Dude gets mad credit for rocking a vest. So many musicians have really let their stage presence go these days. Lastly, what's with all the wood paneling? Is he playing inside a sauna? Based on his looks, his band must have a concept album about molesting kids.
He was teased endlessly in school, but he knew that if he could only show them (the girls in particular) his one talent in life...it would all change. Talent show came, mom helped pack the ridiculous set, and all the carpet scraps, and the pink tambourine (by the hi-hat)...but nothing changed. Actually, things got worse. They laughed, and laughed and laughed. And they kept on laughing all the way to graduation day when (as he received his diploma) someone threw a pink tambourine at him, which knocked his glasses and remaining self-esteem off.
I like that metal guys aren't afraid of chair-rail height wallpaper borders, or tasteful window treatments. Oh, nice brass light fixture also. Very classy touch. Future societies will use pictures of guys like this (in homes like this) in textbooks in order to study what a quintessential creepy white dude was all about. In that textbook there will be at least one paragraph about how hesher's parents love dark green carpeting and matching drapes.
"Baby I can't clean the kitchen today, I told you I'm doing my photoshoot, that's why I need my nice sweatpants and boots. I told you about this a week ago! Jason's gonna' be here in twenty minutes to take the pictures. Also, where did you put my huge drumsticks? I need those baby! Come on!"
This guy is all about compromise. Stupid, huge kit...but nice Beatles/vintage finish on it. Similarly, he traded his balls to his wife to let her decorate the house like a godamned retirement home. She must have spent a fortune at the fake plant store.
For real, what is that tiny tambourine/roto-tom between his two center toms for? Is he playing in a Salsa/Death metal fusion band that he needs FOUR timbales? Note the black cymbal on the left and the Axis pedals. Axis, what else?
"Dude, did you get the gong in the shot? It's very important. I put on my nice sweatpants and boots for this shoot. I want it right!" Just so you know, a gong that size can cost about a grand. I guess that's where all the money went...that's why he ended up wearing a black turtleneck from Big Lots.
What I love about musicians is their financial irresponsibility and gusto. This fat load is in a Metallica cover band...but he goes ahead and gets a 7-piece Spaun kit that must cost about 5-7 grand. Why not, they could hit it big and...oh wait. No, they'll never hit it big. They're a Metallica cover band.
I love Lucho's investigative reporting. You call'um as you see'um and The'Krusher admires that.
ReplyDeleteA few things you missed, tho:
In the first image, two words: bolo tie
In the second image, I think that's middle-aged woman, not a HS student. Maybe she's a shop teacher?
In the third one: uhm, you need to wear some shoes, chief!
In the last one: was that taken in a Guitar Center? WTF? Maybe dude was running a "How to be a complete fucking loser and dress like one" workshop there on a saturday morning?
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Pic #6: That tambourine/roto-tom thing (haha)is one of those fancy sawblade-cymbals. It says so on his site: www.cptkilldrums.com/drumkits.html
ReplyDeleteApparantly he also calls this particular kit 'castle greyskull'...
how did you know the guy's URL? regarding the guitar center workshop...i can only say that i've been to a few drum clinics at guitar center...and they are all pretty much about how to be a looser and dress like one. though the one time i went to see neil peart's drumset (not neil, his kit alone) at a drumshop...that was the lowest point in my life. sitting there, watching a guy talk about a drumset.
ReplyDeleteMaking fun of Chad Walls? Stupid. Sweatpants are so funny! LOL! Good grief.
ReplyDeleteSimilarly, he traded his balls to his wife to let her decorate the house like a godamned retirement home
ReplyDeleteA++++
also, chad's snare on the brodequin record sounds like someone banging on a sawblade with a ballpeen hammer- "GING GING GING GING"
i didn't think anyone would even know who this guy was. that's what i get for not buying any albums since 1993.
ReplyDeletehow did you know the guy's URL? When I saw this video:
ReplyDeletehttp://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=CRe2B6uKkh4
I thought "it's good to know that even men with chickenwings for arms can play in the metalband they always wanted", when I turned up the sound it reminded me of a wheelchair bound woodpecker falling down the stairs. With all those poultry and handicap associations I was curious for more so I googled 'captain killdrums' and to my surprise ended up on his site.
this dude seems to have been in nothing but crappy, unknown bands. how does he afford such equipment is beyond me. he's obviously saving on the clothes, but still.
ReplyDeleteoh, wait - the "captain" comes from him actually being in the US army. must've killed a lot of muslims or something.
that youtube video is weird. it's fast, but doesn't sound like music at all. it sounds like ten bags of potatoes being thrown down the steps or something. really fast drummers who are monotonous still usually sound musical, and are keeping a beat. this barely qualifies as rythmic at all...and i like Nuclear Death!
ReplyDeleteWhat can you say, they're drummers. Tends to be like short man's syndrome, so next time you see a kit like these, be sure to tell the owner how sorry you are 'bout their small penis.
ReplyDeletethis barely qualifies as rythmic at all...and i like Nuclear Death!
ReplyDeletelolz
I thought the 4th pic (drums on the back porch!?) was actually a leprechaun and his custom mini-kit. He just likes using normal-sized sticks...
ReplyDeleteman,that aint shit...if if i still had the damn flyer i could prove it to you. 5 years ago there was this band in eugene,or. called Contender that on their flyer had a picture of the fat guido drummers drumset and it had 5 dual double bass drums at the bottom,and 4 in the back that were raised above his drum seat,and then with like 59 other pieces. if you can find that pic,its classic cuz the guy looks so fat and full of himself with his john lennon shades...wish i hadnt lost it.
ReplyDeleteThose are actually timbales, not congas.
ReplyDeletetimbales! damn, youre right. i have to back and fix that. its very important that its perfectly right.
ReplyDeleteThat dude is actually a killer drummer, and one of the nicest drummers i have ever had the pleasure of meeting, that must be why you are hating on him... sad..
ReplyDelete