Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Music to kill yourself by

Between the winter and my pending divorce, I'm pretty bummed these days, and naturally my thoughts are turning toward suicide. Nothing works as a suicide aid like music, and I thought I would share the albums that are driving me to the brink of despair.

Womb/Disciples of Mockery - split CD
This album is a crushing slab of misanthropic, self-destructive sludge that isn't really like anything else I have ever heard. Womb is the brainchild of former Incantation guitarist, Nazi, and general weirdo Craig Pillard, and they play some very fucked up music. It's slow, sludgy, doomy death metal with very disturbing S&M-themed lyrics that leave you feeling all yucky inside in the way that only interfacing with genuinely unhinged people can. With titles like "Thong" and "Bound, Fucked, Humiliated" and lyrics like "I want to taste your saliva," listening to this will put you in a really strange mood to say the least. You'll feel like you need to wash out your brain, and one step closer to killing yourself!

Abruptum - demos
After priming yourself with some Womb, you won't truly feel the self-hatred until you jam some Abruptum. Actually, you don't really "jam" Abruptum so much as bathe in it. Jamming is for bands that have melody, dynamics, structure, and other things that define music. Abruptum is not so much music as sound. I don't remember who said it, but I read some interview years ago with one of the dummies from some band like Emperor where he said "Abruptum is the sound of pure hell," which is the best description I have ever heard. If you are on the verge of suicide, Abruptum is a valuable aid in pushing you over the edge, because they will make you hate not only yourself, but everybody else on the planet. Once you hate everybody and have severed all emotional connections to the people you used to care about, it's trivial to make the decision to say "Goodbye, cruel world!"

Life of Agony- Ugly
Now most people will say that LoA's finest record is "River Runs Red," but they are wrong. "Ugly" is their finest hour, mostly because it is so melancholy and depressing. If you were feeling chipper when you put it on, you'll definitely be in the dumps before it's over! Pretty much every song on this record is fantastically dreary and hopeless, but the track in the video above is especially good for getting yourself amped up for suiciding yourself. It is called "Coffee Break" and is only found on the import version of "Ugly," but thanks to the interweb, it's easy to pirate these days.

"Fears" is another good one to put on when you're laying in the bathtub in some warm water, getting ready to slit your wrists:
No one knows what it's like
No one knows how it feels
Nothing else cuould compare to the fears I fear
And I've been on my own
Struggling all alone
And all I have are these clothes on my back and this song <-- Priceless!!
I never had much I never believed I could be
Someone, somehow, somebody
Said goodbye to all my childhood hopes and dreams
Time to grow up and accept real life responsibilities
Won't you listen to the things I have to say
'cause it just might affect the way that you think about
How you live from day to day
It may be easy for you
But it seems like hell to me
Wow! What a cornucopia of self-pity! It's the perfect sountrack for peacing yourself out.

16 - Blaze of Incompetence
I got this record when I was 18 or something, and although I didn't "get it" at the time, I sure do now. If we are discussing music to kill yourself by, we would definitely be remiss if we didn't mention it! I think it is one of those records where you have to get beat up by life for a while before you can understand the feeling of "angry surrender" that permeates pretty much every part of it. When you're 18, you haven't really had to deal with enough bullshit to understand how hopeless and annoying life really is. I think one of the lyrics sums it up well: "Life sucks, who cares, get high." Musically, if you are a fan of bands like Dystopia, Cavity, Fudge Tunnel, or Eyehategod, you will enjoy 16, but it's really the lyrical themes that make this record so special.

Successful people make lemonade when life gives them lemons. When they get knocked down, they get back up, dust themselves off, and keep trying. Listening to this album will make sure you are not one of those people. Some bands, like Life Of Agony, will overwhelm you with the pain of life reduce you to tears and make you want to throw yourself on a sword. 16 is a little different, though. After a couple of songs, you won't be sobbing and in pain, you'll just be so annoyed and frustrated with life that you'll chomp on the cyanide pill just to avoid having to talk to your idiot boss the next day.

Download it here

Jessi Malay
Perhaps the one thing in this world that drives me closest to throwing myself on a sword is the fact that Jessi Malay never got popular. Not only is she hot as shit, this song is pretty awesome- the beat is amazingly dark and crushing, and it has a guest appearance from College Park's biggest baller, Yung Joc. She's so cute! If I can't have her, I'm leaving this planet for good.

What's the soundtrack to your next suicide attempt?

You're among friends, we won't judge you if you say Tori Amos or Vanessa Carlton. We draw the line at Michelle Branch, though!


  1. to me, 16 is more something like "life sucks, you suck too. who cares? keep getting high"

    i really love zoloft smile

  2. Nice post, really cheered me up im british and its winter and the start of a nice long recession so pretty much means im suicidal most of the time.

    Good call on abruptum, the only things i can add would be Swans especially Filth and Today is the day circa Willpower and Temple of the morning star, and Leonard Cohen Songs of love and Hate

  3. good call on Today Is The Day! that is some seriously intense shit that is a great soundtrack for self-destruction.

  4. Suicide Note p1 - Pantera
    Hurt - Nine Inch Nails
    The River - Bruce Springsteen
    Fade to Black - Metallica
    No Surprises - Radiohead
    Eleanor Rigby - Beatles

  5. Isn't it just easier to skip the whole process and go straight to the Linkin Park?

  6. i like to jam some linkin park for sure, but only their first 2 records. the new shit sucks.

  7. NIN's "Hurt" but it has to be the Johnny Cash version. It just rips your fuckin guts out.

    The CuRe Faith album will put you over.

    Marillion's Clutching at Straws album makes you want to off yourself.

    Then there is the stuff that makes you want to take people with you...

  8. anethema - a natural disaster

  9. NEGLECT! half their songs are explicitly pro-suicide and mostly all are about hating life.

    you'll never find a reason why
    you'll just suffer 'till you die
    follow my words and grab the knife stick it in and fuck life

    i'd say neglect is better for an anger-induced suicide, rather than a depression-induced suicide.

  10. I think nothing is more depressiong than the album "Pity Love" by Beyond Dawn. Too good to be true. Did you listen to it? Try it. Someone pointed out The Cure. I'd say also Pornography by The Cure is pretty good to keep you down (but as I said, nothing like that album by Beyond Dawn). Also Canaan has some very depressing songs (very influenced by Pentecost III era of Anathema), though I hate that in between every song there's an interlude of 4 minutes that is boring, so you have to download their albums and delete the worthless songs. I love Doom Metal, so there's plenty of bands to add (Anathema, old Katatonia, Thergothon, Mourning Beloveth, My Dying Bride,etc, etc), but if we are not talking about doom metal, Godspeed You Black Emperor can put me down too. I really like them, but can't listen to them often.

  11. Katatonia, though I could also see Gnaw Their Tongues in the "soundtrack to hell" style fitting perfectly...hell, I thing GTT are even more deranged than Abruptum, but that's just me. And come on, what's better than a song called "Blood Spills out of Everything I Touch?"

  12. Ahab's Call of the Wretched Sea is some good stuff. Funeral too. I listen to Kiss it Goodbye when I get that way too.

  13. Insomnium makes me sad

  14. I'm sorry, metal just does not get me depressed. It always makes me feel more powerful, alive and ready to take some sort of action...although maybe not always in a positive sense. I guess that's part of the reason it's so appealing to young males...or males desperate to hold on to the final shreds of their youth (GUILTY!)

    Anyway, the stuff that makes me want to get up (on a chair) and go (put a noose around my neck) would have to be Alt-Country. Neil Young's "Tonight's The Night", Uncle Tupelo's "Still Feel Gone" and Alexander Spence's "Oar" hit all the right wrong notes. And then there's that Jayhawk's song "Blue" which contain's one of my all time favorite self loathing lyrics:

    "I always thought I was someone
    it turns out I was wrong."

    Anyway, Sergent D, I honestly hope you can pick up the pieces, get in your Hate Tank and ride. Hey, I know the perfect pick-me-up! Listen to the stage banter from the original Agnostic Front "Live At CBGB's" - the greatest unintended stand-up comedy ever!

    By the way, no Burning Witch, Grief or Khanate? What's up with that? Swans "Filth" is awesome.

  15. Sarge, seems bad mood draws out the best of you. This was hilarious. Love the earnestness coated in irony.

    Speaking of alt-county and LoA: Keith Caputo's "Livin' the Blues" makes me wanna drive off into the sunset and then drive off a cliff. Smiling.

    Shiiine yooour liiight ooon meee...

    Also, a bit high schooly, but Alice in Chains does it for me every time.

  16. Sgt.D--really sucks to hear about your tough times. I can relate, as I'm married.

    My Suicide list:

    Deicide--Suicide Sacrifice-"Suicide, I must die!!!"

    Crowbar--Four Walls, All I had, I gave

    Life of Agony--River Runs Red--(blasphemy to say "Ugly," it was only depressing because a once great band decided to gobble dicks on their 2nd album)

  17. Not directly related to suicide, but I have an amusing near-death experience to share: About 15 years ago, I was driving my Suzuki Sidekick down a mountain--in a snowstorm. My tape deck (I didn't switch to CDs until '94) was accidentally smashed with a hammer, so I had to listen to the radio. Anyway, I was going down this really steep hill and I started sliding sideways--an invitation to flip in a sidekick (basically a Geo Tracker). Pearl Jam was on the radio, playing "Jeremy," and I kept thinking to myself, "This is so fucking gay--I'm going to die and Pearl Jam is on the radio!"

    I'd rather be found with a broken neck after trying to suck my own penis.

  18. I always want to commit suicide immediately upon hearing any part of any Billy Joel song, but that's just me.

  19. I kept thinking to myself, "This is so fucking gay--I'm going to die and Pearl Jam is on the radio!"

    oh man, that's good stuff!!

    re: crowbar, i was definitely going to include them but totally forgot! good call.

  20. Fuck yeah on Crowbar. Eyehategod also falls into this category IMO.
    I'll throw in the Cathedral-Forest Of Equilibrium.

  21. nothing gets me in a snuff mood more than Pink FLoyd just listen to everything from the wall and back, you'll be done by dawn. just please, for the love of god, burn those linkin park cds & any other nu-metal crap you might have laying around.

  22. I remember my college roommate and i listened to Forest of Equilibrium one afternoon, and we both became physically ill at it's awesome boring power. Lee Dorian left Napalm Death for that shit? There's one for Unsolved Mysteries.

  23. Addendum:

    I'm rockin' 16's "Burning Sensation" on the loop right now. If I was suicide-bombing buildings, this is the shit I'd be listening to on my iPod-bomb combo. Misanthropic awesomeness.

    P.S. Totally overlooked the Suicide Tendencies double entendre. Good stuff.

  24. Man esoteric how could i not have thought of that double cd albums generally make me suicidal at the best of times!

    Oh and celtic frost cold lake, just to make it stop!

  25. "I'm so super sexy, bet you can't do it like me"........
    Is this suicide thing coming along any time soon?

  26. "I'm so super sexy, bet you can't do it like me"........
    Is this suicide thing coming along any time soon?

  27. Ummm, I don't know about anyone else that reads this site, but Bright Eyes album Fevers & Mirrors has some of the most depressing shit I've ever heard.

  28. brights has some depressing jams for sure. on the indie rock/puss tip, i've been listening to this band Owl City pretty much nonstop this week:

  29. hard to believe nobody pointed out that the speak english or die album has the perfect song "Kill Yourself" the lyrical content will surely hit it on the spot specially if you're prone to such nauseating things as "Bright Eyes" lol I can't believe how pussyfied the nu-generation has become. Anyways on another note, divorce is actually a blessing in disguise once you get over the feeling of inadequacy and rejection, women are fucking insane with their pms, their clown mascara rituals and not to mention slaves to the 'soaps' on prime time television. Sure sex is great but then what? you gotta put up with so much unnecessary bullshit, in the end I'd go ahead and adhere to the Charlie Harper code for life. You lucky dog!

  30. Buzzov•en-Sore
    Corrupted-Se Hace Por Los Suenos Asesinos

  31. Motion City Soundtrack - everything, but especially "commit this to memory"
    Black Flag - "Loose Nut"
    No Comment - "Downsided"
    Despise You - everything

  32. I'm gettin in on this one late, but Acid Bath's "Bleed me an Ocean" suites me for those kind of moods...Dax's voice is so good it makes me want to off myself sometimes.

  33. SGT D, you just posted what I was gonna say: No Comment - Downsided. That's short and to the point.

    Confined within my bedroom cell
    Here by choice outside is hell
    Isolated to Myself
    I hurt inside but I'll never tell
    More than just a passing phase
    Living on self-numbered days
    Masquerading my inner rage
    This is my pattern of change
    Try after try I'll never learn
    There's only one way out...

  34. There are a few songs that get to me:
    Converge - Grimm Heart/Black Rose (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3CEVh3DdH4)
    The Cure - Trust (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7DouXE2wxg)
    Agua de Annique - Day After Yesterday (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc9HhVh0D5s)
    Those 3 songs in that order could cause some damage....

  35. When I here Bod Marley's "Three Little Birds" I want to end it all, there is just such an overwhelming positive vibe in that song it is completely foriegn to my existance. I blame metal.