Hammer Smash Your Enemies: Hatebreed / Cannibal Corpse show review

If you don't like Hatebreed, you're not my friend. It's as simple as that. And I know who my real friends are: my bros from Vile Gash, Weedsteeler and Homage Clothing who made the trek with me to catch the Hatebreed/Cannibal Corpse show a few weeks ago. If you're too boring and old to go, here's what you missed.

Born of Osiris = sick pitt riffment 2k9, deathcore style

Sumeriancore & Typewriters

The openers, Born of Osiris and Hate Eternal, proved that innovations in death metal come from both young and old bands. First up were Sumeriancore pioneers BoO, who brought the fucking mosh as only Sumerian bands can, combining chops with sick pitt riffment that got the crowd warmed up in spectacular fashion.

Here is a video of some high school fatties covering Born of Osiris in their high school gym. When their "fans" start moshing at :47 you will want to vomit with vicarious embarrassment, then wish you could spray everybody under 21 in the face with AIDS

I can't say the same for Hate Eternal, though. When they started playing, I thought someone was playing a recording of a Mavis Beacon typing tutorial, the clicking and clacking coming at such a furious pace that I thought the space bar was going to break in half. Then I realized it was their bass drum and threw myself on a sword.

File under inane-statements-of-fact: "This next song is about shooting blood out of your cock, it's called 'I Cum Blood.'"

Careers in Death Metal
I'll be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to see Cannibal Corpse, but I should have been. They fucking slayed, especially when they played shit off "Tomb of the Mutilated." Hearing those songs live made me remember how that record blew me away when it came out, and also that when I was in 10th grade my mom said "Please don't play Cannibal Corpse or The Accused before dinner, they make me lose my appetite!"

I'm sure you've seen this video of Corpsegrinder talking about his World of Warcraft guild or whatever, but if not, your life is incomplete!

I'm guessing the Cannibals are in their 40s by now, and I can't decide whether it's sad or awesome that they've made a career out of playing death metal. They're like the death metal version of the dad from the Wonder Years. When you ask them how their latest tour is going, they just grunt and say "Eh. Work's work," and go back to killing Night Elves.

YOU FUCKING BLEED NOW

"I don't need to be inspired by metal"

Many people talk a lot of shit about Hatebreed. Not that they need my support, but I need to say a few words about Hatebreed in general and their new album in particular. The most common memes among Hatebreed haters are "all their albums sound the same" and my personal favorite (from a Metal Sucks commenter) "I don't need to be inspired by metal."

"Wait, Chuck Schuldiner was GAY?!"

If that's the case for you, congratulations. I'm happy for you. Unfortunately for me, I need all the help I can get. I won't lie: 2k9 has been the hardest, most painful year of my entire life by far and I've listened to Terror and Hatebreed pretty much nonstop. Sometimes your life falls apart and you need to have Jamey Jasta screaming at you that "This day is worth living." When you're as down as I've been this year, "Never succumb to the war you fight in your heart" is exactly what you need to hear. Laugh if you want, but I sincerely love Hatebreed because their songs mean a lot to me and have helped me through some seriously fucked up times just like Black Flag, Terror, and Cro-Mags do/did.

I got this about two weeks ago and am going to get a "SMASH YOUR ENEMIES" tattoo soon. I will have not just one but TWO Hatebreed tattoos. That is how much I love Hatebreed!

"They changed it, now it sucks" & "They didn't change it, so it sucks"
Another common criticism among butthurt haters is that Hatebreed's albums all sound the same. First of all, that's not really true: the latest record, for example, is by far their most blatantly "metal" album, despite remaining 100% consistent with the Hatebreed sound. Second, what's so bad about that? As long as Jamey & crew keep coming up with new breakdowns and lyrics that keep me from sticking my head in the oven, I'll always be stoked on the band. And they're fucked either way: Whenever they do introduce something new such as the Crowbar-style clean vocals on the new album, the haters hate even more.

I don't give a fuck. All I know is that the new Hatebreed record has some of their hardest mosh parts to date and is arguably their best since "Perseverance," which is a nearly perfect album. If you like Hatebreed, you will like this record. If you don't, go listen to Xasthur while you beat off to noise CD-Rs and let me mosh with my bros.

One of the hardest fucking songs ever written. Amazing lyrics, insanely brutal and catchy riffs, and PERFECT video. If you think this is "cheesy" or "corny" your life has been too easy.

A la Carte Moshing, Irresponsible Breakdowns & Mosh Platforms
If you don't consider Hatebreed one of the best live bands of all time, you are a fool. Whether you like their music or not, you can't deny that they are a finely tuned mosh machine that knows how to get the party started like no other. In no particular order, here are some of my favorite parts of the show.

A la Carte Moshing: I didn't want to get all sweaty and get my leather seats all yucky, so I watched from the back of the venue and ran down to mosh it up for my favorite 3 or 4 songs (I think they were "As Diehard As They Come," "Perseverance" and "Proven"), then returned to the safety of the other old people by the bar.

Irresponsible Breakdowns: I hadn't heard any of the new songs live, and when I heard them play "Not My Master" and "Everybody Bleeds" I literally started laughing at how absurdly brutal the breakdowns were. If I was in Hatebreed and someone brought in a riff like, say, the meta-breakdown from "As Diehard As They Come" (listen to 1:30, holy fucking fuck) I think I would have to say something just to ease my conscience. "Dudes, remember that with great power comes great responsibility. We possess powers of mosh like nobody else on this planet, but we must use them wisely. I am afraid that riff is so fucking hard that people will die when we play it live. We can bring the mosh to the people for sure, but we may have their blood on our hands!!"

Jamey's mosh platforms. I like to think of them as they hardcore version of The Liberator.

Mosh Platforms: Jamey had two little platforms that he would stand on, jump off of, etc. I'm guessing that he's eaten shit onstage before from standing on a monitor or whatever only to have it slide out from under his feet. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and I salute Jamey for his innovations in moshing!!

Buy the new Hatebreed album here
Follow Jamey on Twitter


Postscript: More X Breakdowns X 4 U

For more innovations in breakdowns, check out Illinois' Demolisher- so, so fucking brutal! I am doing my best to hype this band so please check them out!

The Ultimate Florida Death Metal Mix

We here at Metal Inquisition are of the opinion that most of the greatest music ever created came out of Morrisounds Studios during the early 90s. Thanks in large part to the legendary production and engineering of Scott Burns those early Florida Death Metal bands helped to shape and define what the genre would become.

I love all kinds of death metal, but if I had to pick just one to listen to for the rest of my life it would be Florida Death Metal. And if I could only listen to one song from each of my favorite Florida Death Metal bands for the rest of my life I would come up with Metal Inquisition's Ultimate Florida Death Metal Mix. If you're a fan of Florida Death Metal, then you will love this. If you don't know anything about Florida Death Metal, then prepare to be schooled.

Of course, if this was 1993 I'd put this mix together on my shitty shelf system by dubbing a cassette, but thanks to the wonders of modern technology I can now download whole albums, then splice the tracks I want into a mix which I can then upload to a file hosting site for the enjoyment of all our readers. Tracklist and download links follow...

Metal Inquisition's Ultimate Florida Death Metal Mix:

1. Solstice - Transmogrified

2. Morbid Angel - Chapel of Ghouls
3. Nocturnus - Destroying the Manger
4. Deicide - Satan Spawn, the Caco-Daemon
5. Death - Lack of Comprehension
6. Obituary - Chopped In Half
7. Atheist- And the Psychic Saw
8. Cynic - Uroboric Forms
9. Hellwitch - Viral Exogence
10. Brutality - Ceremonial Unearthing
11. Massacre - Cryptic Realms
12. Resurrection - Rage Within
13. Monstrosity - Imperial Doom
14. Malevolent Creation - Iced

Download Links:
Mediafire
Megaupload

DISENGORGMENTIFICATION: The Metal Inquisition all-star band

Cover and lyrics (click for full size)

Back in 2003, Lucho Metales and I recorded a few dozen songs at Morrizound Studios. He played drums, I played guitar, and we both did vokills. All of the songs are first takes and written at the same time as we recorded them. Many of the riffs are stolen- the only one I remember is "Firestorm" by Earth Crisis, but I'm sure there are others in there too. In retrospect, some of the song titles and lyrics are still pretty funny, some of them are stupid and not funny.

More lyrics (click for full size)

When you hear the name "Disengorgmentification," your first reaction is to think that we are just a generic death metal band. But that is why we hate labels. Disengorgmentification incorporates a wide variety of influences, specifically Afro-cuban polyrythms, zydeco and fusion, to create a heady pastiche of sonic brutality that maims your eardums at Mach 9 (I stole that part from the sticker on the front of the Unseen Terror LP). Just as Mordred has their roots in thrash, but is much more than a simple thrash band, Disengorgementification is much more than a simple grindcore band.

WELCOME TO THE HELL

Unfortunately for us, it is 2008, and the market for noisecore isn't what it used to be. I am confident that had we released this in 1993, it would have been huge. And by huge, I mean that we would have been flooded with offers from cassette-only labels in Turkmenistan and Ecuador. If we played our cards right, perhaps we could have done a split with Agathocles, Psycho, or perhaps even appeared on a compilation with Paterini and Ulcerous Phlegm. In any case, there is no use in crying over spilled milk. All we can do is share the fruits of our labor with you and hope for the best.

For bonus points, see if you can identify where the samples come from. I am pretty certain we spent much more time finding those than we did actually "writing" or recording the songs.

Download the demo here (Rapidshare)
Click here to see a picture of a naked old lady in a witch costume (NSFW)

Gene Hoglan's Ballbag of Cassettes

A few weeks back fellow Metal Inquisition staffer SkullKrusher posted some gems from his vinyl collection. I, of course, also have a respectable collection of metal vinyl, but instead I thought I'd share with you something else very special--my metal cassette collection.

Yes, I know that vinyl is much cooler, but I'm a child of the 80s; the audio cassette provided the soundtrack to much of my life. I still remember buying my first cassette in 5th grade (Ugly Kid Joe's As Ugly As They Wanna Be EP) and making my dad drive me to the Wiz so I could buy Metallica's black album (not worth the gas it cost). I spent countless hours of my teen years making shitty mix tapes from CDs and stuff I taped off of WSOU (back when they still played real metal). And really, when it comes to reproducing the muddy, lifeless production of Scott Burns what better choice is there than a hissing, mangled cassette?

And now, without further ado, I present to you six gems from my metal cassette collection:



Still to this day, Demilich's Nespithe remains one of the most twisted and original death metal albums of all time. Featuring the sickest guttural vocals ever recorded and bizarre, nonsensical song titles like "The Sixteenth Six-Tooth Son of Fourteen Four-Regional Dimensions (Still Unnamed)" these guys put Finland on the map when everyone was busy jerking off to Swedish death metal. I bought this cassette from drummer extraordinaire Dave Witte a few year ago when he was selling off his cassette collection (What an idiot!).

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One of the few black metal bands that does not blow. These guys are like the Cynic of black metal. Not nearly as technical, but you can hear a lot of jazz and progressive influences. And instead of robot vocals you get weirdo goth vocals that sound like a cross between Leonard Cohen and Peter Murphy. A lot of the songs on this demo were re-recorded for their full length, which is awesome, but this remains my favorite stuff they've ever done because of the rawer production. I got this tape from Double Decker Records in Allentown, PA back when I was in college. They bought some dude's metal collection and it was the sickest I've ever seen. Just about every great metal record released in the 80s in either mint edition or still sealed as well as tons of early 90s black metal that must now be worth a small fortune (I still regret not having bought more, but I was a poor college student), and a bunch of tapes and t-shirts (I bought a size XL Dark Angel "LA Caffeine Machine" t-shit that was so big it came down to my knees).

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I have no idea why I bought this tape. I can get into De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, but this fucking sucks. It's a live bootleg and it sounds like shit. I've only ever listened to it once and I couldn't even get through the first song. Is this at least worth anything?

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Here's a fun game to play with friends when you're doing laps around the Newark airport waiting for someone's flight to arrive: put the Grindcrusher comp in your tape deck and see if you can name all the bands without looking at the case. Sure some of them are easy, but I dare most of you retards to tell the difference between Intense Degree and Sore Throat. When I played this game with Lucho Metales he couldn't even guess Repulsion (POSER)!

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Gorguts's early material doesn't get nearly as much love as it deserves. As far as brutal mid-tempo 90s death metal goes, it doesn't get any better than this. Plus, it's one of the few albums Scott Burns ever produced that doesn't sound like complete shit. Blue Grape, they just don't make merch like you used to.

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When I'm cruising over the Pulaski Skyway in my Mercury Cougar there's nothing better than singing along to this, my favorite Iron Maiden album, blasting out of my tape deck. When I saw them last month and they played "Moonchild" and "The Clairvoyant" during the encore I was so excited that I was momentarily able to forgot about Janick Gers prancing around onstage like a girl twirling his guitar.