Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Where are they now: Alex Perialas edition

As though the wacky goatee wasn't enough to let people know that he's not your average old douchebag, he's managed to borrow accessories from the Olson twins' closet to communicate just how awful of a human being he is.

If you ever call Metal Inquisition's World Headquarters and get put on hold due to heavy call volume, nine times out of ten, you'll be listening to the work of master producer Alex Perialas as you wait for someone to pick up on the other end of the line. With an impressive catalog that includes S.O.D.'s "Speak English Or Die" as well as the 12" single for the greatly underappreciated Anthrax masterpiece "Make Me Laugh", his catalog dominates our cassette collections to this day.

Metal Inquisition Facilities Manager Rich Pompeani is the only M.I. employee trusted to care for our beloved Alex Perialas cassette collection. Here we see Rich carefully relabeling one of three Fistful Of Metal dub copies in our collection.

You see, long before Scott Burns was making dozens of dollars producing albums for the likes of Obituary, Sepultura and Hellwitch at Morrisound Studios, Alex Perialas was toiling away behind the knobs for such legendary, life-changing recordings as "U.S.A. for M.O.D." With all this in mind, how could we not use our investigative powers to give our readers more information about the kind of life and fortune that producing Overkill's landmark recording "Fuck You" can grant a man? We simply had to ask:

Where on earth is Alex Perialas?

Well, if you guessed Ithaca, New are right! These days, Alex has traded in the exciting, and opulent life of working with Billy Milano on his vocal overdubs, as well as the privilege of working with Danny Spitz on his guitar solos for a simpler, quieter life. Alex is now an assistant professor at Ithaca College (also known as Cornell's retarded brother). Assistant professor? Can you believe that a guy like Alex can produce a masterpiece like Testament's "New Order" and they still won't give him a tenure track job? Assistant professor? That's all? For having worked on the S.O.D. album alone they should let him be Dean of the school of music, AND be the head of the political science program. Can you think of a better candidate for the job? I sure can't.

Here we see Alex playing S.O.D.'s classic track "Speak English Or Die" to a group of Guatemalan children, as he explains to them that the title of the song was meant to be ironic, and that no harm was meant by it. Sadly, the children didn't understand a word he said since, well....they don't speak English.

So what type of life can you live when royalty checks from Megaforce records are flying in every month (signed by the one and only Johnny Z)? Sadly, not a fantastic one. According to the City of Ithaca's records office, Alex's humble home is valued at a modest $155,000. To our European readers, due to the current exchange rate, that comes out to roughly 6 Euros.

As you can see in this picture of his home, Alex needs to do some weeding pronto. Maybe Bobby Blitz can come over and take care of it, I'm sure he needs some money and steady work right about now.

So has Alex simply faded away into a life in academia? Oh no. Once you've worked on a Pro-Pain album you can't simply hide your production abilities from the world. To the contrary, you must share those abilities. It's for that reason that Alex is now the proud owner of Pyramid Studios, a place that he no doubt imagined would be filled with the kind of action and hot ladies that were commonplace in Anthrax, and Testament recording sessions back in the day. Sadly, thrash metal is dead, and the studio is in Ithaca, so the only thing he's recording is the sound of tumbleweed rolling around in the state of the art drum room. Such is life.
Thrash metal is dead. The end of that era came long ago...but at least it's alive in our cassette collections and in our hold music here at M.I. headquarters. In keeping it alive, Alex's spirit will remain alive forever. FOREVER I TELL YOU!

In closing, I say we all watch the video below together and remember a time when both Alex and bermuda shorts reigned supreme. By the way, what the hell was up with Joey Belladonna's mic stand? He had the mic on half a mic stand, which had no base. It looks ridiculous. I can just imagine the tantrums he would have if a roadie didn't have his half-mic stand ready for a show.

"Are you kidding me? Do you expect me to sing into a full mic stand, or even worse, carry my mic around in my hand without my half mic-stand which looks like a broom stick? Oh hell no. I'm not performing under these circumstances! I played drums on I'm The Man! I sang on Madhouse! I deserve better than this!"

Perhaps he was influenced by Kind Diamond's patented femur half-mic stand.


  1. the first photo is seriously alex perialis?! wowowowowowowowowowow!

  2. i was also always confused by the half mic you think he ever forgot and tried to set it down and it just fell over? did he use the pointy end as a weapon in case some nazi skins showed up? was it all part of his "indians" get-up? a native american spirit stick perhaps.

  3. hmmm. walking stick. never thoguth of that. maybe its a rain stick, for ceremonial purposes. i guess its better than the axl rose stand that had a steering wheel base...but it certainly had less of a purpose.

  4. Alex's humble home is valued at a modest $155,000. To our European readers, due to the current exchange rate, that comes out to roughly 6 Euros.


  5. His production drowned Flotsam & Jetsam's "When the storm comes down"...that's all I can remember about this man.

  6. Oh my God that awful Anthrax video. How could I listen to that crap ?
    Whatever happened to fucking Bill Metoyer ???

  7. that video is bad, but their performance of I'm The Man at that same show is downright nutty.

    I can't believe how when I was a little kid, I thought it was "fun and wacky", now it seems so awful and cringeworthy. Also not not helping is Frank Bello's awful movements, which I guess are his physical impression of a black person...and how he's wearing a thick gold chain....ughhh.....when's my sword when i need to fall on it?

  8. Yeah it might be a bit embarrasing looking back at that bright mustard stage with bright red spirals and sure antisocial is a weak song, but if you can tell me what band around today can touch Anthrax's legacy then by all means give it a go. If you're going to try and be funny and say some retarded shit that includes wiggerslam or opeth or mastodon or whatever gowdaful band slayer is taking out on tour this year you can cram it up your overinflated delusional ego. Thrash will never die it'll vegetate in a coma until the world catches up.

  9. don't forget his work on vio-lence "oppressing the masses"
    pure gold

  10. oh no, I love 'thrax up until persistence of time. To be absolutely honest, I have never heard mastodon or operh ever.

  11. If he's an assistant professor, he may very well be tenure-track. If he were adjunct, or a lecturer, then he'd have a shitty academic job. As it is, perhaps, he can hope for a greatness in the academy consummate with his work on "Pre-Menstrual Princess Blues."

  12. Chunk Billy was also fond of the 1/2 mic.

  13. Chuck Billy! you're absolutely rigth!

  14. Antisocial fuckin' rocks, dude ! And so does TRUST ! They fucked up the song making it sounds like retirement house thrash metal.

    Anyone remember the fucking "Indians" video ? Waaaaardance.
    I can't help laughing 20 years after ! We're only dissin' them on reservations...

  15. Hey Alex, whats the fuck is that fucking noise?

  16. nice SOD reference. i forgot about that!

  17. AP says life is good and I still know how to get a guitar tone bitches!! This site is some funny sh*t.

    Keep the faith.