Nocturno Culto Popping A Wheelie In Front Of His Castle

If there's one thing that all of us at Metal Inquisition love, it would have to be the first Crash Test Dummies album. Aside from that, we are all united by our love of footage featuring high-ranking figures in the metal world performing amazing physical feats. It's with that in mind that I present you with this long-awaited footage: Nocturno Culto popping a wheelie.






Not to be outdone, Fenriz posed for this picture as quickly as he could.



Thanks to John for the heads up.

Interview with Robert Sweet from Stryper

Charlie from Anthrax would have totally rocked this kit during the State of Euphoria years. Where are those cymbals hanging from? Heaven?

Stryper, the band, the myth...the christian bumble bees. For the better part of the 80s, Stryper successfully co-opted metal and reapropriated it into a parent-safe, christian racket...smart move. A few years back, I had the opportunity to speak with Robert Sweet, Stryper's drummer, after a show. He was playing with a band from the midwest called Planet Scream, during some time off from Stryper. This interview was originally done for a previous endeavor in metal journalism that went nowhere. For that reason, I'm posting it here in Metal Inquisition for all to enjoy.

First allow me to set the scene. I should tell you that I drove a short while to make this interview happen, which in retrospect is a bit embarrassing. I arrived, and parked my car in the muddy parking lot of a bar in a hellish little town. In attendance were roughly 100 people, pretty much all of them there to see Mr. Sweet, not the band he was playing for. I guess the same was true for me. Even the flier for the show had his name printed larger than anything else on it, including the band's name. Now that I'm reading this interview for the first time in years, I can think of a million questions I could and should have asked him. Leading up to the interview, some of my friends came up with questions I should ask him. Most of the questions, as you can imagine, were pretty provocative or downright nasty...and thus insanely funny. But I chickened out in the last minute. I remember looking down at my little notebook, and seeing these awful questions. I couldn't do it. It would have been tough to get any such questions answered, since Robert had a large band manager hanging behind him who would have surely put me in my place. Some questions would have been enough to make the large man pound me into the ground. Getting your face re–arranged is embarrassing enough, having it done by Stryper or a Stryper staffer can be downright demeaning. Can you imagine you show up to work with a busted nose, and you have to tell people that you basically got your ass beat by Stryper? Not cool. So, I opted for subtle sarcasm instead, which I hope some of you enjoy. In some questions I'm trying to be funny without him noticing (like the questiong about the pole and the vaseline.)

I recently went back and heard the tape of this interview, and I was surprised to hear evidence of slight fear and hesitation in my voice, especially when asking him some of the more embarrassing questions. Hope it was worth it. Enjoy the interview.

Ooofah! I guess the mismatching hair and goatee are part of the yellow and black color scheme?

I’ve heard great stories about you on tour, one being that your 60 inch gong fell on your head while you were playing, knocking you down on the floor. But the story I really love about you is one that has to do with a long pole, some Vaseline and the guys from Great White. Is that stuff true?
Well, that makes it sound bad. I can explain.

Well, yes. Please do. Explain away, because it sounds nuts.
It was White Lion, not Great White.


But still, would that make it any different? The things involved in the story alone are a bit out there.
Well, so White Lion opened for us on the “In God We Trust” tour. What they did, is they put Vaseline on the pole that I used to climb up to my drum set. It wasn't a random pole. Anyway, I slipped and almost busted my kneecaps because of the vaseline. It was terrible.

Ahh, I see. That's less fun than what I imagined.
Well, come on. See, there’s tons of stories, here’s one that's real also. We were playing Radio City in New York in the “In God We Trust” tour, we had all this pyro and someone had mistakenly pushed all this pyro underneath my drum riser which was made of grating that my seat was bolted to. When the bomb went off it came up through the riser and hit me right in the face. It was a powerful, black powder concussion. I was black; I couldn’t see or breathe. It was the end of “Soldiers Under Command”, the guys were strumming away, and I had to run off the stage, run to the end of the stage where there was fresh air to breathe take in a big gulp run back up the riser while the guys are still strumming and finish the song holding my breath. I was completely black, my hair was black, and my face was black. I was no longer black and yellow stripes; I was just completely black. There’s tons of those stories, I should be dead.

One of Robert's early sketches for Stryper's on-stage outfits.

Oh man, that sounds terrible. Not the explosion, but the part about getting your hair all messed up! You guys were very put together as a band.
Well, it was bad. By the way bro, I hope our set was okay tonight. I couldn’t hear what was going on up there.

Oh, it was fantastic. True Heavy Metal! [Total lie on my part. I didn't hear a note they played. I showed up late and missed the show]
Was it?

It was!
Thank you.

So, what was the first album you owned as a kid? Was it christian music?
It was definitely Grand Funk Railroad actually, around 1970. I was 10 years old and I wore that record out. Then I bought the Kiss “Alive” record. After that, the next big influence was Van Halen. I didn’t want to copy, and wanted to be myself. I started to turn my drums sideways I was trying to have a different set up. Most people would ask me I was a lead singer when they met me, so I thought “This is what I want, this is good.” I didn’t like the image of drummers, most of the time the drummer was hidden behind the drum set wearing a pair of shorts, you didn’t even notice him. If the band had put a drum machine there it wouldn’t have mattered. So I said to myself that I wanted to change that. I wanted people to see what drummers really do, and see how hard they work, to see how hard they try and how painful it all is.

Oh it's painful, especially if the band you're touring with puts Vaseline on your pole!
Yeah, that was a tough day. I love those guys though.



During the 80’s, Stryper was an extremely popular band. There was even a comic book made about your life named “Soldier of God”. Was it hard for you to stick to your principles as a Christian having all these temptations around you like drugs, alcohol, groupies and unecesseraly large drum sets­?
No, in my opinion women are beautiful, they’re a gift from God. For me a “wife” is simply “life” with a “W”.

Hmm. Well, yes. If you replace the "L" in "life", it spells "wife". That's true.
Right. To me, Christianity is a focus on Christ; it’s not necessarily a list of wrongs or rights, even though there is wrong or right. If you think too much of do’s and dont’s you get your eyes of the main focus. So, was it hard? No, the bigger the band became the easier it got. It’s what I wanted to do, if I weren’t a Christian I would have still played rock and roll music. You know, it was like taking two hammers and hitting some tin five thousand times an hour while having fun. The bigger the band became, the greater the opportunity became to voice our message of Jesus.

Where did the yellow and black striped scheme you used in all your records, the logo and your outfits come from? Were you guys into bumble bees or something?
Ha, ha. No. I came up with that, I just thought it was a great look and you couldn’t miss it. If you couldn’t remember the name of our band you would remember that we were the guys in yellow and black stripes. I thought it was pretty rock and roll lookin’. It was flash, it was in your face and I loved it. I still love it.

The bands color scheme changed at some point to blue and black. Big change. Why?
That was a major, major mistake. I wish it would have never happened. I love that record “Against The Law”, but the image that went along with it was a mistake. If I could go back in a time machine, Stryper’s image would not have changed, because I think it was an awesome image. Even though the image changed back then, the vibe was always really the same.

Are you familiar with a band called Nocturnus? They talk about time travel a good bit.
No, I'm not familiar.



They're really great. In the 80s, you were known for having very large drum sets, which were rather inventive. What was your favorite or biggest set from that time?
The biggest drum set I ever had was 105 pieces. I had 8 bass drums, and a 5000-watt monitor, so I’m lucky I can still hear. My drum set was a city, it was too hard and time consuming to take apart, so it was picked up by a forklift and put into a large semi truck. It had 70 microphones, and over 30 cymbals. It was incredible, I loved it. There was a set in front of me and one behind me. I would play the chorus on one and then spin and play the verse on the other side. It was fun.


But with only two feet, how did you use 8 bass drums?
I spun in a circle and played them with my feet.

So you are a drummer, and a gymnast at the same time?
I don’t want to say that I’m Mr. Great, but I do try with my heart of hearts. I’ll give it the best I have, so I really try.

How many horrible fashion styles came together to make this outfit happen? Jesus. Nice J-Lo glasses. Is he starring in a remake of Charlie's Angels for the Trinity Network?

Would you and Dave Lombardo, or Fenriz from Darkthrone, do a double­–bass battle like the Buddy Rich and Gene Kruppa drum battles? You could call it “The Battle Between Good and Evil”? It could be a pay-per-view special. What do you think?
I think Dave's an incredible drummer, I really do. I told him that one time. I went into his dressing room at the Ritz in New York and I just said “I think you’re an incredible drummer”. I think he’s a better drummer than I am, but I don’t think good drumming is all what you do, I think it’s how you do it. And I look at myself as a simple drummer, what’s more important than your ability is the vibe that you give off. Like its not what you say, but how you say it. That’s how I look at drumming, because there’s always gonna be somebody who’s better. Could I do that with Dave? Sure. I think it could be fun, I think he’s an incredible player.


In your concerts, you always threw out Bibles, which I always thought was a very interesting concept. Where did the Bibles come from? Did the band have a Bible sponsor of sorts? Did the label or did the band buy all of them?
We bought them. The band paid for the whole thing. We felt it was a good thing to do. So we did it. It felt good to do that for the kids. But listen, thank you bro. Thanks a lot, but I really have to go.

OK, thank you.
Thanks.

Black Metal Gets The Thumbs Up From Madison Avenue

I know, I know...even mentioning black metal for comedic purposes is now considered expected. Some would say it's way too easy. As a matter of fact, while the saying "like taking candy from a baby" is common in many households, in my house we use the less common but no less poignant "like making fun of black metal". Be that as it may, I simply couldn't help myself since I wanted to share this video with you...so read on.

Back in 1993 or so, my brother used to put out a video 'zine. The concept of a video 'zine seems insanely odd and dated now, but back then it kinda' made sense. Kinda'. If you were heavily into tape trading in the early 90s, you'd probably understand. Anyway, I used to help him with the 'zine, and I remember one guy that we interviewed for it very well. He was the singer for a death metal band, and when we asked him what bands he was influenced by, he listed mostly obscure black metal bands. After we recorded the interview, we drove home and got a frantic call from this guy. He wanted us to delete the portion of the video where he listed all the black metal bands that he listened to, and to please not put that portion in the 'zine. He was afraid of possible retaliation or violence from black metal bands as a result of him being in a death metal band, but being into black metal. This sounds absolutely insane now, and to be honest, it sounded a little silly to us back then too. To be fair, however, I guess at the time it seemed to be somewhat within the realm of possibility. God, how things have changed.



I'm sure the guys from Darkthrone wish they could get .000002% of the profits generated by this ad campaign so that they can quit their jobs at the post office.

The ultimate argument settler

We live in a divided nation. For those reading outside the U.S., the same holds true. We live in a divided planet. Just last week, the United States of America had its presidential election. Similarly, here at Metal Inquisition we are hugely invested in the democratic process. We are also, however, authorities in the world of metal, and with that authority we are more than happy to have final say, and settle any metal argument. As the name of this blog implies, we are judge, jury and excecutioner. Below are our rulings. Well, mine at least. Having said that, we will still hear you guys out, probably just to point out how wrong you are though. So, we have decided to let you, our beloved readers, vote. For all those who are not americans, or do not live in this country...feel free to play along.




1. Best Slayer Album: - Reign In Blood or South of Heaven?
Don't be a wise guy and say "Haunting the Chapel", because that was an EP. Don't be an ass and say "Show No Mercy", that's like nominating the fat girl in your high school for prom queen as a joke. My vote? South of Heaven. The production alone makes it the best album hands down. I don't care how controversial my vote is. I'm sticking to it. By the way, if you vote for Seasons In The Abyss, you're a poser. Everyone knows that's Slayer's "new" album.

2. Dark Angel or Death Angel?
We settled this one ourselves sometime back, but we'd now like to hear from our readers. Again, don't be a smartass and say "Morbid Angel". I proudly vote for Dark Angel, even
though the date and place where the lyrics to each song were written are listed in the liner notes.






3. Norwegian black metal or Swedish death metal?
By Swedish death metal, I'm referring to the first three Entombed albums, early Dismember etc. Tough one, but I have to go with Swedish death metal since it generated less awful third rate bands.

If my brother and I had only had the minimal fashion know how necessary to pull off this look in 1989, we would have done it. Yet another obstacle that stood in our way was the fact that my mom wouldn't let us grow our hair long.

4. American thrash or German speed?
Another controversial one, I know. Though some disagree, when I say "german speed metal" I'm talking about the holy-trinity: Kreator, Destruction, Sodom. If you disagree with what I mean by "German speed", go start your own blog. By American thrash I'm talking about Anthrax, Exodus etc. I would love to say german speed, since its more aggressive and cooler...but the reality is that in 1989 I made my mom buy me bermuda shorts because of Anthrax, and I thought Exodus were the coolest band ever. Guilty.







5. New York City, or Bay area thrash?
Which will it be? Forbidden or Anthrax? Overkill or Exodus? Testament or Nuclear Assault? This one is really tough for me. Damnnit, I may have to go with the Bay-Area.

This cover is of the second printing of the video. I have the original one, since I'm no poser.

6. Hard N' Heavy Grindcore edition or Thrash Metal edition?
The Grindcore one had way scarier animation, whereas the thrash metal one had that creepy metal guy basically assaulting women. For comedic value alone, we have to go with the thrash metal one because it features the Anthrax poodle haircut, and unbelievable interviews with Vio-Lence and the award winning piece on Mordred.







7. Who riffs harder, Prong or Pantera?
Yet another argument as old as time itself. We also ruled on this one at one point, and we called it a draw. I personally have to go with Prong. If you want to know about my reasoning, read the post we did all about this ongoing debate.








8. Earache or Roadrunner?
I don't care what these labels are up to now, I don't even know if they exist. I'm talking about back in the day. Napalm Death vs. Malevolent Creation. Obituary and Suffocation vs Bolt Thrower and Carcass. Because of my current love affair with most things that Obituary has done, I have to go with Roadrunner. Don't be a wise guy and say Grindcore records. Let's keep this orderly.







9. Was Darkthrone better as a Swedish death metal band or as a Norwegian black metal band?
No, you can't just answer "none of the above"...so it's a tough one. I know that Mr. Sargeant D has made an argument for why they were way better as a death metal band...but I may have to side with the black metal years. It's just so hard to cut through the cult of personality around them, and the insanely stupid fans. But once I do, I find the black metal albums to be more interesting, even if they sound terrible and are largely composed of three notes that sound like a fly buzzing in my ear. I guess it's part of the charm.






10. Better compilation, Grindcrusher or Death is Just The Begining?
Man, Grindcrusher just hit the spot back in the day! Morbid Angel, Napalm Death....hot damn! I'll just try to forget all the other awful songs.






11. Best/Worst Colaboration: Anthrax and Public Enemy or Biohazard and Onyx?
Biohazard/Onyx certainly provided the highest cringe factor, but I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit to the fact that I still know all the lyrics to Bring The Noise to thise day due to the 'thrax/P.E. colabo. As such, that's who I'm voting for.

Black Metal-The Prank Call

Perhaps some of you have heard the prank call below at some point, as it's been around for a while. I first heard it from a friend who claimed to know the guys who were responsible for it. I think he said they were in a hardcore band or something like that, and that they had put the call on their demo. You kinda' have put aside the slightly racist, over the top black accent to enjoy it (at least I did), as well as the fact that the whole call is based upon a premise first introduced by A.C. a million years ago (with the song Living Colour Is My Favorite Black Metal Band). Having said that, there are still some gems in there. Certainly helps put the concept of "evil" in black metal further into question.

SPECIAL SUNDAY EDITION: Gorgoroth's Gaahl comes out of the closet—puts Rob Halford to shame

You read the headline right. The Skeletor-faced Gorgoroth singer has come out of the closet, and boy has he done so in style! Not content with merely coming out of the closet by letting people know his sexual orientation, he has basically done so while wearing one of Liberacce's capes, singing showtunes and practicing dance routines from A Chorus Line. Not since this (not work safe) picture of Profanatica have the worlds of black metal and homosexuality blended so effortlessly. How black metal fans around the world will react to the news remains to be seen, and will be interesting to see, since black metalers have not exactly been the most open bunch to such things. Didn't a dude in some band go to jail for attacking a gay man in the 90s? (Sadly, yes. It was this douche.)


So, here are the details. It has been reported that Gaahl and his man, modeling agent Dan DeVero, are working on a fashion line that will debut in 2009. So, not only is Gaahl gay, he's also a fashion designer, and he appears to be into twinks who wear fur.


All of this is being reported by Blabbermouth, though the Gorgoroth sites (there's two bands with the same name right now remember?) make no mention of it. Could it be? It certainly makes for good conversation. Anyway, the fashion line that the two will launch is called Wynjo, which according to Gaahl is

an ancient Norse word meaning happiness, or to be more precise, the search for happiness. Perfection. I have always been preoccupied with aesthetics and what is beautiful.

Ancient Norse? Way to butch up the fact that you're designing women's clothing. Nice. In response to the news, Dani Filth commented:

I don't care if he sleeps with men. But the fact is, it's not just a man — it's a fashion designer, and they're making women's summer dresses together. I mean, it just could not get funnier, could it? Here's this guy [Gaahl] who lives on a mountain — he's the most evil guy in the world, right?

The news certainly explains Gaahl's anger (have you see that VBS documentary?), I mean, can you imagine being a closeted gay man in, living rural Norway, singing for a black metal band? You'd be angry too! Good for him for coming out, maybe he'll be a happier guy, and maybe he'll go to jail for torturing people a bit less now. As I see it, this bit of news certainly puts the 2002 case where Gaahl went to jail for torturing a man into perspective, especially when you take into account that part of the torture included the man's testicles (according to information revealed in the VBS documentary.)

When news about Rob Halford being gay came out some years back, everyone began to see song names like Hell Bent For Leather and album titles like Ram It Down very differently, as well as Rob's entire style of dress. So, was Gaahl sending out similar signs that all of us should have noticed? Let's take a closer look.



THE SIGNS

Wearing a fancy belt over a nice top? An unusual, but tasteful choice. TLC's What Not To Wear folks would certainly approve.




This image has been on the Gorgoroth site for some time now. He must like it rough.

Having lots of naked dudes on stage should have been a giveaway to all of us, but notice how he tried to make it hetero by having some girls crucified as well. Inconclusive, but we should have known.

Perhaps the most powerful signs that Gaahl was sending out came via his song titles. I leave you with these Gorgoroth song titles so you can think about them for a bit. See you Monday.

Teeth Grinding
Unchain My Heart
When Love Rages In My Wild Heart

and the best, and now most amazing Gorgoroth song title ever?

Blood Stains the Circle.

Dark Throne's Fenriz shows off his sweet ink

Full translation of the text can be found in the "comments" section of this post.

When you think of pure evil, you think of a guy in a Rightous Pigs shirt putting lotion on his Hanoi Rocks tattoo, or perhaps his tattoo of the Guidance Recordings logo, a techno and electronic music label out of Chicago. Click on the image to see it larger.

While we're on the subject of Fenriz (yet again, but can you blame us?), here are a few more amazing images related to the man himself.

This may not look all that evil to you, but what you don't know is that that there was a sign just off to the right that said "No Diving", and after this picture was taken, Fenriz dove in. Hella' evil.



All of us here at M.I. are big supporters of the arts, but we can only take things so far. I've taken dumps that looked better than this.

Dark Throne - Unplugged

Sometimes we can gain a deeper understanding of art by simply taking in a fresh interpretation of a well known piece. Consider, if you will, the multiple acoustic versions of Dark Throne's "Transilvanian Hunger" available to us through the magic of youtube.




There's nothing about a chubby, latino dude wearing a sweet baja sweatshirt that says "black metal"




Dude, you should be picking at twice the speed. Burzum shirt and Metallica shorts? Go make your bed. And then tune your guitar.



Okay, this guy is plugged in. Seriously, do you need the sheet music in a stand to play this song? His mom is gonna be so pissed about him putting his feet up on that tasteful ottoman. Nice zippers on his pants too. Sexy.



This guy got straight up fancy with the arrangement. He made the song suck even more. He's like the Dave Matthews of black metal.



This guy knew he didn't look very metal. So he spared us the visual.




Rolling Stones poster? I know metal sir, and you are not metal. I can just picture his mom crying about the fact that this is what her looser son has turned out to be.

Luchadores Metaleros: Metal Infiltrates Wrestling in Mexico

This post is not about wrestling or who’s the current WWE Champion (even though we all know it should still be Orton). It’s not about how lame wrestling is/was/has been in the US, or any of that. Please keep the wrestling specific comments to yourself. Thank you.



It’s safe to say that there’s always been a loose connection between pro-wrestling and metal. Maybe it’s the attitude, the "look" or maybe it’s the fact that both are heavily embraced by ignorant trailer-dwelling Americans. Some of the wrestlers in the US have/had some pretty metal gimmicks. Take The Road Warriors, the Brothers of Destruction, that clown Sting (who looks like he belongs in a shitty black metal band) and others. Then, there’s always Triple H and his Motorhead connection, Balls Mahoney, who often sports metal shirts and there's even that hot metal chick a few years back. Well, all that is nothing compared to what you can find the CMLL and AAA in Mexico.

The Road Warriors, who GWAR basically ripped-off


I gotta admit, I had a huge crush on Lita back in the day


Kane and The Undertaker. Really, how more metal can you get?


Balls Mahoney is a huge (no pun intended) King Diamond fan

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Let me start with my favorite wrestler in Mexico, La Parka (a.k.a. L.A. PARK). You can’t deny that’s a metal-ass costume. I don’t know what’s up with the male symbol on his wrists, but I guess gay can also be metal?

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Cuervo, Damian 666, Espiritu and Ozz look like a black metal band from the mid-west. The best part is that without ever touching a musical instrument in their lives, they’d probably get signed to some label called “Northern Trees Without Leaves Records” based on looks alone. We'll look at these "hermanos" in detail below.

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Espiritu has the Dark Throne logo on his face and lots of pentagrams on his gear. Survey says... METAL!

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OK, I'll admit Cuervo is more goth than metal, but... OK, you got me I have no excuse. Sorry

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I don't give two shits how tough you think you are, if you run into this dude in an alley after a Brujeria show in Monterrey , you will need to buy new underoos, 'cuz you will shit your fucking pants. Damian 666 is pure evil. Those nasty keloid scars don't help eigther.

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Ozz is as metal as they get. My theory is that between bible burnings, Glen Benton takes time off, flies to Mexico, puts on velvet pants, paints his face blue, and rubs up on sweaty dudes in the ring.

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This is El Pancho. He might not look very metal, but he’s wearing bullet belts and that’s pretty fucking metal in my book of things that are metal.

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Cibernetico looks like the singer of a German thrash band in the 80’s. Minus the gay contact lens in his left eye, of course. To complete the German thrasher look, he may wanna borrow El Pancho's bullet belts and put some pants on. Preferibly tight faded jeans. But here's more Cibenetico for you:

Hey, Pedro, ManOwar called, they want their homo-erotic look back.

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This lady from Jalisco’s wrestling name is Dark Angel. I thought I’d throw he in here just for Gene Hoglan's Balls.

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Here’s a pretty lady. This lovely beauty is named Diabolica. Pretty metal name, that’s for sure. Plus, she’s hefty and reminds me of my first girlfriend, who had a Benediction tape and wore a Sepultura T-shirt.

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This gentleman is Halloween. Of course it would be WAY more metal had his name been Helloween, but I’ll take Halloween. Unfortunately Halloween suffers from Rob Flynn's Disease. Note the multi-colored braids and cut-off shorts. He’s also wearing an anti-drug tee. Sorry, hermano, you are a poser-o!

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Arguably this ‘muchacho’ is the most metal of all wrestlers in Mexico. Why? His fucking name is Heavy Metal, that’s why! He’s basically a poor man’s Glen Danzig. Which is pretty bad considering that Danzig is a poor man’s… I don’t know what, but you know what I mean. Heavy Metal’s got an Apple sticker on his axe, which is not very metal, but he’s got a scorpion tattooed on his chest, which is WAY metal! Actually all his tatts are pretty brutal. By brutal I mean shitty.

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Jerry Estrada tried out for Stryper in ’87 and upon rejection he turned to his first love: looking gay by wearing one cross earring and fringe. Oh, and he also started wrestling in Mexico.

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The gimmick of Los Porros (loosely translated The College Jocks) is obviously lost in translation. Maybe it was lost way before anyone cared to translate it. I just thought they looked like the Gothic Slam reunion in 2013.

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Maybe Finland's Lordi (the worst fucking band in history) are huge in Mexico. I don’t know but they sure as hell left their footprint in Mexican wrestling. Check out these guys:

Los Vipers

Los Cabernicolas

Los Rudos de la Galaxia (maybe a little Ace Frehley circa '83 influence in there?)

In case you forgot what they look like, here’s Lordi (the worst fucking band in history, did I already say that?):

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I’m not sure if these guys are exactly metal, but Monster and Chucky are pretty fucking scary. By scary I mean pathetic. In more ways than one. Monster looks like a budget version of the Crimson Ghost with a green wig. Like so many other things in this post, Chucky’s just plain creepy. Oh, yeah, midgets rule.

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Mister Aguila looks like a young Max Cavalera. This is the kind of friends I would have given my right arm for, when I was a teen. This guy just looks metal. His pants are ripped by the crotch. Watch out ladies!

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I’m not sure WTF is going on here. I think KISS threw up in Mexico in '85 and the barf took shape, came to life and turned into the Night Queens. Great name, amigos! The one guy is REALLY into keeping his identity a secret (I would too if I was in this freak show), so he wears a mask over his make-up. Nice.

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This dude’s name is Nitro. That alone is metal. Add to that the skulls in his pants and we got one metal Mexican.

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I think Sangre Chicana is a lost member of Testament and Joey DeMaio’s younger brother.

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Do I have to even explain why Perro Terrible is metal as shit? What I’d like an explanation on is the “brick wall” and why the audience is sitting on the floor.

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The reason Tormenta is on the post is ‘cuz her name reminds me of “Tormenta” Ventor of Kreator.

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The following wrestlers might not be super-duper metal, but I think they are worth highlighting for pure comedy value:

These guys’ gimmick is that they are American. So, obviously, so everyone hates them. Their name is The Beauty and The Beast… but who’s who?

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Trio Fantasia is very disturbing. Grown men dressed with tight fitting clothes to attract young children. No wonder Mexico is still considered a "developing" country.

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La Diva, has to be the awesomest female wrestler in Mexico. Look at her! Her finishing move: The Sitdown Splash. I’m sure you can imagine what it is… yeah she sits on her oponent’s face. That's a lot of woman. Too many tacos and burrrrrritos, girl!

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Please meet Ke Monito (loose translation: "What a Little Monkey". That’s not a joke) He’s 2’7” and a clear example of why Mexican Lucha will always be better than any sad attempts by Americans to make greased-up muscle douche-bags with long hair be entertaining. Here's Ke Monito in “action”. Enjoy!

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I know I said this post wasn't about wrestling, but I couldn't leave without sharing this video with you guys. Highlights of Japanese and Mexican wrestlers. I know this is not very metal, but some of these fuckers are amazing.