Hate mail from Piledriver and Waking The Cadaver; 16 approves

Seriously the most ridic cover in the history of recorded music!

Piledriver gets butthurt
In the event that you are a poser, you should know that we took the name of our blog from an album by the band Piledriver. I never listened to them (because they are not very good), but my friends and I used to laugh at the absurd cover of their record quite a bit in high school.



Here is an email we got from some guy that apparently is/was in the band. There's nothing more rewarding to us here at MI than when someone in one of the bands we make fun of gets all butthurt, so you can understand how excited we were about this insane ramblings of this never-was idiot:

Since you've stolen your name AND slogan from Piledriver, how about reviewing the new album, METAL MANIFESTO? It really is the absolute least you could do.

http://www.sofa-q.com/

You may not care where you've stolen your name from, but at least check it out. The band is fucken crazy to look at, but the tunes are better than most of the shit produced these days. Thrash metal at its finest.

Of course you could grow a set of balls and man up to your theft, and perhaps get a shred of originality and come up with your own name and slogan, but it is hard to do.

His reply after I told him I didn't listen to his terrible band:

After all I've given you (YOUR FUCKING NAME!!!!) I don't even rate a single fucking mention on your site????
Unsuck my COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All my retarded baby-batter in yer fucking faces,
Ol'Piley... The Exalted One!!!!

Sensing the hilarious potential, I proposed that we do an interview:

an interview? you'll have to come up with a few hundred posted words of respect and adulation let alone on how I've provided you the hook to hang your shite (oops) site on... then we'll see about bestowing upon you any further of my time...
Gord FUCKING Kirchin

My response:

up to you bro! honestly i never owned any piledriver records so i don't know if i can help you out with the adulation. i chose the name for the blog because when i was in high school i thought the cover was funny, i've only heard the title track a couple of times.

I hope he cries himself to sleep knowing that a jokey blog making fun of his band is the #1 Google result for "Metal Inquisition," not their record.

When asked about his azn boi toy, the singer for WTC said, "Yo I'm not gay, he blew me!"

WTC threatens Sergeant D with a Jersey-style beatdown
Piledriver aren't the only sensitive pussies that read Metal Inquisition. New Jersey's most notorious slam wiggers Waking The Cadaver are apparently in the club as well. After I heard that they got pissy that I called them wiggers in Decibel, I sent them a MySpace message to tell them it was all in good fun and not too take things too seriously. I told them I also used to dress like a wigger back in my mosher days and suggested we do an interview.

He wasn't having it, though, and did his best to threaten me. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say. The grammar and spelling are so atrocious that it's sometimes hard to make out. I don't judge him, though, I know they put lead in the water down there on the Jersey shore.

Subject:

RE: metal inquisition

Body:

listen geek,

your the one taking things so seriously, with your website dedicated to bitching and moaning about bands...your obviously a homosexual because your so concerned with how GUYS dress....and I seriously doubt you'll come to a show, as a matter of fact, I seriously doubt you go to any shows because your the type to sit behind a computer whining and complaining about how bands aren't good enough for your level of "metal".....im sure your just a aging loser with nothing better to do in your life than be concerned with the way guys dress. you even proved it by writing a message saying "i used to wear XXX nautica t-shirts."....let me tell you internet fagit, we don't even listen to rap, and we don't wear nautica shirts so we have NOTHING in common. all your proving is that your a TREND SURFER.

We were never aware of your blog until your grapevine buddy at decibel mag told us about your blog. you are a pure INTERNET FAGGIT...and quite simply, without knowing what you look like, we can sense your physical inferiority, and don't try to respond with some "i watch ufc george pierre" bullshit...cuz that shit is just amateur. your old, probably have years of drug abuse under your belt, and would get assaulted easily.

don't bother responding...we don't talk to gays

Well there you have it. I didn't respond since, well, they don't talk to gays.

From the same geniuses who brought you the "grunge" pedal

Ask Bobby from 16 about what happens to a fool and his money...
Unlike the thin-skinned tards in WTC and Piledriver who need to brush the sand out of their vaginas, 16 are sophisticated gentlemen who enjoy perusing Metal Inquisition when they're not making the rounds in Los Angeles' poshest clubs. Bobby from 16 writes:

Hi long time reader first time emailer.

Thanks for the interview. By far the best one of our new record. I found this pedal on craigslist and bought it out of sheer financial irresponsibility for 40.00. I think it qualifies as a questionable metal purchase. BTW this pedal sounds like utter crap. The "pain" is just mid. The "scream" is just horrible distortion and the "guts" is just bass. You will not hear it on a new 16 album.

Bobby/16

Dear Bobby,

I know that 16 is kind of all about regretting poor life choices, but life is hard enough on its own for fuckups like us. You don't need to go out of your way to make things difficult by doing foolish things like buying the Death Metal Pedal on eBay. I am not sure what kind of menial, soul-crushing job you have or what kind of a pittance they pay you, but I am guessing that $40 is a lot of money to you, so in the future please check with us before making rash decisions like this!

Contact us
Send your butthurt complaints, compliments, pictures of distortion pedals, and Pyrexia trivia to inquisitionofmetal@gmail.com!