In honor of Superbowl Sunday, Metal Inquisition researchers have chosen the following metal personalities as being the most likely members of team metal's starting line-up.
Dino Cazares
Gene Hoglan
Kam Lee
Vinnie Paul
Kerry King
This fat, angry black metal fan
Shane Embury, who looks just like Hurley from the TV show Lost
Pretty much anyone in Crowbar
Billy Milano
Messiah Marcolin
Honorary mention goes out to the entire line-up of Ohio's Drogheda, circa 1995.
Seriously I'd hate to be the safety inspector at any of the ratty clubs these guys played in the 90s, I'd have to imagine even the sturdiest stage buckling under their immense bulk... the singer looks like a bull walrus, bloated after gorging himself on fatty sardines all winter. They're so massive their guitars look like those inflatable toy ones you'd get from a machine at the county fair.
I can't imagine they made a whole lot of money, so they probably had some lean nights on tour. That's when I'd be scared to be the drummer, the only skinny guy in the band. I'm picturing them on tour in Nebraska in the dead of winter, the tour bus driving down the cold road, no food in sight. The singer and bassist turn to look a the drummer, and he turns into a big steak like in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, saliva dripping from the corners of their gargantuan mouths.
Dino Cazares
Gene Hoglan
Kam Lee
Vinnie Paul
Kerry King
This fat, angry black metal fan
Shane Embury, who looks just like Hurley from the TV show Lost
Pretty much anyone in Crowbar
Billy Milano
Messiah Marcolin