Young people are funny... by "funny" I mean stupid.

Sometimes the videos we post here are so damn funny, it makes my job very easy. I don't know what I could say other than I hope you are wearing your Depends.

First off, here's gang of 13 year old little shits doing their rendition of "Iron Man." Man, Ozzy is probably turning in his grave. He's dead, ain't he?

This girl is dedicated, but very sad and pathetic at the same time. Check out the geetar solo around the 2:53 mark. A true classic!





Finally, here's this awesome, awesome clip. My favorite of the three. Please enjoy!

Kids Playing Metal (aka: Asian kids can play "Crazy Train" at an earlier age than non-Asian kids. Science says so.)

Yup, it's true. The reason why many of you weren't able to play "Crazy Train" when you were six is because you're not Asian. Don't believe it? Science says so. You see, Asian languages rely heavily on tonal differences, which lead Asian children to have absolute pitch (aka perfect pitch) more often than non-Asian kids. Watching this video makes me so jealous.



Note: After "Crazy Train", the video gets decidedly un-metal, unless you consider Eric Clapton Metal.

Compare that to this American kid playing Slayer. I know I sound like a jerk for making fun of him, but please compare the two. At first, you think the kid's double bass skills are pretty good. But then it starts to sound like a sack of potatoes falling down a set of steps.

In all these videos, you can almost see the parent aiming a gun at the kid, forcing him to play. Poor kids, destined to live out their stupid father's failed dreams of rocking out. At least the kids will have YouTube proof for their therapists one day.





But worry not Americans, this kid comes in and saves the day. He's also an aspiring Lombardo, but manages to play much better than the previous kid. Yes, his triplets need a little work, and he's a bit sloppy at times...but Lars Ulrich only wishes his playing was this tight. There is hope for the US of A after all.

Diary of a Mad Jackass

What do you do after being fired from the most influential metal band of all time, divorcing your first wife, and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder? You lock yourself in a hotel room for weeks at a time with enough drugs and alcohol to kill most human beings, but if you're Ozzy Osbourne you meet Sharon Arden--your future second wife. She convinces you to get your shit together and puts a band together for you that includes the young virtuoso guitarist Randy Rhoads. Thus is born the solo career of Ozzy Osbourne. And what do you do if after releasing two wildly popular, now classic, albums your guitarist dies in a freak plane crash? If you're Ozzy Osbourne you descend back into depression and spiral out of control by drinking obscene amounts, doing mountains of coke, shooting all 17 of your pet cats, pissing on the Alamo, then you get sued because your music allegedly drove two teenagers to kill themselves, and finally in a drunken rage you attempt to murder your wife. Thankfully, or perhaps unfortunately, Ozzy was such a loser at this point that he couldn't even get the job done. Realizing Ozzy was her cash cow, Sharon forgave him. She kept managing him and he kept putting out shitty records. Eventually, they became millionaires and even reality television stars. Such is the strange saga of Ozzy Osbourne.