Wednesday, April 23, 2008

When will you ever learn?

How about we start with this?

This kind of sets the tone for this post.

But then again, I am not really sure how to write about this movie. You see, it is kind of a favorite of mine. The sort of real 80s metal in “film” type of crap that sends dorks like me to the basement to watch on a shitty VCR. So why is it so awesome? Well, one reason and one reason only, THOR! Normally I would say he is a turd, but this is the only thing he has ever done that people actually like, and I am not counting his music because only Seth Putnam likes that. (That last part is true, Seth used to bid big, and by big I mean $1 on many Thor items on Ebay back in the late 90s/early 00s, lucho remembers I am sure.)

So, overall the theme of the movie is giving Thor a place to act. That is really all there is too it. He wrote a little of it and stars in it as an archangel. This makes me think that Putnam wrote it because only he could think of Thor as some heavenly figure.

Now...on to the battle.

Seems innocent enough. Kind of like a weird midwestern boy trapped in Canada.

Women are truly evil. Here is proof. Or they might be puppets. I am not sure what this means.

A knife and a cigarette? Maybe these are scary to Canadians. I don’t know. I am not a fan.

He is just so pissed off. This is like telling a retarded kid to make an angry face.

Well, cometh the man, cometh the scared puppets.

Director: “Give it a good hug, because we ran out of glue. The key grip was too busy huffing.”

I have no words. Is the devil taking advantage of Thor?

Fight is almost over, or is this a dance?

All that aside, you need to watch this. It is a good representation of what was so completely awesome about the 80s. A time when anything was truly possible. Shitty puppet Satan. Some odd fraggle rock puppets that are supposed to be demons? Ghouls? Who knows. The one has a pretty good smokers cough. Hair and then some really creepy bare-chested man vs. puppet action.

When will we ever learn?


  1. "You are wasting my time Bob"...indeed. However I like some of Thor's music "Let the blood run red", "Thunder on the Tundra" are classics!!!

  2. this is an unbelievable piece of film. visual effects by the same people that did the Hangar 18 video i think.
    i do remember seth bidding on those records, that was around the time that he was selling tshirts and "art" he would do of hitler breakdancing. yes, and people bought it.
    thor's annoying canadian accent is a bit much, sorry to any canadian brother who may read this.
    also, when the woman starts giving him hell, right before she turns into a monster...that's what most women sound like to men when they talk. that's what most men hear when Hillary Clinton speaks...their mom nagging them.

  3. oh yes, i forgot to mention that the small puppets are mighty...uh...phallic. yikes.

  4. WOW, Great post. I haven't thought of Rock and Roll Nightmare since I was a wee lad. Long Live Commander USA!

  5. I can't believe this exists.
    Thank you, Metal Injection, for not allowing such a gem to languish in obscurity.

  6. Thanks for posting this. Watching these clips feels mildly lobotomizing thus numbing the pain of life.

    Thor is also featured in another great piece of Canadian cinema called "Recruits". It's like a Canadian Police Academy knockoff, only somehow unbelievably shittier.

  7. Anonymous Rating for this Post:
    **** (4 stars)
    aaah.... the memories, eh?

  8. Glen Benton's screechy vocals are what women sound like when they're going on about something.

    I have the Thor "Live in London" VHS tape lying around somewhere, it is a LOLfest and a half. An old friend and I used to see his records around in second-hand stores and could never quite figure out of there was a woman in the band or not, we even named our own "band" after them and Hades (Norway) (yes, including the "(Norway)" as if it was an actual part of the name) when we appeared on the "The next thousand years are ours" Darkthrone tribute compilation, you'll find us at track 5 and we're called (you guessed it:) Thor (Norway). I don't think anyone picked up on either of the jokes with the name.

    Anyway, as far as the "Live in London" tape goes, I laughed for a full seven weeks. Thor bends a huge metal bar over his goddamn jaw, blows up a hot water bottle til it explodes, prances around on a tiny fuckin' stage in an emtpy warehouse with about 15 oblivious kids ignoring him, all the while looking like he's real enthusiastic and totally into it. You certainly can't claim he didn't do this shit properly. Add to this some incredible low-angle shots of the spandex-clad trouser snakes of his exceptionally bland-looking band (no woman this time, I'm fairly sure) and we're talking comedy fuckin' gold. Soilid god damned gold. I almost gotta go see it now.

  9. That Live in London video that Svein posts about is an absolute classic. Would recommend scouring the earth for it. It is supremely funny and supremely crap in the same breath. Absolutley priceless.

    If anyone can find a video of his appearance on a UK kids TV show when they did a really top perfomance of Thnuder on the Tundra please post a link. That was also classic, watching the buffoon surrounded by 10 year olds whilst his extremely large breasted sidekick Pantera struggled to contain said breasts.

    As far as his music was concerned, what a legacy. Again brilliant, funny and shite at the same same time. Unchained set a dreadful standard which was maintained right through to his recent spilt with DOA and culimated with his 3 volume Greatest hits collection ( someone really ought to have told him a one sided 7 inch would have sufficed).

    Fucking legend.

    Can you post the clip where he's getting attcked by rubber fish please?

  10. Am thinking Larry Howe from Vicious Rumors draws inspiration for his look from this guy...