Metal Inquisition: early onset midlife crisis

Showing posts with label early onset midlife crisis. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Roger from accounts payable having a great time at a Manowar show

I'm happy to see that Roger from the accounts payable department here at Metal Inquisition finally got to experience Manowar live. I've been telling him for years how great they are, so for me to see him let it all hang out like this brings a smile to otherwise my somber face.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

20 Year Old British Girl Falls In Love With Forced Entry (the band, you sicko!)

It's no secret that I love Mountlake Terrace, Washington's Forced Entry slightly more than my own mother. Few things make me happier than hearing that I've gotten someone into what I consider to be the most underrated thrash band in history. With that in mind, you can imagine how excited I was when I got the following email while munching on chips and salsa at my favorite white-person Mexican restaurant. I could try to add some of my own commentary, but it would add nothing (all the photo comments are mine, though). This is the kind of content that fucking stands on its own! Thanks to Daru Jericho for sending this in. You are fucking legit, baby!!

***

If you don't love this song, you should seriously kill yourself right now. I'm not joking at ALL, bros. WE'RE A BUNCH OF DICKS, WE TELL IT LIKE IT IS!

Salutations,

This is an overdue e-mail.

I'm a fairly rabid reader of Metal Inquisition (what reader isn't rabid over there?) based across the pond in London, England. I'm twenty years old and have a vagina too which I like to think separates me a little from the standard MI demographic. Earlier this year, your blog introduced me to a fabulous band dubbed Forced Entry. After hearing As Above, So Below enough times to force the average person to legally change their name to Thunderhead, my life was changed and not in the "ZOMG, I TOTALLY NEED TO LIEK SHOW MY APPRECIATION FOR THIZ BAND BY GETTING A TATTOO ON MY BUTTCHEEK WHICH I'LL REGRET IN THREE YEARS TIME WHEN I GRO OUT OF THRASH MEHTUL!" kind of way.

This is my favorite Forced Entry song, a deep cut that's buried on side two of "As Above So Below." Listen to that fucking riff!!! Fucking THRASH!!!!!!!!

This band was so amazing that I decided to dedicate my summer to them (I assumed the summer would be dull because I'd just dumped my boyfriend of two years and was feeling identical to the mood of that ballad 'Never A Know but the No' and concentrated on Forced Entry to fill that gap that my boyfriend once did for some reason) when I finished uni in May, in honour of 'How We spent Our Summer Vacation', of course with my slogan for the next five months being "GET FUCKED UP!"

This little baby wasn't even born when the first Forced Entry demo came out! And by the way, how fucking sweet is this cover?? Fuck Municipal Waste's contrived bullshit, THIS is what a fucking demo looks like!

But I didn't stop at changing my MSN screen name to celebrate the occasion. I went one (or possibly two) steps further. I started getting wasted more often as you'd expect but I did specifics. To be loyal to the opening line of the song that started this "Jack Daniels goes down fine, a lot smoother than any wine," I reduced my intake of wine and imbibed copius amounts of Jack Daniels. Beer was a common standard and I also did a (cider - they had no beer) bong for the first time to match "Sucked the beer bong a little too long," and I had more than six tequila slammers ("Six tequila slammers, I'm too far gone!") but I'd never even had tequila before. The newish boyfriend that I obtained over the summer had six slammers along with some other shit and spent half the night sleeping on the bathroom floor.

Let's see the phony assbags in Toxic Holocaust have the balls to rock the Tony Benjamins "white trash rocker from Bothell" look!

But the possible highlight of this summer was going up to anyone (whilst drunk or sober, btw) - friends, strangers on the street, randomos at festivals, buskers, guys I was making out with...literally anyone - and playing my ace by asking "Hey baby, will you shit on my face?" A friend of mine who got caught up in my summer frenzy (who now loves 'How We Spent Our Summer Vacation' so one became two - see what I did there!?) did the same thing but outshined me by asking eight middle-aged women in a club within an hour to do it and they were all horrified.

"Bludgeon" from the first Forced Entry record. Seriously fucking brutal as fuck, even by today's standards. It makes my soul hurt that this band doesn't get more love!!!!!

I saw Forced Entry with the Accused several times. Can you imagine anything better when it's 1992 and you're 14?! I lost my fucking mind.

The reactions we got were pretty funny. Some guys played along with me, promising to shit on my face. One dude even pulled his pants down before my friends tried to reassure an intoxicated me that I really didn't want him to do it. I got more freaked out expressions from boring people than Billy Milano had burgers this week. The best reactions were from those who played along though. Another guy asked me if I wanted liquified shit, slightly runny shit, solid shit or peanut-encrusted shit. Choice is good.

THIS EMAIL FUCKING DELIVERS.

I pretty much payed homage to most of the lines on that song but the one that I could do (obviously I couldn't do anything that involved a phallus, being a girl) but didn't was puke through my nose. I like to think I made up for that by puking on myself and my Dave Mustaine-inspired fluffy boots though.

"King Cobra?! More like QUEEN COBRA lolololz!" The intro banter in this video would be amazing material to use as samples for a noisecore demo. Fucking love the bass break at 1:15, this band was soooooo sick!!!!!!! ANACONDA HAUNTS YOUR SLEEP!

I semi-legally tattooed 'The Summer of Forced Entry '09 - GFU' on plenty of walls and surfaces and have attached some of them that I actually took photos of to this e-mail (the green tent has it written on its side but you can't see it too clearly), including the tent I shared with my ex at the latest open air metal fest that metalheads get hard ons and gap ons (the femme equivalent) over - Hellfest in France - in addition to the tent I shared with my friend at Bloodstock - the UK's nearest fest to Wacken. Writing it in non-metal places was particularly satisfying though. It was very akin to Moses telling everyone about the Ten Commandments. Looking back, I wonder if some people thought my summer was just an advertisement for rape. On asking a thrash fan if he liked Forced Entry he replied: "That's sick!"

If I ever meet this girl, I am proposing to her on the spot. I love you, baby!

The newspaper photo is also of particular interest because of the recycling message underneath that I crossed out before reading supporting the notion of shitting on one's face. Also, keen thrashers should note that the 2974 is a reference to that LOL'able Testament song 'The Evil Has Landed'. 2974 is the number of people who died in 9/11, mentioned in that track and genially rhymed with 'war'.

I also told people to fuck off or I would kill them.

GET FUCKED UP!

To conclude, thanks for giving me an awesome band to act as the soundtrack to my summer holiday - sorry - vacation from uni (May to October, April technically because I only had one exam in May so I partied earlier) and introducing me and, by extension, a few partners in crime of mine to Forced Entry. No one I know or talked to over the summer has ever heard of them and think I made them up. I wish they'd reunite. I want to e-mail these photos to one of the guys in the band so they can see that douches actually care about them but haven't found an e-mail addy. They just underscore how terrible Municipal Waste truly are and why those retro-thrash 'tards should be extinguished.

WE TELL IT LIKE IT IS, I KNOW IT MAKES YOU PISSED 'COZ WE'RE A BUNCH OF DICKS,

Daru Jericho

***

More awesome, vintage Seattle metal: BITTER END!! Fuck yes, I definitely saw this band many times with all my other favorites like Aaronation, Sabre, Dumt, Panic, The Evicted, Amerifucked, Big Top, Date Rape, Last Gasp, and probably the amazing Aspirin Feast (listen to "Jesus Said," holy underrated hardcore) at one time or another. Seattle had sooooo many legitimately excellent bands back then, but nobody ever heard them because we were off the map until Nirvana came along. I'll put the above bands against any other local hardcore/metal scene in the US circa 1990, I was seriously fortunate to grow up when and where I did.

Daru Jericho, you are officially DOWN AS FUCK and we salute you! I honestly love to see people who are still enthusiastic about stuff, especially when it's something as ridiculously sweet as Forced motherfucking Entry. We love you and support you in your efforts to GET FUCKED UP!

Peep Forced Entry on MySpace here

Monday, September 21, 2009

Suicide Silence: Total fuckfaces, no way around it

Rule number 1: Unless you're an asshole, never trust a hipster's musical opinions. They hate fun and only love Volkswagens, beards, and Hydra Head bands. But I'll admit, even I sometimes forget that they're full of shit. For example, until recently I never gave Suicide Silence a fair chance; I wrote them off like every other deathcore band that's hated by the press and loved by kids because 99% of deathcore is fucking garbage. But after learning that the also-hated deathcore kingpins Winds of Plague were actually a sweet band as well as awesome dudez, I pirated the last few Suicide Silence records and gave them a listen. It turns out they are a really fucking good band. I am also confident that if they were from Philly and had beards, all the Converge and Relapse turds would sweat their balls like they were the second coming of Mastodon.

To atone for my mistakes, I figured we should interview them. I'll admit, I was kind of bummed that the dude didn't seem to think the interview was very funny, but maybe he was just trying to be funny in his own way. I told them to try to make their answers over the top so it would be more entertaining for our old, bitter readers, but he really just came off as more stangry than anything else. He has special needs, though, so try to cut him some slack: he is from Riverside, which is more or less like being dipped in fetal alcohol syndrome immediately after birth, so you can't expect him to be a comedian on top of being the face of deathcore.

Honestly, this shit is fucking brutal. I wanted to hate this band but after listening to them I just can't, they're hella mass tight.

You have a new album entitled "No Time To Bleed," which is excellent and even better than your last one in terms of both songwriting and production. In spite of that, it seems like your band is pretty polarizing and you have a lot of haters. Why do people hate on Suicide Silence as much as they do? If you could direct their anger toward another band, who would it be? Please be specific and name names- you don't have to worry, everybody who reads this site is an old, bitter hater and will only like you better for talking a little shit. You are in a safe place... just let it happen...
I think people hate on us because of our success. We still get shit like "you're a hype band" and what not but I really don't give a shit. I think it's all good as long as they know who we are and form an opinion about us whether it's negative or positive. So after saying that I would direct everyone's hate right back to us because at least they will know who we are. So Fuck it. Fuck your site and fuck all the haters who are reading this, do you hate us so much you are reading this interview? How's that for being specific.

Wow, limited to ONLY 10,000?! With that kind of DIY spirit, it's hard to argue with statements like this one: "Suicide Silence, an astonishingly well-developed five-piece from Riverside, CA, are a true product of that always thriving underground, a band single-mindedly focused on creating rabidly heavy and aggressive music."

There are few genres I dislike more than deathcore, mostly because it is full of generic, dull bands that bore me to tears and bring absolutely nothing new to the table. However, I like Suicide Silence a lot, even though you are deathcore poster children, representing the genre just like N*Sync represented boy bands in the 90s. Why do I like your band better than all the other deathcore bands?
Because Deathcore is a cluttered over saturated genre but to ask me why you like my band is pretty stupid. When we started doing this there was no such thing as Deathcore. I'll ask you the question that I am still curious about, "What the hell is Deathcore?" I really don't even know and quite frankly don't care but I know I am where I am playing music and seeing the world and meeting my idols.

The singer (left) looks a LOT like me in this picture and the one at the top of the page, kinda creepy! The rest of the guys look like they would change my oil on a Saturday morning while listening to Deftones via the local "hard rock" station on a boom box.

Along those same lines, it must be kind of awkward because I'm sure you have a lot of friends in similar-sounding bands, and when you talk to them, you both know that Suicide Silence is not only way more popular than their band, but also better. How do you deal with that? When you can tell one of your friends is jealous, bitter and/or butthurt because you are more successful than he is, how do you put him in his place without being a total fuckface?
Everyone just fucks around and talks shit and says things like "Shoulda wrote a better record." or "Maybe if you weren't on so and so records you'd be doing better?". Most of the time you have to be a total fuckface, no way around it. It's not like it isn't the truth it is just the way it is.

Jeff Foxworthy: "If you're in a deathcore band, and you sell mesh shorts... you just might be a wigger."

Deathcore and wiggers seem to go hand in hand. For example, I was at a Four Year Strong show last night and saw half a dozen kids in mesh basketball shorts and Winds of Plague basketball jerseys. Even though you are from Riverside, which is choked with wiggers, you don't seem to be too into that stuff (although you do sell mesh shorts and flat-brim hats). Why do wiggers like deathcore so much? Why don't you guys wear puffy vests like Johnny Plague?
Seriously? I don't really know how to answer that? We don't wear stuff like that because we aren't like that. Riverside used to be packed with boot wearing skin heads and punks? I used to wear trench coats and and push mosh? Why did I do that? I wanted to get peoples attention and/or piss people off. Thats probably why these kids look like wiggers? Somebody they idolize wears that shit too and they wanna have the attention their idols do.

Speaking of wiggers, I'm sure you are familiar with the moderately popular deathcore band Waking The Cadaver. In case you didn't know, the singer now sells Amway products on MySpace, so if you need shampoo, energy drinks, or meal bars, he can hook you up. How do you think women feel about buying cosmetics from the guy who wrote "Chased Through the Woods By A Rapist"? What do you guys do for spare cash when you're desperate?
I personally don't care, but if I need to make money I sell things that you can't buy in stores. If you know what I mean?

We didn't have hot scene girls at hardcore shows in the 90s, but kids these days don't have motherfucking EXCESSIVE FORCE! *cough* OK, I can't lie. We definitely got a raw deal- Dan Gump is hardly worth trading for Melissa Millionaire. I'll try to make myself feel better by counting how many backpacks and pairs of denim shorts are in this video.

You are from Southern California, which makes me think of all the awesome hardcore bands that I moshed my balls off to in the 90s: Adamantium, Excessive Force, Wrench, Throwdown, and especially 18 Visions. I tripped the fuck out the other day when I was at a gas station and they played Burn Halo, the new band featuring Jame Shart, the former singer of 18V. Did you ever see 18V? What did you think of their transition from JNCOs and dreads to Velvet Revolver-meets-Marilyn Manson? What do you think the future holds for Jame Shart and Burn Halo?
Yeah I've seen 18V i never was a big fan but I used to love Adamantium. I really thought 18V fell off hard in like 03-04 when James started looking like Scott Wieland? I really don't know what the future is for them or him? I think they will tour and try and get big in the main stream but even if they get any big success it won't last long. No one with even the slightest heavy side lasts in the main stream anymore it's a pathetic scene. Maybe if James' last name was Jonas there would be a chance.

In 2009, girls that look like this listen to Skinless, I Declare War and Suicide Silence. We were lucky to have The Great Kat. Why wasn't I born 15 years later? Fuck life.

I started going to shows in 1989. Back then, absolutely no hot girls went to shows or listened to hardcore, metal or whatever. Fortunately for you kids, it seems like there is no shortage of hot, crazy scene girls at shows these days- in fact, Suicide Silence seems especially popular with them. What would you do if you were transported to 1991 and your shows were suddenly full of nothing but outcasts and chronic masturbaters in XXXL Morbid Angel shirts, as was the case back then? What advice do you have for up-and-coming bands as far as chicks go?
If I was back then I'd be stoked because it'd be easier to spot the hot chick you want to party with after the show since there were hardly any. As far as advice for up-and-coming bands, I'd say be ready for a continuous dry spell in metal chicks because grunge is coming to ruin it for you. So take what you can get!

Perhaps the most compelling endorsement of their status as a legit metal band is the seemingly endless stream of subhumanly stupid white trash fans flocking to see them in this video

Please watch the following videos and give me your first impression in a few sentences:

Which is your favorite and why??
I'd rather not waste my time watching any of that crap. It will just piss me off more.

Bro. There is this thing called a "gym"...

That's it for us. Thanks for your time, is there anything you would like to add?
This interview put me in a bad mood.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Heavy Metal Jock Jamz: What's your playlist?

With Mr. Olympia right around the corner, it's time to get serious about blasting your quads and getting shredded! There's no time like the present to get cannonball delts, crisp serratus, and lats that flare like the hood of an angry cobra! Since I am guessing most of you are either shut-ins with the physique of an AIDS patient or flabby Relapse beardos who haven't seen the outside of their mother's basement in a decade, I figured I'd share my Heavy Metal Jock Jamz and do my part to keep our readers get diesel!

Thanks to my Apple internetPod, my playlist is constantly changing. I can just put in a new tape when I get bored with the last one, so it's never the same twice. Still, I find that my Jock Jamz consistently fall into a few categories:

Infernal Revulsion are one of the many reasons why Japan is the leading producer of anime tentacle porn, Pokemon, and wigger slam.

Slamz & X Breakdowns X
This is a no-brainer: what would a gym playlist be without the fucking slamz?! I have written about this topic extensively so I won't duplicate all that here. Instead, here is a little checklist that you can use to evaluate any given slam band. Give them one slam for every time you answer "yes," and if they score 4 or higher, they are gym-worthy:

Camo shorts (extra point if they're arctic camo)
Puffy vests and/or parkas
Band is from Russia or Texas (extra point if they are more than 75% Mexicans)
Band name ends in "-ment" or "-tion"/"-sion"
Video features wiggerish arm movements, crab-walking
Bassist has his instrument below knee-level

Try it out and you'll see how quickly it will help you sort your slamz. For example, the clearly gym-worthy Katalepsy score a whopping 5/6 slamz, while Wormed scores 0. The checklist helped us realize that it is critical to choose occasion-appropriate slamz: Wormed are a great band, but not good gym material because they are too smart. Nobody wants thinking man's slam in their ear while you're trying to focus on your deadlift form.

Jer-Z will not be disgraced!! And look at those fucking puffy vests! Damn son! Get your ass over to the Willowbrook Mall and cop one for yourself!

The AC bro from Emmure and Jonathan from Forever The Sickest Kids both enjoy wearing colorful New Eras. I'd like to think that says that we can all be friends, whether we are scene, preppy, or 'core. We all love Hollister and New Era, and at the end of the day that is more important than our superficial differences, right?

Another genre for you to check out is what I like to call "scene wigger moshcore," which is basically shit like Emmure, The Acacia Strain, and Liferuiner. I coined this term because they have chinstraps and New Era hats like your standard-issue mosh wigger, but this bands rock them in bold colorways that would look right at home on Breathe Carolina or Dot Dot Curve. Anyway, all these bands basically sound the same: the ultimate expression of the 90s moshcore formula in a Zao-meets-Adamantium way. So basically, the fucking definition of gym-core.

Emmure's new album is brutal as fuck and full of sick XbreakdownsX and drama-inciting lines like "ask your girl what my dick tastes like."

When to play it: Pretty much anytime you want to feel fuckin' hard, for example when you are annihilating your abs with insane volume! Just put on some Cold As Life while you bang out a zillion reps, then mean mug the gym mirror, and be like, "750 crunches, what now bitch?! This gym ain't got shit on my steez!"

They look like Michael Moore, but these bros know how to write a fucking mosh riff that takes your mind off the pain of being alive for at least a few seconds.

Regretcore
Now let's talk about a very gym-worthy subgenre of hardcore that I like to call "regretcore." In a nutshell, it's the soundtrack to the moment when you look in the mirror, realize you're in your 30s, and that your life is a fucking mess because you're a fuckup who makes retarded decisions that you may not be able to fix. If you have had this moment you know exactly what I'm fucking talking about! Basically, it's "I'm honestly afraid I may have ruined my life forever" put to music, and it's so brutally honest that it can be a little hard to handle, like seeing your dad cry. Let me explain more...

Most of you already think I'm a gay poser, so whatever. When I wasn't listening to Pyrexia, 7 Minutes of Nausea and Dystopia in high school, I was jamming bands like All, Descendents, and later Blink-182, Saves The Day, etc. All their songs essentially amounted to "Wah wah, I like this girl but she doesn't like me back." That sucks but at the same time is kind of fun- you sit around with your friends and complain about chicks, go skate behind 7-11, and hit up Taco Bell. You forget all about it by the time side one of "Thrash Zone" is over.

I love regretcore so much that I got a Death Threat tattoo (the one on the left that says "Now Here Fast"). I am so gay that I got a matching Chris Isaak tattoo (the one on the right that says "Forever Blue").

Fast forward to 2009, we're all in our 30s, and shit is way too real. I ran into a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in a bit. His wife just left him and I wanted to see how he was doing. The dude is a LEGIT hard motherfucker who has fucked up a lot of people, but he's human like the rest of us and nobody shrugs off a divorce. I asked him how he was doing, and he just said, "Well, I had the gun in my mouth last night but I couldn't do it." I was also getting a "divorce" after 8 years with my ex and I was pretty much in the same place, so all I could do was nod in agreement and say "I'm with you, dude." In 10 short years, we went from "The girl who works at the mall doesn't like me, boo hoo" to "My wife left me and I literally want to die."

Regretcore is what happens when you get a hardcore band made up of dudes in their 30s who are fuckups like my friend and I. Instead of singing about how the cute girl who works at Dairy Queen has big boobies, they write songs about trying to pick up the pieces of your life after a divorce, rehab, or prison. They don't have songs about how hard their crew is, their songs are self-directed pep talks that go something like, "Dude, I won't lie, you fucked up pretty bad. But don't kill yourself. If you're lucky you can maybe get a job at a gas station or something and piece together a few scraps of self-respect."

HAD TO BITE AND SCRATCH TO STAY ON MY FEET - WITH A HEART MADE OF STEEL, I SMASH THROUGH EVERYTHING!!

While bands like Sheer Terror, Crowbar, and Life of Agony paved the way, Terror are pretty the Led Zepplin of this subgenre: they're not regretcore, but it couldn't exist without Scott Vogel being a charismatic fuckup who writes uncomfortably straightforward songs about it. Lines like "Time and time again, I've fucked things up. All my hopes and dreams have been gone so long" are a trademark of the genre: Chris Barnes-like statements of fact that were probably written in a moment of tearful self-hatred after a week long coke binge and maybe beating someone half to death for reasons you can't remember.

Furious Styles is the hardest thing out of Seattle since Everything Went Black, check it out and maybe they'll give you a glimmer of hope that you can salvage your pathetic life. It didn't work for me, but who knows, maybe you're not as far gone as I am.

Death Threat is another cornerstone of regretcore, with brutally simple lines like "When you've got nothing you don't give a fuck" and "I know no other way to take the pain. Insted of trying to make things better I get fucked up everyday." You really don't know what to say because that really says it all in the most straightforward way you possibly could. Perhaps the ultimate regretcore line, though, is from post-Bulldoze band Terrorzone: "I regret what I did, though I had to do a bid." Translation: "I went to prison because I lost my cool and fucked some dude up, that sucked."

When to play it
Regretcore has no equal when it comes to gym motivation! When you have to dig deep and squeeze out those extra few reps, there's nothing like a little voice (I like to imagine it's Scott Vogel) whispering in your ear, "If you don't stay in shape no woman will ever be attracted to you and you'll die alone. Now give me one more set of squats, you fucking loser!"

Burn Halo is the new Douchebro Anthemcore band from 18V singer Jame Shart

Douchebro Anthemcore
Whew, that was heavy! Sometimes you get burned out on the regretcore and you need to lighten things up a little, using positive imagery to motivate yourself and get your hustle on. For that, there is nothing than a good Douchebro Anthem- what we used to call "hard rock." Sometimes you just want to forget your troubles, forget that you're a worthless trainwreck who wasted your potential, and just think about making (really fun) poor life choices, usually some variation on getting fucked up with some hotties at a party or club.

There are a lot of options when it comes to Douchebro Anthemcore, because there are a lot of douchebro that start bands, and apparently it sells because labels keep putting it out. It really depends on what kind of douchebro you're looking to be.

Some guys are more of the sensitive douchebro, so maybe they'll put on some Cold, Staind, or Hinder and think about how much tail they would get if they played an acoustic set at some "hole in the wall club" so it would be "really intimate." Then they would get really intimate with some recently divorced office hott who got shitfaced and left at the club alone by her equally shitfaced friend who promptly abandoned her when she met some dude.

The best part of this video is the retards who got Avenged Sevenfold tattoos- specifically, imagining the burning embarrassment they feel every time they see that this video has nearly 2 millions plays.

Me, I'm more of the aggro/party douchebro, so you'll find more stuff like Papa Roach and Avenged Sevenfold on my Heavy Metal Jock Jamz. I'll be flexing in the mirror, practicing my flirty pout that will melt the office hotts' panties off and playing air guitar to "Unholy Confessions" or "Last Resort."

When to play it: When the only way to cope with the crushing despair that comes with realizing you're a piece of shit is to act like an even bigger piece of shit.

***

What's on YOUR Heavy Metal Jock Jamz playlist? What makes YOU want to blast your quads??

Monday, August 24, 2009

Metal Inquisition guest appearances on X Stuck In The Past X and Hipster Runoff

Metal Inquisition made two appearances on the internets over the weekend. We are thrilled to be part of two of the finest blogs on the planet and contribute to the blogosphere/memescape. One thing I did not think about was the non-compete clause in our contract with Red Flag Media, the parent corporation that owns Metal Inquisition and Decibel. I am a little scared that we will be receiving a threatening phone call from their legal counsel, but oh well... what's done is done, fuck it!

I am Carles. I am a tatbro. I work in a conservative office environment.
Hipster Runoff makes me giggle like a schoolgirl and it is fair to say that HRO is my biggest influence as a writer/blogger/personal brand. If you are an HRO fan you probably noticed that I stole his idea for "Bands To Watch" when I wrote about Corn and Biohazard, and it is likely that I will steal more ideas from HRO in the future. Needless to say, I was beyond thrilled to see my photo on HRO in this post:

Do u think that I can get sued 4 ‘discrimination’ if the IAMCARLES brand doesn’t provide long sleeve products for ‘bros with tat sleeves who need to work in conservative office environments?
Worried abt my brand–might not be ‘universal’ enough.

http://www.iamcarles.com