Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dark Throne - Unplugged

Sometimes we can gain a deeper understanding of art by simply taking in a fresh interpretation of a well known piece. Consider, if you will, the multiple acoustic versions of Dark Throne's "Transilvanian Hunger" available to us through the magic of youtube.

There's nothing about a chubby, latino dude wearing a sweet baja sweatshirt that says "black metal"

Dude, you should be picking at twice the speed. Burzum shirt and Metallica shorts? Go make your bed. And then tune your guitar.

Okay, this guy is plugged in. Seriously, do you need the sheet music in a stand to play this song? His mom is gonna be so pissed about him putting his feet up on that tasteful ottoman. Nice zippers on his pants too. Sexy.

This guy got straight up fancy with the arrangement. He made the song suck even more. He's like the Dave Matthews of black metal.

This guy knew he didn't look very metal. So he spared us the visual.

Rolling Stones poster? I know metal sir, and you are not metal. I can just picture his mom crying about the fact that this is what her looser son has turned out to be.


  1. Worst posting so far. None of these guys is even wearing big sunglasses.

  2. Did we look this stupid when we were young? Thank god there was no youtube back then

  3. We should thank Lefty Matthews for exposing the truth about this black metal classic: it actually sounds exactly like one of those white chicks with an acoustic guitar who thinks she's written something transcendental but has her head so far up her ass she doesn't even realize she can't play.

    Man, I was listening to Blotted Science just before I hit the first vid, that put things into perspective...

  4. I'm never gonna understand what makes people feel like video taping themselves playing some sub-rudimentary tune and putting it on the internets. Is someone going to comment and say "whoa great job playing a song that takes nigh on four full minutes to learn"? Srsly, what's with the acoustic? What these guys are really saying with this bullshit is Oh hi, I'm just taking the piss out of this song by this band I don't understand a fucking umlaut of. Plox bring the props. Fuck these guys.

  5. what i'll never understand is how grown men can say they love the same band as these abortion should-have-beens and keep a straight face. minus the baja guy - he's obviously taking the piss, but he's got way better chops than the rest of these fuckers, and that's what taking the piss is all about.

    look at the feet move under the quilt in the #4 guy video. he's serenading his lover with some sweet darkthrone. not realizing he's just obliterated what little chance he had of getting some.

  6. I'm never gonna understand what makes people feel like video taping themselves playing some sub-rudimentary tune and putting it on the internets.

    my thoughts exactly! WHY?

  7. The latino guy is a real genius, mocking so shamelessly...
    I wonder if this guy could be so fun as the Destro's singer in a full performance video.
    (Take a look to Destro's "Beast Burden" video and appreciate the beauty of the moves).

  8. "Unplugged" = "gay". Always.