A Day To Remember hears Nasty Savage and MOD for the first time

If this song doesn't make you want to mosh your balls off, you need to adjust your hearing aid

As far as I can tell, most Metal Inquisition readers are old, completely out of touch with contemporary youth culture, and get confused and angry when they hear new music. So, I'm pretty sure most of you have no idea who A Day To Remember is, despite reaching #21 on Billboard 200 and and #1 on Billboard's Indie charts with their newest album, "Homesick." It's ok, we all get old at some point. Anyway, as my friend Stan said, "They sound like Blink-182 tuned to drop C with death metal vocals during the slow parts." I figured that a good way to bridge the gap between ADTR and MI would be to introduce their bassist, Josh, to the wonderful world of old, shitty metal bands. Let us know what you think of this format- there are a few bugs to be worked out yet, but I'd like to use it again in the future if it works OK?

Havohej "Enlightened One"
J: Wait, this is the song? You can barely hear some distorted screaming with like swells of bells and stuff. This is pretty fucking creepy!
MI: If this was in a movie, what scene would it be in?
J: It makes me think of, in Scream 1, when Drew Barrymore is getting dragged off of the porch and has the phone in her hand, this is the music to it.

Dead "Polesmoker"
J: I can't tell if this is a movie clip... it's something about a cock??

James Hart "Dead End Roads And Lost Highways"
J: Some lead guitar action... is this a popular song? It sounds like I've heard it.
MI: No. But I think he wants it to be popular.
J: Awesome singer, good chorus. It honestly sounds like it should be one of the biggest rock or metal songs out.
MI: Like they would tour with Nickleback?
J: Yeah, totally!
MI: It's the singer from 18 Visions. Jame Shart.

Lady Gaga "Poker Face"
J: Honest to god, I don't know this song. I haven't listened to the radio or watched TV in so long.
MI: She doesn't wear pants, you know.

Aren't they cute?? I imagine them saying, "Welcome to American Eagle, can I help you find anything?"

Life of Agony "River Runs Red"
J: My friend Chad from New Found Glory love this band.
MI: Speaking of which, I heard you called VOD and Earth Crisis nu-metal.
J: What?! Who told you that?!?
MI: I don't remember.
J: You have to tell me, I've said that to one person in my whole life. Was it Chad?
MI: I don't remember!
J: Well what he showed me of Earth Crisis, I'm not talking shit, because I know they influenced so many people, but I wasn't impressed. He was like, "This is heavy!" and I was like, "It might have been heavy then, but not now!"
MI: How old are you?
J: 22. Man, fuck Chad.

Gut "Can't Wait For Tonight"
MI: This is like if Beyonce did a song with Dead.
J: That's exactly what it sounds like.
MI: Do you think you could dance to this?
J: Like club dance? Maybe not in the US, but over in their godless country [points to their English roadie], I can see it happening.
MI: Like go to the Netherlands and grind on some chubby gothic girl?
J: Exactly! I gotta go to the next song, this scares the fuck out of me.

Uh.......... Visor and axe in a trailer?!

Boondox "Country Life"
MI: This is Juggalo country rap.
J: I met a Juggalo the other night, and his Juggalette. This sounds like white kids in their room, rapping. These kids work at a convenience store, period. 100%, it's not even a question.

Pantera "Cowboys From Hell"
J: Dude it's fuckin' metal. This is what I think of when someone says "metal."
MI: Which instrument would you like to be playing air to?
J: Dude the guitars are pretty sick, probably air guitar.
MI: You know how that guy in Columbus killed Dimebag for starting Damageplan. I love Pantera, but be honest... he deserved it, didn't he?
J: You think he deserved to?! Good god... I'm not gonna say that, nobody deserves to die!

Papa Roach "Last Resort"
J: God I haven't listened to them since like 8th grade.
MI: So, whenI was like 27?
Roadie: We was playin' Last Resort on the bus the other night and you was crackin' it.
J: This song is sick, I'm not gonna pretend I don't like it!

MOD "Bubble Butt"
MI: What do you think this song is about?
J: Um, a fat girl.
MI: How does the singer feel about the bubble butt?
J: Uh, I don't think he's saying one way or the other... he's just like saying, she's fat. Some guys like fat girls. I think he's saying it's positive.

This is my favorite ADTR song, sometimes I listen to it 4 or 5 times in a row and sing along!

Crom "Anvil of Crom"
MI: What kind of movie do you think "Anvil of Crom" would be if it was a film?
J: I picture... a cartoon. But this wouldn't work with a cartoon, I think this band would be in a snuff film.
MI: I think they would agree with you!

Obituary "The End Complete"
J: This band is from Florida, right? Isn't Tampa like the capital of death metal?
MI: It was like in 92, when you were in kindergarten.
J: I know a lot of people who love this band. The singer is making a bunch of weird noises. [he starts typing on AIM for a few seconds] Sorry, man.
MI: No problem, I just hope whoever you're talking to has a vagina.
J: She does, and she's giving me a shitload of problems right now.

Devourment "Babykiller"
J: This is nuts, it's like dun-dundun-dun with just like... grunts.
MI: This genre is called "wigger slam metal."
J: Uh huh, I can definitely hear that!
MI: So why don't kids who wear puffy jackets and listen to Hatebreed like this band?
J: Good question, they totally should!

Merauder "Time Ends"
J: I saw them on the Hellfest DVD I think.
MI: Did your parents yell at you for moshing in front of the TV?
J: No! My friend from that band Seventh Star always told me we should listen to this band.
MI: He was right.

This is the black metal version of party rap, it's so catchy and upbeat!

Moevot "In einem Friedhof"
J: [after 1 second] I literally think I can listen to this for maybe 5 more seconds before it will give me nightmares tonight. It's like... hums... with screams.
MI: How do you think this guy would dress for Halloween?
J: Uh, the Cryptkeeper.
MI: How would he dress for not-Halloween?
J: The Cryptkeeper.

Brokencyde "FreaXXX"
J: I swear to god, everyone talks so much shit on them, but I've never listened to them. Aren't they from New Mexico? Nothing good has ever come from there. It's white kids rapping, auto tune, everything that's cool! And screaming. Let's put it all together! "Let's get freaky, let's get fucking freaky now"?!
MI: There's the line that goes "They pull their panties down, then take their pants off." Isn't it usually in the reverse order? I mean, you're in a band, not me, maybe you guys have a trick.
J: Right. Well, I take my pants off last...

Cephalotripsy "Inoculated Prosthesis"
J: I don't understand how people make their voices like that. It sounds like he had a bunch of Pop Tarts and orange juice, just like the nastiest shit in your throat ever.
MI: If you listened to this for a while, do you think you could get post mosh stress disorder?

GG Allin "Assface"
J: The name sounds familiar...
MI: How big do you think his dick was, in inches? I'll give you a hint: when he pulled his pants down, it looked like three grapes.

Leeway "Marathon"
MI: I heard the singer for Leeway works construction in Pittsburgh.
J: Yeah, that sounds like what he'd be doing. Probably listening to his own band while he works. No sleeves on his shirt, probably has barbed wire tattoos.

Forever the Sickest Kids "Woah Oh"
MI: Which member of FTSK has the best hair?
J: Actual best hair or [air quotes] "best" hair? The drummer is one of the nicest dudes ever... but his hair is crazy, it's nuts.
MI: I wish I wasn't going grey so I could have hair like his.

Vulvator "Boy In A Boat"
J: Boy in a boat? What the hell is that?
MI: Hint: it's a part of a woman's body that's covered by her bathing suit.
J: Huh?? Oh! It's her clitoris!



Nasty Savage "Unchained Angel"
MI: If you met someone in a band called Nasty Savage, what would they look like?
J: Definitely over 250 pounds, humongous beard, probably wear a cowboy hat. Yeah, this definitely sounds like that. They would probably not even have a car, just drive like a four wheeler or something. And they would smell exactly like what you would think.
MI: Like a nasty savage?

Slayer "At Dawn They Sleep"
J: Dude, what is this song about? [to another guy in the band who walked in]
Other guy: Vampires, dude. Or Aiden.

A Day To Remember on MySpace

Reader request: Mucky Pup

I never really paid attention to Mucky Pup back in the day, but reader Savage made a request in the comments of our earlier Nocturnus post, and if there is anything that defines us here at Metal Inquisition, it's customer service. In fact, at one of our innovation retreats in 2008, we rewrote our corporate vision statement as follows:

The mission of Metal Inquisition is to provide society with superior products and services by developing innovations and solutions that improve the quality of life and satisfy customer needs, and to provide bloggers with meaningful work and advancement opportunities, and investors with a superior rate of return.

With that in mind, we enter the bizarre and frightening world of Mucky Pup.

I don't really know a damn thing about this band other than that they have a dumb name and I never gave them a chance back in the day because of it. Also that some of them were in Dog Eat Dog, who I listened to a little bit.




U Stink But I Heart U
Apparently this song was their big break, and I actually vaguely remember it. I was a huge fan of the comic strip Bloom County when I was a kid, including the hair metal band Billy & The Boingers that featured Bill The Cat. The guy who created the comic strip held a contest in which he asked bands to record their version of Billy & The Boingers' hit song "U Stink But I Heart U." Mucky Pup's version won, and was included on a flexi that came with one of the Bloom County books (which I had).

I'm not exactly sure what it mean when your band's biggest accomplishment is winning a jokey contest from a comic strip, but it is safe to say that's Mucky Pup's biggest claim to fame. Maybe they can tell me why Sarge is always so mean to Beetle Bailey!! And for christ's sake, why can't Blondie let Dagwood enjoy a sandwich in his hammock with nagging him about chores?? Fucking bitch.



Hippies don't like water
Aside from "U Stink But I Heart U" I don't remember any other Mucky Pup songs, so I fired up Youtube and checked it out. WTF is this shit?! It makes Brokencyde seem dignified, respectable, and stylish! Then again, I have to remind myself that this was 1991 and things were very different back then. Hypercolor wasn't ironic, Living Color thought it was perfectly acceptable to wear Body Glove wetsuits on stage, and MDC had turned into the hardcore version of Weird Al (see "Tofu Spaghetti"). The Youtube description notes that MTV never aired this video... weird! I can't think of a single reason why they wouldn't air it 24/7!!

Ugh I don't even know what to say... 1000000x worse than Brokencyde!

Also, "hippies" were still a relevant part of the cultural lexicon, with bands like Enuf Z'Nuf blending really shitty hair metal with a particularly superficial, irritating take on the 60s. Apparently Mucky Pup did not like this, so they made a novelty song about it. I'd like to think of it as an abominable, cringeworthy combination of Ugly Kid Joe and Murphy's Law... only without the cool parts of Murphy's Law like hitting people with an 8 ball in a sock, and with more fatties.

It gets worse when the fatty starts skanking and you can see his enormous, pasty thighs shake like a bowl full of vanilla jello

From the perspective of someone writing this in 2009, it seems quaint and a little charming to complain about hippies like we did so vigorously back in the 80s and early 90s. And maybe it is a little naive, but it reminds me of my salad days. It makes me long for simpler times, before screamo crunk and beardos, before scene hair and one-man MySpace drum machine goregrind bands. I just want to put a Scatterbrain tape in my Walkman, put on my baja jacket, and go skateboard behind Safeway. Either that or go smoke weed on a rock in the woods and listen to Pantera. Instead, I have to do my taxes and write a proposal for market research on Crest toothpaste and I am listening to Lady Gaga. Sigh...



Mr. Hand
This song is about how the singer masturbates a lot, presumably because the ladies aren't checking for him. It is actually sort of catchy, once again in a "poor man's 'Crucial Barbeque'" kind of way. I probably would have thought it was pretty funny in 7th or 8th grade. But I also thought it was a really good idea to wear red sweatpants, a Forced Entry shirt, a Batman hat and puffy white high tops from K-Mart (the brand was "Jox") six days of the week.

Between his physique, wardrobe, and hair I have no idea why he isn't drowning in pussy

Apparently the world had a big appetite for comedy metal in the 90s, and one of the staples of the genre is wearing oversize, zany Dr. Suess hats. The drummer for a local comedy punk/metal band called Dumt wore one every fucking time they played and it made me want to kill him even though I loved Dumt a lot. Actually, I still do.

These hats fill me with rage in a way that very few things are capable of

The Dr. Suess hats remind of other early 90s fashion mishaps like those stripey tights that were so popular at Lollapalooza. I always wanted to fuck the art fag chicks in my 8th grade art class that wore Doc Martens with stripey tights and listened to Skinny Puppy and Alien Sex Fiend.

Anyway, this song is fucking terrible, I don't even have the patience to look on Rapidshit for a copy of their album (or albums... did they have more than one?). This is like the equivalent of playing old NES games for the first time. Maybe if it was 1988 you would have looked past their many obvious and serious flaws, but it is 2009 and this shit sucks by today's standards.




Dog Eat Dog - "No Fronts"
I guess some people from Mucky Pup were in Dog Eat Dog, but I'm not looking it up because I just want to be done writing about this awful shit. I used to listen to this band a bit, but I haven't heard them for years and they are much fucking worse than I remembered them being. Apparently they felt like they hadn't made big enough assholes of themselves in Mucky Pup and decided to start a new band in which they would do the most embarrassing shit possible, then record it onto a CD which they would sell.

Look at him rap aggressively into the fisheye lens! He's so angry/authentic!

Listening to this song for the first time in years, the main thing I noticed is how these are maybe the very worst lyrics I have ever heard, even surpassing Brokencyde's "hardcore shit make u feel the toxic" line. I will highlight the parts that make me cringe and vomit the most:

No fronts no tricks no soap box politics
No guns just blunts we kick this just for fun

We come with the fat joints
To uplift the moods
Big up to people catchin' on this groove
This is Dog Eat Dog not a snitch or a snoop
I might chew a bone but don't call me pooch
We're not braggin - No
Are we laggin - Never
I can already see we got your tail waggin'
I could doggy bad ya
Or have you for lunch
The answer is no now - who fronts?

Introducing the kids who get loose
Microphone check one to the deuce
Deuce to the tre relax and parlay
With the 4-5-6 we roll hits
Flip the script to move your hips
Flavor we kick the boom to the bip
The boom to the bap ABK type fat
Strapped with crazy herbs and that's that

Alright kid what ya want ya get
S.G. Dog Eat Dog represent
You know the time so act like you know
Listen to the way this ill shit flow
We travel around all boro, any city
Some got beef but they wont get to me
If you come correct and your vibes are true
Peace to your crew
We're looking out for you

Holy fuck that was hard to bear, I seriously thought about smashing my monitor a few times just to make it stop. It's like a bunch of band geeks heard "Urban Discipline" and decided they wanted to give being tough a shot... only they added fucking trumpets to the mix, so it didn't work out so well. The video is full of the most annoying 90s cliches like flannels, fisheye shots, snowboards, and beanies. It's like a Saturday Night Live parody of post-Beastie Boys 90s culture, only it's all too real. Do not want.

Conclusion
I like Ugly Kid Joe and Murphy's Law better, fuck this band. Some things deserved to die with the 90s.

Screamo crunk comes to life: BrokeNCYDE / Hollywood Undead show review

If you're lucky, I'll summon the will to go to the upcoming Kottonmouth Kings show

It's no secret that I love screamo crunk, so you can imagine how excited I was when I saw that Hollywood Undead were playing... and with the infamous BrokeNCYDE of all bands!! It's like a dream come true! In case you couldn't see them in your town, here's my review of the show so you can live vicariously through me and have a little piece of the BC13 magic.

This is when they were chanting something about "Brokencyde, suck my dick."

BrokeNCYDE

BrokeNCYDE (aka BC13) opened the show and I was completely fucking stoked to see them. Since some you guys seem confused about this, I like BC13 about half-ironically, depending on the mood I'm in. If I'm wasted and either hanging out with a girl or about to be, I'm pretty into them. If I'm sober and acting like a grown up I can't really handle them. In any case, they started at 7:00PM and I was already fairly drunk because I'd been waiting around the venue for an hour and a half with nothing to do. Well, nothing to do except drink and talk to whatever girls were around who looked like I wouldn't go to prison if I said hi to them. I was hoping to at least get the chance to eyefuck some trainwreck scene girls, but I really didn't see any girls at all that were particularly hot. Kind of disappointing.

You have probably seen the video for "Freaxxx," but this song ("Get Crunk") is even more awesome/retarded

We ended up chatting up a mom/daughter pair that my friend was pretty into. The mom gave me her number. I wasn't really feeling it, but my friend was trying to feel her daughter. I also ended up getting some other girl's number, she was some 27 year-old midwest type with recently-installed fake tits (which I felt after she said "Feel them, they feel fake as shit!!"). She was cool enough but you know the type... she had on a Hurley sweatshirt or something, American Eagle jeans, and white Nike running shoes (not cool ones), and I can't handle that. Still, I did feel her tits so that counts for something.

My friend with the mom/daughter combo

When they started playing I felt like all my dreams were coming true all at once!! I seriously couldn't believe that it was actually happening. I mean, BC13 is basically the most ridiculous pop culture phenomenon of all time, and was just like "Holy fuck, this is actually happening!! This isn't just a dumb internet joke, this band really exists and these kids are 100% non-ironic!" As much as I wish I could pretend to be completely non-ironic here, I realized that I was on a different level than these kids who clearly had no idea that there was anything ridiculous about Brokencyde. With lyrics like these, I have a hard time seeing how that's possible, but it's true:

I can tell by the way she licks her lips.
That we're going to fuck tonight!
OMG I can not live like this.
Will someone take my life!
Here's a knife, go ahead and slice my wrist.
I'm not emo, but I'd rather be dead then with this bitch!!!

Pick up your pants girl!
We're not drunk enough to get it on.
I need viagra!
Cause you're too ugly to turn me on.
I saw your picture.
My Myspace has never done me wrong.
Until tonight girl. You're not my type girl!!!

The other thing that occurred to me is that BC13 represents a changing of the guard in that the kids have finally figured out how to make music that offends and disgusts a generation of people who grew up listening to bands with names like Millions of Dead Cops, Regurgitation, Carcass, Ulcerous Phlegm, etc. I used to jam the Meatshits or whatever and think to myself, "Man, I have no idea how anybody could top this stuff, but I know someone will. I don't know how they'll manage to offend me and my peers, but I know they will." Well, now I know how, and I am happy I got to witness it live! It's pretty fun to google for Brokencyde and read everybody's clueless, butthurt comments about them, but this is only person I've found who actually gets it:

God - spare me the hate spewing “critics”! This music is not about listening to seasoned professional musicians. It’s about these young guys who put sounds together with a keyboard and computer and came up with something cool. It’s about dance beats, trash talking and having a good time. It’s raunchy, sexual, I’m sure it’s making parents toes curl around the world, AND it’s leaving people like you scratching your head saying “wtf?”. Sounds to me like a recipe for success. The next generation is ready to embrace “their” shocker. Posts like this only helps to solidify that perception.

Like you, the Christian retard who sings for Senses Fail (who played this show with BC13) sounds like a confused grandparent when he talks shit on his tourmates:

Yeah, I slam them every night because in no way, shape or form do I back anything they do or say and I am embarrassed that kids these days are into it and am sad that kids these days are exposed to it. There is absolutely no substance whatsoever in their songs and no passion in anything they do. It is the musical equivalent of a snow cone, bland tasting frozen tap water loaded with sugar, yet colorful, that will give you a brain freeze, melt all over your hands leaving yourself dissatisfied and sticky.

Yes, he is a dumb Christian who obviously hates fun, but he does have a point when he says that there is no passion. I have to admit I was pretty disappointed in their live performance. First of all, they were just wearing baggy t-shirts and unremarkable jeans. Where were the alt-bro shutter shades, the neon parkas, the purple skinny jeans?! I paid for a spectacle, dammit! They went through the songs fairly lifelessly. I'll be honest, I didn't find their performance to be particularly crunk. The kid on the left fiddled with knobs on their drum machine or whatever, and the other two guys rapped lethargically.

The guy on the left, holy fuck... he's got a face made for radio.

It might not have been their best show, but I'm still pretty stoked that I'll always be able to say I witnessed BC13 in the flesh!! In 17 years or so, when everybody is nostalgic for this shit, I can start a blog called "Scene Inquisition" and tell dumb stories about the time I saw a dude from The Devil Wears Prada at Starbucks (this happened last summer).

I don't have pictures of these bands so here is this one instead. Sup ladies.

Haste the Day / Senses Fail
I barely remember these bands, I was at the bar most of their sets. The only thing I remember is spin kicking and punching some kids 90s moshcore style, which I didn't recall until I woke up the next morning with bruised knuckles. They were pretty good if you're into Christian moshcore... I mean they're no Strongarm, Focal Point or Crucified, and definitely not Unashamed (so fucking good!), but they were a good diversion.

Apologies for the blurry photo, but it pretty accurately captures how I felt and my fuzzy memories of the night

Hollywood Undead
Now here is a band that I like 100% non-ironically. OK maybe like 98% non-ironically... but you get the point. I don't like anything 100% non-ironically, not even Pantera. I interviewed Funny Man (one of the guys in Hollywood Undead), but he pressed the button on my voice recorder that erased the recording, so I don't have that to add to this post. He was a cool guy and the interview was fun, basically we just talked about how dumb it is when people hate on the West Coast, especially Southern California. Also, he said that while Brokencyde might get more ass on tour, Hollywood Undead get higher-quality ass. I didn't witness anything to confirm or deny it, but it seems like it would be true to me. I didn't really talk to any of the other guys in the band for more than a second, but they seemed cool too.

I played this song for my friend at work a while ago, and she said "Wow they wrote a song about your life."

Their set was super fun and I had a great time, but I have to be honest... after witnessing the postmodern, mash culture extravaganza that is BC13, anything short of Mila Kunis proposing to me would have been a letdown. They opened with "Undead," played most of the record, and closed with "Everywhere I Go." I went home, changed clothes, and went to some DIY show at a warehouse where I drank more, unsuccessfully tried to chat up some indie girl, and drew graffiti in my friend Chris' book until 3 or something when I passed out. All in all, one of the best nights I've had in years!