Metal Archeology: Artifacts from a lifetime devoted to metal (Part 4)

Archeologists from UNC Chapel Hill uncover my oversized copy of Convicted. Thanks, dudes! I've been looking for that!

Yeah, I know it was my brother Lucho who started the Archeology posts (part1, part2, part3), but to be fair, most of the digs were done in OUR mom's basement, so in a way, they are my posts, too. Anyway, last time I was there I dug through old Metal Hammer magazines and Blue Grape backpatches to find a small box of tapes. Let me share some of my finds...



Ordered off some local rag in the late 80's in Toledo, Ohio, this was the very first demo tape we ever owned. Undertaker were a terrible thrashy band with horrible production, a terrible cover and a song called "Sesame Street Mosh". What a treasure!



I've talked about Impetigo a lot on past posts. They are still one of my top 10 favorite bands of all times. I was SO amped when I got this in the mail from Mark! He told me he took the tape to practice specially to get it signed for me. I'm not sure if that was true or not, but I was the KING of the metal scene that day and this tape was my crown. A really lame, lame crown.



This find goes back to the 80's. I hope you find this as funny as I do. Back in the day, in South America, it was hard to get original tapes, so dubbed tapes were the norm. This guy in my class, Eduardo, went to Miami for the summer and brought back a bunch of metal tapes. Of course, I dubbed them all, walked to a near by pharmacy and photocopied all the covers. One of the tapes he brought back the summer of 1988 was Maiden's "Seventh Son." Not sure why I felt the need to use color pencils and a black ball-point in a sad attempt at make the cover look "real", but I'm glad I did. I was 13, what an idiot!



There's plenty more junk where these came from, so stay tuned and watch out for the next "Metal Archeology: Artifacts from a lifetime devoted to metal" post!

5 Albums That Changed My (musical) Life

Computer-rendered depiction of the quiet moment when I decided to come up with this list.

My life in the world of metal has been a long one, at least it feels that way to me. Looking back on my years involved in metal, it's sometimes all a blur. I've attended lots of shows, concerts, and fests as an audience member. I booked bands, and helped my brother run his tape distro. Yes, there was a time when bands put out tapes. I saw Entombed at a strip club during their first US tour. I was part of the Wild Rags Records street team, and I was a pen pal of sorts with members from Hellwitch, Impetigo and other not-so-seminal bands. My brother and I did a radio show for many years, and played 7 minute Carcass songs so we could go to the bathroom which was roughly a mile away from the studio where we did the show from, and still get back in time to give out the call letters by the end of the hour. I played in bands, and got my double bass 36th notes to sound damn good and even. I've collected records, I've collected cassettes, and VHS tapes. I've driven long distances to see bands, and I've even waited to outside a tour bus to have an Obituary drumstick autographed. Okay, that last one still makes me cringe, but it was 1992 for god's sake! Anyway, because it's all a blur, I sometimes like to set some quiet time aside to think about it all. Just me, an Enya CD, a cup of tea, and nature. It's during these quiet moments (see image above) that I most effectively manage to reflect upon my life in the world of metal. Below is the product of my last quiet moment of reflection, a list of albums that changed my life. I've tried to be as truthful as possible in compiling this list, and as such the albums may not be as impressive or obscure as some I could have come up with. But this is the truth, here for all to read. These were albums that I encountered by chance at some point in my life. In one way or another, these recordings changed my view of music at that moment, and more often than not, sent me in a significantly different musical direction thereafter. School's in bitches. Let us begin.

1982

Kiss-Unmasked

I was a little kid when my brother and I received this album as a gift from our uncle. While many would argue that getting Unmasked as a gift is just as bad as getting smallpox infected blankets for your birthday, I have to tell you that I love this piece of garbage album to this day. In a way, I love almost anything that Kiss has done actually, best exemplified by Gene Hoglan's Balls and I singing "Hard Luck Woman" at a kareoke place just this weekend. But back to Unmasked. When I tell Kiss fans that this is my favorite Kiss album, they look at me exactly as you'd look at a retarded kid that just crapped his pants. A mix of disgust and sadness. What can I tell you, at such a young age, I had no idea that Kiss hadn't always been a disco-tinged pop disaster, but rather an awful talentless theater show. How was I to know? The album had enough songs with a harder edge to make it my favorite for many years, at least prior to my age jumping into the double digits. As a matter of fact, this was the only album that my brother and I listened to for most of our childhood. As a result of my youth, at one point I really did believe that Kiss may have actually been connected to satan, if only in a minor way. You see, my mom always told me to put my Kiss record away, (along with all my other toys) before going to bed. One day, I didn't listen to her and went to bed, leaving both the sleeve and the record sitting on the carpeted floor by my bed. In the middle of the night, I woke up to go to the bathroom, slipped on the record and hit the back of my head on the edge of my bed so hard that I nearly threw up from the pain. I remember getting a bump in the back of my head that was roughly the size of a hard boiled egg cut in half. After that day, I was always careful with the record, and kinda thought it really did have evil powers. As it turns out, the only evil power the record had, was making money for Gene and Paul for what basically amounted to third rate disco bass lines. I know, I was an idiot, but I was also like four. I loved the record, and while other kids in school were listening to silly kids music (perhaps one step up from "row, row, row your boat.."), I was listening to Kiss, and I felt like a bad-ass. This album basically set me up to continually keep looking for music that was harder, and more extreme than what the rest of the kids around me were listening to. Humble beginnings, I know, but in 1982, and this is all I had access to. About 8 years ago, my brother and I ended up at a taping of the David Letterman show. We sat right above Anton Figg, who was the session drummer for Unmasked. The whole time, I kept yelling at him to play "Torpedo Girl", which is my favorite song in the album. After the twentieth time, he kinda looked up, and shook his head. Yes, I had basically been told I was an asshole, but I had been told by the guy who laid down the groove on Torpedo Girl! So I was a happy man.




1988
Iron Maiden-Live After Death

Many years after Unmasked, my brother and I received dubbed copy of Live After Death from my sister's boyfriend. We were amazed by the whole tape. It was harder and faster than Kiss, and the cover (which we got a poster of) was way more evil! Eddie's shirt is all ripped, and the screw keeping his forehead shut was getting hit bit lighting! Holy shit! Sign me up! Soon after getting the tape, we watcged the home video version, and we were in love. I didn't speak any english then, but I could still be heard yelling out "scream for me long beach!" through the halls of my school. Can you believe that I still wonder why girls were repulsed by me? Maybe the bleached rat-tail, and the Brut Cologne didn't help, and I'm sure my wearing sweatpants constantly didn't make it any easier either. It's as though I was daring the oppostite sex to not throw up when looking at me. So, a couple of years after owning the tape, and playing it thousands of times, it became worn out. Another mishap with the TDK-60 dub of this album was that my sister's boyfriend had left the tabs in, so I mistakenly hit "record" twice while attempting to press "play" to listen to the tape. Because of this mishap, our beloved cassette had two blank spaces in crucial moments of songs. Actually, they weren't blank spaces, but spaces with ambient sound of my room back then, picked up by the small microphone in my Sony boombox. Having heard Maiden, the world of bands like Helloween, Metallica, Testament, and even Whiplash was open to my brother and me. I was like a fatty with an insasiable hunger for metal...and the pages of Metal Hammer magazine were my all-you-can-eat buffet. It was also around this time that we were introduced to some other very extreme bands, ones that bordered on grindcore, but they were small local bands that no one would know about...so I'll skip those. Moving on...






1989
Slayer-Reign In Blood, Venom-Black Metal

I count this one as one album, since it came to me as a single cassette. You see, one of our neighbors came to our house one day, asking if we'd buy one of his dubbed cassetes for five bucks or so. In retrospect, I think he wanted money to buy some wacky-tabbacky...but I'm not sure. He was older than my brother and me, and he was hella' metal. The tape he sold us was a 90 minute cassete with Reign In Blood on one side, and Black Metal on the other. While we liked Venom, it was Slayer that captured our imagination. Sadly, this was the first Slayer album I encountered. As I've stated before, South Of Heaven is my favorite...but life has a funny way of leading you down a path. Anyway, soon after hearing this tape, we got a dubbed copy of the Ultimate Revenge home video, and we were both hooked. Clearly, we didn't speak english then...otherwise we would have noticed just how insanely stupid Slayer comes off in that video. Luckily, we were clueless. Having heard Slayer, Metallica started to seem a little tame to us. We finally realized that Kiss was a disco band at one point. We were shocked. We still loved Maiden, but we knew that there were more extreme bands out there, and we had to find them. Destruction, Kreator, Cryptic Slaughter, Crumbsuckers and Bathory made sense to us after having owned this tape.



1989
Napalm Death-Peel Sessions

My friend's mom was going to England for work in 1989, and he asked my friend what he would like her to bring him back from England. Being a smart dude, he quickly called me and asked me for the names of the most extreme bands I could think of, so she could buy those tapes while in England. My brother and I compiled a list, but I don't think that Napalm Death was on it. We had heard of other early Earache bands through reviews in Metal Hammer, but I don't think we even knew about Napalm Death. I should mention that Metal Hammer back then was made up of endless articles about AC/DC, small features about Metallica, a cover story about Triumph or Uriah Heap, with small reviews of actual metal bands. To give you an idea of how behind the times we were in our beloved backwards country, the Metal Hammer issues we were buying at the supermarket for a good bit of money, were literally three years old! I'm not kidding! Imagine my shock when I found out that Cliff Burton had not only died, but they had already replaced him and were well on their way to sucking full-time! In any case, back to the story about my friend's mom.... she came back with the Peel Sessions tape from England. We heard it, and as you can expect, we were shocked. Now Slayer sounded like Bon Jovi and Def Lepard. It blew our mind, and I think it took some time for it all to sink in and make sense. Having heard this tape, the world of death metal, grindcore, punk, crossover and noise was open to us. Though some bands could be heavier, nothing seemed faster and more extreme than this recording for many years. I have to say, while many were bummed when Napalm Death released Harmony Corruption, I actually liked it...even if it sounded tame compared to Peel Sessions. It's still one of my favorite death metal albums of all time.






1991
Death-Human

Living in south-Florida during the formative years of American death metal was a great experience.Chuck Schuldiner lived in a storage space near our apartment, guys from Obituary were dating girls in my brother's high school, member of Cynic hadn't started to play in salsa bands in cruiseships...those were the days! It should come as no surprise then that I still feel that those early years of death metal were by far the greatest as far as musical output. Shortly after the Death album "Human" came out, I bought it and loved it instantly. Actually, I didn't buy it...I got this kid who I completely used for his money back then to buy it for me...but that's another story. Human was catchy and highly melodic, two qualities that were somewhat rare in other death metal bands back then. Yes, you could remember the general melodies to Deicide songs, but Death had taken it a step beyond. It reminded me of Iron Maiden, and that was a good thing. Perhaps that's why so many people grew to hate them. Another aspect of this album that blew me away was its complexity. In retrospect, the album is not THAT musically complex, but it opened my eyes to the possibilities. I know many people hate the fact that bands like Cynic or Atheist opened up Pandora's Box, and that inside that box was Fusion and Jazz...but I loved it. While Human was not as complex as some of Atheist's music or Cynic's, this album connected with me and showed me that complexity could be metal, prog could be metal...hell Jazz could be insanely enjoyable. Sadly, like many great moments in music, I believe that albums like Human, and most Swedish death metal are to blame for letting in a fair number of short haired beardos into metal. But what can you do? That's not Chuck's fault! Go blame the beardos! You gotta crack some eggs in order to make an omelet.




That's it. I guess since 1991 I've had no musical breakthrough moments in the realm of metal. That shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows or understands my taste in music. I've had plenty such moments outside of metal, but I guess in my eyes, little has been done that matters in any way since 1991 within metal. Yes, I've listened to some bands after then and liked them a good bit...but I have not heard anything after Human that sent me into a different branch of the metal tree, if you will. I'm sure some of you disagree, but this is my opinion. An opinion that sounds an awful lot like the old man who is still going on and on about how The Beatles were the last great band, or the Greatful Dead fan who refuses to acknowledge the mere existence any musical output after 1972. I guess I've joined their club...and to tell you the truth, that's just fine with me.

TANKARD: Bier Macht Spass!!

Metal Hammer Magazine is as responsible for who I am, as my mother or ALF re-runs. I grew up in South America, you see, and when I was a kid, the only way to know what was going on in the world of Metal was through this shitty magazine. I say shitty because most of the articles were about Saxon, Scorpions and WASP. But there were a few, here and there, about Motorhead, Slayer and other cool bands like that. It was in the pages of this mag that I saw for the first time what Jeff Hanneman and King Diamond looked like. I got an awesome Kerry King poster in one issue. I still have it. The record review section was my favorite part of the magazine. I got to read about all these metal records. Living in the ass of the western world, I never thought I would get to hear most of them. Well, as things turned out, I moved to the US of A, and I did get a chance to own a few.

From 1986 until 1989 this magazine was my bible.

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I don't remember what the review for Tankard's "Zombie Attack" said in a 1986 Metal Hammer, but the name of the band and the cover stuck with me. My friend Eduardo came to Florida on vacation in '88 and asked me to give him a list of good bands, so he could buy a few tapes. Tankard made the list, even tho I'd never heard them before. The cover to "Zombie Attack" was just cool. A housewife watching TV with Dracula, the Wolf Man, the Monster of Frankenstein, a skeleton and a Canadian Lumberjack? Classic! I don't know why, but it reminded me of something Anthrax would do. So, Eduardo came back with like 15 cassettes. None of them were for me, of course, but it felt like xmas! This dude brought back "Seventh Son", "Mad Butcher", "State of Euphoria" and of course "Zombie Attack" AND "Chemical Invasion".
I must admit, at first I didn't love "Zombie Attack". It wasn't bad, but I guess I expected something heavier, something like Slayer. But, like any good Pauly Shore movie, it stayed with me until it became one of my favorites. Sorta like 'Bio-Dome', you know? If you haven't heard this classic, I can only describe it as a mixture between Cryptic Slaughter and Destruction with a little bit of Gang Green in there. Gerre's vocals are little more nasaly than in later albums and that might turn off some listeners, but the riffs are fucking catchy. The song "Empty Tankard" is a prime example of early euro crossover.

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Tankard pretty much remained in the same vein (to this day, actually) in this record. The production is better and the songs have a few more changes, but remain pretty straight forward thrashy hardcory metal. It wasn't until I rediscovered this record recently that I realized how much Gerre's vocals remind me of Bill Crooks of Cryptic Slaughter. My only complaint about this record is the instrumental song "For A Thousand Beers". It has long and boring classic guitar intro. Something Exodus would do, except shittier. The rest of the song never really delivers. Just like 'Encino Man', The title track more than makes up for it, tho. It's an all-out thrash attack with an awesome build-up to a mid-tempo catchy riff that speeds up to thrash mayhem! Just like 'Son-in-Law'. It's my favorite Tankard song. It makes me want to drink beers and thrash in my bedroom until I pass out. Seriously, it does.
After this record they actually did a flexi split single with Celtic Frost that came free with an issue of Metal Hammer in Germany. "Lucky" krauts got to listen to a hiss-ridden crappy CF song and a Tankard song that is WAY below their potential.

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When we first got to the US, my brother and I would go to the Franklin Park Mall every chance we got and would hit the record store (Coconuts, I think?). We'd buy any tape that met any of the following 4 criteria: 1. A band we already knew, like Anthrax, Slayer, Maiden or Destruction. 2. A tape with an awesome cover from a band we'd never heard of, like DBC or Possessed. 3. A band whose video on HBB we liked, like Prong and Panic. 4. Bands that we'd heard of through Metal Hammer, like Sabbat, Acrophet, Atrocity, Motorhead, Acid Reign, Sodom, Kreator and Tankard.
That's how we acquired "The Morning After". The cover, once again, is a classic! If I followed my gut when listening to Tankard, I'd drink tons of beer and Jack and thrash 'til I puked. This is what I'd look like "The Morning After"... This poor dude is HUNG OVER. He probaly feels like he just watched 'In the Army Now' over and over. He even stabbed his teddy bear over night, brah... That's serious beer drinking, German style. THAT'S HOW THEY ROLL, SON!
Musically they stayed fast, thrashy and furious. You really can't tell the difference between these 2 records, which is great since they are so good. TMA maybe a bit faster over all and includes "Try Again", which is a pretty punky song with scream alongs. This is the song they probably did as an encore and had all the drunken fans onstage screaming. If they didn't they should have! The title track is great, too. It might as well be an Excel cover.

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This record, I listened to the first time in the last few years. I was going through a sentimental metal revival and I downloaded it via Napster, when Napster was real. "Alien" has to be my favorite all around release by the German beer-drinking thrashers. It's probably their most 'famous' record. It's a 5 song EP. It's a total classic with songs like "666 Packs" and a new version of "Empty Tankard". The cover is, of course, awesome. A beer-drinking alien riding a magical fridge full of, you guessed it, beer. This alien dude became Tankard's Eddie and was in a bunch more covers to come.

I wonder how drunk this Russian dude was when he got this done. Very, very drunk, I hope.
The dude with the Slayer shirt, is the Russian Jon Bon Jovi.

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After "Alien" I lost touch with Tankard. One of those things, you know? People grow apart, I guess. I heard "The Meaning of Life" only once and I was happy to hear that it sounded like Tankard. The only reason I wanted to talk about this record is because the cover is simply brilliant. Not very metal, but I'd love to have the original art framed in my kitchen, or my laundry room (if I had one). The Pope, Mike Tyson and the German Prime Minister drinking beers in one table and Tankard's alien and mad scientist drinking Jack in another. Really fucking rad.

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If you need any convincing why Tankard rulez, check out a list of things I got from their site, verbatim:

- We were reviewed in an English article as "Fat ugly German bastards", thus the self-ironic title for our live album "Fat, Ugly and Live"

- We never get any groupies. The audience is mainly comprised of fat dudes with smelly vests on.

- We never received any recognition from the city of Frankfurt or the beer industry for our contribution to mass alcohol consumption.

- Gerre fell asleep with 3.3 blood-alcohol during an interview on Music Box.

- We make fun of ManOwar on our song: "Sword held higher - who's the liar? - I have the beer of fire!"


Want more? Here's some other cool images I came across while researching for the post:

Well, what do you expect after singing about and drinking beer for 20 years?



Here's Gerre with some fan. Check out his vest! Hella cool patches, brah!
Also notice the dude on the left wearing an OppressorT-shirt. Classic!

"Allo girrlz. My name iz Lex. I livez in Sbitzerland. I ab Tankard tattu und ein kool air-doo. Mine chazthairz iz also sexy. Pliz phone me."


Tankard in '85. These 2 photos make me feel like a poser. Even at the height of my metaldom I wasn't half as metal as these dudes. Notice the hand-made Tankard T-shirt (top left)


Hmmm... OK, buddy!

IMO, Tankard is one of the most underrated bands in 80's euro-thrash. They are WAY better than Running Wild and Mekong Delta. If you haven't given them a chance, don't. It's way too late, they'll sound like shit to you. If anyone has a few extra Euros (5 of them, actually) and feels like giving me a late birthday gift, here's what I want: A Tankard back-motherfuckin'-patch!

Current Thrash/Crossover Revival = Civil War Reenactments

Just last week, fellow Metal Inquisition staffer Sergeant D wrote an interesting post regarding what to do "when posers like sweet bands". Perhaps I'm an aging idiot, but I didn't know the names of many of the bands that came up in that post, which made me feel great about myself.

Anyway, while reading said post, I began to think about the current crossover and thrash metal revival that appears to be prevalent among today's metal youth. I'm sure that the mere fact that I'm calling this revival "current" means that it has no doubt been going on for years, and I'm only now aware of it. Yes, it's true that my current lifestyle keeps me from knowing what's going on with "the kids" today, but that does not make my opinion any less valid. Like a WWII vet who is full of opinions and gripes, I too wish to speak my mind. I'm no Johnny-come-lately to the world of metal at large. I was in the Wild Rags Records street team damnit! And that's no joke. Don't know Wild Rags? You douche, look it up!

I would rather impale myself on a rusty fence post than go to a show where one of these bands is playing, or listen to their music, I can just tell what it's all about. Based on the picture that Mr. Sergeant D posted of the band Municipal Waste, this genre basically amounts to the metal equivalent of a Civil War Reenactment. Accuracy becomes paramount, but is nevertheless questionable. Oh my, how funny...they wear jean vests just like those older bands did! Oh, how witty! Ha, ha...a bandana? These guys must be crazy! I guess the shows probably function much like reenactments of battles, people wearing period attire, almost channeling a certain persona of the time ("Oh no, I'm supposed to be the guy who stands on the side of the stage in D.R.I.'s 'Live At The Ritz' home video, the one with the Token Entry shirt and shorts"). If someone's going to point out that the guys in these bands are not young posers, but actually old-timers who roadied for Acid Reign, and have unbelievable metal pedigree from back in the day...well, they should at least know better if that's the case. If only based on their age.

Perhaps these young men should try to re-live shows of the past by staging them all over again. Maybe even at the same venue where the original show took place. The reenactments should include cover bands doing the complete sets that would have been played by the bands at that time (if the original band is not available). If some idiot wants to make this happen, just look around for old flyers online, and put on a show based on the coolest flyer and line up you can find. D.R.I. flyers are probably a good place to start. Use the same flyer, only changing the date and you're done. If you look at the flyer below, however, you'll see that things were never as cool back then as you thought they were. Yes, D.R.I. and Sick Of It All would have been rad to see back then (even if Sick Of it All is more of a hardcore band.) but if you want to stay true to the original show, you now have to find someone to play Nasty Savage covers. Oh boy.



Look, originality has never been the strong suit of any subculture. The recycling of previous movements and co-opting certain aspects of them always has been however. Having said that, going back in time and taking a sub-genre such as crossover nearly verbatim due to nostalgia (or for whatever reason) is nauseating to anyone, like myself, who lived through part of the original era. I'm fully aware that these are the ramblings of a man whose time within a certain youth culture has long ago passed him. But I'm completely comfortable with that. Much like the oh-so-popular 80's nights that continue to plague every city in this country to this day, nostalgia reveals the inability that we all have with dealing with the here and now.

By the way, I'm only partially pointing fingers here. I mean, I just recently wrote a post about Nuclear Assault, and the year is 2008. I suppose that I too partially live in the past....but at least I don't wear period costumes while doing it.

Retroview: Evildead - Annihilation of Civilization

It's no secret that I am a big crossover fan. Although the genre was widely maligned back in the day, in my opinion it is totally sweet. It combines the ignorance, bad fashion, and misdirected aggression of metal with the childish anger, simplistic politics, and preachiness of punk rock- a match made in heaven!

While they never got as popular as DRI, Cryptic Slaughter, or Wermacht, Evildead were definitely one of the very best crossover bands. Their 1989 album "Annihilation of Civilization" embodies all the elements that made crossover such a great genre.

1. Great cover
First of all, it's an oil painting of biting sociopolitical commentary- so that's the first requirements. But it has all the other necessary elements for a crossover/thrash metal cover, too: toxic waste, stupid puns (its says "Club Dead" on his towel lolololololz, get it??), and a caricature of "the man" sneering disdainfully at the viewer.

2. Chronic "chopaholism"
Bruce Reeves from Phobia coined this term many years ago in his legendary zine Jellobungresia. Anthrax are the kings of chopaholism, because all their songs sound like "chop chop chop-a-chop chop-a-chop chop." Evildead are right up there with them!

3. Insightful sociopolitical lyrics
This is very important, because this is how crossover bands prove how they are way smarter than metal bands and their stupid lyrics. For example, here are the lyrics to the title track on this album:

Christian mind control, brainwashing innocent souls,
Teaching their own twisted fears,
Baptism is final, confirming denial, of the reality
We must deal with today,
No one on this Earth can save us from this hell,
We're only destroying ourselves,
Religion gets its way, so God has his say,
And the Holy propaganda is free...

4. Awesome video that got played once on Headbanger's Ball
You know how you would sit through 2 1/2 hours of bullshit Trixter and Megadeth videos to get to the Triple Thrash Threat? And then they would play a sweet video that would BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND only to never, ever play it again?! This video definitely fell into that category. Make sure you watch it carefully, because there is a lot of detail in it that really makes it great. But that's a whole other post.

Retroview: Bloodcum - Death by a Clothes Hanger

Like Rodney Dangerfield, Bloodcum gets no respect. Everyone seems to shit on them and I just don’t understand why. I’ll agree that the fact that they were marketed as Slayer Jr. was lame, but that doesn’t make “Death By A Clothes Hanger” anything less than what it is—a crossover thrash classic!

Bloodcum was formed back in 1986 by John Araya (Tom’s younger brother), Robert Tovar and George Hierro. They were just a couple of youngsters that used to roadie for Slayer and hang out in their practice space. After Slayer would finish practicing they would pick up their instruments and start screwing around. Over time they became competent enough to play and recruited Jimmy Soltelo and Joey Fuchs (credited on their records as Joey Hanneman even though he is NOT related to Jeff). Their first release was an EP on the legendary Wild Rags label as part of their “Hardcore Demo Series.” Shortly thereafter Wild Rags released Bloodcum's only full length record—Death by a Clothes Hanger.

Musically, Bloodcum drew more from crossover acts like Cryptic Slaugter and D.R.I. than Slayer (though their solos definitely have that unmistakable, squealing, non-musical Slayer-esque quality). Their music is amateurish and their performance is sloppy, but that’s what makes them so lovable. Bloodcum’s music is bursting with the kind of youthful, energetic spirit that’s sadly lacking from so much of today’s music.

The true genius of Bloodcum, however, is revealed through the prescient social commentary and brilliant comedy of their lyrics. They anticipate the oncoming divorce crisis on “Happily Married,” the abortion debate on “Death By A Clothes Hanger,” and animal rights on “Harassment By Farm Animals.” Not to mention the hilarious bonus track at the end of the album, “Testing My Doorknob.” If you consider yourself a thrash fan and you don’t like Bloodcum chances are you’re a huge poseur.

According to their MySpace page (never in a million years would I have thought…) Bloodcum reunited in 2005. Robert and George are back, joined by a couple of other hacks, and ready to thrash again. Long live the belligerent youth!