The ultimate argument settler

We live in a divided nation. For those reading outside the U.S., the same holds true. We live in a divided planet. Just last week, the United States of America had its presidential election. Similarly, here at Metal Inquisition we are hugely invested in the democratic process. We are also, however, authorities in the world of metal, and with that authority we are more than happy to have final say, and settle any metal argument. As the name of this blog implies, we are judge, jury and excecutioner. Below are our rulings. Well, mine at least. Having said that, we will still hear you guys out, probably just to point out how wrong you are though. So, we have decided to let you, our beloved readers, vote. For all those who are not americans, or do not live in this country...feel free to play along.




1. Best Slayer Album: - Reign In Blood or South of Heaven?
Don't be a wise guy and say "Haunting the Chapel", because that was an EP. Don't be an ass and say "Show No Mercy", that's like nominating the fat girl in your high school for prom queen as a joke. My vote? South of Heaven. The production alone makes it the best album hands down. I don't care how controversial my vote is. I'm sticking to it. By the way, if you vote for Seasons In The Abyss, you're a poser. Everyone knows that's Slayer's "new" album.

2. Dark Angel or Death Angel?
We settled this one ourselves sometime back, but we'd now like to hear from our readers. Again, don't be a smartass and say "Morbid Angel". I proudly vote for Dark Angel, even
though the date and place where the lyrics to each song were written are listed in the liner notes.






3. Norwegian black metal or Swedish death metal?
By Swedish death metal, I'm referring to the first three Entombed albums, early Dismember etc. Tough one, but I have to go with Swedish death metal since it generated less awful third rate bands.

If my brother and I had only had the minimal fashion know how necessary to pull off this look in 1989, we would have done it. Yet another obstacle that stood in our way was the fact that my mom wouldn't let us grow our hair long.

4. American thrash or German speed?
Another controversial one, I know. Though some disagree, when I say "german speed metal" I'm talking about the holy-trinity: Kreator, Destruction, Sodom. If you disagree with what I mean by "German speed", go start your own blog. By American thrash I'm talking about Anthrax, Exodus etc. I would love to say german speed, since its more aggressive and cooler...but the reality is that in 1989 I made my mom buy me bermuda shorts because of Anthrax, and I thought Exodus were the coolest band ever. Guilty.







5. New York City, or Bay area thrash?
Which will it be? Forbidden or Anthrax? Overkill or Exodus? Testament or Nuclear Assault? This one is really tough for me. Damnnit, I may have to go with the Bay-Area.

This cover is of the second printing of the video. I have the original one, since I'm no poser.

6. Hard N' Heavy Grindcore edition or Thrash Metal edition?
The Grindcore one had way scarier animation, whereas the thrash metal one had that creepy metal guy basically assaulting women. For comedic value alone, we have to go with the thrash metal one because it features the Anthrax poodle haircut, and unbelievable interviews with Vio-Lence and the award winning piece on Mordred.







7. Who riffs harder, Prong or Pantera?
Yet another argument as old as time itself. We also ruled on this one at one point, and we called it a draw. I personally have to go with Prong. If you want to know about my reasoning, read the post we did all about this ongoing debate.








8. Earache or Roadrunner?
I don't care what these labels are up to now, I don't even know if they exist. I'm talking about back in the day. Napalm Death vs. Malevolent Creation. Obituary and Suffocation vs Bolt Thrower and Carcass. Because of my current love affair with most things that Obituary has done, I have to go with Roadrunner. Don't be a wise guy and say Grindcore records. Let's keep this orderly.







9. Was Darkthrone better as a Swedish death metal band or as a Norwegian black metal band?
No, you can't just answer "none of the above"...so it's a tough one. I know that Mr. Sargeant D has made an argument for why they were way better as a death metal band...but I may have to side with the black metal years. It's just so hard to cut through the cult of personality around them, and the insanely stupid fans. But once I do, I find the black metal albums to be more interesting, even if they sound terrible and are largely composed of three notes that sound like a fly buzzing in my ear. I guess it's part of the charm.






10. Better compilation, Grindcrusher or Death is Just The Begining?
Man, Grindcrusher just hit the spot back in the day! Morbid Angel, Napalm Death....hot damn! I'll just try to forget all the other awful songs.






11. Best/Worst Colaboration: Anthrax and Public Enemy or Biohazard and Onyx?
Biohazard/Onyx certainly provided the highest cringe factor, but I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit to the fact that I still know all the lyrics to Bring The Noise to thise day due to the 'thrax/P.E. colabo. As such, that's who I'm voting for.

Who Gave These Filipinos Those Rock Guitars?

The fact that Dark Angel rocks harder than Death Angel is an issue that was settled here at M.I. sometime back. Nevertheless, a two part mini-documentary about Death Angel that was done back when they first signed to a major label (with band members' ages ranging from 14 to 19) is certainly worth sharing with our readers. These guys look exactly as I wanted to look back then. Sadly, my mom wouldn't let me have long hair and I didn't have rad metal shirts. Sure, sure, my brother and I shared a couple of metal tees, but for the most part I was rocking my sweatpants, my Freddy Kruger sweatshirt (not a sweater like the one Freddy wore, no, a heather grey number with his face screenprinted on it), or maybe an OP shirt, all the while dousing myself in Brut cologne (to atract the ladies). Since baja's (drug rugs) came up in the last post, I should mention that I also wanted one very badly circa 1990, but my mom wouldn't let me have one. Bummer.

Check out their bodacious skate gear, the sweatsocks, the suspenders, the matching outfits....the Sisters of Mercy shirt? That shirt should have been a sign to us all about things to come. Enjoy.


Part One





Part Two

Great moments in art history: Broken Hope

I remember nearly falling asleep while Broken Hope played at the Milwakee Metal Fest one year. We were all waiting for Suffocation, but Broken Hope had to play first. Damn it. Much has been made of how insanely generic they were/are, but one thing that can't be disputed is their unbelievable taste in cover artwork.

It was around the early 90's that many bands switched from using the preferred media of airbrushing, to oil paint for their artwork. Broken Hope's "Swamped In Gore" is typical of what some may call the second wave in death metal oil painting cover art.

Please note the following:

1. A green chess board? Huh? I'm happy that the guy learned how to use perspective and all..but what is the message? Is life one big game? I'm confused as hell.

2. Why are the two eyeballs (with tails) being propped up by toothpicks? They remind me of these little hours dourves my mom used to make for guests. Damn, now I'm hungry.

3. Why is the weird retarded dead guy just floating around? I think this is like the Matrix or something. A Matrix of generic death metal where retarded dead people float around looking for fancy snack eyeballs on toothpicks? Maybe. But what about the chess board?

4. Why does the retarded dead guy have a large cartoon-style magnet on his head/brain? Why is it pointing towards the band logo? Dan Seagrave could have done such a better job. Just look at the blood on the dude's ribs. It's all thick, like jelly.

5. Why are there sesame seeds chasing the retarded guy's ear? Damn, I'm getting hungry again.

6. Why is a skeleton guy creeping up behind the retarded guy, lurking in the shadows? That skeleton guy is up to no good retarded dead guy! You better watch out!

7. The laughing skull with fire around it (a Ghost Rider reference?) is clearly the one thing that the dude spent the most time on. By the time he had paint the eyeballs, he was all "man, the skull rules...I'm not getting paid enough to give every part of this painting my A-game." It's pretty much how the guy that did the Death Angel "Act III" cover spent all that time on the stage and curtains that by the time it came to painting the people he just said "ah...whatever...they can look like crappy statues." To read more about that cover, go here.

Metal Inquisition Roundtable #2: Dark Angel vs. Death Angel

Dark Angel
Sergeant D: The Holocaust was a shame and all, but the real tragedy of the 20th century was the fact that Dark Angel never achieved the same status as bands like Slayer, Metallica, or Megadeth. Those bands had their moments but were mostly spineless, dull, and boring. Dark Angel, on the other hand, thrashed their balls off (or in Gene Hoglan's case, thrashed their balls out).

Also, lots of people- mostly old fossils and trendy black metal types- think their best album is "Darkness Descends." It's not- in fact, that album is terrible. "Leave Scars" and "Time Does Not Heal" are much better masterpieces of thrash metal that are trumped only by Forced Entry and Believer.

Lucho Metales: Dark Angel. The name alone does little to put this band over the similarly named Death Angel. I mean, if you are going to run into an angel...would you be more scared if he's the angel in charge of "death" or of making it it "dark." I mean, if you ask me, the angel that deals with darkness will forever be second fiddle to the angel of death. In theory Death Angel should have been a more ferocious metal act, but that was not the case. Managing to move beyond their moniker, Dark Angel delivered brutal metal beatings that left us wanting more. Yes, the songs could go on and on at times. Yes, in retrospect it seems awful that in the liner notes Gene Hoglan would state the location and date for when he wrote the lyrics for each song. Yes, naming a live album "Live Scars" after having put out "Leave Scars" is dumb...but at the end of the day, the music was light years ahead of its time. More importantly, as far as metal fashion goes, they were the undisputed kings of hesher-ware. In their unforgettable appearance in the Ultimate Revenge II home video, Dark Angel can be seen rocking white high tops that were far whiter than any other metal band at the time. More importantly, look at the unabashed commitment that the entire band made to the jean vest. Even the bass player, who was a bit out of shape, went ahead and rocked the vest with NO shirt under it. Just look at the performance here, and be amazed. Just compare their fashion sense to that of Death Angel. (click to see image larger)



Gene Hoglan's Balls: I could probably write a book about all the ways in which I love Dark Angel, but this is neither the time nor the place for such a thing. Simply put, Dark Angel, AKA "The L.A. Caffeine Machine," is one of the greatest and most underappreciated thrash metal bands of all time.

Dark Angel came up alongside all the big name first wave West Coat thrash metal bands, Metallica, Slayer, Exodus, etc., but never attained the same measure of popularity. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that Dark Angel’s music isn’t nearly as accessible as that of their peers. Their songs are faster, darker, longer, and more complicated than those of their contemporaries. Their music was just too much for your average thrash fan to wrap their head around. They also had the misfortunate of releasing their masterpiece, “Darkness Descends,” the same year as “Reign in Blood,” “Master of Puppets,” and “Pleasure to Kill.” Of course all of those albums are widely regarded as classics of the genre, as they should be, but “Darkness Descends” is the best of the bunch and deserves to be mentioned in the same breath, which it usually is not. The only other thrash metal album that even approaches its level of savagery and intensity is Morbid Saint’s “Spectrum of Death.” Can you imagine Lars Ulrich trying to play the drum intro to “Death is Certain (Life is Not)?” It’d be like asking a 5 year old to play “Tom Sawyer.”

As the years passed, Dark Angel soldiered on. Even as the popularity of thrash metal declined in the late 80s and early 90s giving way to the eventual rise of death metal, Dark Angel kept releasing stunning albums each more over-the-top than the last. Their final album, 1991’s “Time Does Not Heal,” is the logical conclusion of thrash metal. “9 songs, 67 minutes, 246 riffs!” An epic, monumental testament to the genius of Gene Hoglan that rendered the entire genre obsolete.

It’s doubtful that Dark Angel will ever get the respect they deserve, but if it’s any consolation we here at Metal Inquisition couldn’t hold them any higher. In the words of the Geto Boys, “you gotta let your nuts hang!”

Awakening: Leave Scars is the opus. The pinnacle of all that was Dark Angel. It challenges and defeats many a thrash album before and since. The riffs are crushing and dark. The double bass is oppressive and pounding.

Often times people in the metal scene are so quick to say that output a few records into a band’s career are never as good as the demos or the first album. That is retarded. Sure Darkness Descends is a great album, but it sounds like so many others of that time. This is the record where Dark Angel got their groove. And then promptly lost it shortly thereafter. From there we have Time Does Not Heal, which is great, but slightly too perfect. The drums sound better, as do the guitars, a little too perfect though. This was the plague of so many bands in the 90s thrash scene. Death metal was taking over and they were trying to remain relevant. Which they did well, but man…Leave Scars was the shit.





Death Angel
Sergeant D: Maybe 10 years ago, fellow Metal Inquisition writer Lucho Metales and I were discussing this band, and I said I never liked them because of the gay curtains on the cover of "Act III." Basically, I stand by that comment. They were always a puss band, like the Filipino version of Testament but not even that good (and Testament were never good).

Also, aside from the gay curtains on that cover, what exactly is going on? Evil steam is coming out of the curtains?? And it looks like the artist ran out of time when it came to rendering the audience (where are they, anyway- the theater at the mall?). He spent all of his time resolving all the intricate details of the arch around the curtain, then was like "Fuck it, the audience can just look like concrete mannequins, I'm sick of this painting."


One final note... we tag lots of posts on here "male pattern baldness," but there is perhaps no better example of this in metal than Death Angel singer Mark Osegueda. Like Brett Michaels, he always wear bandanas to cover up his ever-retreating hairline. A word of advice: salvage what's left of your dignity, bro- just shave it all off.

Lucho Metales: I almost don't want to write about Death Angel. Why? Have you seen their video for "Room With A View"? It's the video that I took the stills from to make my "metal/not metal" chart above. The video is almost exactly like Extreme's "More Than Words", and the music is rather similar. For me to try to find some redeeming qualities in Death Angel after such an atrocious musical act, would be like saying "well, Hitler kept the trains running on time." I would be ignoring a huge elephant in the room, an elephant called "Room With A View".


Gene Hoglan's Balls: My gay uncle Tony has a Filipino friend named Steve. He’s a really funny and fun guy, and he just so happens to be the most flamboyantly gay person I’ve ever met. I’m talking giant diamond rings, gold bracelets, pink shirts, silk scarves. When he walks he sticks his bony little ass out and he has the limpest wrist I’ve ever seen. When I try to wrap my mind around the reality of a Filipino thrash metal band all I can think of is Steve. When I listen to Death Angel’s music all I can think of is Steve. You get where I’m going. To be fair, “The Ultra-Violence” is probably one of the better albums to ever come from a second-tier Bay Area thrash metal band, and to some people that’s even a compliment.

Awakening: You know, youth is never an excuse for shitty music. If memory serves me correctly, this band was always touted as one of the "youngest" thrash bands ever. Old Skull were at least humorous. Death Angel was just sad. The worst part about Death Angel is they are releasing a new album this year. Booooooo.