Monday, April 7, 2008

Metal Gets Co-Opted. Again.


I know it happens from time to time. The very thing you love is co-opted by those you hate. Metal, being perhaps one of the most un-cool subcultures in the world, often remains untouched by urban hipsters. Still we knew it was only a matter of time once douchebags in Williamsburg started rocking fashion mullets years ago. Remember that? Some still have them. By the way, I'm not being defensive over mullets, but they bring back fond memories of my early days in metal. They were like my metal training wheels. It appears as though there is no such thing as original thoughts anymore, only people who can reach deeper into their bag of influences in hopes that the sub culture they are ripping off is unknown to the intended audience.



Anyway, Mishka NYC is some kind of hipster clothing company or store or something. I honestly don't know, and I take pride in that fact. Their newest line of shirts features both a Death logo rip-off as well as a Nuclear Assault one. It's also worth noting that the company sponsors a freestyle biking team (oh, how very 80s), which features a fat kid who loves to eat ice cream cake, loves ironic bright 80s colors, and loves to wear a pseudo Nuclear Assault logo shirt for photoshoots.

As this picture was taken, Chubbs thought "How can I eat ice cream cake AND wear ironic clothing at the same time? Man, this multi-tasking thing is tough"


In said hipster-trash bike team, there's also this guy, with his hilarious handlebar mustache. It's ironic AND a bicycle pun! Oh, what will they think of next? If Dave Mustaine sees this, he'll cry like he did in Some Kind Of Monster.


Look, I know that these guys may have insane metal credentials...but I doubt it. Am I being elitist by saying no one who can't name at least three Tankard songs that aren't on The Morning After can wear such shirts? Maybe. But can anyone as deeply steeped in metal as I am ever be elitist? Metal is for losers. Period. We are scum, and I like it that way. Unlike other subcultures that managed to rise from the bottom (like hip hop as it first existed in the late 70s and early 80s), metal has no real redeeming qualities. That's why most of us (perhaps unknowingly) were attracted to it as kids. As such, this is purely 80s nostalgia, and I hate it. I know I'm a grouchy old fart. Metal is a pathetic sub-culture, but it's mine. I'd like to keep it that way, thank you.


PS: Perhaps the most interesting case of a small part of metal culture being co-opted certainly had to be members of Three 6 Mafia routinely wearing Maiden shirts on their MTV reality show. I can't find a picture of this for the life of me. Anyway, I'm sure some stylist gave them the shirts, and they thought the shirts looked cool. So why was that any different? Unlike Brooklyn hipsters, I think Three 6 Mafia have an incredibly likable side to them. Hipsters have no such side. I've looked. Nothing. Also, and not to delve too deeply into race politics and power dynamics, it seems only fair that Three 6 Mafia should wear Maiden shirts after years of white teens appropriating every aspect of black culture. And also as payback for Wigger Slam and for Chuck Billy getting cornrows.

26 comments:

  1. i can't wait until some douche comes on here telling us the chubby kid was the original bassist for waco jesus or something.

    honestly, this is pretty lame. i am sure these people think they are being really edgy, but they could have picked better bands. like pathologist or derketa. fact is they chose safe bands that are somewhat recognizable because they are not willing to actually invent anything themselves. besides, who are they to complete an alphabet for the death logo? WHO!?!?

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  2. you're right! many have already tried to complete the Iron Maiden logo..and that failed. The only person who knew what those letters would have looked like was Chuck, and he's no longer with us. He took with him the knowledge of what those letters would look like...plus the knowledge of what that line about "when you don't even know your own sexuality" was about.
    if these guys did shirts for Traci Lords Loves Noise, Black Mayonaise, or Nut Screamer I'd be impressed. Until then, it will take more than a Megadeth reference to sway me.

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  3. you know what's REALLY gonna be funny? when the the fuckwads running this shitty company google their name and end up here. Then, they'll get all high-and-mighty and think we are a bunch of looser hesher has-beens w/o knowing who we really are or anything. Then, they'll say WE don't know who THEY are, but WE don't need to know, cuz WE know WHAT they have done and how fucking LAME it is.
    It reminds me of all the skate companies making shirts that looked like product logos in the 90s. it was lame then, it's lame now.

    i had the pleasure of screwing over 2 idiots like these in williamsburgh a few years back when i still cared enough to fight... actually when i still cared about anything at all.
    one, wearing a fashion mullet, made fun of my accent in a bar. i waited until he went to the pisser and i took off with his bag. you wouldnt believe how gay his mini-disc collection was. not mullet-worthy, that's for sure.
    the other, a few weeks later, we were at a party with a few friends (graffiti tough dudes from queens, some of you guys know them) and 2 rich white guys were wearing a tight boot-cut jeans and guns'n'roses and iron maiden tees. they both were wearing aviator glasses (indoors, at night) and one had a moustache. i approched them after a few 40s and gave them shit about their gay sunglasses and they got lippy. My boy punched one of them square in the nose mid-sentence. his glasses flew off his face. it's one of the funniest things i ever seen. something tells me both of these guys are gonna buy shirts from this place and i hope i run into them in w'burgh again :)

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  4. Ha, now you guys know how it feels seeing anarchy signs and all the skate-punk designs ripped off by the fashion posers. The shirts are terrible, and who the fuck came up with Death Adders anyways? Duh. They should have had "Sho-Lo" as a name instead, with "Business up front" on the front and "Party in back" on the flipside.

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  5. i can't wait until some douche comes on here telling us the chubby kid was the original bassist for waco jesus or something.

    he's probably robert deathrage's illegitimate son

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  6. oh, it gets much worse. speed and obesity.

    look at collections, then click FW 07 at the bottom. be prepared.....


    i've kicked somebody out of my apartment for wearing one of those bags once. that shit doesn't fly with me.
    i live in brooklyn, unfortunately, the epi-center of temporary cool at the expense of things established for years and years.

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  7. at the risk of hurting the feelings of anyone who lives in the greater nyc area...i think the area should be fogged, much like you would fog for roaches. i'd be willing to be the one to go in with the cans of spray and set them up all over new york, though mostly in brooklyn. i would then run away heading north. not west. why? sorry jersey city and hoboken...ya'lls gots to go too.

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  8. not that im supporting the williamsburgh and park slope dbags that propel thise BS, but i was in hollywood a few months back and i saw plenty glam revivalists there. picture ricki rachtman at his worst coming out of the cathouse, except it is 2007 and these jerk-off didnt even know who faster pussycat were. sad. im just saying if you're gonna kill us all in nyc, you may wanna do the same in LA.

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  9. and what of our starving metal artists? Those are basically bootlegs. Yeah parody is "fair use", Negativeland blah blah and all...

    that shit on Obesity and Speed especially looks like bootlegs of old band shirts, with only a hint that they aren't, if that. thats fucked up.

    [Not that Danzig and Valor are nice guys or anything.]

    there is a nip slip on FW07, so at least they ripped off the models too - they though they were just "modeling"

    And that garbage looks like it was made by a fourth grader it's so shitty. Maybe if one of them has a grad degree in design they can dress up Sunno)) for their next tour.

    "Dude, they are sound so awesome"
    "Dude, they look so awesome"
    "lets do some coke"

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  10. I could only wish Danzig would kick the makers ass, not to mention the emo-models.

    It reminds me of the gangsta-bro I saw the other day wearing a stocking cap w/Misfits skull on it. Talk about turning the tables and all.

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  11. This is why I hate everyone.

    My question though, and maybe I'm mistaken about the whole situation, but why is their irony any worse than your irony?

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  12. Imagine being so bereft of any kind of originality that you actually have to stoop so low as to rip-off death metal band logos to market your shitty product. Now imagine being so bereft of self-respect that you'd buy one of those shirts. Terrifying.

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  13. My sense of irony? I have none. I mean this. Do you assume that the fact I like metal is ironic? If so, I should just give up. I love metal, but yes I see the sense of humor in it all. I have the metal credentials to prove that I mean this. I"m in the metal union my friend. years and years and years deep.
    Regarding LA, that place goes too. All major metropolitan areas go. What's left? odd places in the rust belt, small towns in nebraska, some parts of texas, 90% of wisconsin. you get the point.

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  14. oh yeah...also. nuclear assault should really get some bucks for this. i'm sure the owner of this company is living in some stupid loft in brooklyn, doing tons of coke and buying $600 jeans. meanwhile dan lilker is still living with his mom in jersey. life is not fair.

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  15. I call this "metal envy." They secretly like metal but to openly admit to liking something leaves them wide open to be ridiculed by their friends who are even bigger asscandles than they themselves are. So they snicker at metal, and delve into the shallow end. This would explain bands like The Sword and Valient Thorr.So metal is a joke because everything must be, to be genuinely into something is to be brave. Ever have a girlfriend who was really great but not so pretty? Hipsters are cowards, if they want to wear a uniform I think they'd be better off riding their gay track bikes (accesories for men and women) in Iraq.

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  16. you are totally right. they are dipping their toes in the shallow end. by making it funny, you can bail at any minute. "oh i dont really like metal...its a big joke". humor keeps them safe, at least what they THINK if humor. right you are my friend.

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  17. regarding our sense of irony: as lucho metales said, i'll give these guys credit when they're making references to cemetery rapist, 7MON, nuclear death, and pyrexia. until then, no dice.

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  18. gene hoglan should sue their balls off!

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  19. room full of white kids crying about a genre losing it's edge. AOL circa 1995. braggin about beatin up hipsters online. name-dropping obscurities.

    this is the crusty audience who left pitchfork and still lives a lost dream filled with ebay-bought vintage cannibal corpse shirts.

    yawn

    biting metal graphics is nothing new. quit actin like little faggots.

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  20. FYI... both Derek Riggs and Ed Repka have contributed graphics to this clothing line...ha!

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  21. Yep, I've chatted with some of these dudes. Their interest in metal and hardcore is legitimate.

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  22. Here's Three 6 Mafia and Iron Maiden: http://www.three6-mafia.com/sites/three6mafia/files/imagecache/preview/sites/three6mafia/files/t6m_photo5.jpg

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  23. Shit here it really is:
    http://www.three6-mafia.com/sites/three6mafia/files/imagecache/preview/sites/three6mafia/files/t6m_photo5.jpg

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  24. Ah fuck:
    http://www.three6-mafia.com/sites/three6mafia/files/imagecache/
    preview/sites/three6mafia/files/t6m_photo5.jpg

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  25. although i would usually agree with your point of view and i think most of those shirts are horrible (bar the repka one) these dudes do actually know their shit and aren't the williamsburg gaylords you might expect.

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