Metal Gets Co-Opted. Again.

I know it happens from time to time. The very thing you love is co-opted by those you hate. Metal, being perhaps one of the most un-cool subcultures in the world, often remains untouched by urban hipsters. Still we knew it was only a matter of time once douchebags in Williamsburg started rocking fashion mullets years ago. Remember that? Some still have them. By the way, I'm not being defensive over mullets, but they bring back fond memories of my early days in metal. They were like my metal training wheels. It appears as though there is no such thing as original thoughts anymore, only people who can reach deeper into their bag of influences in hopes that the sub culture they are ripping off is unknown to the intended audience.



Anyway, Mishka NYC is some kind of hipster clothing company or store or something. I honestly don't know, and I take pride in that fact. Their newest line of shirts features both a Death logo rip-off as well as a Nuclear Assault one. It's also worth noting that the company sponsors a freestyle biking team (oh, how very 80s), which features a fat kid who loves to eat ice cream cake, loves ironic bright 80s colors, and loves to wear a pseudo Nuclear Assault logo shirt for photoshoots.

As this picture was taken, Chubbs thought "How can I eat ice cream cake AND wear ironic clothing at the same time? Man, this multi-tasking thing is tough"

In said hipster-trash bike team, there's also this guy, with his hilarious handlebar mustache. It's ironic AND a bicycle pun! Oh, what will they think of next? If Dave Mustaine sees this, he'll cry like he did in Some Kind Of Monster.


Look, I know that these guys may have insane metal credentials...but I doubt it. Am I being elitist by saying no one who can't name at least three Tankard songs that aren't on The Morning After can wear such shirts? Maybe. But can anyone as deeply steeped in metal as I am ever be elitist? Metal is for losers. Period. We are scum, and I like it that way. Unlike other subcultures that managed to rise from the bottom (like hip hop as it first existed in the late 70s and early 80s), metal has no real redeeming qualities. That's why most of us (perhaps unknowingly) were attracted to it as kids. As such, this is purely 80s nostalgia, and I hate it. I know I'm a grouchy old fart. Metal is a pathetic sub-culture, but it's mine. I'd like to keep it that way, thank you.


PS: Perhaps the most interesting case of a small part of metal culture being co-opted certainly had to be members of Three 6 Mafia routinely wearing Maiden shirts on their MTV reality show. I can't find a picture of this for the life of me. Anyway, I'm sure some stylist gave them the shirts, and they thought the shirts looked cool. So why was that any different? Unlike Brooklyn hipsters, I think Three 6 Mafia have an incredibly likable side to them. Hipsters have no such side. I've looked. Nothing. Also, and not to delve too deeply into race politics and power dynamics, it seems only fair that Three 6 Mafia should wear Maiden shirts after years of white teens appropriating every aspect of black culture. And also as payback for Wigger Slam and for Chuck Billy getting cornrows.