporting an awesome WehrMacht tee.

Ultimo Dragón wearing Dark Angel


Avismo Negro (R.I.P.) in a gorgeous Venom long sleeve


Mistico (my current fave Luchador) rocks the CF t-shirt right

Please Note: The above are not the ACTUAL luchadores. It's just me wearing their masks in my apartment. Please don't make fun of my circa 1998 hp scanner/printer that I haven't used in over 5 years or of my lady bug kitchen towels, my still-sealed spice rack or my never-been-used red kettle. Shaking off the remains of my ex-wife's influence in my life is tougher than I thought. Well, Abismo Negro died like six months ago and Ultimo Dragón lives in Japan, so it's not like this fashion show would have been impossible anyway.

Wanderlust: Metal Edition (China)

In this edition of Wanderlust: Metal Edition, MI staff take you down the mountains from Nepal and into China. You could say that this post is in honor of the Olympics, although who really gives two shits about those sports. It is pretty absurd people actually care about them. I have no idea why I am even commenting on it. On to the learning...




This is the first stop on our little journey down the silk road. From the comments I believe this band is called Continue and at first you are thinking that they could rock. You get kind of stoked on seeing a little girl belting out some brutal grunts. Turns out this is their gimmick. This isn’t death metal, I could almost imagine seeing this band play with Ringworm or Day of Suffering more so than Obituary or Malevolent Creation. Sure the guitarist can belt out a little solo, but he seems to have forgotten how to riff and structure a song.




Here we go again. Dear god why does this keep happening. Another girl and another band with a few riffs. All credit to them for adding more than a few breakdowns with a solo. Fine. You get credit. But you are still bad dudes. The second song is better, but I didn’t care to watch the whole thing. Purgatory is less of a band and more of a way of life I guess. Easy joke, I know.




Ok, another band and another girl singer, although there is some debate as to whether or not this is Purgatory I guess. Who cares. It starts out good enough, but once again it takes a big shit in your mouth. I like to think it looks like they are playing in that club from Wayne’s World. You know the one. The GasWorks I think it was called, but there is no Tia Carrera here. You know what else? The guitarist can solo...and he wants to show you that.




I feel the same way so far on this trip as I do when thinking about Christian death metal. Where the music just isn’t right enough and it is labeled as being true to form but it just sounds like a poor imitation. I think this band could be Hatebreed or something. Meh. Could they not learn about metal on the internet? Don't they have the web in China? Even Necrovore has a Myspace page.




Not so bad. I am not a huge fan of black metal, but at least they sound like something. It is kind of like Dummy Burger. The even have a dumb name. “Raping Corpse to Sacrifice the Moon” sounds like a direct translation and is sadly less kvlt and more evil emo or something.




So this band has nothing to do with China. I just thought the name was funny (Chaos in China) and appreciate the backyard birthday jam session they have going on here. You know the dad filmed this at the request of mom because she thought it was cute. He hated it but thought he could try out his new camera to see how close he could match the style of filming he saw on Austin City Limits. Mom was so proud. The kids were stoked because they were getting the people stoked. Soon afterwards they all left Metallica behind and became trapped in dead end jobs. Kind of like how Metallica ended up.

Authentic Roman Catholic Funeral Doom

Forget about Disembowelment, Thergothon, Esoteric. If you want real funeral doom, nobody does it better than Roman Catholics. Especially during the holiest, and most metal, of all holidays--Easter. Honestly, what's more metal than Christ crucified? Nothing!

Here's a little taste of how it's done in the old country. Real old school style.

Italians Don't Always Do It Better

What can I say about my people that hasn't already been said? The contributions of the Italian people in the areas of art, architecture, cinema, cuisine, literature, science, music, sports, among others, over the past two thousand years remain unmatched by any other peoples. One area, however, where Italians have failed to match other nations in terms of lasting output is heavy metal. Sure, there's a handful of legenday Italian metal bands (Bulldozer, Schizo, and Necrodeath, just to name a few), but compared to countries like Brazil, Germany, and Sweden they have a lot of catching up to do.



Which brings me to the mighty Death SS and this brain-melting video of theirs I found on YouTube. First though, a little history for our readers. Death SS were the first metal band to ever come out of Italy, formed way back in 1977 by Paul Chain (real name Paolo Catena) and Steve Sylvester (real name Stefano Silvestri) and inspired by their love of punk, heavy metal, and old horror movies. Chain conceived of the name (supposedly the SS is an homage to the punk spirit and has nothing to do with Nazism, uh... okay) and Sylvester came up with the idea of each band member dressing like a horror movie character--a vampire on vocals, death and a zombie on guitars, a mummy on bass, and a werewolf on drums. Kind of a brilliant idea, if you ask me. Their sound, described as "horror music" by the band, is a mix of classic heavy metal, doom, and thrash. Sylvester eventually left the group in 1982 and was replaced by some guy named Sanctis Ghoram who dressed as a Necromancer. In 1984, after recording their "Evil Metal" EP, Chain decided to disband Death SS. Foolishly, however, Chain neglected to copyright anything and in 1988 Sylvester reformed Death SS with new members and without Chain. The band has regrettably carried on in one form or another since then with Sylvester the only remaining original band member. Their costumes and music have only gotten more retarded over time and they now basically look and sound like a Marilyn Manson cover band:



But now for the real treat. This video is for the song "Kings of Evil" from Death SS's 1989 album Black Mass and what a video it is! Watching this video reminds me of the first time I drove down the strip in Las Vegas--total sensory overload. There's just so much going on that your brain can't process it all and eventually it just shuts down to keep from exploding. With this in mind, I'm going to try my best to break it all down for you, our loyal readers.



1. The Introduction: What the fuck is that I'm looking at? A screen shot from Castlevania? The 8-bit fire morphing into what looks like the face of the guy from Altered Beast and the scrolling band logo must have cost a cool 200,000 Lira (roughly equivalent to about $40). Keep in mind I speak Italian and I can't even make out what's being said, even though he's clearly speaking English. Cute band montage. A little shaky on the camera work though.

2. The Band Performance: Where do I begin? No, really. How about I begin with the buff, shirtless, hooded executioner dude just chillin' on the left side of the screen. He looks kind of bored. Doesn't he realize that by participating in this video he's being immortalized in metal history? I guess not. How about the band costumes though? Incredible! They look like a cross between Kiss and the Munsters (they're certainly no better looking) and they are rocking the fuck out! And it's all before a live studio audience! I have no idea where or when this was broadcast, but my guess is late at night on Rete 4 alongside phone sex ads. I can totally picture Steve Sylvester asking his little old grandmother (no doubt dressed in black from head to toe) to knit him that sweater and sew on that cape for Carnevale. A skull on the microphone stand? Could that be an homage to King Diamond's infamous microphone handle made of bones? Killer wooden crosses and giant cardboard cut-out logo hanging above the band. These guys must have been a huge influence on Mortuary Drape. Notice I haven't even said a word yet about the song itself? Yeah, I think it speaks for itself. Also, what's with that five seconds of the band posing with naked chicks before they abruptly cut to ten seconds of live concert footage at the end? So many questions, so little answers!

Great moments in metal photography: Mortuary Drape

The world of black metal has always been dominated by theatrics. In response to low budgets and lack of stagecraft, bands like Dark Throne perfected the idea of shooting all pictures in dark environments, and in black and white (cutting out the mid-tones). This was the easiest way to hide the fact that the pictures were being taken in their mom's front yard. Italy's Mortuary Drape are the complete opposite, flaunting their low budget costumes and make-up in full color. You'd almost have to admire them, if it weren't for the fact that they look like retards.



Fantastic purple vest on this hooded young man. Quilted items are big for black metal this season. Who said that a store like J. Jill was not a metal place to shop?



While I applaud the consistent use of purple throughout costumes and props, I have to point out a few things. The tombstone is clearly made of cardboard and hard to read due to this picture being taken with a disposable camera. Also:
1. This guy looks depressed, and also pregnant. Maybe he's depressed because he's wearing a Mama Cass-like robe.
2. I love the little curl of hair on this guy's forehead. He's like a black metal Superman.




1. This guy was all "no-ah way-ah, I get to hold the cross made of 2x4's. I put on my aqua colored jeans and purple vest. I'll be damned if I have to stand behind the cardboard tombstone-ah" (the "ah"s are my way of saying that they probably speak with an Italian accent.)




1. Is this little strip of chest hair the Italian version of a soul-patch? Fantastic cape, by the way.
2. Nice consistent use of the purple again, great way to generate a brand. Love the quilted vest.




1. These guys are singlehandedly keeping the Italian cardboard industry afloat.
2. "This-ah show-ah gonna be so nice, all the tombstones look awesome, I HAVE-ah to tape this and watch my performance"
3. Gibraltar brand triggers. Of course. What would metal be without your bass drum sounding like a typewriter.
4. Nice upside down cross made of chain. Shop class welding lessons are paying off.




1. Do the roadies have to dress in costume as well? Damn. Maybe he plays keyboards? No, the keyboards are on the right. Hmm. Maybe he's the ghost of lame black metal from the future coming to pay them a visit.
2. Sweet lights at the edge of the stage. Tony Bennett would be proud.
3. Nice altar with red velvet tablecloth. I wonder if the roadie ever gets yelled at for forgetting the candles, and table cloth. "Luigi! you forgot-ah mama's table cloth again-ah!"
4. Aw, the cross fell.
5. Lime green Steve Vai signature guitar? Not very black, or metal.

Wanderlust: Metal Edition (Nepal)

Ever wanted to know what people do in Nepal?

Apparently it is throwing the horns, swearing in English, speaking in Nepalese, drinking in your bedroom and doing some sweet, sweet Cannibal Corpse karaoke. Except, I can't decide if it is TRUE karaoke since the vocals can be heard on the track. I am actually surprised because I thought I saw Stripped, Raped and Strangled on the karaoke list at Shooters Pub last weekend. And, to be honest, the more I watch this, the more I think the kid is lip-synching.

LAME.

I would also like to add that I am utterly disappointed because they just have a generic winamp skin. I would have thought they would use the official corpse one. It really pains me and I wish they would consider taking advantage of some of those utilities for winamp and create something special and truly their own.