"Belgium's Finest", the phrase alone brings great images to mind. Belgium, is great at so many things. Belgium is great at easily being invaded by the Germans, they are also great at putting mayo on their fries ("frites" as they call them) and great at developing horrible bands like Front 242. Just as bad, if not worse than being invaded by Germany, is the Belgian band Agathocles. In case you don't know, Agathocles is a band who are best known for putting out more records than the number of hair plugs in Kirk Hammett's head. And that's a whole lot.
This is what the band Agathocles looks like. If you need to have any leaking faucets or electrical work done around your house, now you know who to call.
Putting that aside, Belgium is also home to one of the greatest cyclists of all time, Eddy Merckx. Here we see Merckx posing with US Secretary of State Condaleezza Rice. According to most Belgians, Eddy Merckx is so great that his urine can cure lepers, and his farts smell of fine cinnamon and mint. By comparison, Agathocles records make you feel worst than if you were a leper and also smell like farts.
Notice her happy smile, that's because she just caught a whiff of one of his potent, but pleasant farts.
But there's more to Belgium than cycling and putting mayo on fries. I know this, because I was there in the 90s. I remember the abandoned rollerskating rink that the band I was in played (thanks to the thirty six people who showed up by the way.) But these are all merely sidenotes. Why? Because the most important and relevant product that the entire country has, however, must be the band Hell Injection. See for yourself.
Fat shut-in guitar player? Check. Biohazard wanna-be singer? Check. Creepy tag along/roadie who just sits there during band practice and "feels the vibes"? Check.
What does this awful Photoshop collage signify? Is it in honor to all his dead homies? Is he sad because Agathocles is putting out another split 7" record? We'll never know.
There's always the one dude in the band who's girlfriend always tags along. Just like Yoko, she's gonna' break up the band. By the way, she hates her boyfriend so much (the singer) that he refers to having sex with him as him giving her a "Hell Injection".
You're not Joey Ramone? Oh, okay...that's good. Can I beat your face with your stupid bass then?