If this song doesn't make you want to mosh your balls off, you need to adjust your hearing aid
As far as I can tell, most Metal Inquisition readers are old, completely out of touch with contemporary youth culture, and get confused and angry when they hear new music. So, I'm pretty sure most of you have no idea who A Day To Remember is, despite reaching #21 on Billboard 200 and and #1 on Billboard's Indie charts with their newest album, "Homesick." It's ok, we all get old at some point. Anyway, as my friend Stan said, "They sound like Blink-182 tuned to drop C with death metal vocals during the slow parts." I figured that a good way to bridge the gap between ADTR and MI would be to introduce their bassist, Josh, to the wonderful world of old, shitty metal bands. Let us know what you think of this format- there are a few bugs to be worked out yet, but I'd like to use it again in the future if it works OK?
Havohej "Enlightened One"
J: Wait, this is the song? You can barely hear some distorted screaming with like swells of bells and stuff. This is pretty fucking creepy!
MI: If this was in a movie, what scene would it be in?
J: It makes me think of, in Scream 1, when Drew Barrymore is getting dragged off of the porch and has the phone in her hand, this is the music to it.
J: I can't tell if this is a movie clip... it's something about a cock??
James Hart "Dead End Roads And Lost Highways"
J: Some lead guitar action... is this a popular song? It sounds like I've heard it.
MI: No. But I think he wants it to be popular.
J: Awesome singer, good chorus. It honestly sounds like it should be one of the biggest rock or metal songs out.
MI: Like they would tour with Nickleback?
J: Yeah, totally!
MI: It's the singer from 18 Visions. Jame Shart.
Lady Gaga "Poker Face"
J: Honest to god, I don't know this song. I haven't listened to the radio or watched TV in so long.
MI: She doesn't wear pants, you know.
Aren't they cute?? I imagine them saying, "Welcome to American Eagle, can I help you find anything?"
Life of Agony "River Runs Red"
J: My friend Chad from New Found Glory love this band.
MI: Speaking of which, I heard you called VOD and Earth Crisis nu-metal.
J: What?! Who told you that?!?
MI: I don't remember.
J: You have to tell me, I've said that to one person in my whole life. Was it Chad?
MI: I don't remember!
J: Well what he showed me of Earth Crisis, I'm not talking shit, because I know they influenced so many people, but I wasn't impressed. He was like, "This is heavy!" and I was like, "It might have been heavy then, but not now!"
MI: How old are you?
J: 22. Man, fuck Chad.
Gut "Can't Wait For Tonight"
MI: This is like if Beyonce did a song with Dead.
J: That's exactly what it sounds like.
MI: Do you think you could dance to this?
J: Like club dance? Maybe not in the US, but over in their godless country [points to their English roadie], I can see it happening.
MI: Like go to the Netherlands and grind on some chubby gothic girl?
J: Exactly! I gotta go to the next song, this scares the fuck out of me.
Uh.......... Visor and axe in a trailer?!
Boondox "Country Life"
MI: This is Juggalo country rap.
J: I met a Juggalo the other night, and his Juggalette. This sounds like white kids in their room, rapping. These kids work at a convenience store, period. 100%, it's not even a question.
Pantera "Cowboys From Hell"
J: Dude it's fuckin' metal. This is what I think of when someone says "metal."
MI: Which instrument would you like to be playing air to?
J: Dude the guitars are pretty sick, probably air guitar.
MI: You know how that guy in Columbus killed Dimebag for starting Damageplan. I love Pantera, but be honest... he deserved it, didn't he?
J: You think he deserved to?! Good god... I'm not gonna say that, nobody deserves to die!
Papa Roach "Last Resort"
J: God I haven't listened to them since like 8th grade.
MI: So, whenI was like 27?
Roadie: We was playin' Last Resort on the bus the other night and you was crackin' it.
J: This song is sick, I'm not gonna pretend I don't like it!
MOD "Bubble Butt"
MI: What do you think this song is about?
J: Um, a fat girl.
MI: How does the singer feel about the bubble butt?
J: Uh, I don't think he's saying one way or the other... he's just like saying, she's fat. Some guys like fat girls. I think he's saying it's positive.
This is my favorite ADTR song, sometimes I listen to it 4 or 5 times in a row and sing along!
Crom "Anvil of Crom"
MI: What kind of movie do you think "Anvil of Crom" would be if it was a film?
J: I picture... a cartoon. But this wouldn't work with a cartoon, I think this band would be in a snuff film.
MI: I think they would agree with you!
Obituary "The End Complete"
J: This band is from Florida, right? Isn't Tampa like the capital of death metal?
MI: It was like in 92, when you were in kindergarten.
J: I know a lot of people who love this band. The singer is making a bunch of weird noises. [he starts typing on AIM for a few seconds] Sorry, man.
MI: No problem, I just hope whoever you're talking to has a vagina.
J: She does, and she's giving me a shitload of problems right now.
J: This is nuts, it's like dun-dundun-dun with just like... grunts.
MI: This genre is called "wigger slam metal."
J: Uh huh, I can definitely hear that!
MI: So why don't kids who wear puffy jackets and listen to Hatebreed like this band?
J: Good question, they totally should!
Merauder "Time Ends"
J: I saw them on the Hellfest DVD I think.
MI: Did your parents yell at you for moshing in front of the TV?
J: No! My friend from that band Seventh Star always told me we should listen to this band.
MI: He was right.
This is the black metal version of party rap, it's so catchy and upbeat!
Moevot "In einem Friedhof"
J: [after 1 second] I literally think I can listen to this for maybe 5 more seconds before it will give me nightmares tonight. It's like... hums... with screams.
MI: How do you think this guy would dress for Halloween?
J: Uh, the Cryptkeeper.
MI: How would he dress for not-Halloween?
J: The Cryptkeeper.
J: I swear to god, everyone talks so much shit on them, but I've never listened to them. Aren't they from New Mexico? Nothing good has ever come from there. It's white kids rapping, auto tune, everything that's cool! And screaming. Let's put it all together! "Let's get freaky, let's get fucking freaky now"?!
MI: There's the line that goes "They pull their panties down, then take their pants off." Isn't it usually in the reverse order? I mean, you're in a band, not me, maybe you guys have a trick.
J: Right. Well, I take my pants off last...
Cephalotripsy "Inoculated Prosthesis"
J: I don't understand how people make their voices like that. It sounds like he had a bunch of Pop Tarts and orange juice, just like the nastiest shit in your throat ever.
MI: If you listened to this for a while, do you think you could get post mosh stress disorder?
GG Allin "Assface"
J: The name sounds familiar...
MI: How big do you think his dick was, in inches? I'll give you a hint: when he pulled his pants down, it looked like three grapes.
MI: I heard the singer for Leeway works construction in Pittsburgh.
J: Yeah, that sounds like what he'd be doing. Probably listening to his own band while he works. No sleeves on his shirt, probably has barbed wire tattoos.
Forever the Sickest Kids "Woah Oh"
MI: Which member of FTSK has the best hair?
J: Actual best hair or [air quotes] "best" hair? The drummer is one of the nicest dudes ever... but his hair is crazy, it's nuts.
MI: I wish I wasn't going grey so I could have hair like his.
Vulvator "Boy In A Boat"
J: Boy in a boat? What the hell is that?
MI: Hint: it's a part of a woman's body that's covered by her bathing suit.
J: Huh?? Oh! It's her clitoris!
Nasty Savage "Unchained Angel"
MI: If you met someone in a band called Nasty Savage, what would they look like?
J: Definitely over 250 pounds, humongous beard, probably wear a cowboy hat. Yeah, this definitely sounds like that. They would probably not even have a car, just drive like a four wheeler or something. And they would smell exactly like what you would think.
MI: Like a nasty savage?
Slayer "At Dawn They Sleep"
J: Dude, what is this song about? [to another guy in the band who walked in]
Other guy: Vampires, dude. Or Aiden.
A Day To Remember on MySpace