If you are a decent human being, you say stuff like "Look, I have a great sense of humor, but some things just aren't funny. For example, I really didn't appreciate it when Guttermouth made fun of Siberian-American Huskies. How insensitive!! Another thing that's simply off-limits is cancer. This terrible disease kills over 500,000 Americans every year, and I can't think of anything worse than trivializing the impact it has on our way of life- not just as Americans, but as human beings! How dare you mock me for calling off of work on Tuesday to get an anal cancer exam!!"
Fortunately for you, I am only a marginally decent human being, so I present to you a video in which Peter Criss reveals that he had BREAST CANCER lolololololol!!! It's almost as funny as Seth Putman's sidesplitting overdose/suicide fail a few years back!
Anyway, enjoy- and here's hoping Gene Simmons gets struck by lighting!
My senior picture, sans metal shirt. My mom told me to class it up and wear the bolo tie and southwestern shirt that day.
An ongoing discussion I have with my wife revolves around our high school memories. While her's are generally pleasant and memorable, mine are horrible and I try to forget them as much as I can. Much like a Vietnam vet who has flashbacks upon seeing a moving ceiling fan, I too have flashbacks whenever I even see a high school yearbook. Not really, but that story makes this post more poignant. The truth is that like most people who were into metal, school was not always fun for me (wah!, life was hard...wahhhhh!). I was a bit of an outcast, though largely by choice, now that I think about it. Like other metalheads, I didn't have the personality or looks that would have taken me to a higher level in the social pecking order, but my outcast status was mostly manufactured. I was a loser to some extent, but if I had simply chosen to listen to more popular music, and perhaps worn fewer metal shirts, I would have been a step above the kids with cerebral palsy. Those kids (CP kids) were the ones who really couldn't help themselves at all. Stupidly, I chose to wear Slayer shirts to school. I know that last sentence may be controversial in a metal forum such as this, but screw it. It's true.
In this post I will see how I would have measured up against some luminaries in the world of metal, had we attended school at the same time. In order to do research for this piece, I had to fire up the Nocturnus time machine. Normally, I don't use the time machine for just any ol' post, luckily gas prices have gone down, and we're now able to use such technology more freely. Don't complain about the fact that the pictures I'm using are not of the most obscure metal people on earth. Sorry, but high school pictures from the guys in Order From Chaos, Dorsal Atlantica and Sarcastic (they had a demo on Wild Rags) are not easy to come by.
Tom Araya
Tom was voted "class clown", which is weird, because I would have thought he'd be voted "most likely to end up looking exactly like Chief Sitting Bull." Seeing these pictures reminded me of a time at a Milwakee Metal Fest in 1993 or so when I was going to the bathroom between bands. I had a Sharpie marker in my hand for some reason, and I was playing around with it as I walked down a long hallway to get to the bathroom. The only other person in the hallway was Tom Araya. I made a left turn towards the bathroom and went by Tom. As I walked by him, he put out his hand as though to grab the marker out of my hand to sign something. Since I didn't want him to sign anything, I just walked past him and giggled as I did so. He kinda' stood there staring as I walked past.
Okay, but back to the pictures of Tom...looking at theseleads me to believe that although Tom had long hair and was perhaps into slightly heavier music than other kids, he was well liked. He would have sort of been my friend, but would have also been friends with hot girls who were smart. He would have known that hanging out with my kind would bring his stock down, and he would have been right. The mention of him being a "bench warmer" in the first picture makes me think that he at least played some sport during his high school years. Taking all this into consideration, I think Tom and I would have let each other borrow some tapes, but he would have never hung out with me outside of school. He liked metal, but was smart enough to tone it down around hot girls and cool dudes who weren't into metal. I would have been too die-hard and stubborn (and thus loserly) for his taste. He would have signed my yearbook, but would have kept his distance. Smart move.
Veredict: Friendly during school hours.
Kirk Hammett
Just look at that picture! Filipinos have all the luck...they can make money having sex with middle aged men who like boys when they are 12, or when they are 45. Man, some ethnic groups have all the luck! Looking at this picture, and those huge glasses that make Kirk look like a Greyhound bus, it's hard to imagine that this young man would one day loose his hair and grow the world's thinnest bicycle-skid mustache. Still, Kirk would have been my boy back in the day! In the 8th grade, our lunch table would have also included the kid who looked like a fish due to severe fetal alcohol syndrome, but we still would have been happy during lunch. Forever losers when it came to the opposite sex, we would have pretended that it didn't matter to us. Inside, we cried...but on the outside...everything was gravy.
Veredict: Best buds
Gene Simmons (aka Chaim Witz)
Though it's hard to pretend that I went to high school with Gene Simmons when his picture looks like it was taken during the Civil War, I will try. Gene would have creeped me the hell out in school. Insanely intense, and douchy around girls (remember that he came from a very religious Jewish family, went to an orthodox Yeshiva for a good part of his life, and then went on to coin the term "blumpkin"), Gene would not have been my cup of tea. I picture him being the guy with greasy hair and huge dandruff flakes the size of Bran Flakes. He was the guy who was prematurely grown up, acting like an adult when he was 6. Condescending as all hell, perhaps the one thing that we would have shared would have been our disgust for all things high school. My disdain for high school students came from thinking they were all idiots due to ignorance, his would have come from thinking they were all just too young. We would have talked briefly in class, but only to ask each other for an eraser. If someone like him would have died two years after graduation, I would have said "Oh, I remember that guy. He was in my Biology class."
Veredict: Class acquaintances
Ronnie James Dio (aka Ronald James Padavona)
Like with Gene Simmons, it's hard for me to pretend I could have gone to school with someone this old, but here it goes. Ronnie played tons of sports (just look under his picture), but would have been cool. In math class, we would bond about our short stature. If you look under his name, it states that his nickname was "Pigmy", a person from any human group who grows to be less than 5 feet tall. Though I'm not that short, Dio and I would have joked around, and he would have taught me to "own" my shortness. Due to his Italian heritage, we would share stories about our crazy grandparents and their inability to function with the US. Although our musical tastes would have been slightly mismatched, we still would have hung out at parties. Ronnie would have been the guy who jokingly plopped his balls down onto the overhead projector while the teacher was talking to the assistant principal by the classroom's door.
Veredict: Friendly outside of school
Paul Stanley ( aka Stanley Harvey Eisen)
Just as it was hard for me to stretch the bounds of my imagination when it came to the pictures of Gene Simmons and Dio due to the time when they were taken, it's even harder for me to do this with Paul Stanley's picture. How am I supposed to pretend I went to school with a forty year old Jewish woman with an Emo Phillips haircut? Also, it looks like his face is melting. Okay, I'll try.
We would have been friendly in Home-Ec. class. Since Paul is an elderly jewish woman, his cooking skills would have been superior to mine, but still not great. He would have nagged me to eat, plainly stating "eat, eat! you're skin and bones!" He would tell me long-winded stories about how his aunt, auntie Pearl, was taken away by "those ghouls, the Nazis". I would ask him "Paul, why do you sound like a southern black woman sometimes?" He would dismiss my questions, and continue making flavorless meals.
Metal Inquisition staffers have searched high and low in order to bring you the most hilarious and unbelievable metal bloopers, outakes and blunders...and no, we are not including Benediction's entire catalog in this post.
Enjoy these videos, and don't take a drink before you watch these, it will end up all over your monitor! Ha ha ha!
We sure hope Bruce Dickinson's insurance covers his scrotum ripping in half!
Apparently, Steve Harris has trouble staying upright too! Hope his scrotum doesn't also rip in half. Ha ha ha! Maybe that's why he has that thick, padded bass strap, for when he falls on his ass.
Considering how big of a douche Gene Simmons is, I think we can all enjoy this clip of his hair catching on fire. If you want to watch an even funnier blooper, you can watch his sex tape (obviously not work safe).
Watch Jason Newsted fall down, much like his side-project Echobrain did. Oh my goodness!
Watch Dave Mustaine throw a mega-tantrum. I bet you this was exactly his reaction when his wife proposed that they start a coffee company.
Cannibal Corpse's Corpsegrinder gets mad about the fact that members of the audience are throwing money at him. Considering what the low royalty percentages must be for a band like Cannibal Corpse, I would simply put the change in my pocket and call it a day.
Did you know that Danzig sang for Iron Maiden? Well, he didn't...but in this video you can watch Blaze Bayley do his best Danzig impression as fans appear to taunt the band and demand their money back due to his horrendous singing. Let us not forget, however, that Blaze has had a fair share of succesfull projects after his time with Maiden, like being the spokesperson for this hair restoration company.
Paul Stanley vs. Laser Pointer. Watch as Paul breaks character and stops talking like a southern black woman, but only for a second. Kinda hard to take threats seriously when they come from a 63 year old jewish woman in make-up and a rhinestone studded belt.
In case anyone is wondering, no we haven't run out of material. We simply LOVE bloopers. Can you blame us?
I've tried to publish this post twice now and each time it deletes what I've written and I'm too lazy to type it all out again, so just watch this interview because it's hilarious and retarded and shot in someone's mom's basement and John Gelso sounds like a girl and looks like Peter Criss. Yet another reason why Black Metal bands should only ever be photographed in black in white and very low light and never inteviewed.
In honor of the Tour De France (which started Saturday), Metal Inquisition is proud to bring you a fantastic line-up of products that are sure to both dazzle boggle the mind. What could metal and cycling have in common you ask? That's a perfectly good question actually, but the go-getters at the apparel company Primal Wear are not bothered by such trivial questions, and thank god for that.
I always thought that the hands on the Master Of Puppets cover (I guess those are the hands of "the master") were really awkwardly drawn. They look like a pack of hot dogs, with one cruved kielbasa on each side as a thumb. When they are put on a cycling jersey so close the the person's neck, they look even worse. It looks like someone is giving the person wearing it a massage. Or maybe the hands are trying to strangle the person for being such a douche and actually wearing this shirt.
Nothing says "winner" like Kiss spandex shorts. Let the world know you're a huge idiot, and that you're helping Gene pay for another addition to his 18,000 square foot home. Seriously, is there anything that Kiss wouldn't license? They already have coffins for god's sake. Dimebag Darrell was buried in one, by the way.
If Lance Armstrong had worn this jersey, I think he could have won 8 Tours instead of 7. Note to Eddie: use less hair gel.
I hope to god that those aren't rhinestones on the sleeve. It's like someone got drunk and went nuts with a Bedazzler.
And justice for all? No. There's no justice for the people that will have to look at the 38 year old fat load who's gonna wear this stupid shirt while ridding his cruiser bike on a suburban bike path. I remember being so mad at Metallica for screwing up their logo for this album. Little did I know back then just how much more stuff I'd have to be pissed at them for in years to come.
"RIDE the lightning", RIDE...get it? When you wear this shirt, you can ride as fast as lighting. Oddly enough, people who see you wear this shirt, will hope you get hit by lightning, and die a slow painful death...kinda like Metallica has.
When people talk about landmark moments in the blending of metal and hip hop (or "rap" if you so desire), they often bring up the classic Anthrax tune "I'm The Man". Those with more metal pedigree will talk about Downset, Biohazard or the drum machine breakdown in the Atheist song "Earth." Others will talk about when Chris Barnes started to wear JNCO jeans, or Chuck Billy getting cornrows.
Those in the know will dig deeper. Yes, these examples are from two bands that many would not qualify as "metal" per se...but watch the videos below and you will see that these are incredibly important moments in musical history.
First, Paul Stanley raps to a littler person wearing a cape and guy on stilts while wearing a red leather jacket. Listen closely to hear him say "what be this". This song alone set back race relations in America a good 30 years.
The second example is from the Rush song "Roll The Bones". In order to connect with a young audience, Geddy and the boys hired a rapping skeleton from Toronto's booming hip hop scene to come down to the studio and spit some lines. Watch the skeleton keep time with his foot. He's one cool dude. If this doesn't show you how disconnected and white Canadians are, nothing will. *
*Sorry to any Canadian readers, but you know it's true.
This is part two of the investigative report by Metal Inquisition about real estate in the world of metal. Part one can be found here. With all the talk of sub-prime loans on the news, we felt it was only right to investigate how real estate affects the world of metal. In our last report we looked at the homes of such luminaries as Dave Mustaine, Glenn Danzig and Jason Newsted. Today we round up a whole new group. Sadly, I was unable to get any pictures of the depressing apartments that members of Carnivore live in these days. I was also unable to find any pictures of Mortiis' castle. Still, these are pretty good. Enjoy.
Vinnie Paul
Honestly, I thought Vinnie Paul would have a nicer home. This thing looks like a collection of barns and shipping containers that were thrown into a garbage heap. Then again, what else would you expect from a fat white dude from Texas? This is in Arlington Texas (part of Dallas), where I thought you'd be able to buy something a little nicer with the insurance money you made after having your brother shot. Oh, damn. That's a joke. Too soon still? Come on. Seriously, I thought having a Pearl signature snare drum (finished in sweet snake skin) would at least buy you something that looked halfway like a house, not this pile of white trash rubble.
Geezer Butler
Okay, so this house is in Beverly Hills...but when you compare it to Ozzy's house it makes you want to cry. Poor Geezer, not only is his name "Geezer", but this is all he can afford. The poor guy toured for years with Ronnie James Dio just to save up for a down payment, and this is all he got. He probably tells people that he owns it, but doesn't live in it. "Oh, it's just an investment property." Right, sure. See that small white building in the back behind the pool? That's where he keeps a punching bag that has Ozzy's face on it. He punches it for four hours every afternoon, and then collapses in tears. He ends up in the fetal position, which is how he falls asleep every night. He then wakes up in the morning, and the same thing happens all over again.
Ronnie James Dio
Speaking of Dio, this is his modest home in Studio City, California. Yup, this is where the inventor of "throwing the horns" lives. Again, comparing this to Ozzy's house is enough to make anyone cry. For that matter, compare it to Gene Simmons' house (from the first part of this report), the other guy who also claims to have invented throwing the horns. See that white truck in front of his house? Well, Ronnie is Italian (real name Ronald Padavona), and like any real Italian he keeps a bread delivery route. Look, it's hard work, but I bet you anything that it pays way more than touring with Dio. Mortgage payments don't make themselves you know.
Mike Portnoy
You know how Dream Theater is kinda' prog, but not really? Similarly, this house is kinda' like a McMansion, but not really. It's not even big enough. Like Dream Theater's musical output, the house barely inspires a "meh" response from those that drive by. Also, it's worth mentioning that the house is in Coopersburg Pennsylvania, a suburb of Allentown. Living in a suburb of Allentown is like being a wart on a wart. Do you see the trampolin off to the left? That's where Mike Portnoy practices jumping up and down after he hears that people in countries outside the US actually care at all about Dream Theater, or his awful side projects.
The United States economy is going into a recession. You've probably heard about it on the news, and you've probably heard that sub-prime loans may be a leading factor in all this. Yes, the real estate bubble is finally bursting. In order to keep our readers up to date on such important matters, we decided to look closely at the homes of some of the leading figures in the metal world. Yes, this is all real information that came from several sources, all of which are up to date and legit. Sorry, I wasn't able to find out which apartment complex members of Immolation live in...but I think I found some interesting ones nevertheless. Let's get started.
Dave Mustaine
Where does our favorite redheaded crybaby rest his weary bones after another long tour made up of night after night of sucking? This roomy estate in Fallbrook California, avocado capital of the world, is his choice. Fallbrook is a northern suburb of San Diego, and is no doubt a very pleasant place to live. Sadly, Mustaine will most likely be moving out since he's getting a divorce and she'll get to keep the house. Look behind the house, to the left of the big tree, there's a small replica of the main house for one of the redheaded Mustaine kids to play in. We can also tell by the fenced grounds that Mustaine enjoys horses. I would pay top dollar for a picture of Mustaine riding a horse.
Thanks to an attentive reader who, after reading this post, did extensive research at the Library of Congress to find this amazing, and seldom seen photo. Said reader has been sent $14 via PayPal, and has been given the opportunity to buy two of my Obituary ticket stubs. Note his amazing form while hugging this fine equestrian specimen. I like that Mustaine is not afraid to show his emotions. This is a guy that will cry on film, and will hug his horsey for the camera. The pants are a little tight...but with a bod like that...why not share it with the world?
Peter Criss
Ah, the cul-de-sac. Is there anything more american? When looking for a home, born again christian, and barely-able-to-keep-time drummer Peter Criss chose this fantastic home in Wall Township New Jersey. Like ALL homes in New Jersey, its only about two blocks away from some type of shipping warehouse. As nice as it is, one quick look at Gene Simmons' house makes it pretty clear which of the two gets the checks for selling Kiss caskets and condoms.
Gene Simmons
Gene's Beverly Hills, 18,000 square foot monstrosity can be seen in his awful reality show. I suppose this is the type of home you buy after ripping off idiots who were dumb enough to buy Kiss pinball machines for years. Gene has been famously quoted as saying that if you don't understand why he needs two Bentley's, you'll never even have one. You have to give it to the guy for his gusto and business savvy. Having said that, this house is tacky as all hell.
Jason Newsted
Jason Newsted always struck me as the most sensible guy in Metallica. I know, that's not saying much. Bu you get my point. It's like the old joke about the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still a retard. Why do I say he's more sensible than other Metallica members? Well, he cut his hair first, he was cool enough to growl the vocals for "Whiplash" live, and he was smart enough to leave the band after milking it for what it was worth. Wait, I change my mind. By that measure, the most sensible member of Metallica was Cliff...because he died and cut his losses early on. Back to Jason....yes, he was partially responsible for some pretty awful albums, but he left before that one album where they replaced Lars' snare drum with a bell. As such, it makes sense that he would live in such a simple, straightforward house. While Lars was collecting Basquiat paintings, Jason was saving his money in order to be able to leave the band one day. Smart guy. You know what the greatest thing about this house is? It's where the Echobrain album was recorded! Wow.
Glenn Danzig
I honestly don't understand how this is all that Glenn can afford. Does he have a business manger or an accountant? I know that someone could easily say that I don't understand California real estate, and that this piece of garbage costs a whole lot of money. But jesus, just look at it! What do you see on top of the house? It's a TV antenna, which is clearly visible in other shots I found of the house. He doesn't even have cable!
This house is awesome because it's where that scene in the Danzig home video was taped, the one where he shows you his "various books about death." It was also in this home that he talked about how evil an e-chord is. Yes, the place is overgrown in an effort to show how evil he is, but even with that in mind, its tiny! Man, if there is one way you can show people how evil you are, its by not weeding or keeping up with your yard work. That is the epitome of evil! Look, his neighbor has a 1986 Nissan, so it can't be that nice of a neighborhood. Speaking of cars, all that Glenn can afford is a Jaguar XK8? How pedestrian. He has the same taste in cars as Angela Bower in Who's The Boss.
Also, what's the deal with that red brick wall to the left of his car? Is that a fort to protect himself against water balloons from the neighborhood kids?
Kirk Hammett
Lastly there's Kirk Hammett, the lovable Filipino. Known mostly as the laughable wah pedal-happy lead guitarist of Metallica, Kirk is also a real estate mogul. Not really. Kirk was clearly influenced by Glen Danzig's idea to let ivy grow all over his damn house. The guy has been trying to sell this San Francisco pile of crap for years (12.5 million), but has had no offers. I don't know why that is. After all, this is the house that can be seen in Some Kind Of Monster, which is filled with useless horror movie memorabilia. Just think about it, this is the house where Kirk has spent countless hours crying while Lars and James argued back at the studio. This is the house where he looked in the mirror and said "yeah, I think I'll grow a tiny bicycle skid mustache." For that alone, this house is worth millions.
This post is not about wrestling or who’s the current WWE Champion (even though we all know it should still be Orton). It’s not about how lame wrestling is/was/has been in the US, or any of that. Please keep the wrestling specific comments to yourself. Thank you.
It’s safe to say that there’s always been a loose connection between pro-wrestling and metal. Maybe it’s the attitude, the "look" or maybe it’s the fact that both are heavily embraced by ignorant trailer-dwelling Americans. Some of the wrestlers in the US have/had some pretty metal gimmicks. Take The Road Warriors, the Brothers of Destruction, that clown Sting (who looks like he belongs in a shitty black metal band) and others. Then, there’s always Triple H and his Motorhead connection, Balls Mahoney, who often sports metal shirts and there's even that hot metal chick a few years back. Well, all that is nothing compared to what you can find the CMLL and AAA in Mexico.
The Road Warriors, who GWAR basically ripped-off
I gotta admit, I had a huge crush on Lita back in the day
Kane and The Undertaker. Really, how more metal can you get?
Balls Mahoney is a huge (no pun intended) King Diamond fan
Let me start with my favorite wrestler in Mexico, La Parka (a.k.a. L.A. PARK). You can’t deny that’s a metal-ass costume. I don’t know what’s up with the male symbol on his wrists, but I guess gay can also be metal?
Cuervo, Damian 666, Espiritu and Ozz look like a black metal band from the mid-west. The best part is that without ever touching a musical instrument in their lives, they’d probably get signed to some label called “Northern Trees Without Leaves Records” based on looks alone. We'll look at these "hermanos" in detail below.
Espiritu has the Dark Throne logo on his face and lots of pentagrams on his gear. Survey says... METAL!
OK, I'll admit Cuervo is more goth than metal, but... OK, you got me I have no excuse. Sorry
I don't give two shits how tough you think you are, if you run into this dude in an alley after a Brujeria show in Monterrey , you will need to buy new underoos, 'cuz you will shit your fucking pants. Damian 666 is pure evil. Those nasty keloid scars don't help eigther.
Ozz is as metal as they get. My theory is that between bible burnings, Glen Benton takes time off, flies to Mexico, puts on velvet pants, paints his face blue, and rubs up on sweaty dudes in the ring.
This is El Pancho. He might not look very metal, but he’s wearing bullet belts and that’s pretty fucking metal in my book of things that are metal.
Cibernetico looks like the singer of a German thrash band in the 80’s. Minus the gay contact lens in his left eye, of course. To complete the German thrasher look, he may wanna borrow El Pancho's bullet belts and put some pants on. Preferibly tight faded jeans. But here's more Cibenetico for you:
Hey, Pedro, ManOwar called, they want their homo-erotic look back.
This lady from Jalisco’s wrestling name is Dark Angel. I thought I’d throw he in here just for Gene Hoglan's Balls.
Here’s a pretty lady. This lovely beauty is named Diabolica. Pretty metal name, that’s for sure. Plus, she’s hefty and reminds me of my first girlfriend, who had a Benediction tape and wore a Sepultura T-shirt.
This gentleman is Halloween. Of course it would be WAY more metal had his name been Helloween, but I’ll take Halloween. Unfortunately Halloween suffers from Rob Flynn's Disease. Note the multi-colored braids and cut-off shorts. He’s also wearing an anti-drug tee. Sorry, hermano, you are a poser-o!
Arguably this ‘muchacho’ is the most metal of all wrestlers in Mexico. Why? His fucking name is Heavy Metal, that’s why! He’s basically a poor man’s Glen Danzig. Which is pretty bad considering that Danzig is a poor man’s… I don’t know what, but you know what I mean. Heavy Metal’s got an Apple sticker on his axe, which is not very metal, but he’s got a scorpion tattooed on his chest, which is WAY metal! Actually all his tatts are pretty brutal. By brutal I mean shitty.
Jerry Estrada tried out for Stryper in ’87 and upon rejection he turned to his first love: looking gay by wearing one cross earring and fringe. Oh, and he also started wrestling in Mexico.
The gimmick of Los Porros (loosely translated The College Jocks) is obviously lost in translation. Maybe it was lost way before anyone cared to translate it. I just thought they looked like the Gothic Slam reunion in 2013.
Maybe Finland's Lordi (the worst fucking band in history) are huge in Mexico. I don’t know but they sure as hell left their footprint in Mexican wrestling. Check out these guys:
Los Vipers
Los Cabernicolas
Los Rudos de la Galaxia (maybe a little Ace Frehley circa '83 influence in there?)
In case you forgot what they look like, here’s Lordi (the worst fucking band in history, did I already say that?):
I’m not sure if these guys are exactly metal, but Monster and Chucky are pretty fucking scary. By scary I mean pathetic. In more ways than one. Monster looks like a budget version of the Crimson Ghost with a green wig. Like so many other things in this post, Chucky’s just plain creepy. Oh, yeah, midgets rule.
Mister Aguila looks like a young Max Cavalera. This is the kind of friends I would have given my right arm for, when I was a teen. This guy just looks metal. His pants are ripped by the crotch. Watch out ladies!
I’m not sure WTF is going on here. I think KISS threw up in Mexico in '85 and the barf took shape, came to life and turned into the Night Queens. Great name, amigos! The one guy is REALLY into keeping his identity a secret (I would too if I was in this freak show), so he wears a mask over his make-up. Nice.
This dude’s name is Nitro. That alone is metal. Add to that the skulls in his pants and we got one metal Mexican.
I think Sangre Chicana is a lost member of Testament and Joey DeMaio’s younger brother.
Do I have to even explain why Perro Terrible is metal as shit? What I’d like an explanation on is the “brick wall” and why the audience is sitting on the floor.
The reason Tormenta is on the post is ‘cuz her name reminds me of “Tormenta” Ventor of Kreator.
The following wrestlers might not be super-duper metal, but I think they are worth highlighting for pure comedy value:
These guys’ gimmick is that they are American. So, obviously, so everyone hates them. Their name is The Beauty and The Beast… but who’s who?
Trio Fantasia is very disturbing. Grown men dressed with tight fitting clothes to attract young children. No wonder Mexico is still considered a "developing" country.
La Diva, has to be the awesomest female wrestler in Mexico. Look at her! Her finishing move: The Sitdown Splash. I’m sure you can imagine what it is… yeah she sits on her oponent’s face. That's a lot of woman. Too many tacos and burrrrrritos, girl!
Please meet Ke Monito (loose translation: "What a Little Monkey". That’s not a joke) He’s 2’7” and a clear example of why Mexican Lucha will always be better than any sad attempts by Americans to make greased-up muscle douche-bags with long hair be entertaining. Here's Ke Monito in “action”. Enjoy!
I know I said this post wasn't about wrestling, but I couldn't leave without sharing this video with you guys. Highlights of Japanese and Mexican wrestlers. I know this is not very metal, but some of these fuckers are amazing.
