Friday, June 5, 2009

How can Metal Inquisition use its fans to become a more successful operation?

Ruth Scanlon, Director Of Marketing at Metal Inquisition, presents her findings based on last Monday's input from readers.




After collecting all the data about our reader's through Monday's post, we quickly turned that information over to our marketing and operations departments. It was the marketing department, after all, that had asked us to gather this data to begin with. Armed with information about our readership, the marketing department put an 89 page report (a horrible Powrpoint slidewhow actually) which is supposed to make our future posts better suited to our readership. The information you gave us will also allow us to launch a more successful ad campaign down the line, and will inform future marketing decisions. First on the agenda, for example, is the great Metal Inquisition Yo-Yo giveaway of 2009. Stay tuned for all the details.

In order not to bore you to death with the details of the lengthy Powrpoint slidewhow, I will merely give you some bullet points. As you'll see, the main recommendations I'll share with you are about using our readers for our purposes, in order to make our operation run more efficiently. I think we will all benefit as a result.





Everytime I see a picture of this guy from the band Disturbed, my blood boils with anger.


Some of our readers are younger than we thought, as such we will make less references to Nocturnus, Voivod, Tankard, Sarcofago, Mortal Sin, Napalm Death and Brutal Truth in the future. All Nocturnus time machine references will be changed to comments about Slipknot, Distrubed and Lamb Of God. The really bad news for me is that I may actually have to find out who Lamb Of God are, or what they sound like. Same with that band Distrubed*. Ughhh....damn you marketing department! Similarly, we will now hold Tommy Victor in high regard due to his amazing fashion sense, and his affinity for Affliction clothing.


*After writing this insanely funny part of the post, I realized that the bands I used as examples of music young people would listen to, peaked in popularity nearly 5 to 10 years ago, thus proving how out of it I am. It's like your grandfather saying "Are you into that crazy new rock music? Do you like Fleetwood Mac?"






Many of our readers are from countries outside the United States, this means that from now on all references that are overly western shall be changed. If any of us must make a reference to any sport, it will be cricket (which the marketing department found to be a " location neutral" sport). We will also start spelling words like "color" as "colour".

This reminds me, I fully expect that those of you who have good jobs, and don't live like slobs (I'm looking at all of you 20 year old unemployed readers) will host me next time I travel outside of the United States. By my calculations, I should be able to stay for free in nice accommodations with people who are lawyers, scientists, web developers and teachers in pretty much every continent. Singapore, South Africa, Finland, Norway, Australia, Portugal... these all sound like great distinations to me. As far as our reader who lives in Toledo Ohio..I'm not at all interested in visiting your city, so don't leave the light on for me. What will you show me once I'm there? The newest wing that was recently added to Franklin Park Mall? Tony Packos? Will you take me to a Mudhens game? I'll pass. Similarly, I'll pass on going to Poland. You know a country is in bad shape when its greatest tourist attraction is a damn concentration camp. Look, I've been there, and my only fond memory of the trip would have to be when I saw a drunken man unknowingly walk through another drunken man's stream of urine.






Preliminary renderings of the new MI headquarters in Geneva.


We have at least one architect as a reader, which will come in handy when we finally decide to build our new world headquarters in Geneva. Maria, I'm talking to you, sharpen up those skills, and start thinking about some possible schemes. To any other architects who are reading this, I have to warn you, we are unbelievably good at writing about metal (duh), but we are terrible clients and can never make up our minds. Consider the ongoing arguments that MI staffers have been having about Voivod being good or not. After nearly 10 years we have yet to come to a unified conclusion. As such, I will make an executive decision right now and tell you what we're looking for: Something ala Richard Meier, but ideally not inspired by his work at the Getty center, which I find to be lacking in cohesive narrative. Much like Slayer could do no wrong...until they did wrong, Meier too had his fall. Since you live in Barcelona, I should tell you that I was not impressed with MACBA. Start sketching, I would like to see four alternative direction by next Monday.







We have a few lawyers as a readers, Lou C Fer being just one of them. He practices law in Spain. By the way, why do they call it "practicing" law? If you have a degree, I hope you are done practicing, and you know how to do things right. I know, I know, that last insightful bit about "practicing law" made me sound out of it, and a bit like Andy Rooney.

Damn, the marketing department just informed me that an Andy Rooney reference is too Ameri-centric for our international readers. I'll go back and fix it before I publish this.

Anyway, Lou (if I may call you Lou) we will need your help in the next few months, since you practice in Spain. Like my post about Manowar and the houses they live in, we are currently working on a devastating piece about Baron Rojo (see photo above), their homes and their preferred methods for hair loss prevention. The piece will surely anger the band, and will have endless legal ramifications, so we'd like to keep you on retainer.







For future posts that may include the topic of sports, our marketing department has instructed us to bring in the one professional athlete within our readership, one Marizle Farizle, as a consultant. The first post for which we will need his help will be about John Jospeh, singer of the Cro-Mags, and his use of a full Saxo Bank kit in this video where he teaches us all how to work out like an urban warrior. Wait, scratch that, I just got a memo from the marketing folks...the post will be about cricket, and how great of a sport it is.






Due to overwhelming response from our readers about our recent Metal Inquisition Archives post, we are recruiting a few of our readers who are librarians, to properly care for these delicate materials. As part of your duties you will be caring for my personal collection of Beta tapes, which include all the Danzig homve videos, Ultimate Revenge 1 and 2, a few Metallica bootlegs, and hours of Headbager's Ball shows (circa 1990). Along with this collection, the vintage issues of Metal Hammer (circa 1987-1989) will have to be cataloged. Similarly we will need to have our guitar pic collection classified and organized, the same holds true for our collection of Wild Rag newsletters (our equivalent to a Gutenberg bible). We are unable to pay you for these duties, the economy being what it is, but hope that you'll take a Mythic 7" and a Flotsam and Jetsam signed 8"x10" as payment.





To represent "finances", we have been instructed by the marketing folks to use images of the British pound, since it does not have the cultural baggage that the American dollar does.


Due to Metal Inquisition's finances being in complete shambles, we are bringing in a reader to help us sort things out. CallPastorBob is an accounting clerk, and should be able to sort out our situation out very quickly. You see, we are extremely profitable as a company, but have been having some issues with expenses over the last few months. Sergeant D keep expensing things like his Chris Isaak tattoo, and $1800 worth of XS Energy drink from Amway, although he claimed this was "research", I'm a bit suspicious. Similarly, Mr Gene Hoglan's Balls has just expensed his eight copy of the Grindcrusher sampler cassette. With irresponsible employees like this, I ask you, how long we can stay profitable?






We couldn't help but notice that an unusually high percentage of you work in nursing homes. While we have no use for your skills here at MI (I mean, I may wear orthodics and feel like an old man, but I'm still in my prime), we would still like to work with you on a project that we are currently developing. You see, Sergeant D has had a little pet project going for some time (aside from his Amway colabo with Waking the Cadaver), and it's now time to kick it into high gear. I'm talking, of course, about his research into using Benediction's music as a sleeping aid for the elderly. Contact us, and we'll make sure to get you started on this most important project.






Latly, I should now let you all in on the fact that the last question we asked you (about going back in time and letting the bus run Lars over instead of Cliff) was not merely a question. Oh no. We were taking requests. As you know, here at Metal Inquisition we own the actual Nocturnus time machine. We bought it from Mike Browning recently, when he was in need for some quick cash in order to buy more Egyptian decor for his Florida home. Although we've owned the time machine for about four months now, Mike took a while to send us The Key that starts it up. Now that we have (word to the wise, never use FedEx when sending The Key to a time machine) we wanted to know what our maiden voyage should be. The concesus seems to be that running the tiny Danish man would make him into a martyir, which we certainly don't want to do. As such, we are now clueless as to what our first trip in time should be. Any suggestions?

91 comments:

  1. As I said before...kill kill kill Larz 'n' Krk!!!!

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  2. Let Ozzy kill Sharon. He would be so cool if he were jailed for it, like a new Manson.

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  3. Here is a bit of deep thinking. What if you already went back in time and killed kirk and saved lars and this is the consequence maybe it was fate for metallica to be really douchy

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  4. I think I have found a way to put that time machine of yours to good use.Blow Slayer up towards the end of the 'Seasons' tour. They had become a legend by then and rightfully so. We just wouldn't have had to see them sink so low, what with Kerry's mini guitars and all.

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  5. wait no you should go back in time and invest in amway so the waking the cadaver dude could potentially lead a cou'de'ta agianst the govermeant and make the totalitarien state

    "my first act as dictator is to make devourmeant's baby killer the national anthem and to kill all gay peoples cause day is bad and remember stay energised"

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  6. Horay im useful!

    I say screw Richard Meier you wanna base you new headquarters on the ice palace from at the heart of winter.

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  7. Baron Rojo! I am glad you know some Spanish dinosaur metal. Lucho, go ahead with the devastating article and don´t worry about the legal consequences. After they kicked their bass player (and song writer)they lost all their money in endless legal battles about copyrights , etc.(maybe one of the reasons for their hair loss, ahahaha).

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  8. Go back in time to 1984 and tell Bruce Dickinson to drop the last verse from Powerslave and just transition from the blistering solo's into a final chorus. The drop down into the last verse just sucks out everything the track has just built up.

    (Sorry, pet peeve I was reminded of after watching somewhere back in time!)

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  9. 'Distrubed' sounds like a pleasent christian rockabilly trio

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  10. I only have one simple request for the MI staffers: please, please interview Bobby Rock.


    Off topic, but does anyone remember the scene in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective where that black guy with a sweater tied around his waist is shimmying at a Cannibal Corpse concert? It's perhaps one of the most ill-fitting yet hilarious sequences in cinematic history. I cherish it as if it were my child.

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  11. Cheers mate. Nice post, innit ? do you fancy a fag ? haha..seriosuly, great post. Keep it metal !

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  12. few thoughts:

    going back and investing in Amway would be a great plan, we'd be rich. which reminds me, if MI started an Amway business, would any of you become our sales representatives? Just asking.

    Lou C Fer, I can't imagine the legal battles that Baron Rojo engaged in...talk about fighting over a whole lot of nothing. As far as dinosaur music from Spain, I also love the band ñu, the poor man's Jethro Tull.
    http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/8831/nugrupokp2.jpg
    Either that, or Hombres G.

    as far as the last verse of Powerslave, I now have to go back (in time) and listen to it. is it that bad?

    Alex, thank you for speaking in a British fashion, this will make other readers more at home, due to the cultural baggage that american english has. you know what i mean bro?

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  13. this whole post knocked my dick in the dirt. looking forward to a Baron Rojo "piece".

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  14. 1) Franklin Park Mall is now known as "Westfield Shopping Town at Franklin Park" or something, so this, in fact, would be something new and outrageous you obviously never conceived of in Toledo Ohio... eh, screw it, you're right, don't bother (Though, rest assured, I wouldn't dream of dragging anyone to a Mudhens game).

    2) I'm still in for a Yo-yo - but I draw the line at joining AmWay. Perhaps an MLM scheme involving Yo-Yos would have promise though.

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  15. Alternate Timeline Matt from Alternate Timeline JerseyJune 5, 2009 at 9:15 AM

    GuyS! List n I don have lot of time...

    dot use nocturn s tim machine to kill Lars...

    ... in my timeline Cliff... alive... worse... working at gas station... Hammett uncloseted... in Thailand with Marty Friedman...

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  16. that last response freaked me out. i'm now scared of the time machine!!!! oh my god.

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  17. Thank you for the vote of confidence Lucho! I'll do my best to try and provide the best accounting services I can during these most trying economic (and metallic) times.

    Taking a look at the information you've given me thus far I can safely say we'll be able to claim a 50% deduction on Sgt. D's energy drinks as "Business Meals & Entertainment" (acct. # 6820). Also, Gene Hoglan's Balls eight copies of the Grindcrusher cassette will likely be coded to acct. # 1710 for "Furniture, Fixtures & Equipment". This is due to the fact that I'm sure they're being used to make a lovely shelving unit much like the boxes of my bands unsold cds did at the G7 Welcome Committee offices.

    Oh, and please remember to code the "NO EAT COCKS!" yo-yo's to acct. 6210 "Advertising".

    Thanks!

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  18. WTF? I'm 18 and I know what Sarcofago/Napalm Death/Tankard means, I'm even know what Grim Reaper and Witchfinder General are. I have to say, I was a sad teenager =(
    Btw, Sarcofago is the reason why 90% of the people in MG state use corpse paint.

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  19. Jon wants to go and see GG Allin but I don't think thats a great idea, you'd get covered in shit.

    Go back and get more footage of glam Pantera to upset them with? Warn Kerry King of how he'd look in the future? Stop Joey Belladonna leaving Anthrax? Force Hirax to continue as a NWOBHM band? So many options. There's a bunch of guys I'd probably like to make time to have sex with too. Tho I guess that won't be on most of your lists...

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  20. *GuyS! List n I don have lot of time...

    dot use nocturn s tim machine to kill Lars...

    ... in my timeline Cliff... alive... worse... working at gas station... Hammett uncloseted... in Thailand with Marty Friedman...

    *

    That is first class stuff...my keyboard narrowly escaped the geyser of coffee spewing from my mouth.

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  21. I can be of help with finance stuff, but if you really need help from a cool person in my profession, I'd rather contact Wagner Lamounier, don't you think? Still, some piece of advice so you don't waste lots of money: be sure about what you want to do in the past before putting to work Mike's machine. That technology is from the late 80s, so I'm sure Mike didn't put too much effort in building an efficient machine. I'm sure that machine wastes more gas than a Hummer, and you know how GM is doing...

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  22. i think MI's new HQ building should match that boat-shaped skyscraper in Dubai but shaped like a giant yo-yo instead. make sure there's a giftshop at the lobby (run jointly by Miscellaneous Rodriguez)

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  23. i didn't leave my name before, but i'm the 28 year old social worker from milwaukee.

    i believe i may be of service for the trauma associated with sergeant's new music-related posts, for example brokencyde and winds of plague. like many of the older MI readers, such pieces left me scared and confused. my professional expertise can allow me to help readers (and staff) cope with the effects of this exposure. as mentioned, i too must work through this trauma. this can be compared to drug addicts and alcoholics getting into counseling to help other addicts/alcoholics.

    if interested, i do not require monetary compensation.

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  24. Misfits, can you help me learn more about valuation techniques for physical assets? i'm trying to wrap my head around real options, but it's terribly complex. good old NPV just doesn't cut it though!

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  25. jason, if you think that's bad... wait until you learn about Dot Dot Curve and Millionaires- coming soon to my new blog, stuffyouwillhate.com (seriously)

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  26. Well. Since I'm a full-time student soon to become an elementary teacher, my services to your company may be somewhat limited to my acquiring Honda automobile parts at dealer prices, and I highly doubt I will be any assistance since M.I. company vehicles will be Black T-Top camaros with green flames.

    Then again, I can put on some sweet vinyl for my 4th grade student on those obsolete bright blue record players found in most public elementary schools.


    To: Zachary

    About that black guy in the cannibal corpse part of ace ventura.Yesterday, Me and my friends yesterday had a conversation about said black guy because one of them told a guy at a grindcore show he knows(he's also black) that he looks like the sweater guy from the movie. Just find it random how I heard about that guy yesterday and today..

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  27. So you've no use for archaeologists? Pfft.

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  28. I am very much looking forward to that post about John Joseph's "NYC Urban Warfare Cro-Mag Training" (just read that out loud slowly and try not to giggle). That of course sounds 10x harder than "I ride around NYC on my bike and do chin-ups". I was fully expecting him to go Rocky IV on us and start chopping wood bare chested and to pull a sleigh through Tompkins Square park.

    When I first saw that video on Doublecross a few weeks ago I totally missed the Saxo bank outfit. So I have high hopes that you can dissect the socio-cultural implications of this pompous Urban warfare "piece" (video/book?) in much more detail than I ever could with my untrained eyes.

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  29. go back to 1980 and cook John Joseph a nice big steak

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  30. alex,
    considering we have a whole series called "metal archeology", i think it's safe to say that your future within the MI institution is well assured. no worries. pack your gear, we are leaving on a lengthy trip to southern california to unearth the remains of the Wild Rags record store in LA next month. we need you!!!

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  31. This week has been solid gold for MI

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  32. Of course I could have 4 sketches for next Monday, unfortunately, it takes weeks fullfilling all the damn papers (even in Switzerland) needed to begin the project. Meanwhile, however, the client could handle a list of their wishes and needs to start tracing a program.
    The best on macba is the decision of demolishing a whole "apple" to creat such a square, that's so metal, Voivod would agree.... though the best museum place in Barcelona is CaixaForum, just beside your beloved Barcelona Pavilion :)

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  33. I can't help but wonder whether John Joseph actually knows anything about Saxo Bank. They are indeed a sponsor of a cycling team. They are also a Danish bank, who are involved in ultra-liberalist politics. In 2003, they printed a run of 10.000 copies of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged", sending them to all members of the Danish cabinet and all mayors in Denmark, the heads of the 2.000 largest Danish companies (which probably means that every owner of and to customers.
    They are also the main sponsor of the Danish think-tank CEPOS...

    Which leaves me with these questions:
    Are the Hare Krishna really an ultra-libertarian cult?

    Where does Rush fit into this?

    And Harley Flanagan...he's not great friends with John Joseph, but he grow up in Aarhus, Denmark...there is a scheme to all this, and I hope the staff at Metal Inquisition will enlighten us on this scheme.

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  34. I forgot to my write the whole of my very clever joke in the paranthesis; I shan't spare you my wit. It should have said this:

    (which means that every kiosk owner should have a copy, which they can use to study the background of the concept to 2112)

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  35. maria,
    i do love the barcelona pavillion!

    i didn't know that about saxo bank...as far as the whole denmark thing...jesus, you just blew my mind. if we ever write about Harley, it will give us an excuse to use the "really short danish people" label some more. i saw some cro-mags reunion type thing years ago at cbgb's.. a tiny man in a black leather jacket and sweat pants kept running around loading gear in. sure enough, it was harley.

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  36. I really don't know how tall Sid Falck, the former drummer from Overkill is, but he's Danish too.

    One of the things about Danish (e.g. coming from a small, boring country with almost zero metalness whatsoever) is that we're actually quite proud of our metallic contributions, especially when Danish musicians play in bands who come from another - larger - country than Denmark.

    What I'm trying to say is that we're actually proud of Sid Falck's involvement with Overkill. And proud of Harley Flanagan (I think his father was Danish). Shit, we're even proud of Ole Beich who used to play with Guns'n'Roses.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ole_Beich

    THAT'S what it like to come from a small country.

    I would like to add, though, that we're not proud of Lars Ulrich.

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  37. Excellent, I'll get my trowel, and my Sony cassette walkman so we can date some of the artefacts 'on site'.

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  38. For gods sake, never mind metallica or any of this complex hirax business. Go back in time, and make sure Annihilator never, ever come to exist. By god if i hear 'Burns Like a Buzzaw Blade' again, i'll kill myself.
    Also, we should probably enquire what was going through Cancer's (admitadaly small) brain when they penned the subtle lyrics to 'Tasteless Incest'.

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  39. You can sleep on my fold out couch bed, drink my beer, smoke my weed and thumb through my magazines anytime any mi staff come through Oz.

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  40. HookerVonSkankyassJune 6, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    I put "Benediction Slumber Party" on the recreation calendar for tomorrow here at the nursing home (today's event is "Pornogrind Ice Cream Social"). I'll let you know how it goes!

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  41. Time machine suggestion: replace Randy Rhoads with Sharon in that pesky airplane!!!!!!!!!

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  42. how about going back in time and stopping old Phallus Anselmo from surviving that infamous heroine OD of '96 sparing us the pain of watching him turn into the brain damaged rambling annoyance that he is today?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qPePUeL114

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  43. philanselmoisadoucheJune 6, 2009 at 5:23 PM

    ^^I say stop him earlier still. how beautiful to think that Pantera just might never have existed!

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  44. i've typed this out before, but i'll do it again. Lonn friend, the idiotic ex editor of RIP magazine once told a story about being in a limo with King Diamond and Lars. The way he described the short limo ride was like this:

    "clearly King and Lars have been very close friends for a very long time, because during the whole ride they spoke to one another in some kind of secret language that they developed."


    yes, as you can imagine, this "secret language" was danish.

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  45. One can only imagine the surprise of Lonn Friend had Sid Falck been present in said limo.

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  46. The comments here have become just as fun to read as the MI pieces themselves. Alternate Timeline Matt is like a metal head John Titor.

    I love this place.

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  47. http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/2482/creepin.gif

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  48. i actually REALLY like some Baron Rojo, but NO SPANISH DINOSAUR BAND COMPARES TO Angeles Del Infierno.... "Maaaaalditooo, maaaaaldito sea to nombreeeeeeee!!!!" YEAH!!!

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  49. Someone once told me that Lonn Friend wasn't real and was merely a code name for ten thousand monkeys pounding on ten thousand keyboards 24/7/365. I remember the magazine and it's certainly a believable hypothesis. So Lonn actually exists? Wow. Mind blown.

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  50. So according to Lonn, Danish is a secret language that was created by Lars Ulrich and King Diamond and Helmet was a death metal band from Seattle. How did this douchetard get his own magazine? Did he toss Larry Flynt's salad or something?

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  51. Anyone interested in buying some original rare death/black metal demos?

    If so e-mail me at hesdeadlee69@gmail.com for a list! -LEE

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  52. these might be the best words ever written ANYWHERE on this blog:

    *GuyS! List n I don have lot of time...

    dot use nocturn s tim machine to kill Lars...

    ... in my timeline Cliff... alive... worse... working at gas station... Hammett uncloseted... in Thailand with Marty Friedman...

    ReplyDelete
  53. Guys, where's the update...I'm starting to worry that Donald's threats are maybe not as idle as they seemed...

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  54. Just got back from driving 30 miles on the highway stoned listening to Obituary's slowly we rot, and I came to the conclusion that....

    Sargeant D was right on about making each riff count. Now that the Wigger Slam people have been put in their place, maybe you can write another piece on riff salad.

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  55. Alright, I'm a young kid, but I urge you not to write posts about fags like Lamb Of God and Disturbed. I think the children who read this blog have learned enough about older fags like Nocturnus and Death Angel to appreciate your humor.

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  56. hey, gracias por la foto de baron rojo, nunca antes habia visto las caras de estos españoles! y no se porque ahora estoy contento por esto ;D

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  57. My buddy who knows the singer from beowulf personally just put cryptic slaughter and crumbsuckers on my ipod about a month ago, but my introduction to crossover was D.R.I.'s thrash zone. awesome album. The song about him sitting at a table writing the words with the tip of his pen was a bit overdramatic, but for some reason beneath the wheel is my girlfriend's and little brothers favorite d.r.i. song.

    Also I forgot to mention that from taht music my buddy put on my iPod, i heard dark angel for the first time the other day, as I was taking a dump in the bathroom at school before my math class.

    It's really funny how even though they were in the studio they tried their hardest to make the "DEATH!!" part sound like it was recorded live.

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  58. My buddy who knows the singer from beowulf personally just put cryptic slaughter and crumbsuckers on my ipod about a month ago, but my introduction to crossover was D.R.I.'s thrash zone. awesome album. The song about him sitting at a table writing the words with the tip of his pen was a bit overdramatic, but for some reason beneath the wheel is my girlfriend's and little brothers favorite d.r.i. song.

    Also I forgot to mention that from taht music my buddy put on my iPod, i heard dark angel for the first time the other day, as I was taking a dump in the bathroom at school before my math class.

    It's really funny how even though they were in the studio they tried their hardest to make the "DEATH!!" part sound like it was recorded live.

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  59. cant believe i just posted on the wrong post twice....

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  60. hmmm. nice post...good to know about...
    Thanks for sharing such info...

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  61. name is russell i will like us to share tips on how to identify a
    real
    spell caster cos alot of people have fallen victim of scam as i
    have come
    across lots of comments lately (i was a victim too) and from
    experience and
    what i know i decide to open this thread, only fake spell casters
    ask for
    the followings:
    COURIER CHARGES: no matter where you are in the world, no
    matter the
    distance and continent a real spell caster will cast a spell
    effectively
    without you seeing it or the spell caster getting it to you to use it
    so
    long as he has the names or pix..the spell will work itself..
    STRAIGHT: no excuses for failure, if money was needed in the
    first place
    for courier he should have say so, so one can know how
    prepared he is..i
    did rather pay $2000 at once to get my result rather than paying
    $200 for
    excuses to get more money..its not bad paying for items but the
    end result
    might be an excuse
    THREAT: if you get fed up of sending money after money, they
    begin to
    threaten one with death and madness..
    NIGERIA; about 80% of them are nigerians not saying they dont
    have real
    spell casters cos they are spiritually gifted in africa but the
    impersonation is too much, the fake are more than the real..
    i fell a victim of scam twice to a certain dr wodu and dr isaka
    they but
    ripped me to shred before i realised almost $3700 was gone until
    i came
    across dr igodo who told me how to know a fake spell caster, he
    helped me
    get my ex back without failure or excuse in 5 days..we are back
    and happy
    now for about a month..his e-mail is
    greatigodospelltemple@gmail.com..
    lets beware of scammers and share experience, suggestion and
    solutions..thanks

    ReplyDelete


  62. JOINING THE ILLUMINATI BRINGS YOU INTO THE LIMELIGHT OF THE WORLD IN WHICH YOU LIVE IN TODAY. YOUR FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES ARE BROUGHT TO AN END. WE SUPPORT YOU BOTH FINANCIALLY AND MATERIALLY,WE MAKE YOU FAME AND FAMOUS, TO ENSURE, YOU LIVE A COMFORTABLE LIFE. IT DOES NOT matter WHICH PART OF THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN.
    from THE UNITED STATES down TO THE MOST REMOTE PART OF THE EARTH, WE BRING YOU ALL YOU WANT.
    BEING AN ILLITERATE OR A LITERATE IS NOT A BARRIER TO BEING A MILLIONAIRE BETWEEN TODAY AND THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.
    YOU BEING IN THIS OUR OFFICIAL PAGE TODAY SIGNIFIES THAT IT WAS ORDERED AND ARRANGED BY THE GREAT LUCIFER THAT FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE THAT REAL AND INDEPENDENT HUMAN YOU HAVE ALWAYS WISHED YOU WERE.FOR YOUR ONLINE REGISTRATION
    VISIT:illuminatiboxpoint@gmail.com TODAY

    NOTE: AS A MEMEBER OF THE ILLUMINATI YOU WOULD BE IMMUNE TO ALL KINDS OF SICKNESS AND
    DISEASES LIKE CANCER AND HIV AND POWER WOULD BE YOURS . ( ILLUMINATIBOXPOINT@GMAIL.COM )

    ReplyDelete
  63. WELCOME TO THE GREAT ILLUMINATI WHERE YOU CAN FIND ALL KINDS OF HAPPINESS BLESSING JOY IN LIFE. Are you tired with the can of life you are living today do you want your life to be change totally, and for your to fulfill your dream then you have the opportunity to join now so that your life story we be change immediately are you poor and you want to become rich in life ,like other people or you want to be famous in life, are you a graduate looking for job. you have to join now. or a business man or woman or star who want to be fame and powerful you don’t have to waste any of your time, are you suffering in life, make up your mind and join the Illuminati kingdom to become a wealthy man or woman and also to become famous and powerful email us at illuminaticultmembership@gmail.com or call us
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    ReplyDelete

  64. Do you want to become a member of a great temple and be a star in the world, or you want to become very rich in life and nobody can stop you from it, or you want to become famous in life for people to know you much and give you that respect, if interested then become the Illuminati member and never be poor again cause we will give you all your wish you need from our temple as a member of the great Illuminati kingdom, contact us now via email at:illuminatihomecenter@gmail.com or call+2347065630841

    ReplyDelete

  65. Do you want to become a member of a great temple and be a star in the world, or you want to become very rich in life and nobody can stop you from it, or you want to become famous in life for people to know you much and give you that respect, if interested then become the Illuminati member and never be poor again cause we will give you all your wish you need from our temple as a member of the great Illuminati kingdom, contact us now via email at:illuminatihomecenter@gmail.com or call+2347065630841

    ReplyDelete
  66. 7 WARNING! WARNING!! WARNING!!! If you
    do not want to join the Illuminati do not
    read this message. Rules * You must be
    above 18 years of age. * You must have full
    access to the internet. * You must not
    discuss the secret of the Illuminati to
    anyone. * We are not interested in anyone
    who has obtained their knowledge about
    the Illuminati based on what they%u2019ve
    HEARD from Mass Media (News or
    Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists
    (Amateur or Professional Authors or
    Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other
    HERESY. * Once you join the Illuminati within
    one week of your membership you will
    achieved the greatest goal in life and also
    have wealth and fame. * No one discard the
    message of the GREAT ILLUMINATI if
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    both day and night. * Failure to compel to
    the order and rules of the GREAT ILLUMINATI
    shall see your fame and riches taken back. *
    The money ALWAYS flows TOWARDS
    Illuminati members...And AWAY from NON
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    Illuminati is "We don't talk about the
    Illuminati" so I can't say too much about it
    here. If you are truly interested email us
    with michaelosemoahu@gmail.com or +2347013136793

    ReplyDelete
  67. 7 WARNING! WARNING!! WARNING!!! If you
    do not want to join the Illuminati do not
    read this message. Rules * You must be
    above 18 years of age. * You must have full
    access to the internet. * You must not
    discuss the secret of the Illuminati to
    anyone. * We are not interested in anyone
    who has obtained their knowledge about
    the Illuminati based on what they%u2019ve
    HEARD from Mass Media (News or
    Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists
    (Amateur or Professional Authors or
    Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other
    HERESY. * Once you join the Illuminati within
    one week of your membership you will
    achieved the greatest goal in life and also
    have wealth and fame. * No one discard the
    message of the GREAT ILLUMINATI if
    discarded the person will be tormented
    both day and night. * Failure to compel to
    the order and rules of the GREAT ILLUMINATI
    shall see your fame and riches taken back. *
    The money ALWAYS flows TOWARDS
    Illuminati members...And AWAY from NON
    Illuminati members... One of the rules of the
    Illuminati is "We don't talk about the
    Illuminati" so I can't say too much about it
    here. If you are truly interested email us
    with michaelosemoahu@gmail.com or +2347013136793

    ReplyDelete
  68. THE SACRED ILLUMINATI BROTHERHOOD…….. Hello Dear reader,i am a messenger of the POWER KINGS,i am one of the Agents sent by the Lord superior (Grand master) to bring as many of those who are interested in becoming a member of THE SACRED ILLUMINATI BROTHERHOOD,we are presently in London England to ESTABLISH A TEMPLE for illuminati members here,I am a business man,i own a Construction company in France and i also own houses in the United state and my family now lives in FRANCE.I was once like you my business was not doing fine and my abmision to be a big shot was going down before my very eyes until i saw an opportunity to be a member of the GREAT ILLUMINATI ORDER and I took my chances and i have been a member for close to 11 years now.The higher you get the richer you become.Illuminati makes your business grow faster than you can ever imagine, Illuminati brings out the talent in you and make you famous,as you become a member of Illuminati order you will receive a huge amount of money $450,000 and connections to people of high power after initiation,these and many more other benefits you stand to gain,so if you are interested to be a member contact us via our email : illuminaticultmembership@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  69. EASY WAY TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI BROTHERHOOD IN THE WORLD, I AM A FULL MEMBER OF ILLUMINATI, SO PROCEED IF YOU WANT TO JOIN NOW Hi, i am presently here in Nigeria for some sub cultural information going around, I am glad today because am now a successful member of Illuminati, i have thought of being one of the Illuminati member so i can be wealthy for life and my family will be forever rich and protected. I get linked up by a man called Mr Richard who introduced me to his agent who have a successful influence with this occultic Illuminati, so he took me joining the team, are you looking
    for help,are you a business man or an artist,Politicians and you want to become big, Powerful and famous in the world, join us to become one of our official member today.you shall be given an ideal chance to visit the illuminati and his representative after registrations is completed by you, no sacrifice or human life needed, Illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eradicate poverty away from your life now. it only a member who is been initiated into the church of illuminati have the authority to bring any member to the church, so before you contact any body you must be link by who is already a member, I just wanna thank Mr charles for his support,Join us today and realize your dreams. email: illuminatimoney666@outlook.com or you contact our phone number +2348153191918 Once you become a member you will be ich and famous for the rest of your life, illuminati make there member happy so i will want you all to also be a member of the illuminati if you are interested contact email
    on illuminatimoney666@outlook.com or you contact our phone
    number +2348153191918

    ReplyDelete
  70. WELCOME TO THE GREAT TEMPLE OF
    ILLUMINATI.
    Are you a business man, politician,
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    your dreams by being a member of the
    illuminati With this all your dream and heart desire can be fully
    accomplish, if u really
    want to be a member of the great illuminati
    then you contact Mr.MARK SMITH through his email address below tatailluminatiworldwide@gmail.com or call his cell phone +2348071169835
    Full name....................................
    Country....................................... State of
    origin............................ Date of
    birth...............................
    Sex..............................................
    Address.....................................
    Phone......................................... Email
    address.................. -

    ReplyDelete
  71. My people i bring to you good news, and this is my joy and happiness. people say To become a member of the illuminati is a very difficult task. but i bring to your notice that to become a bonafide member of the brotherhood have been made very easy. sometime ago i was just eager to become a member, and i meant so many persons who never showed me the right way. few months ago i saw so many people testifying of how agent Thompson linked them up, and they become a complete member of the brotherhood. so i decided to contact Mr Thompson who gave me the right link to become a member. i followed all the steps, and today i am a proud member of the brotherhood of Illuminati. so i want you all to help me say a big thanks to agent Thompson. In case you have been aspiring to become a member of the brotherhood, and you have not meet the right person before now, i want to tell you to quickly contact the right Illuminati agent now. he is no other person than Mr Thompson. the mission of the brotherhood now is to wipe away suffering and hardship away from the life of all. so if you are a business man/woman, an artist, a pastor, a working class, and do you want wealth,fame,protection,long life, prosperity just name it just as i have now, the illuminati is ready to help you achieve your dreams.contact agent Thompson on the illuminati email: churchofdevililluminati@gmail.com or his phone number +2347056024545 and become a legitimate member, join us today and become rich, powerful, famous all your life.

    ReplyDelete
  72. WELCOME TO THE ILLUMINATI CHURCH OF SATAN ,Are you a businessman, musician, a student and you want to be rich and famous in the society search know no further this is an opportunity to be a member you can contact the great order on this email address famousworldilluminati666@gmail.com or call me on my phone number +2349073943105 NOTE:If you are not ready to join don't add up,if you are on whatsapp you can whatsapp us on that number

    ReplyDelete
  73. I appreciate your wonderful post and thanks .

    ReplyDelete
  74. Do you want to be a member of Illuminati as a brotherhood that will make you rich and famous in the world and have power to control people in the high place in the worldwide .Are you a business man or woman,artist, political, musician, student, do you want to be rich, famous, powerful in life, join the Illuminati brotherhood cult today and get instant rich sum of. 2 million dollars in a week, and a free home.any where you choose to live in this world and also get 10,000,000 U.S dollars monthly as a salary %u2026 BENEFITS GIVEN TO NEW MEMBERS WHO JOIN ILLUMINATI. 1. A Cash Reward of USD $500,000 USD 2. A New Sleek Dream CAR valued at USD $300,000 USD 3.A Dream House bought in the country of your own choice 4. One Month holiday (fully paid) to your dream tourist destination. 5.One year Golf Membership package 6.A V.I.P treatment in all Airports in the World 7.A total Lifestyle change 8.Access to Bohemian Grove 9.Monthly payment of $1,000,000 USD into your bank account every month as a member 10.One Month booked Appointment with Top 5 world Leaders and Top 5 Celebrities in the World. If you are interested of joining us in the great brotherhood. Email us,worldilluminati468@gmail.com,for immediate answer call +2349036317149

    ReplyDelete
  75. Really interesting and inspiring job . So always i appreciate you job .

    ReplyDelete
  76. WELCOME TO THE ILLUMINATI CHURCH OF SATAN ,Are you a businessman, musician, a student and you want to be rich and famous in the society search know no further this is an opportunity to be a member you can contact the great order on this email address famousworldilluminati666@gmail.com or call me on my phone number +2349073943105 NOTE:If you are not ready to join don't add up,if you are on whatsapp you can whatsapp us on that number

    ReplyDelete
  77. Hello. vewer am here to share my testimony on how I finally join

    the Illuminati hood and became rich , I tried all my possible best to

    become a member of the hood but I was scam several times ,

    before I finally come across a testimony on net so I contacted the

    agent , I was so afraid that he will ask me for lot of money before I

    can join the hood but to my greatest surprise he only ask me to

    obtain the membership form which I did and today, am so happy to

    say to the world that am one of the richest by having the sum of $

    360 millions dollars in my personal account as a new member in

    Africa and am also known all over the world with the business

    given to me by the Illuminati and also have power to do that which

    I want . .. ... I know so many people may be on my lane also

    looking for help .Here is his>> Email dgreatpowerfullilluminati@gmail .com

    You can get in touch with him. OR contact him with this number whatsapp
    +2347052302954, thamks.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Bienvenidos al mundo de las riquezas
    Fames Poseer sus riquezas hoy al unirse a la
    Illuminati iglesia de Satanás creó y organizó
    Por nuestro sumo sacerdote ANTON SZANDOR LAVEY quien
    Está ahora en el bossom del señor Lucifer, aquí está
    Una oportunidad para que hoy se unan a los illuminati
    Y haz que todo tu deseo de corazón llegue a pasar por
    Entrando en contacto con nosotros hoy con nuestra identificación del contacto .... Email
    Nosotros en (Bavariaillumjnatitemple@gmail.com)
    Bavarianilluminatitemple@yahoo.com o cal o whatsapp
    +2348034056542 y aquí está el beneficio de
    Convertirse en un hijo nacido de nuevo del Señor Lucifer A
    CASA EN CUALQUIER PAIS DE SU OPCION
    NUEVOS COCHES DE MARCA DE SU OPCIÓN $ 50000000
    COMO NUEVA BIBLIA DEL MIEMBRO ILLUMINATI
    ANILLO ILLUMINATI DE PODERES ILLUMINATI
    VESTIMENTA $ 10,000,000 COMO SU MENSUAL
    PAGO $ 500,000 CADA SEMANA COMO SU
    BENDICIÓN DEL SEÑOR LUCIFER COMO
    PASAJERO NACIDO OTRA VEZ EN NIÑO
    PARA UNA VISITA A CUALQUIER PAIS DE SU
    ELECCIÓN.

    ReplyDelete
  79. HELLO EVERYONE THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY.JOIN THE GREAT
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    read this message. Rules * You must be above 18 years of age. *
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    the secret of the Illuminati to anyone. * We are not interested in
    anyone who has obtained their knowledge about the Illuminati
    based on what they %u2019ve HEARD from Mass Media (News or
    Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists (Amateur or Professional
    Authors or Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other HERESY. * Once
    you join the Illumthe GREAT ILLUMINATI shall see your fame
    and riches taken back. * The money ALWAYS flows TOWARDS
    Illuminati members...And AWAY from NON Illuminati members...
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    Illuminati"so I can't say too inati within one week of your membership you will
    achieved the greatest goal in life and also have wealth and fame
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    +2347064900614 thank the great illuminati?

    ReplyDelete
  80. Hello viewers, it is unfortunate that our secret fraternity have become what most people now use as there aim of getting money, I would say sorry to those who have falling to the once who claim of being an agent of our secret fraternity called Illuminati, any Illuminati member who doesn't show you his or her identity card is a fake and besides avoid those claiming a real agent on facebook there is no real agent on facebook due to the issue of fraudulent. The Illuminati is mainly from Egypt and Kenya, and note that our present head office is now in USA, it is no longer in UK again due to the fraudulent that are now existing there. there are only five agent which was recently send to Nigeria to establish the church of Lucifer over here. And the other thing is that we the real Illuminati are scarce and very have to identify , you can only identify us with our email address and our head office cellphone number which is +1205-390-1290 and our email ID which normally include "666" on it, and please for those who haven't yet be scammed and are willing to join, please be careful cos there are alot of fraudsters and so many imposter now who claims they are real. So now I will want those who are interested to hit this email address: illuminatiword0666@gmail.com , for the link on how to join our fraternity or hit us a message on our whatsapp with this number +2348119239306 for quick conversation on how to start. And there are still alot of fraudsters on whatsapp now and please you shouldn't add anyone on facebook or email any how, make sure you are terrified with it before you make any attempt, so be careful and also please beware of fraudsters..

    ReplyDelete
  81. WELCOME TO THE ILLUMINATI CHURCH OF SATAN ,Are you a businessman, musician, a student and you want to be rich and famous in the society search know no further this is an opportunity to be a member you can contact the great order on this email address famousworldilluminati666@gmail.com or call me on my phone number +2349073943105 NOTE:If you are not ready to join don't add up,if you are on whatsapp you can whatsapp us on that number

    ReplyDelete
  82. hello- You’re a good musician or a business man / woman or just any worker
    and you need excess money and you also want to be famous and rich here is
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    life. if you really are interested in becoming a full member of the
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    is none which is to determine your future, because Your future is in your
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    we disclose it openly as because of those interested who has not gotten
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    now to get rich

    ReplyDelete
  83. Hello everyone, i am giving a testimony of how i become rich and famous today i was deeply strangled up by poverty and i had no body to help me, i am an one of the Agents sent by the Lord superior Grand master to bring as many of those who are interested in becoming a member of the great Illuminati order, i do business, I own a Construction company, and i also own one of the Biggest Electronic Appliance shop, and my family now lives in USA, i was once like you, me & my wife were financially down to 1 square meal a day, what kind of life was that to live, I lived in poverty until i saw an opportunity to be a member of the GREAT TEMPLE OF ILLUMINATI BROTHERHOOD and i took my chances and i have been a member for close to 10 years now. The higher you get the richer you become Illuminati, it makes your business grow faster than you can ever imagine, illuminati brings out the talent in you and make you famous, as you become a member of illuminati order you will receive $4,000,000.00 US DOLLARS instantly on your Bank Account, there are many more other benefits you stand to gain, so if you are interested to be a member contact me now on number +2349055464666 or our EMAIL illuminatiworldrich02@gmail.com JOIN US TODAY & BECOME RICH, POWERFUL AND FAMOUS ALL YOUR LIFE

    ReplyDelete
  84. Welcome to all post of illuminati cult where all your heart desire are granted and power over all things in the world, this is well know fact that the illuminati church consist of multi billionaires and have power, weath, riches and be a famous person in the world. Join the illuminati cult online today and get instant sum of 300million dollars with a free home anywhere you choose to live in the world and also get 100,000,000 dollars monthly as a salary... If you are interested please kindly fill the following information's to this email below (famousworldilluminati666@gmail.com or call +2349073943105}.. BENEFITS GIVEN TO NEW MEMBERS WHO JOIN ILLUMINATI. A Cash Reward of USD $300,000,000 USD A New Sleek Dream CAR valued at USD $120,000 USD A Dream House bought in the country of your own choice One Month holiday (fully paid) to your dream tourist destination. One year Golf Membership package A V.I.P treatment in all Airports in the World A total Lifestyle change Access to Bohemian Grove Monthly payment of $70,000,000 USD into your bank account every month as a member One Month booked Appointment with Top 5 world Leaders and Top 5 Celebrities in the World. Tell us little about yourself... No dirty game,no sacrifices and No evil, a cult of peace, big aim Illuminati email us (famousworldilluminati666@gmail.com or call +2349073943105

    ReplyDelete
  85. ATTENTION YOU ALL: I am agent white smith the Illuminati official agent,i am from united kingdom and I join Illuminati in US,i have been give the alternative to expose Illuminati to the universe that Illuminati is real when you met the rightful agent like me white smith,i have been an agent to this brotherhood more than eight year now and I am still a member and agent,don't be afraid to contact us if you are willing to join this fraternity, this fraternity welcome anybody in this wide world,this comment is been post by head office,the last comment that was past by the head office in UK was been using by fraudsters and the comment has been stopped by the Lord and from now upward (4 August 2016) we the Illuminati have stop using it because a lot of scammed are now creating a fake UK number,that is why will have come with new identity number to locate the rightful agent by calling the head office in USA not in UK anymore,ignore +44 has head office from today 4 August 2016 and start calling +1 has head office number for conform,be ware that no need for calling UK number has Illuminati head office,is now located in US,for confirmation call +1(862)260-4433
    To join call white Smith at +(234)8140-033827 or In-box us on E-mail: whitesmith666illuminatitemple@gmail.com or visit us on website at Www.illuminati666official.com
    Beware that will the Illuminati is now working on a new program to limited fraudsters and scammer that always use our comment to aim and achieve,please don't call UK number has head office has confirmation,it has be bandy by us the Illuminati now at 4 august 2016 call +1(862)260-4433 as confirmation number,no need of contacting us mobile chat as face-book,imo,Eskimi,you are ask to whatsapp an E-mail us,for joining,don't face-book any agent,it is not our access to join on face-book chat,the only alternative to join is to E-mail/whatsapp white smith at +2348140033827
    The rightful identity of us the Illuminati:
    HEAD OFFICE: +1(862)260-4433
    WHATSAPP: +(234)8140033827
    CALL: +234(814)003-3827
    E-MAIL:Whitesmith666illuminatitemple@gmail.com
    Be aware of scammer and contact us the real Illuminati,reach us through white smith from now,
    Fake identity of us Illuminati this list below:
    Head office is not located in UK anymore, don't add anybody with UK number and don't E-mail any email that is not whitesmith666illuminatitemple@gmail.com
    Please don't lead yourself to fraudsters all the name of Illuminati,the complain of I have been scam is more than what will can complicated with!save your self by contacting us through this comment of us the Illuminati head office,...............////

    ReplyDelete
  86. Easy way to join the illuminati brotherhood in the world.

    Kindly contact Mr Hazzard Wallace the illuminati online registrations officer in USA through their email now: hazzardwallace@hotmail.com and you shall be given an ideal chance to visit the satan and his representative after registrations is completed by you, no sacrifice or human life needed, illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eridicate poverty away from from your life now. So contact Mr Hazzard Wallace the online registrar at: hazzardwallace@hotmail.com or +17404789612

    brotherhood of illuminati,

    ReplyDelete
  87. Hello everyone,i am one of the Agents sent by the Lord
    superior (Grand master) to bring as many of those who are
    interested in becoming a member of the great Illuminati order,
    am a business man, I own a Construction company, and i also
    own one of the Biggest Electronic Appliance shop in one of the
    country, and my family now lives in USA, i was once like you, me
    & my wife were financially down to 1 square meal a day, what
    kind of life was that to live, I lived in poverty until i saw an
    opportunity to be a member of the GREAT TEMPLE OF
    ILLUMINATI BROTHERHOOD and i took my chances and i have
    been a member for close to 10 years now. The higher you get
    the richer you become. Illuminati makes your business grow
    faster than you can ever imagine,illuminati brings out the talent
    in you and make you famous, as you become a member of
    illuminati order you will receive 2,000,000 US DOLLARS
    instantly on your Bank Account, these and many more other
    benefits you stand to gain, so if you are interested to be a
    member contact us now on whatssp +2349073889037 or
    email us
    (joinilluminatihome666@gmail.com.JOIN US
    TODAY & BECOME RICH,POWERFUL AND FAMOUS ALL YOUR LIFE,ONCE AGAIN YOU ARE HIGHLY WELCOME.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I am giving a testimony of how i become rich and famous today... i was
    deeply strangled up by poverty and i had no body to help me, and also i
    search for help from different corners but to no avail... i see people
    around me getting rich but to me i was so ashamed of my self so i met a man
    on my way he was very rich and he was a doctor so he told me something and
    i think over it though out the day so the next day i looked up and i keep
    repeating what he said to me. " if you want to get rich quick and be
    famous" you need to cross your heart and do what is in your mind so i tried
    all i could in other for me to do as he said so later on i told my fellow
    friend about this same thing then my friend was interested in my
    suggestions so i decided to look in the internet and i found an email
    address of this great fraternity(illuminaticult234@gmail.com) so we decided to
    contact them and unfortunately we did as they instruct us to do and later
    they told us to get some requirements and all the rest... so this
    initiation took us just a week and later on the great fraternity gave us
    $70,000,000.00 to start up our lives.... and now am testifying that if in
    any case you want to join any great fraternity all you need to do is for
    you to contact them because they are legitimate and they do as what they
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    you can call as well on (+2348147870123) or (+2348127803956) you can still as well whatsapp them (+2348147870123)

    ReplyDelete
  89. HOW TO JOIN THE GREAT ILLUMINATI GROUP

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