Friday, April 4, 2008

Ask me about killing black metallers

When I lived in Cleveland in the late 90s, there was a crazy Russian kid that used to wear a black baseball hat that just said "DEATH METAL" on it in big white letters to all the shows. I think he had it made at the mall or something. I thought that was really cool, but one day he took it one step further and arrived at a Nunslaughter/Malignancy show wearing a shirt in the same style, only this time it said "ASK ME ABOUT KILLING BLACK METALLERS."


I'm not really sure what the point of this story was. In the same way that I admired the straightforward title of Dismember's 1999 album "Death Metal," I guess I just admired his commitment to death metal. Like him, I was angry and confused by black metal. I didn't know why anybody would rather listen to screeching banshees wailing about trolls and vikings over repetitive, trebly guitars when they could be jamming to Pyrexia or Baphomet. I still don't. Not when there are great bands out there like Cemetery Rapist.

Anyway, I don't know what happened to that guy, but if you know him, please tell him that I would like to ask him about killing black metallers.
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8 comments:

  1. KlausApril 4, 2008 at 9:51 AM

    i can just imagine the chubby white lady at the mall embroidering the hat wondering if it was racist or not.

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  2. JohnnyApril 4, 2008 at 10:48 AM

    Know exactly who you are talking about. He was at both RINGWORM reunion shows (alone and non-verbal, natch) in '98 when I lived there and I'm almost positive he did a semester's worth of classes at CSU. Total unexpected blast from the past memory there.

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  3. AnonymousApril 4, 2008 at 12:39 PM

    ha ha... yeah it's hard to forget him! i think his name was Ivan, but i never actually spoke to him so i don't know for sure.

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  4. Hellenic Metaller (London, UK)April 4, 2008 at 1:13 PM

    Cemetery Rapist = 12 seconds of my life I will never get back....dooooooooooooooh!!

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  5. SkullKrusherApril 4, 2008 at 4:11 PM

    polish people are just just fucking funny in general! i have an old polish couple in my floor and they are funny just too look at! i pray every morning that they are walking the their pekinese at the same as im walking my dog cuz the conversations we have in the elevator are GOLD. they know my band toured poland a billion years ago and they think its awesome i know lodz and poznan and i can even pronounce the name of the 10 polish players in the bundesliga. they love me. they go on and on about how i should stop by for dinner or to visit their son in warsaw... we never talked about "black metallers", tho. i'll inquire next time.

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  6. AnonymousApril 4, 2008 at 6:08 PM

    The term "cornfield slam" = fucking BRILLIANT. Utterly amazing.

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  7. christbutcherApril 4, 2008 at 6:20 PM

    cornfield slam.

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  8. AnonymousApril 4, 2008 at 9:43 PM

    i hope you guys know that i didn't make up "cornfield slam"! if you didn't go to the trouble of visiting the Cemetery Rapist myspace page, i don't blame you, but that's the genre he uses for his music. it's a triumph of human achievement!

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