Thursday, April 17, 2008

Lock Up Your Children: A Tale Of Robb Flynn's Disease



I am bummed the fuck out. Do you want to know why? Because I recently discovered that one of my metal heroes has contracted Robb Flynn’s Disease. According to the doctors, he doesn’t have much time left. It’s a very advanced case and it’s spreading rapidly. Brothers and sisters of metal, the only way we're ever going to put an end to this horrible affliction is by educating ourselves. It's with this goal in mind that I share with you the tragic case of former Morbid Saint (retroview forthcoming) guitarist, Jay Visser.

I first received the bad news via email from a concerned Metal Inquisition reader (thanks, CC). He’d found out about Jay’s condition when he stumbled upon this eBay auction. My initial reaction to reading the listing was “Why the FUCK is Jay Visser selling his BC Rich Ironbird!?” Then I saw it…the image that will haunt me for the rest of my life. A bloated, middle-aged Jay Visser with braids down to his waist in a matching Boxshaft (his new band) longsleeve and over-sized cargo pants playing what HAS to be shitty nu metal. At first I didn’t believe my eyes. I refused to accept that it was real. I was convinced that it must be some internet prankster, but no prank was to be had. This was reality and the cruelty of life seemingly knew no bounds. Jay Visser, former shredmaster for Morbid Saint, one of the most raging thrash metal bands ever, had succumbed to the worst of all possible fates.



What motivates a grown man from Sheboygan, Wisconsin that played on one of the greatest thrash metal records of all time to start dressing like an angst-ridden teenager, braid his hair, and join what looks like a KoRn tribute band? It can't be pussy because there's NO WAY he's getting laid looking like that, not even in Wisconsin. I'm afraid we may never know because chances are we'll never get to peer inside the enigmatic mind of Jay Visser. All we can hope for now is that the Angel of Death swoop down and take him away to a better place. A place where men in their 40s don't try to dress like their kids. A place free of rap metal. A place where once awesome guitarists don't sell out and try to pawn off their old gear.

I know it's going to be hard, especially after reading this post, but try to remember the good old times. And if you can't remember the good old times, then watch this video. Fuck you, Robb Flynn.

21 comments:

  1. fuck life, i'm going to throw myself on a sword now

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  2. i have often thought about what the most metal to commit suicide is. the 'mayhem shotgun' and 'helloween jumping in front of the train' methods come to mind, but i think 'dying by the sword' has to be the winner. maybe a dagger would be kinda cool, too.

    im very sorry to hear, GHB! that's how i felt when i first saw flynn, once the disease was well advanced. i LOVE vio-lence and now the fucking disease is named after him. kerry king broke my heart, too. i find solice in bands like maiden and manowar. seriously.

    .

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  3. Kind of a shame that "Spectrum of Death" is so criminally underrated and almost never mentioned.

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  4. god damn! that guy jumped in the DEEP end of the stupid pool, head first! its like going to the doctor and being told you have 18 minutes left to live. this is an advanced case for sure.
    one thing that REALLY pains me is that guys undergoing this disease really, truely believe that they are keeping with with trends and that this is a less dated look than their previous metal fashion sense. little do they know that they are adopting a style that was out, by the time it was in....and it was in for reject speed adicted ravers in rural kansas. oy.

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  5. wait...oh my god. i missed something else. in the picture, look at the bass drum behind him! it's made to look like a speaker of some kind! it's a sub woofer! oh my god. the pain. it burns. IT BURNS!

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  6. OK, M.S have 2 good songs all in all and this video was unbearable to watch (I stopped after 140 seconds). I would not worry too much about this / these dudes, however Lucho Metales' comment is a valid one and echoes my sentiments on the subject.

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  7. I thought it was that guy from Static-X first...

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  8. probably didn't help morbid saint gain any noteriety when the most recent reish of Spectrum was a 300 press edition on a label dealing mainly in white power black metal. OOPS!

    only 2 good songs? i think there's room for this guy over at the southern lord board.

    i appologize for ruining everyone's days with this, but you can't hide from the truth...

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  9. mr. hellenic metaller, you are out of your mind if you think morbid saint only has two good songs!

    chris, are you talking about no colours? there's a lot worse labels that could have reissued spectrum of death, but yeah, i agree with you that dealing with small, shady labels they hasn't helped to raise their profile. that means it's up to us here at metal inquisition to spread the good word!

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  10. Anonymous Rating for this Post:
    **** (4 stars)
    die by the sword

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  11. i thought these limp-ass white-boy braids died out with the death of offspring's 5 min of fame after "smash". god, it looks pitiful!

    i had no idea who this guy was, but that makes it even worse. washed-out "stars" who succumb to RFD are at least somewhat justified 'cause they're trying to revive their "fame". semi-anonymous dudes who've never had it are just pitiful.

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  12. Seeing ex-thrashers trying to emulate the shitty Pantera (especially their scumbag frontman) from mid-nineties and ahead were, and still are, very sad, too.
    All these kick-ass thrash bands becoming "groovy", cutting hair...just because an ex glam band ripped off Exhorder and got pushed by MTV/Atlantic records.
    Life is weird. Success?

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  13. The red vinyl outfits on the first Pantera album were pretty "cherry" weren't they?
    But I digress.

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  14. old man and the seaApril 18, 2008 at 4:50 AM

    I've never heard Morbid Saint, but I did come across this eBay auction searching for Ironbirds like I do a couple times a day. Couldn't think much else than How did this pansy motherfucker ever have an 80's Ironbird?! interspersed with a couple But wasn't Morbid Saint a legit band? here and there.

    The worst thing about that picture is how he's standing around, with his legs all collected like some Slipknot CC (or BCC, I don't know much about this dude's eyesight.)

    TRAVESTY.

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  15. only 2 good songs? i think there's room for this guy over at the southern lord board.

    indeed. i don't really care for thrash but Morbid Saint are SICK, right up there with Blood Feast in terms of br00tal, ferocious thrash. i imagine them like the tasmanian devil, all teeth and claws in a frenzy.

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  16. He's not the only one. Check out Ira Black (guitarist who played in Vicious Rumors and now with thrash legends Heathen) He seemed to be showing some of the symptoms in his beard during his tenure with VR.

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  17. you dumb fucks listen to the riffs who gives afuck about what u wear or how pretty you look in the eyes of some jackhole internet comentator

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