Monday, August 3, 2009

Precious Metal: A Winner Is You


A while ago, we ran a contest to win a copy of Decibel's new homage to Word's edit menu, "Precious Metal." At long last, we have a winner- reader John Daly, who posted the following review of the book- keep in mind that he has not yet actually read the book:
I have read this book, as Decibel "Hall of Fame" entries. I'm not digging through the moldy magazines in my bathroom just to win new copies of the same articles. But I wouldn't mind robbing the prize from someone who wants it, so here's a review off the top of my head:

Is it too late to change the title? "Precious Metal"???

Picking "Heaven and Hell" as the first Black Sabbath album enshrined was the smart move, like siding with Barzini was the smart move for Tessio. We all know how well that worked out.

"Lightning to the Nations" crushed me the first time I heard it. Crushed me with disapointment, that is. However, as I get closer to 40, I find myself enjoying Diamond Head more than Metallica.

"Reign in Blood" gets a pass for the pointing goat guy on the cover, although it's not as good as "Show No Mercy" or "Haunting the Chapel". One of many album covers that benefited from being shrunk down to cassette size.

"Scum". Is it possible to put only one side of an album in the Hall of Fame?

Repulsion, Morbid Angel, Obituary, and Entombed could have been combined into one "history of Death Metal" article, making room for Carnivore's "Retaliation", Sodom's "Persecution Mania", Holy Terror's "Mind Wars" and C.O.C's "Animosity". Now it's too late, Chris Witchhunter is dead.

If I was going to honor Carcass, "Necroticism" would the last place pick- their "Dimension Hatross"; a middle of the road record that doesn't have the balls to be gay.

A friend made me a copy of that Paradise Lost album years ago. I still haven't listened to it.

Cannibal Corpse? I know it's an extreme metal magazine, but I think the guys at Decibel listen to too much death metal. What's next- an Incantation Hall of Fame?

"Take as Needed for Pain"- I'm 100% behind this. Some guy screaming about kill your mother while the band bangs on their instruments. This is what my middle school classmates thought I listened to when I wore an Iron Maiden shirt.

I assume Darkthrone made the cut because it was easy to get the interviews. Even so, "A Blaze in the Northern Sky" was the proper choice.

I saw Kyuss accidentally in the early 1990s. Now I use that information on record store clerks.

Speaking of record store clerks, one of them tried to play me Meshuggah once. I got out of there fast.

I read a good Monster Magnet interview about banging groupies. I'm not sure it was in Decibel, though. It reminds me of Kurt Brecht's "Whore Stories" book at the D.R.I. merch table. If only that book had served as the template for D.R.I.'s post-hardcore lyrical direction. Instead we got "Gun Control".

The singer for At The Gates gave the "metalhead nod" once. I like him. He seems like the kind of harmless 90s dude who would play bass for Snapcase or something.

A friend once planned on driving two hours by himself to see Opeth. Fearing for his mental health, I accompanied him to make sure nothing happened.

"NOLA" On paper it sounds great. A grunge band with the singer for Pantera and the guy who ruined C.O.C.

OK- I can't lie- I like this record.

"Nightside Eclipse"- once again, Decibel picks the catalog entry that I would have chosen last. Maybe it's me.

I've never listened to Dillinger Escape Plan or Botch. I know DEP is a real band, but "Botch" seems like a name you would make up if you were making fun of 90s hardcore.

A coworker played me "Jane Doe" and it wasn't as bad as expected. When I saw them, however, they succumbed to the failings common to artists of their generation.

Nitro's Hall of Fame status is undisputed, but I wonder what the guy who wrote the "100 Greatest Metal Guitarists" book thinks of them. I'm not going to read his book until he accepts that Yngwie Malmsteen's music is heavy metal. Questions about quality aside, if "I am a Viking" isn't metal, then what is?

Meat Shits- I'm pretty sure this is a mistake. Chad Smith's band is called the Meat Bats.
John, please send us your address and we will have the folks at Da Capo send you a copy pronto!

17 comments:

  1. So, the obese golfer with a poor taste in fashion won the book?

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  2. Not only did the drunk golfer not read the book yet, he obviously has never listened to any of the albums he mentions either.

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  3. agreed on darkthrone being easy to interview. when did fenriz become a total internet faggot? he was impossible to contact 7 years ago.



    also, lol @ "harmless 90s dude who would play bass for snapcase or something"

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. jared, it's called "internet FAGIT"! should have really known that one!

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  6. "faggit", sorry, forgot... da G.

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  7. scum should be sold separately as two CDs, like those weird euro CD singles from the 90s.

    I think someone should do a "Where are they now" on robert deathrage after I read this sad interview http://www.canadianassault.com/meatshitsinterview.htm . I don't think that album did a lot for his career

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  8. That's a pretty accurate review. I am also of the opinion that Carnivore's Retaliation should have been added to their list a long, long time ago.

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  9. Hey, didn't you guys say you had TWO copies to give away? Guess the other copy is going into the MI executive restroom.

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  10. Sarge,
    I should get the book simply because I know that "a winner is you" is from the Nintendo game Pro Wrestling.

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  11. Meshuggah sucks a fucking fat one

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  12. fvck karnevore! oktobr rvst is da shitzeist! snapcase got me through some times...

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  13. Will you hold it against me if I act like a butthurt pussy for not winning?

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  14. Second prize is one of Rick Ta Life's dreadlocks in a coffin box!

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  15. If I wanted anything from Rick Ta Life, I'd just beat it out of him. :-)

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  16. Like and appreciate your post a lot of .

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