Thursday, April 17, 2008
Lock Up Your Children: A Tale Of Robb Flynn's Disease
I am bummed the fuck out. Do you want to know why? Because I recently discovered that one of my metal heroes has contracted Robb Flynn’s Disease. According to the doctors, he doesn’t have much time left. It’s a very advanced case and it’s spreading rapidly. Brothers and sisters of metal, the only way we're ever going to put an end to this horrible affliction is by educating ourselves. It's with this goal in mind that I share with you the tragic case of former Morbid Saint (retroview forthcoming) guitarist, Jay Visser.
I first received the bad news via email from a concerned Metal Inquisition reader (thanks, CC). He’d found out about Jay’s condition when he stumbled upon this eBay auction. My initial reaction to reading the listing was “Why the FUCK is Jay Visser selling his BC Rich Ironbird!?” Then I saw it…the image that will haunt me for the rest of my life. A bloated, middle-aged Jay Visser with braids down to his waist in a matching Boxshaft (his new band) longsleeve and over-sized cargo pants playing what HAS to be shitty nu metal. At first I didn’t believe my eyes. I refused to accept that it was real. I was convinced that it must be some internet prankster, but no prank was to be had. This was reality and the cruelty of life seemingly knew no bounds. Jay Visser, former shredmaster for Morbid Saint, one of the most raging thrash metal bands ever, had succumbed to the worst of all possible fates.
What motivates a grown man from Sheboygan, Wisconsin that played on one of the greatest thrash metal records of all time to start dressing like an angst-ridden teenager, braid his hair, and join what looks like a KoRn tribute band? It can't be pussy because there's NO WAY he's getting laid looking like that, not even in Wisconsin. I'm afraid we may never know because chances are we'll never get to peer inside the enigmatic mind of Jay Visser. All we can hope for now is that the Angel of Death swoop down and take him away to a better place. A place where men in their 40s don't try to dress like their kids. A place free of rap metal. A place where once awesome guitarists don't sell out and try to pawn off their old gear.
I know it's going to be hard, especially after reading this post, but try to remember the good old times. And if you can't remember the good old times, then watch this video. Fuck you, Robb Flynn.