Prong: Not as good as I remembered

I was a big Prong fan back in the day. I loved their massive riffs, tight drumming, and clever song titles. Problem is, I lost all their records years ago, but thanks to the wonders of Rapidshit, I downloaded all of them the other day in an hour or two. With baited breath, clammy palms, and legs all atremble, I cued them up one after the other. "Wow," I thought, "this band is kind of shitty. What a bummer." Here are my thoughts in more detail:

Primitive Origins & Force Fed
I never liked early Prong. While popular with the "I only like the demo" crowd, these two records are pretty boring crossover/thrash. Nothing to see here, move along.
1/5 bloody axes


Beg To Differ
This is where things get interesting in that it's where Prong broke away from the crossover formula and started to do their own thing. The problem is that their only thing wasn't very good. I remembered this record as being full of super awesome, brutal thrash riffs, pounding drums, and dynamic, syncopated rhythms... but playing it again, it's pretty much limp, dull songs that just go on and on and on. There are some interesting moments where they kind of do an industrial Voivod sort of thing ("Lost And Found"), and there are definitely some crucial riffs here and there (chorus of "Beg To Differ"). Overall, though, it's just not worth wading through the boring parts to get at the good stuff. "Reign In Blood" suffers from the same problem. As someone noted in the comments, it's "Angel of Death," a bunch of filler, then "Raining Blood." But those two songs are so fucking awesome it kind of makes the filler worth it, unlike "Beg To Differ." It does have a sweet cover, though.
2/5 bloody axes


Prove You Wrong
Problem #1: using a gay photograph for the cover instead of Pushead artwork. Never a good sign. There isn't a whole lot to say about this album other than that it's more of the same. Long, fairly dull songs with a few good parts here and there. I think I saw them around this time with Pantera and Trouble, they were pretty much at the height of their popularity as I recall. You could definitely buy a XL Prong hockey jersey from the Blue Grape ads in the back of Metal Maniacs and Thrasher for $65. I am not sure how many they actually sold, but one can only hope (for the sake of humanity) that the answer is zero.
2/5 bloody axes


Cleansing
This is where Prong started to be really, really awful. First of all, most of the songs on here are over 4:00 long. Maybe it's because I had been listening to bands like Capitalist Casualties and No Comment for a few years at this point, but four minutes seems like a goddamn eternity to me. One of the songs is 6:11! Excessively long songs are one of the surest signs that a band has fallen in love with itself and has completely jumped the shark, and this is no exception. The other, far more cringeworthy thing about Cleansing is that it has some "witty" song titles that are the definition of facepalm-inducing: "Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck" and "Whose Fist Is This Anyway?" The first one is just stupid, and you can imagine it as the soundtrack for countless UFC highlight reels until the end of time. It doesn't really make any sense, it's just generally stupid and aggressive like the a-holes with undercuts and Doc Martins that were everywhere at commercial metal shows in the 90s. The second is just as meaningless but orders of magnitude dumber because it is a reference to the incredibly annoying improv show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" that my friend's gay brother used to watch all the time in 7th grade. I am aware that Tommy Victor isn't really Mensa material, but this song is one part douchey and 1 millions parts retarded in a way that I hadn't previously been able to conceive of (kind of like Crazytown only without being awesome). I can just imagine him sitting in his Lower East Side flophouse in 1992, watching Comedy Central and being like "Dude, 'Whose Fist Is This Anyway?'! That shit is fucking badass, dude- the guys are going to flip out when I drop this shit on them at practice tomorrow. I better bring a VHS of the show, though, just in case they don't have cable. Plus that fat guy with glasses had some clever lines in this episode that I think they'll really enjoy... Where does he come up with all this material?!" I can't go on anymore, this is making my blood boil.

0/5 bloody axes

Rude Awakening
OK, so they definitely got a little better on this record. There are several good choruses and hooks, although much of this album was crappy groove metal, as was the fashion at the time. That said, it does have their best song on it, "Proud Division," which is a legitimately sweet piece of pure power groove that would make Phil Anselmo himself weak in the knees. It even has the kind of vaguely racist lyrics that bands like Pantera and Carnivore pioneered (OK, Carnivore's lyrics were pretty much explicitly racist... but nobody knew if it was sincere or just to piss people off). Other than that, there are many, many unfortunate and awful moments on this record, especially when he either whispers or raps the lyrics. Look, I get it: you're from New York, you're down with "urban culture." You don't have to prove it by rapping over your tired thrash riffs. Seriously, I believe you. Please put down the guitar.
3/5 bloody axes (just for "Proud Division")


Rise of The Scorpio
So Prong broke up for a long time, Tommy Victor played guitar in Danzig and wore mesh half-shirts on stage. Then they got back together in 2003 and recorded a new album. You think I listened to this?? Are you crazy? Just look at the horrible cover, it looks like something out of a community college graphic design course. Apparently they have an even newer record, but I didn't want to waste electrons Googling for information about it.
-1 zillion / 5 bloody axes

What is the wackest subgenre of metal?

If you listen to Dream Theater, you are this guy.

Prog
Let's start with an easy target. Why is it that technically skilled musicians choose to play such awful music? (I'm looking at you, Dave Weckl) Look, I like Cynic, Atheist and Watchtower as much as the next guy, but I have to call it like I see it. Metal is full of socially awkward weirdos that exist in their own, bizarre world and have no idea how to interact with human beings, but prog fans are misfits even among this motley crew of losers. It is very impressive that you can play Mekong Delta's entire catalog on your Chapman Stick, but it would be even more impressive if you had the courage to throw yourself on a sword and salvage what little is left of your dignity.

Coming soon to Hydra Head

Stoner Rock
There are two kinds of people who listen to stoner rock: Beardos and old guys with jean vests. Both suck. It is the heavy metal equivalent of rockabilly or ska: a kitschy costume party that couldn't possibly be more contrived and phony. To the beardos, I say that your ironic bandana is about as cool as a pompadore and those dumb rolled-up jeans, and you're certainly not fooling anyone. For the old dudes, I simply ask that you please shut up. Who will help me drive a stake through the black heart of this wretched genre?

This man is the brains behind Explosive Dickhole

One-man MySpace drum machine grindcore
Noisecore is one thing, but one-man MySpace drum machine grindcore (OMMSDMGC) is another. Much as computers ruined graphic design by unleashing desktop publishing on the world, technology also destroyed music by making music-creation tools so cheap that any asshole with fetal alcohol syndrome and a Putrid Pile shirt can and does make a OMMSDMGC project. You know that a band is absolutely fucking terrible if they make you long for the rigorous quality control practices of 7 Minutes of Nausea or the Meatshits.

Wigger slam
Obviously this is not the answer. I only put it in here to see if you were paying attention!

Pantera cover band or brutal death metal? You be the judge.

Brutal death metal
Let's be honest, this shit fucking sucks! If I ever hear another tremolo riff again, it will be too soon, to say nothing of the endless, repetitive blast beats that fill the Unique Leader catalog. Seriously, could there be anything more dull than Deeds of Flesh, Hate Eternal or Vital Remains? Now that I think about it, Vital Remains might be the most boring band in the history of music. And I would rather chop off my asshole with a machete than listen to Krisiun for even a single second. Someone, please invent a device that will incinerate the legions of BDM douchelords with shaved heads, goatees, and Immolation shirts.

What's your take?
I covered a few obvious targets but I am sure there are many that I missed. What is your take? What is the wackest subgenre of metal in your book?

Retroview: Confessor - Condemned

"You've never heard anything like this!" is, for the most part, an overused and meaningless phrase, that is unless you happen to be talking about Confessor. Their debut album, Condemned, is one of the most uniquely bizarre metal records I've ever heard. A brilliant mix of seemingly incongruous elements Confessor's deranged sound is truly unforgettable. Imagine a vocalist that sounds like a woman screaming for her life, doom riffs so heavy and crunchy they'd make Candlemass green with envy, and serpentine drumming so complex and off-kilter it'd make Tomas Haake's head spin. Released back in 1991 on Earache Records, it's easy to see how Condemned flew over everyone's heads and was relegated to obscurity while poseurs everywhere were busy listening to Necroticism and Blessed Are the Sick. Musically, these guys did not fit in at all with the death metal scene that was just coming to prominence. They were operating on a completely different level, orbiting somewhere in outer space. This record was so ahead of its time I still don't think we've caught up.

And how about the brutal cover art? Beautifully rendered in colored pencil against a stark background, a presumably nude male writhes bound, gagged, and blind-folded as he's shot in the back of the head. It's a masterpiece.

Confessor broke while trying to record the follow-up to Condemned around 1993, but reformed in 2002 to play a benefit for their recently deceased guitarist Ivan Colon (R.I.P.). They finally released their sophomore album, Unraveled, in 2005. It sounds like Alice in Chains and highly recommend everyone check it out. Now for some killer videos...




This first video is one of the most awesome things I've ever seen. It features a young Confessor performing at a water park that no longer exists called Fame City in Houston, Texas back in 1988. The quality is incredible. When the camera pulls back to reveal that they're playing on a gigantic poolside stage with people sunbathing just a few feet away... fucking surreal. I'm a big fan of singer Scott Jeffreys' neon green short shorts.




This is the music video for the song "Condemned." Pretty standard concert footage with some stupid artsy effects, but this song rules and you get more of Scott Jeffereys' wild head banging and plenty of shots of Steve Shelton murdering his drums.




Last, but certainly not least is a special bonus video for all your drum nerds out there (I'm looking at you, Lucho Metales). In this video Steve Shelton takes your ass to school. He shows you how to play the intro to Condemned and talks about how much he loves choppy, awkward rhythms. Watch in awe as he puts 99.9% of all metal drummers to shame.

DISENGORGMENTIFICATION: The Metal Inquisition all-star band

Cover and lyrics (click for full size)

Back in 2003, Lucho Metales and I recorded a few dozen songs at Morrizound Studios. He played drums, I played guitar, and we both did vokills. All of the songs are first takes and written at the same time as we recorded them. Many of the riffs are stolen- the only one I remember is "Firestorm" by Earth Crisis, but I'm sure there are others in there too. In retrospect, some of the song titles and lyrics are still pretty funny, some of them are stupid and not funny.

More lyrics (click for full size)

When you hear the name "Disengorgmentification," your first reaction is to think that we are just a generic death metal band. But that is why we hate labels. Disengorgmentification incorporates a wide variety of influences, specifically Afro-cuban polyrythms, zydeco and fusion, to create a heady pastiche of sonic brutality that maims your eardums at Mach 9 (I stole that part from the sticker on the front of the Unseen Terror LP). Just as Mordred has their roots in thrash, but is much more than a simple thrash band, Disengorgementification is much more than a simple grindcore band.

WELCOME TO THE HELL

Unfortunately for us, it is 2008, and the market for noisecore isn't what it used to be. I am confident that had we released this in 1993, it would have been huge. And by huge, I mean that we would have been flooded with offers from cassette-only labels in Turkmenistan and Ecuador. If we played our cards right, perhaps we could have done a split with Agathocles, Psycho, or perhaps even appeared on a compilation with Paterini and Ulcerous Phlegm. In any case, there is no use in crying over spilled milk. All we can do is share the fruits of our labor with you and hope for the best.

For bonus points, see if you can identify where the samples come from. I am pretty certain we spent much more time finding those than we did actually "writing" or recording the songs.

Download the demo here (Rapidshare)
Click here to see a picture of a naked old lady in a witch costume (NSFW)

While we're on the subject: Madonna Covers Pantera

Madonna playing Pantera's "New Level" live? Oh yes. Not only is there video of it, but different internet accounts back it up. Perhaps this is due to Monte Pittman, who played with Prong, now playing in Madonna's band. What's next? Sweet scalp tattoos? The Anselmo undercut? A black metal project? Sideburns? Having your guitar player shot? Who knows. Watch and enjoy.

Retroview: Pantera discography

Pantera is, without a doubt, one of the finest bands ever to set foot on planet Earth. I can't speak for other parts of the galaxy, maybe one of the guys from Nocturnus can shed some light on that, but I do know that if you want to experience POWER GROOVE here on the third rock from the sun, you must jam some fucking Pantera.

Dimebag RIP
First, let me address the tragic death of Dimebag Darrel. As you will see from the rest of this post, I am a huge Pantera fan, but I have to be real on this one. Damageplan fucking sucked and you can totally see why someone felt like Dime deserved to be shot for defecating on the corpse of Pantera by starting that band. I mean I can totally imagine myself saying "He should be shot!!"

The glam years: Not on the exam

The beginning: The glam years
Many internet metal nerds would probably spend a lot of time making fun of Pantera's early records which as most of you surely know are unbelievably gay. I am not going to do that because their other records are so fucking sweet and I would rather focus on them. Enough said on that subject.

Fuck yeah dude, look at how much of a badass Phil is. He's all, "You talkin' to me?!" And Rex is all, "Yeah, that's right, what are you gonna do about it?"

Cowboys From Hell (1990)
There are certainly a fair amount of people who think this is the best Pantera album, but I think they are "I only like the demo" types who try too hard to be different. It is definitely totally fucking awesome but it also has some real stinkers like "Cemetary Gates" that keep it from rising to the top. Oh and "Psycho Holiday," ugh, what a fucking turd. That said, the mosh parts in "Primal Concrete Sledge" and "Domination" are ungodly brutal and most definitely the prototype for countless awesome 90s mosh bands like Earth Crisis and Abnegation (for better or worse). Also, the title track might be the best song ever written, I'm not sure. It's either that or "Wake Me Up" by Wham! A lot of people seem to think this record was a big Exhorder rip off, which I guess it sort of is, but the songwriting is so much better that it's not an issue as far as I'm concerned.

The less extreme version of Phil's undercut, popular on females at the time. I'm still not sure what the benefit of shaving the upper neck is.

Vulgar Display of Power (1992)
Now this is where things get REALLY good!! This is when Pantera created a NEW GENERATION OF POWER GROOVE! Also, Phil had one of those haircuts where it's long on top but shaved all around the sides. If you saw Prong, White Zombie, or Tool in the early 90s, you saw lots of these haircuts. Anyhow, from beginning to end, this record fucking shreds. Well, except for "This Love" which was a total puss move. "Hollow" was also gay, slow, and far too long, but the mosh riff at the end is super brutal so it makes up for the rest of the song. But "Mouth For War," "Rise," and "Live In A Hole" are fucking classics. Lots of lame football types liked "Walk," which is a good song and I like it too, but they kind of ruined it for me. But overall, this must be considered their finest release and the definitive Pantera album.

Apparently there is a car called the Pantera. I don't really know anything about that, but this looks like a sweet place to get high and listen to Pantera (probably somewhere in Snohomish County, Washington)

Far Beyond Driven (1994)
When this album came out, I wasn't really ready for it. I think this is where Phil started to come unglued so there are lots of weird, longer songs on here that are obviously the product of an insane junkie. They drag the average down, but this one also has some of Pantera's finest songs such as "I'm Broken," "Shattered," and of course "Strength Beyond Strength" which is definitely one of the very most underrated Pantera tracks. Overall, this album is kind of a mixed bag: Half face-ripping awesomeness, half weird crap that makes you race for the fast-forward button on your AM/FM cassette Walkman. Lots of people I went to high school with would listen to this album while sitting on a rock in the woods and smoking pot and wearing a Starter jacket. In retrospect, I should have joined them instead of writing zines in my parents' basement.

I wonder what the 8 year olds that manufacture these in Bangladesh think they are? They're probably too busy getting flogged by the Blue Grape plant manager to think about it.

The Great Southern Trendkill (1996)
This is another hit and miss record. It has some of their very best songs like "The Underground In America," "Floods," "Suicide Note Pt 2" and "Sandblasted Skin," but some seriously shitty shit that just goes on forever and sounds like the dull ramblings of a self-centered junkie. Which I guess it is. Why is it that drunks and junkies always think that they are so interesting? They just go on and on about whatever trivial bullshit is in their brain, writing what seems to be an endless stream of books, songs, and movies about it. Someone should tell them how gay it is (although I did like the last VOD album a lot). It's certainly not interesting, novel, shocking or noteworthy in any other way. It just reminds me of my parents.

By the way, I was recently watching the Cowboys From Hell VHS, and was startled at how unintimidating Phil was. At the time it seemed like he was such a bad looking dude, but looking at him now he just looks like some surly, white-trash guy that you would see at 7-11 stocking up on Mountain Dew before he goes off to his roofing job. His physique is definitely not impressive at all, which isn't how I remembered it.

Phil's "Look how trve I am" phase was cringeworthy

Reinventing the Steel (2000)
This is sad. With a band as great as Pantera, you would hope that they could go out on a high note, but it didn't work out that way. I tried so hard to like this album, but it's just not that good. They probably phoned this one in, and it shows. Basically it feels like the blueprint for Hell Yeah to me: flimsy, hackneyed riffs and NO POWER GROOVE whatsoever. Disappointing, but what can you do? Just put Vulgar Display in the tape player instead of this.

Merauder: Who gave these Ricans those rock guitars?

Body Count wasn't the only band smashing genre boundaries back in the 90s. Merauder, Dmize, Bulldoze, and Darkside NYC managed to combine the brainless aggression of metal and the terrifying disregard for human life of gangster rap into a delicious blend that we called hardcore. It was a little bit like my favorite Body Count song, except they were Puerto Ricans:

Here come them fuckin niggas
With their fancy cars.
Who gave them fuckin niggas
Those rock guitars?
Who let em in the club?
Did you make em pay?
Who let em on the stage?
Whose lettin em play?
Dont they know rocks just for whites
Dont they know the rules?
Those niggas are too hard core
This shit aint cool.
Those blacks want everything in the fuckin world.
That nigga plays so good,
He took my muthafuckin girl.
There goes the neighborhood
There, there, there, there goes the neighborhood.

Usually we just make fun of stuff on this blog, but in this case I'm not going to. First of all because I'm scared some DMS dude will reach out of my computer screen and hit me in the face with an eightball in a sock if I do. Second, because Merauder fucking rule and I still listen to this record all the time. It takes me back to the bad old days of the 90s when Lucho Metales and I did silly things like listen to Snapcase and 108.

That said... the video is pretty fucking funny. Watch for yourself. And when you're done, watch this infamous Agnostic Front clip.

Metal Inquisition Roundtable #1: Who riffs harder: Prong or Pantera?

Sergeant D: This is a tough one for me. When it comes to vaguely racist 90s thrash with hardcore elements, both bands are at the top of the heap, so it's hard to pick one over the other. Both bands have songs with memorable, yet retarded choruses that their fans loved to chant: "Snap your fingers, snap your neck" and "Fucking hostile." And of course, both bands had plenty of merchandise available through Blue Grape, including hockey jerseys, ashtrays, and "jams." So there's a lot of common ground.

But at the end of the day, you have to go with Pantera. Like Phil said in the Cowboys From Hell home video, they're truly a new generation of power groove. Unlike their peers that were just another forgettable track on a Concrete Corner cassette sampler, Pantera's songs have the kind of staying power that few bands ever create.

Lucho Metales: Look, I'm not one to shy away from controversy. I believe "South Of Heaven" is the best Slayer album. I think "Harmony Corruption" is the best Napalm Death album (if I hear ANYONE give me hell about how it's not a grindcore album, but a death metal album....heads will roll)... perhaps the most controversial opinion I hold is that Sanctuary were a derivative band that relied too heavily on their image, and that Dave Mustaine producing their album did little for its quality.

Having said all this I can now tell you that I feel that when it comes to straight up riffage, Prong were the kings. Yes, I know that Pantera were heavier, I also understand that Diamond Darrell's (I refuse to call him "Dimebag") guitar tone was masterful, but let's not get lost in the minutia of production values and gear. Both bands had equally bad, paper thin rhythm sections (Vinnie Paul's drumming in Cowboys From Hell is only slightly more advanced than that of Meg White) so the riffing really came through in both bands, but Prong always came out ahead. Their riffs were far more memorable, and anchored songs in a stronger manner. True, I have to try really hard to put aside the memory of seeing Tommy Victor when he was playing for Danzig, and I saw him after the show wearing leather pants and a clear plastic shirt. No joke. But hey, both bands made questionable fashion choices at times.



Still, how shocked were you when you bought Prong's "Beg To Differ" and suddenly realized that all the riffs for the Headbanger's Ball bumpers were by Prong? Riki Rachtman picked those riffs himself (as he stated in an interview with Prong circa 1994). If anyone can pick riffage, its Riki. Dude went skydiving with Dave Mustaine, so you know he's a man's man.

Gene Hoglan's Balls: Sergeant D and I first debated this fundamental question while looking at fat chicks in tight clothes at the Willowbrook Mall several years ago. So fierce was the debate that it raged on as we drove back to his apartment in Montclair and on into the wee hours of the morning. Even after hours of debate we couldn’t come up with a single definitive answer, but if I remember correctly I ended up siding with Dimebag and Sergeant D sided with Tommy Victor. Years later the debate rages on and for me at least, the answer is still not a clear cut one.

I don’t care much for early Prong. Their sloppy attempt at crossover just doesn’t speak to me the same way their mid 90s industrial metal does. The same can be said for Pantera. Their early, power metal albums are a joke compared to the razor sharp, muscular groove of albums like “Cowboys From Hell” and “Vulgar Display of Power.” When you put a song like “Rude Awakening” up against a song like “Primal Concrete Sledge” it’s almost impossible to pick one band over the other. You’ve got to two HUGE jackhammer riffs dripping with groove, and that’s only one example, but there are countless others. How do you pick just one?

In order to settle this debate there’s an important distinction that I think needs to be made between heaviness and hardness. As far as heaviness goes, Pantera is the clear winner, but in terms of hardness, Prong comes out on top. Dimebag’s riffs are heavier, but Tommy Victor’s are harder. Get it? Okay. With that distinction in mind I’m left with no other choice than to declare Prong the winner in the “Who Riffs Harder?” debate!

Awakening: This is an easy one for me. Pantera. Thanks in part to never really hearing Prong until later in my life, when I ventured into my beloved Jerry’s Records in Pittsburgh and bought Beg to Differ used. What a turd. Maybe I was too stoked on getting the first three slayer albums used on vinyl on the same trip.

Pantera also provides for two of my favorite events in life.

Event number one is when this dude I grew up with saw Pantera and had Phil sign the side of his head. Said dude then went and had Phil’s signature tattooed to his fucking head. HIS HEAD! Later he covered it up with a sweet tribal. Now, I think he is dead. I can’t remember.

Event number two is that one night at this bar I somehow managed to convince everyone that I would be the "plus one" for free Pantera tickets that the bar was giving away. Sure enough, a friend won them and took me. We arrived, found $200 dollars in the walk up to the venue and then proceeded to have our balls blown off by the images of a pot leaf projected all over the roof. It was awesome.

Hey remember when Phil went black metal?

Hands down, Pantera.

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Verdict:
Prong: 2
Pantera: 2