Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Wanderlust: Metal Edition (China)

In this edition of Wanderlust: Metal Edition, MI staff take you down the mountains from Nepal and into China. You could say that this post is in honor of the Olympics, although who really gives two shits about those sports. It is pretty absurd people actually care about them. I have no idea why I am even commenting on it. On to the learning...

This is the first stop on our little journey down the silk road. From the comments I believe this band is called Continue and at first you are thinking that they could rock. You get kind of stoked on seeing a little girl belting out some brutal grunts. Turns out this is their gimmick. This isn’t death metal, I could almost imagine seeing this band play with Ringworm or Day of Suffering more so than Obituary or Malevolent Creation. Sure the guitarist can belt out a little solo, but he seems to have forgotten how to riff and structure a song.

Here we go again. Dear god why does this keep happening. Another girl and another band with a few riffs. All credit to them for adding more than a few breakdowns with a solo. Fine. You get credit. But you are still bad dudes. The second song is better, but I didn’t care to watch the whole thing. Purgatory is less of a band and more of a way of life I guess. Easy joke, I know.

Ok, another band and another girl singer, although there is some debate as to whether or not this is Purgatory I guess. Who cares. It starts out good enough, but once again it takes a big shit in your mouth. I like to think it looks like they are playing in that club from Wayne’s World. You know the one. The GasWorks I think it was called, but there is no Tia Carrera here. You know what else? The guitarist can solo...and he wants to show you that.

I feel the same way so far on this trip as I do when thinking about Christian death metal. Where the music just isn’t right enough and it is labeled as being true to form but it just sounds like a poor imitation. I think this band could be Hatebreed or something. Meh. Could they not learn about metal on the internet? Don't they have the web in China? Even Necrovore has a Myspace page.

Not so bad. I am not a huge fan of black metal, but at least they sound like something. It is kind of like Dummy Burger. The even have a dumb name. “Raping Corpse to Sacrifice the Moon” sounds like a direct translation and is sadly less kvlt and more evil emo or something.

So this band has nothing to do with China. I just thought the name was funny (Chaos in China) and appreciate the backyard birthday jam session they have going on here. You know the dad filmed this at the request of mom because she thought it was cute. He hated it but thought he could try out his new camera to see how close he could match the style of filming he saw on Austin City Limits. Mom was so proud. The kids were stoked because they were getting the people stoked. Soon afterwards they all left Metallica behind and became trapped in dead end jobs. Kind of like how Metallica ended up.


  1. the drummer in the first couple of videos is really mailing it in. i'm sure these bands would be huge with creepy american men that seem to love asian women for no other reason other than the fact that they are asian women. kinda racist no? anyway, the black metal band didn't get the memo about hair. either long or shaved. nothing in between. period. i thought everyone knew that! i think the shaved head look for a black metal band is also dumb...but common nowadays. still, i thin it leads to the dreaded point where certain pseudo black metal bands start wearing bondage gear and leather manskirts.

  2. i agree all the bands sound good on paper, but wow... how do you say suck-o-rama in mandarin?

    funny that the last video was the only one i could sit through all the way through.

    i don't care that china is the country with the largest cash balance ($363,300,000,000). when it comes to metal they are in a serious deficit. BTW the US is #164. that's 101 spots below tuvalu. i didn't even know that country existed. maybe we can do a wanderlust on them.


  3. Abysmal. Everything about these videos reminds me of why I stopped going to shows long ago. Torture.

    Except the last one. The vocalist should become the blueprint for all vocalists in "extreme" bands. Ever. Overly long white t-shirt underneath a one-color short-sleeve polo, overly short khaki shorts, loafers with no socks... and that little thigh-slapping dance thing he does. Fucking amazing.

  4. Anonymous Rating for this Post:
    *** (3 stars)
    chinese girls are ugly

  5. aged gentleman on prairieApril 17, 2008 at 2:25 AM

    These silly bitches need to stop cupping the mic like a bunch of little girls on a field trip in the early nineties, WTF? Fuckin' Chelsea Clinton could pull those vocals off with that pussy-ass jackoff technique. NOT IMPREST.

    I can't see what's so hot about the black metal band's vocalist crawling to the front of the stage to bawl a short phrase, then waddling off behind some guitarists for 30 seconds looking like a cerebral palsy-ridden douchebag with social anxiety written all over him. Oh, you're not in the entertainment business? Then don't fucking play live.

    As for short-haired black metallers, I think the fourth Gorgoroth drummer did it best when he sported a dead-on Hitler haircut around the time they did that album with the not-Joe Cocker non-cover. Might as well make a fucking effort. Also, at least one of the members of Sigh had a bowl cut on the back of their first record, and they ruled (on that particular record,) and were from rather close to China.

  6. I actually saw half of those bands live here in Bj and they weren't that bad...but there are better bands for sure, like suffocate and ritual day.
    The scene itself here is not bad, nice 80's metal feel, lots of awesome musicians,cheap beer, nice venues,some pretty chicks but no inspiration AT ALL...

  7. hitler haircut? i missed that one. crap.

  8. Lucho:

    Can't see it too good, but it's there.

  9. if this is what life is going to be like when china takes over the world, kill me now.

    chaos in china really nailed "enter sandman." probably the best version i've ever heard. their drummer is about as good as lars. they could use a makeover though.